Last night I woke up at 3:30. I guess I had a lot on my mind because it took me a while to go back to sleep.
Unfortunately, when I did finally fade back into dreamland, I became a blood-sucking vampire.
I was much like the vampires I write about. I wasn’t allergic to light, was going to college(?) and was pretty cute. I didn’t have to feed on humans but if I got backed into a corner, I would.
The details are a little blurry, but I know I was out for a run with my friend and we stopped to talk to some guys that flagged us down. They were funny and flirty and we were happy for the attention. One of the guys asked what I did for a living and I told him I wrote vampire books and he was all excited because his mom was a school librarian and would want to meet me.
So this cutie-patootie takes me and my friend home and introduces me to his family. His dad is an Archie Bunker type who doesn’t get out of his recliner and his mom is this woman who I’d already met at a school function. What I didn’t know, is she also was aware that I was a real vampire and she was going to kill me.
Well, guess what? She tried and failed. And when we left her, she was writhing on the floor as her body was making a very painful transformation. I let her know that I could’ve killed her, but where was the fun in that?
I started to leave, but the cute boy was torn between avenging his mom and being turned on by my ugly bald head. (Can anyone explain why I was so cute in my ‘human’ form, but when I turned into a vampire I looked like this?
It was my dream, I should’ve looked like this:
We’re gonna pretend I looked like pic #2 from this point forward…
Okay, so my friend and I survive…I turn the boy into a vampire and he wants to be my puppy and follow me around but I tell him he needs to go feed to gain some strength so go find a couple of guys he hates from school and have at it.
Somehow my friend and I are now in a parking garage (nothing good ever happens in a parking garage). We’re getting ready to leave for vacation to the beach (because you know we vampires need our ocean air and vitamin D) She has to go to the bathroom and so we find one. (not really sure I would ever use a parking garage bathroom, but I might if I really had to) I finish before she does and for some reason I decide to wait outside the restroom. Well, I hear this loud commotion from inside and my friend screams. I try to get inside, but the door is blocked. I transform into the ghoulish bald monster (with a hot body) and kick the door down. There are 8 dudes and a chick in the bathroom with my friend, and I’m not really sure how they got in there but I don’t care. They’re vampires too and trying to feed on my friend. Well, I take the chick out first because seriously, what a ho. The weird thing about this part is I can actually feel and taste the blood and I said to her “What the hell kinda chick are you? You taste funny!” I woke up in the middle of killing the big biker dude who was trying to suck my friend dry…
Um, this isn’t the kinda book I write exactly, so I’m not sure why I dreamed this. Maybe it’s telling me I need to try something different? Or maybe I’m really a vampire?