Tag Archives: wtf

in which Mel looked Death in the eye

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Okay, so maybe that’s a little dramatic, but still. I had a scary moment this morning so I think I’ll share.

The story really doesn’t start with this morning…it starts a couple of days ago when we noticed one of the back tires on the Civic was low. It has a slow leak and we just haven’t replaced it yet. I know. Stupid. But whatever.

Gustav had shown up in full force and it was raining in sheets Tuesday morning. I didn’t want to take the car to the gas station and check the air because the traffic is always really bad on rainy days and I knew we’d be late for school. I took the Prelude, which was a bad idea because it doesn’t have air so the windows fogged up. Not safe.

Yesterday Fishdog took the Prelude. He too realized that was a bad idea.

The rain never let up and we never took the Civic to the service station. Yesterday afternoon, Nemo (formerly known as Ian) had cross-country practice (yes, even in the Tropical Depression….run Forrest run!) I just had to run him about 5 blocks away. So we hopped into the Civic, drove a quarter of a block, turned onto the next street and did a 180. SRSLY. We were going all of 5 miles per hour. I turned onto the street and wound up facing my neighbor’s house. Freaky.

But it was all good.

Now comes to the part where the Grim Reaper tapped me on the shoulder…

Gustav is still here. Rader (who doesn’t have a nickname for some reason) and I leave early so I can go get gas and air up the tire. The service station is a half a mile away. I’m about halfway there, we’re approaching the S curve in the road and I make sure I’m crawling because of what happened yesterday.

Didn’t matter. I take the curve VERY SLOWLY and wind up in the other lane facing the opposite direction.

THERE IS A CAR COMING! Thank God they saw and stopped.

Rader is hooting and hollering “Do it again, Mom!”

I wave to the oncoming car and thank them for not killing us, drive up to the next street, turn in, back up and head toward the gas station again. Undaunted. (sorta)

This time, I managed the S curve. I get to the station. They are out of gas (not kidding). But they do have air–which really was the most important thing.

Anyway, I made it home safe and sound. And this weekend, I’m getting the brakes and tires replaced.

tried to keep it a secret

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But damn these digital cameras…

I guess I can’t keep it a secret any longer…I have a super power.

That’s right. I can teleport.

Yesterday afternoon, after my awful run in with Mr. (lack of) Enunciation at the DMV…I teleported to the RWA Conference in San Francisco and hung out with some of my favorite peeps.

Picture 1: This is me with Barbara Vey (who is the loveliest person on earth) and Kristen Painter…who is lovely to me in a “I want to wear her skin” way. Yes. It’s a girl crush. I’ll admit it.

Picture 2: Like OMG! Here I am with Jo Marie Landis and Lara Santiago! Like seriously! Holy cow! I’m not sure how I stopped myself from going all ‘fan-girl’ on them. I think maybe the only thing that stopped me was the fact that I wasn’t quite used to wearing Kristen’s skin.
Pic 3: Me and Nic Montreuil…one of my favorite people in the world. I was a little disappointed she didn’t ‘my pretty pony’ it this year with blue hair, but I kissed her with tongue anyway. I love her THAT much.

Pic 4: the moment I was done for the night. These women plied me with so much wine, I almost couldn’t teleport home. This is Louisa (my CP) and Jen (my hot little muffin of love). I am so glad I got to see them, because I have missed them both terribly. And by the way, they really liked me wearing Kristen’s skin. Not sure what that was all about.

So there you have it. I can teleport. I know you’re freaking out a little over my super power, and I don’t blame you. It took me a while to adjust to it myself.

dry counties are from the devil

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As most of my rabid fans loyal readers know, I flew to Pittsburgh, PA on Thursday. I was picked up and transported to Steubenville, OH so that I could drive a recently wrecked and repaired car home to Little Rock.

It’s a long drive, but one I did gladly. Mainly because it gave me loads of time to think and plot and it must’ve worked because I came home and wrote 17 pages yesterday. Yes I put the AWE in Awesome.

Where was I? Oh yes, driving. Endlessly, driving. I was determined to get to Louisville, but about 30 miles before I arrived at my destination, I hit a wall. (figuratively. I did not literally hit a wall. Promise.)

So I see an exit for Ballardsville, KY which is actually only about 15 miles from Louisville. It’s a decent little area with some nice hotels and grocery stores. I see a Wal-mart right across from a fairly new Holiday Inn Express. I am exhausted and I want nothing more than to have a beer and go to bed. I go to Wal-Mart first so I can buy myself a six-pack, only to find out I stopped in a dry county.

WTF? WHY do we still have dry counties today? Why? I am an adult. If I choose to have a beverage adult in nature that’s my choice, not yours. Out of respect for all travelers, they should just do away with dry counties and no Sunday Sales. Seriously. Or at least post a ‘dry county’ warning on each exit sign.

Get this…where I stopped was actually considered a “moist” county because you could buy beer at a restaurant. Again, this makes no sense to me. I can go out to eat, get liquored up and drive back to the house, but I can’t go to a store, buy a six-pack, and take it home to drink myself silly. Whatever.

The desire to have a beverage superseded my exhaustion. I hopped back into the Saturn, and headed toward Louisville. I decided to drive about 10 minutes on the other side of the city, so that I would miss morning traffic the next day. I found a town, stopped at a gas station, bought myself a 6 of Guinness, stayed in a comfortable Fairfield Inn…drove to Nashville and had lunch with one of my Romance Divas (Hi Lauren!) and made it home Friday night around 6:30. (I slept a little late on Friday morning.)

All in all, it was an easy, uneventful trip. But I’m glad to be home.

sheer restraint. the girl is a will-powerhouse!

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I managed to deny myself the tantalizing, corny, chili-cheesy goodness of another bag. That’s right, hat-trick DENIED. I’m the best damn keeper in the Frito wars this world has ever known. The force is strong in this one…

So guess what I’m doing tomorrow?

Do you give up?

I can give you a hint…I will NOT be eating 2 or 3 bags of Chili-Cheese Fritos.

I will, however, be flying to Pittsburgh, PA, catching a ride to Steubenville, OH, and picking up a car that I will then spend the next 2 days driving home to Little Rock. The bossman needed someone to handle this task and I volunteered. Yes, I would rather spend a day in the airport and 13 hours in the car than sit at the front desk. I get paid…so really, it’s all good. I have loaded some awesome books on my iPod, will carry my laptop for travel blogging and writing, and will enjoy my alone time.

Also, the countdown to my vacation has begun. In exactly 1 month, I will be flying to Tallahassee to have a CP weekend at the beach with Louisa and Maria. I can not wait. I am so ready for that trip now, especially since next week is the RWA Conference atnd this will be the first one I can’t attend in five years.

I haz a sad.

will she go for the hat-trick?

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My friend and fellow Diva, Dana Belfry, suggested this would make a great blog. I’m not so sure I agree, but since I was suffering from a blog-drought this morning, I decided what the hell.

I had a bag of Chili-Cheese Fritos for breakfast this morning. It’s true. I should be ashamed, but I’m not. Well, sorta.

That little bag of salty, chili-cheesy goodness was so tasty, I wanted another bag.

So I went for it.

I guess that means I actually had TWO bags of Chili-Cheese Fritos for breakfast.

Again. I should be ashamed. But I’m still not. I washed them down with a Diet Mt. Dew so that cancelled out a lot of the calories. (That’s how it works, right?)

Here’s the kicker…I am obsessing over the flavored corn-chip. I want more! If I wait 20 more minutes, it will be noon, so if I had a 3rd bag, it would no longer be considered ‘breakfast.’

But part of me is kinda excited about having a Hat-Trick of Chili-Cheese Fritos for breakfast. If I wait til noon, will it still be a hat-trick?

Honestly, I should just stay away. Bad idea. I know. But the taste, it tempts me.

What shall I do?

i don’t get it.

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Okay, this probably should’ve been #1 on my list of things that bug me. (well, maybe #2. I really hate molestaches.)

Can somebody PLEASE explain to me the appeal of sagging?

Please? Because I just don’t get it. And I don’t think my difficulty grasping this fashion don’t has anything to do with my age or my skin color.

My senior year, the big thing was to shred or tear holes in your jeans and bleach the crap out of them. We did it. We wore them everywhere. And frankly, I’d probably wear them now (minus the bleaching)

But this sagging thing it just makes no sense to me.

The other day I saw a group of kids walking through my neighborhood. One kid’s pants fell to his ankles 3 times while walking. Now I’m aware that we’re pretty much already seeing your underwear when you have your pants buckled below your ass, but come on. Doesn’t it bother you at all when your pants fall down?????

It’s funny to watch these guys try to walk when they’re wearing these pants 10 sizes too big and they can’t even keep them buckled below their ass. They try to strut, but they have to keep their knees closed together as they walk, so they kinda look like they’re having a seizure as they mosey down the street.

I am curious, are there any women (or men) out there who find this sexy? What is so appealing about it? Am I alone in the fact that I JUST DON’T FREAKING UNDERSTAND????

I swore when I had kids I would not stop them from experimenting with their looks. They could dye their hair, pierce their ears, tongues, nose…whatever. They could wear skirts or parachute pants if they wanted. And I stand by that…except for this sagging thing. I have all but mandated that the pants have to be around the waist, period. I am trying not to make a big deal out of it, because as soon as you deny a kids something, that’s what they must do immediately.
Anyway, somebody please tell me what is so appealing about this fashion nightmare. I’d really like to understand.

why why why?

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Matt Jones arrested for cocaine.

Jacksonville Jaguars wide receiver Matt Jones faces a felony drug charge in his former college town after police say he was inside a car cutting up cocaine with a credit card.

The 25-year-old Jones and two others were arrested early Thursday. A police report said officers approached the car and an officer drew his handgun after Jones did not immediately show his hands.

Police said they searched the vehicle and found a plastic bag filled with a white substance that tested positive for cocaine and a jar with possible marijuana residue.

for those of you who do not know who Matt Jones is:

Jones was a star quarterback at Arkansas and a first-round draft pick by the Jaguars in 2005.

I loved watching him play. He was amazing. And I’m so disgusted right now. What a pisser. What a downer on my nose-pierce-iversary.

pity party over

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I just had a bit of a melt down. Seriously. It was ugly.

What set me off? We got a call from the mechanic–our van is dead. Well, it may as well be…it needs a new transmission.

The damn thing has almost 170K miles on it. I’m not spending upwards to 2K for a new transmission. I’m not.

Anyway, that news just blew me into orbit. I have been trying so hard to remain positive during this time. We’ve managed with 2 house payments. It’s not easy. We’ve had to make some cutbacks and we’ve had to make some sacrifices, but we’ve been working through it.

And I’ve been waiting for Karma to pat me on the back. I mean, where has she been? Is she on vacation? She must be, because surely she wouldn’t allow me to continue to have a house on the market AND have to buy a new car I can’t afford.

Hm. Guess she would.

So today I threw myself a bit of a pity party. But now it’s over. Screw you, Karma. I’ll make my own destiny. And if you don’t show up soon and make this shit right, next time I see you, I’m going to punch you in the tits. Hard. Trust me when I say, that’s exactly how I felt when the mechanic called today.

good to know

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You know when people tell you that the older you get, the harder it is to stay out late and party?

Totally true.

I had 2 lovely drinks of this fabulous concoction my tall hunk of Manchester love, Justin, made me. Barely even a buzz…yet with a 2:00 bed time and a 9:00 rise time (which is really late for me) I’m feeling like I was hit by a train. No headache and no hangover. Just really damn tired.

New favorite drink in the world?
Vanilla Vodka + Coke (will replace with Coke Zero tonight)

OMGYum. Tastes like a Coke Float. I kid you not. Keep this away from all children. Proceed with caution.