Month of Mel 2012: Day 20

Welcome to all the new traffic! I’m sorry to say I’m not the Melissa Francis you’re looking for, though she is awesome. I “interviewed” her in 2009 after she emailed me. I was getting lots of searches for “Melissa Francis Pregnant” and she totally was, but she wasn’t ready to let the bun out of the oven yet…haha

So, for everyone currently searching for

Melissa Francis boobs (I do have a nice rack, but I don’t think you’re looking for me)
Melissa Francis hot (aw, I’m blushing)
Melissa Francis nude (you really DON’T wanna see that)
Melissa Francis tits (see boobs)
Melissa Francis sexy legs (not really, but hers are great)
Melissa Francis Fox or CNBC

 this is who you’re looking for:

I’m sad to say she’s now with *barf* Fox Business, but hey, even good people can be drawn to the dark side… as long as she keeps her sense of humor, she’ll be just fine. You can find her on twitter: @MelissaAFrancis

This is who I am:

I’m a red head; she’s blond. I’m write fiction; she works for Fox (same thing, almost…) I’m a smart ass; she’s smart. This is my birthday month, hers is in December.

While you’re here, I think you should check out my books and buy them because A: I’m awesome and would like to get a royalty check one day. B: You’re already here, so all you have to do is click the links on the sidebar to support the arts. C: Don’t you want all Melissa Francis’s to be successful?

Here, I’ll make it really easy for you:



at 8.99 per book, this is quite a bargain! (also available on Kindle and Nook…)

Shameless Self Promotion: LOVE SUCKS!

Next week, I’ll be in Orlando at the RWA National Conference. I arrive on Tuesday, July 27th. Do you know what else arrives that day?


Wanna hear something funny? I haven’t read BITE ME! in book form. I’m terrified of reading it and seeing glaring errors or some weird plot hole or just discovering that I hate my own book.

But I have a copy of LOVE SUCKS! and I started reading it the other day. I wrote it at a very stressful time in my life, and honestly, I barely remember it. I decided it might be a good idea to suck it up and read it just in case someone asked me something specific from the book (it happens!) or to find out in advance if it is craptastic or not.

So far? I’m not hating it. YAY!

AJ Ashe is moving on. Sure she still has not-so-sisterly feelings for Ryan,
her ex-boyfriend-turned-step-brother, but there’s a new vampire in town and his
name is Alexander Archer. Caught between the desire to move forward with Sexy
Lexy and being drawn to her past with Ryan, AJ thinks life couldn’t get anymore
complicated. Yeah, right. When her mother’s pregnancy is threatened, it looks
like AJ’s long lost father is the only person who can save her. But Dad’s help
comes with a price. AJ is forced to join the evil side of her family, and a very
creepy shape-shifting demon is there to make sure AJ cooperates. All this and
she’s still got to plan the prom. Being a teenager is tough, but being a teenage
vampire just flat out sucks. Pun totally intended.

an overreaction of Presidential proportions part 2

I’m discussing this over at Fictionistas as well–the fact that some schools and parents aren’t allowing their children to hear the president’s scheduled speech for the schools. Mostly I’m talking about how parents should trust that they aren’t raising sheep that are so easily swayed (I mean, ‘indoctrinated’) by one speech.

But at this blog? I’m gonna get a little pissy.

Both Reagan and Bush, Sr. addressed the schools in 1986 and in 1991 and nobody said a word. I mean, both of these presidents had questionable happenings at the time (Iran-Contra, anyone? First Gulf War, ring a bell?) and yet people welcomed the chance for their children to hear from their Nation’s Leader.

So why is Obama’s speech different? What on earth are are people afraid of? Are you worried your child might develop some individuality? Maybe have an independent thought? Yes, it’s definitely best that you keep your kid home then. Would hate for the next generation to grow up and think for themselves.

Seriously, the kids are going to sleep during the address. And if they do listen to the president? Good for them. What is so wrong with any message he’s going to give? If you work hard and stay in school, you too, could be president.

Yeah. That’s definitely a message I don’t want my kids hearing. Screw that. No way in hell do I want my kids to grow up and be president. Maybe I’ll keep my kid home, too. What a great idea.

What I find amusing is that if Bush, Jr. would’ve addressed the nation’s schools, and I would’ve refused to allow my kid to listen (wh/ I would never do because it goes against everything I believe in) but if that had happened, I would’ve been called a communist. Or asked why don’t I love my country?

Politics has nothing to do with this, so why are people making it political? He’s our president and it’s an honor for our kids to get a chance to hear him. They don’t know that yet, but it’s true. And this is the perfect opportunity for schools to teach about our nation’s government and for parents to discuss what he talks about with their kids. And if parents don’t agree with his message, then they can discuss why. But to not allow the kids to hear it because it may be something they disagree with is downright small minded. And extremist.

Now for a very funny take on this subject: Hitler finds out Obama will address school children

one day THAT Melissa Francis will be confused for ME

It happens here quite often. People google Melissa Francis and they expect to find CNBC’s host of The Call and former child star of Little House on the Prairie, Melissa “Missy” Francis.

She is not me. I am not her. We are not the same.

Yesterday, during my day-o-twittering, I got an @reply from @Shoq who thought I was the other Melissa Francis.

Original tweet

@contessabrewer Perhaps @MelissaFrancis could share more of her insipid sidebar remarks about taxes, teaparties, other right wing memes?

This tickled me on so many levels. I replied immediately:

original tweet

@Shoq @contessaBrewer I’m not that Melissa Francis. I’m also not insipid.

and before he read my reply, he re-tweeted (I prefer tweeted to twittered. sorry) @liberalchik and included me in the message:

original tweet

RT @liberalchik: RT @Shoq: Melissa something//shes irritating..kinda Fauxish //KINDA FOXISH? This bimbo @melissaFrancis is ALL FOXish.

To which I reply:

original tweet

@liberalchik I am a fox, but I am not *that* Melissa Francis.

Then I get:
original tweet

Sorry to @MelissaFRANCIS. Wrong one. I thought you were the MSNBC bimbo. Apologies

and I reply
original tweet

@Shoq nope. I’m the author. One day ppl will think she’s me. LOL

original tweet

RT @MelissaFrancis: I’m the author. One day ppl will think she’s me. LOL //Well, if you’re not insipid or a RW tool, WELCOME 🙂

original tweet

@Shoq def not insipid or a RW tool. I’m not a douche either. Actually, I’m kinda awesome.

@liberalchik then apologizes

RT @MelissaFrancis: @liberalchik I am a fox, but I am not *that* Melissa Francis.//sorry bout that.

and I end the conversation with:

@liberalchik no worries. it was bound to happen sooner or later! LOL

So to wrap this up. I am not @MelissaCNBC I am @MelissaFrancis the awesome, undouche-like, unt00l-like, un-RightWinged author*. My first book (BITE ME!) comes out in approximately 7 weeks, and you can pre-order it now. You can check out my book website at HAVEYOUBEENBITTEN.COM

*repeating the tweet. I have no knowledge of @MelissaCNBC‘s real personality. She may be the nicest person on the planet. I know that people think she has great legs because I see “melissa francis cnbc legs” in my stats all the time.

And Melissa, if you’re reading this, nice to meet you. I can’t wait for the day when someone comes up to you and asks, “Are you the author of that awesome book BITE ME!?”

Happy Birthday!

Okay, so riddle me this:

Mel has done this to me a few times, but I’ve never done it to her.

What it is? (For all you dirty minds out there, shame on you).

The correct answer is: (drumroll, please) STEAL HER BLOG!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY my fun, warm-hearted, absolutely hilarious, talented, and beautiful friend. The world is a better place because you’re here!