I’ll take it!

So this morning, I was given the best compliment ever. I was told I look like Scarlett Johansson from the Avengers. Now, do I believe that? No. Will I ride the waves of awesome from that compliment? HELL YES.

OK, I scanned the internetwebs to see if I could find some remotely normal (as in not sexified hot) pics of Scarlett to make a comparison.

Hmmmm. Well, we both have red hair and a nice rack…but that’s about it. However, I’ll take it. I’ll take it and run…NO TAKE BACKS!

Since today is pretty awesome I’m gonna share some Weird, random, and ultimately unimportant things about me that will help you from confusing me with Scarlett Johansson. (Cuz you know it’s been really hard up until today)

  • I’m a Pisces (Scarlett is a Scorpio…which means she and I would get along well.)
  • I misspell Pisces every time I type it.
  • I don’t like ‘old’ movies. Or musicals (with the exception of two or three)
  • I read my first romance novel when I was 13. (Kathleen Woodiwiss)
  • I don’t eat shredded coconut because it tastes like grass.
  • If it comes between chocolate or lemon dessert…it’s lemon every time.
  • The cotton in Aspirin bottles makes me cringe. As does velour. 
  • I’ve seen Cinderella & Ozzy at least 5 times in concert. 
  • For the longest time, I wanted to have a little girl and name her Mandolin Rain. Yes. After the song. Yes. There’s a reason I only had boys…
  • I love the smell of leather and new money. 
  • Other than my engagment/wedding rings, I’ve only received 1 other piece of jewelry as a gift in my entire life. 
  • I love getting flowers on random days,  but not if that’s all I get for holidays/special occasions. (I think that’s lazy and shows lack of interest). I’d rather get daisies or sunflowers than roses.
  • I like big butts and I cannot lie.
  • Flamingos are my favorite animal. 
  • I love sock monkeys. 
  • I dream of owning a bar on a beach and living in an apartment above it.
  • I wanted to be a soap star when I was in high school. 
  • My first fishing pole was a Snoopy rod-n-reel. My daddy says I threw it into the lake the moment I got my first bite. I say it was Nessie who wrenched the pole from my death grip.
  • My first nickname was French Fry.
  • My first kiss was the summer between 6th and 7th grade on a raft in the middle of the lake.
  • I once made out for hours with my boyfriend in the sheep barn at the Arkansas State Fair.
  • In college, a group of friends and I climbed Pinnacle Mountain after dark. We were on our way down when suddenly we heard ‘HIKERS! COME DOWN FROM THE MOUNTAIN.’ We had been cold busted by park control. Luckily no one got a ticket. 
  • I have a crush on Steve from Blue’s Clues.

So now there is NO WAY you would possibly confuse me with Scarlett Johansson… You’re welcome.

Hope you guys have a fantastic weekend. I will be working and playing. And of course, smiling and sparkling. Because that’s what you do when you’re awesome….

best concert ever

First of all, Wow.

Seriously, Pat Benatar? You are amazing.

And Asian Steve Perry Arnel Pineda? You blew me away. (Also, I know you’re Filipino but last night you were Asian Steve Perry and that’s who you will be from now on. You’re welcome.)

I seriously think this was one of the best concerts I’ve ever been to. And trust me, I’ve been to plenty.

The problem with awesome concerts like that one? Well, I’m not 18 anymore. Now that didn’t stop me from dancing like I was….

or howling singing like I was:

But when my alarm went off this morning, I felt closer to 81 than 18.

We had a great night.

Now somebody bring me my geritol and hoveround. AND GET OFF MY LAWN!

dein erster und letzter biss


That’s what the German version of BITE ME! is called. And check out the cover!

Hehehehehehe Yes, I’m a little giddy.

It went on sale this week…and if you read German or just want to have this fantastic version for yourself, you can order it online…

Kindle Edition

Direct from the Publisher

C’mon. You know this is cool stuff….

Speaking of cool stuff…

BITE ME! and LOVE SUCKS! are available on Kindle for $3.79 right now. Get thee over there and take advantage of these bargains!

In other news, I walked 4 miles last night with my pal Eric. (the same pal I walked the Half Marathon with a couple of years ago.) It was good to get out and enjoy the beautiful scenery. It’s where I find my spirit and peace. And I woke up this morning totally at peace.

Who wouldn’t find peace after spending an hour here?

too much plot.

Dear Magic Mike,

Less talking. More more skin.


The movie was fun. But seriously, way too much plot.

How was your weekend? Do anything fun? I got some sun, had some fun with my girls, and cleaned out my closet! (Not to mention spent some fun time with Magic Mike).

I also donated a ton of clothing to Big Brothers and Big Sisters…including my wedding dress. That felt a little weird, but also good. I’m very hopeful that it will bring someone the happiness it once brought me. It’s a beautiful dress, if you’re into that sorta thing. I wanted to elope. But when we didn’t, I decided screw it, I’ll be Princess for a day. And then the princess part stuck…haha. Some people are just meant for royalty–and some are just pretenders to the throne. hahahaha. I’m funny.

Well, that’s all I have for ya today. Love ya. Mean it.

Month of Mel 2012: Day 20

Welcome to all the new traffic! I’m sorry to say I’m not the Melissa Francis you’re looking for, though she is awesome. I “interviewed” her in 2009 after she emailed me. I was getting lots of searches for “Melissa Francis Pregnant” and she totally was, but she wasn’t ready to let the bun out of the oven yet…haha

So, for everyone currently searching for

Melissa Francis boobs (I do have a nice rack, but I don’t think you’re looking for me)
Melissa Francis hot (aw, I’m blushing)
Melissa Francis nude (you really DON’T wanna see that)
Melissa Francis tits (see boobs)
Melissa Francis sexy legs (not really, but hers are great)
Melissa Francis Fox or CNBC

 this is who you’re looking for:

I’m sad to say she’s now with *barf* Fox Business, but hey, even good people can be drawn to the dark side… as long as she keeps her sense of humor, she’ll be just fine. You can find her on twitter: @MelissaAFrancis

This is who I am:

I’m a red head; she’s blond. I’m write fiction; she works for Fox (same thing, almost…) I’m a smart ass; she’s smart. This is my birthday month, hers is in December.

While you’re here, I think you should check out my books and buy them because A: I’m awesome and would like to get a royalty check one day. B: You’re already here, so all you have to do is click the links on the sidebar to support the arts. C: Don’t you want all Melissa Francis’s to be successful?

Here, I’ll make it really easy for you:



at 8.99 per book, this is quite a bargain! (also available on Kindle and Nook…)

Month of Mel 2012: Day 1

For those of you who aren’t familiar with how and why the Month of Mel came to be:

The Month of Mel: A History Lesson

March 1. A day of sunshine and sparkle in the Rock and I’m totally stoked. It’s a beautiful day to start out the Month of Mel…and I’m going to enjoy all it has to offer.

And to get you revved up and ready, here’s a song that always makes me smile. If you’re not shaking your groove thing during this song, you’re dead inside.

and for a fun remix, enjoy this b.o.b. version.

Welcome one and all. I hope you’re ready for some extra bright sparkle this month! I’m gonna crank it up to eleven y’all!

FANtastic FANaticals!

I love reader mail. It makes my day every time I get a note from someone who has just finished my books and wanted to tell me how much they loved them and beg ask about a 3rd book… Yesterday, I got the most fun Fan Mail of all…from my niece Zzer: (warning: spoilers!!)

OMG AUNT MEL!!!!!!!!! I read your second book and like i was like what the crap after i read it because i cant believe lex is going to leave he sounds totally hot and so does ryan but to be honest ryan made me mad haha for most of the book soo i kinda chose lex for a while!!! UGHHH anyways just thought i would tell you that!! LOVE YOU!! YOUR NIECE, ELIZABETH FRANCIS

Best. Letter. Ever. And I love you too, Z. Also, I wanted to choose Lex but Maria Geraci wouldn’t let me. Whatever. Lex was hot. And in other Fantastic Fanatical news…Ian had a doc’s appointment the other afternoon and I had to check him out of school a little early. As we were leaving, this group of high school girls followed us out.

“OMG I love your red hair! It’s so sexy.”

“Ian! Is that your mom? She’s hot.”

Winner, Winner! Chicken Dinner! There’s pretty much nothing better for the ego…other than getting carded… which happened again the other day. Haha! Looks like selling my soul is paying off… 😀


Today is El Jefe’s birthday so I took the day off. Yay me! Yay for El Jefe!

My visit with the Augusta School was pretty awesome. Had a good talk, signed some books, sold a few books and had a fantastic lunch at the Mexican Gas Station. I love small towns. Really, where else can you get great food at a gas station?
Have a great Monday. See you tomorrow!