are you in, or are you out?

Today is the first day of registration for the Little Rock Marathon which is scheduled for March 2, 2014. (unless you do the 5K which is March 1). I’m either going to do the 10K or the Half…I haven’t decided which, yet. The half-marathon is such an accomplishment! I never felt better (or worse) after I finished it a couple of years ago. But…I kind of want to do the 10K because, A: I’ve never done one before and B: I won’t be quite so freaking exhausted by the time it’s over, therefore I can fully enjoy the afterparty without drinking ALL THE BEER to numb the pain.

TEAM MELF at the starting line

TEAM MELF at the starting line

So, do you want to join TEAM MELF 2014?

Are you in? or Are you out?

Speaking of Project Runway… <–see what I did there?

I’ve had the most fun watching this season so far. OMG. Earth-Conscience Elf Boy is such a trip. He’s horrid! and  they haven’t let him go yet because I guess he makes for good TV. My favorite design didn’t make it to the top 3, but my other 3 favorites, did. And I liked the winning look a lot…El Jefe thought it had a weird “boob” thing going on. He liked Cry Baby Sander’s design the best. And it was sex-on-a-stick, but I didn’t think it would win.

El Jefe's favorite

El Jefe’s favorite

Melf's favorite

Melf’s favorite

Winner with the "weird boob thing" (I loved this dress.)

Winner with the “weird boob thing” (I loved this dress.)

Are you watching this season? I’m not watching on the night it airs, I’m catching up later…but I’m totally into the season. I just hope Earth-Conscience Elf Boy goes home soon. I mean, seriously? You’re on Project Runway. Don’t dig through trash bags to design a dress to go with Millions of Dollars worth of Diamonds. Also, don’t make the dress look like the model is wearing it backwards. Ugh.

Earth-Conscience Elf Boy needs help...

Earth-Conscience Elf Boy needs help…

feeling swell

First off, thank you for all the wonderful comments about yesterday’s post. Many of us had a nice discussion on Facebook and I also received a couple of private messages that meant the world to me.  We all have stuff that lingers from our past, and we all have different ways to cope. In high school, my coping mechanism was to be happy no matter what in public. I ignored all the ugly remarks about the size of my butt, BUT, they never went away.

“She’s so chunky, you have to eat her with a fork.”

“Chunky, chunky 2 by 4, can’t get through the kitchen door.”

I made myself believe the people who said those things to me were just ‘ribbing’ me. Like they would one of the guys. And so then, I became one of the guys. Because THAT was the safest thing to do. If you’re one of the guys, then you don’t expect to get a boyfriend. You’re not going to, anyway. Boys don’t like curvy girls. So I threw a football better than most dudes, I played all the sports and became better friends with the boys than I did with most of the girls. I also threw myself into every extracurricular activity I could, from Student Senate to Class Officer. I was the most unpopular popular kid in high school.

It’s funny, our perceptions of each other growing up. I felt like nobody knew me, like I was just so-n-so’s sidekick, I was the fat friend with a good personality, the pity date, the third wheel.  So when I went to college, I still had this weird, self-perception.

But now, 30 years later, even though I fight those old feelings, I actually feel pretty fucking swell. I’ve got some amazing friends, a super amazing boyfriend and my kids–I survived high school so I could be the kind of mom I am today. And I wake up happy everyday (even when I don’t want to get out of bed because the sleep won’t leave my face!) It’s nice, this swellness I have on my inside parts.

I think that’s why I get so bent out of shape about bullying these days. And I’m not even talking about mean kids being mean. That sucks and it needs to be stopped. I’m talking about adult bullying kids but calling it ‘parenting.’ If your kid goes through life feeling worthless because you called her a whore for wearing too much makeup to a party or an inappropriate dress or you tell her girls with those size thighs can’t wear those skirts…or girls with no boobs shouldn’t put on boob dresses….then you’re being a bully. You’re not parenting, you’re shaming. My parents are amazing grandparents, but when I had the boys, I made it very clear to them… they were never to feel shame for asking questions or wearing something that looked horrible but they picked it out themselves. They were never to be called names EVER. Because shaming is not good parenting. Luckily, I broke free of that pattern, but a lot of kids grow up to be the same kind of parents… It’s not fair to their kids.

/soap box for the day

Have I shown y’all my summer look? Or what I PLAN to be my summer look?

b565857d7fcc88210771ed351333ced1I’m gonna rock this look all summer long, and sparkle while I’m doing it…

This picture inspired me… :

480900_451243814958361_1530752660_nHow to get a bikini body: PUT A BIKINI ON YOUR BODY. Yeah yeah, that’s actually a 2-piece not a bikini. I’m confident but not THAT confident. LOL

Anyway, y’all do something kind for yourself today. And smile. You know smiling is contagious…right?

I think I failed at Christmas irony

I’m wearing jingle bells in my ears.

A giant off-white sweater with gold snowflakes, a gingerbread house, snowman and trees.

And red and green Christmas socks.

I thought I was being ironic because I have my girls Christmas gathering tonight and wanted to be funny for Festivus. Apparently some of the people I work with think I’m being serious.

I have failed Christmas Irony 101.

Actually, no, they have failed because they wear this stuff on purpose for serious. That means I’m an epic winner. Right?

That’s my Christmas story and I’m sticking to it. Also has anyone seen my leg lamp? I swear I put it in the front window…

these boots were made for awesome

Love Fall is in the air…

At 5:30 this morning, I had my cup of coffee on my screened in porch wearing my gigantic orange sweatshirt and a snuggieeh. And a couple of kittehs and a puggeh. It was 48 degrees.

So guess what? I pulled out my awesome boots that are awesome and I wore them today. Behold the awesome boots that are awesome!

Now, was I ready for summer to be over? Not really. But foozball and boots I’m always ready for. And coffee on the porch wearing a snuggeh, kitteh and puggeh. Can’t really do that in the summer.

Speaking of puggeh and kitteh–check out Ruby and Chicken Nugget.


Kitty G is still unsure of the puggehness, but she’ll come around.

i don’t get it.

Okay, this probably should’ve been #1 on my list of things that bug me. (well, maybe #2. I really hate molestaches.)

Can somebody PLEASE explain to me the appeal of sagging?

Please? Because I just don’t get it. And I don’t think my difficulty grasping this fashion don’t has anything to do with my age or my skin color.

My senior year, the big thing was to shred or tear holes in your jeans and bleach the crap out of them. We did it. We wore them everywhere. And frankly, I’d probably wear them now (minus the bleaching)

But this sagging thing it just makes no sense to me.

The other day I saw a group of kids walking through my neighborhood. One kid’s pants fell to his ankles 3 times while walking. Now I’m aware that we’re pretty much already seeing your underwear when you have your pants buckled below your ass, but come on. Doesn’t it bother you at all when your pants fall down?????

It’s funny to watch these guys try to walk when they’re wearing these pants 10 sizes too big and they can’t even keep them buckled below their ass. They try to strut, but they have to keep their knees closed together as they walk, so they kinda look like they’re having a seizure as they mosey down the street.

I am curious, are there any women (or men) out there who find this sexy? What is so appealing about it? Am I alone in the fact that I JUST DON’T FREAKING UNDERSTAND????

I swore when I had kids I would not stop them from experimenting with their looks. They could dye their hair, pierce their ears, tongues, nose…whatever. They could wear skirts or parachute pants if they wanted. And I stand by that…except for this sagging thing. I have all but mandated that the pants have to be around the waist, period. I am trying not to make a big deal out of it, because as soon as you deny a kids something, that’s what they must do immediately.
Anyway, somebody please tell me what is so appealing about this fashion nightmare. I’d really like to understand.