You know what would make a GREAT birthday present for Maria? If you PRE-ORDERED her debut novel BUNCO BABES TELL ALL…
Yes, I know. I’m like a dog with a bone. Just wait until BITE ME! is available. LOL
You know what would make a GREAT birthday present for Maria? If you PRE-ORDERED her debut novel BUNCO BABES TELL ALL…
Yes, I know. I’m like a dog with a bone. Just wait until BITE ME! is available. LOL
Dear Kitteh,
Ai hope ur birfdy rawks.
Luv,
Mel
Everyone pop over to Kristen’s blog and wish her a happy day!


Backstory to set up Friday morning:
I have been married to Fishdog for 1 month shy of 15 years. I know him pretty well. He rarely surprises me–especially on big days like birthdays, anniversaries, etc. He doesn’t like to spend money, so if there is something that we want that is over $50, it really is tough on him. He just won’t buy it. I knew that I was going to have to buy my own Awesome Pink iPod Nano. I’ve been wanting one since forever. I have asked for one more times than I can remember. I had already decided that if I didn’t get one for my birthday, I would be buying it myself.
I get out of bed Friday morning and shuffle to my computer to check email and lust over my white trash crushes one more time.
Fishdog gets up and says, “You got that bean juice going yet?”
“Nope.”
“Why not.”
“We’re out.”
“Go see.”
“You go see.”
Heavy sigh. about 10 mins go by and I’m in the kitchen fixing me a glass of water.
Fishdog: “Hey, while you’re there, check on the coffee.”
Me: “Honey, it’s my birthday, you should be making me coffee.”
“Just check on the coffee woman!”
“Fine.”
I open the container, and there is my iPod.
He does learn!
Thanks, honey. You rock.
It’s my birthday too, yeah. Happy Birthday to ME! For my birthday, I offer you another Dirty Little Mel Secret. I have a vault full of them, but I have found it is more fun to open that vault every once in a while, as opposed to just opening up like a $2 hooker. So, in honor of my birthday, I offer you a gift.
he makes my toes curl just saying his name. And I fell in love with him twice after watching him in Walking Tall. Why? You ask…Because he was in that movie with The Rock…and man, did I have some fun fantasies that night. And those fantasies included me being the cream filling between a Rock/Knoxville Manwich. They could do some nasty dirty things to me and I would ask for more. Seriously, I’m a-twitter with anticipation about my dreams tonight. Mmmmmm. Manwich. My favorite meal.
And I’ll admit during my heavy metal years, I got wet over Tommy Lee. I love me some drummers. I only dated drummers for a while (not kidding) and if Tommy Lee would’ve ever looked at me with his hot little wiry tattooed self, I would’ve volunteered to have his babies. Or at least practice with him. And look at that Happy Trail. Admit it…you’d practice with Tommy, too.
his own reality tv show. Yet, I find him strangely HOT. Why? Somebody help me! It’s the tattoos. And the hair. And the hat. And those awesome abs. Sigh. I’m hopelessly committed to the trailer park, aren’t I?
Today, I’m going to discuss some of my favorite things. Cartoons.
But not just any old cartoons. Nay.
Special cartoons that should’ve never been cancelled. Ever. And I’m not talking about Roadrunner or Popeye or Tom and Jerry or any of that crap. I’m talking about innovative, funny, and smart cartoons that walk the line between kid and adult. Innuendo is our friend.
1. Aaagh! Real Monsters
If you didn’t see this cartoon, you truly missed out on a treat. This show was only on the air for 4 years, but they were 4 brilliant years. The cartoon followed three fledgling monsters in training, Oblina, Krumm, and Ickis. They attended a school below the city dump and when they had a scare assignment, they would go to the surface (oftentimes traveling through the sewer). The Headmaster’s name was The Gromble and I believe he may have been the first (the only?) cross-dressing cartoon character on Nickelodeon. (Tranny! Hot Mess.)
2. Rocko’s Modern Life
How could you not love a cartoon that followed the life of a wallaby who’s best friend was a cow raised by wolves? Guess what the cow’s name was? Heifer Wolfe. Oh yeah. Awesome.
3. Ren and Stimpy
Fishdog and I dated to Ren and Stimpy, so of course I have a soft spot in my heart for this show. I still quote the show as well. “Stimpy, you eeeeeediot.” “Happy, happy, Joy, Joy!” and of course, one of my favorite ditties (sang to the “Slinky” commercial tune
What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs
Rolls over your neighbor's dog?
What's great for a snack and fits on your back?
It's Log, Log, Log!
It's Log, Log, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood.
It's Log, Log, it's better than bad, it's good!
Everyone wants a log! You're gonna love it, Log!
Come on and get your log! Everyone needs a Log!"
4. Pinky and the Brain
How can you not love a cartoon that spawned witticisms such as these?
Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?
Pinky: I think so, Brain. If they called them sad meals, nobody would buy them.
Brain: Moo. We are a cow. Take us to China.
Pinky: Narf!
Pinky: What are we going to do tonight, Brain?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.
5. The Angry Beavers
First of all, the title itself is just a winner. Secondly, how fun is it following the lives of two beaver brothers, Norbert and Daggett aka Daggy Waggy? The brothers beave left their parents to live the life of bachelor beavers in the woods. There was a great cast of characters, including a bear, a stump, and a hippy Beaver named Treeflower (she was Norbert’s love interest)
The show was cancelled not long after a parent emailed Nickelodeon to complain that Norbert told Dag to shut up in an episode. Yeah, cuz brothers never do that! If you can find these on DVD, do not pass go until you buy them. Best. Show. Ever.
6. Beavis and Butthead
Really? Did you really think I wouldn’t miss this show? Yes, I’m easily entertained. Whatever. Loved this show.
“I’m Cornholio! Need TP for my bunghole!”
‘Nuf said.
Are there any cartoons you really miss? Did you guys watch any of these or am I the only sadly demented one in the world?
I’m working on a fun birthday post for Friday. It’s another post similar to my Naughty River admission, or my desire to be a MILF (is there such a thing as a Fat MILF? I mean, Queen Latifah is hot and if she were a mom she’d be a MILF. I’m so going that route) or my love for young boys(okay, young men. I am not a pedophile. They can all vote..and most can even drink legally)
Yes, it’s another Mel secret. And it’s one I should be ashamed to post. Maybe I’ll fix myself a pitcher of Hellohahanarf’s awesome Margaritas Thursday night and post then. My drunk blogs are always much more fun than the others anyway. (as long as I don’t go back and read them the next day, that is…)
Gold stars for Fishdog! He let me sleep in this morning. Of course, he should always let me sleep in, I am the Queen B.
So, Rader had a project to do on the 10 Commandments over the weekend. He had to build a shadow box demonstrating whatever commandment he drew out of a hat.
The winning commandment: THOU SHALL NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR’S WIFE.
Can I just say, the boy rocks the Legos:
Wedding dress is made from the finest tissue paper in the house and a lovely red satin ribbon. I worked very hard o make sure the dress fit properly and flowed beautifully. I’m taking orders for future Lego weddings. Please hurry, there is already a waiting list.
The caption that you can’t read is the Priest saying: You may kiss the bride.
And then, you can see the guest in the backround saying: Why can’t I kiss the bride?
Oh yeah. Not only is he coveting his neighbor’s wife, he’s doing it at the wedding, in the CHURCH. Dude is gonna burn.

Ian and I share a birthday week. My official birthday is the 14th; his is the 16th. I fully endorse the “Birthday Week” philosophy–though it’s not as much fun sharing the week, so I do my best to step out of his way on his actual birthday. Otherwise, it’s all about me.
This weekend turned out to be pretty awesome. By noon on Saturday, all evidence of the Blizzard had melted away. We took the boys to Oaklawn to watch the horses. Rader can pick a horse, let me tell you. I may take him with me every time. Actually, this morning he said “Hey Mom, can we go to the races Friday? I wanna win some money.”
Um. No. You have school. But I’ll let you pick the horses that morning before you leave and I’ll go to the races for you…
Mother of the year.
Yesterday it was 65 degrees. We finally figured out what was wrong with the vacuum (and by “we” I mean, Fishdog) and I went to town yesterday afternoon. Man, the animals have been shedding like crazy! I must’ve vacuumed up enough hair to knit an afghan. A big afghan. And matching socks. I’m almost afraid to head downstairs with the vacuum. We might blow it up. Do you think Dyson guarantees their vacuums if they explode?
So, what’s up for this week? And more importantly, what are you getting me for my birthday?
Okay, I was going to blog about last night’s Millionaire Matchmaker. Not about the show itself but about one of last night’s eyebrows bachelor’s eyebrows. But I couldn’t find a good enough picture to post. The eyebrows were kinda like that talking stain commercial. You tried to look away, but you couldn’t. They were NOT RIGHT. If you get a chance to catch Episode 7 this week in reruns, you’ll see what I’m talking about.
You can check out some pics from the episode here.
Flip through them. You’ll know the guy when you involuntarily flinch in horror and then find yourself unable to look away.
We’re gearing up for my big birthday celebration in Hot Springs. It’s gonna be a blast! Last year was the first year we missed in 12 years! (but, we were in Florida riding rides and having a blast, so it was totally okay)
Ian and I have a birthday 2 days apart. (25 years and 2 days, to be exact) He’s turning 14 this year and he’s planning a party. I’m thinking we need a disco ball, some awesome outdoor lights, and a couple of super CDs made up of Monster Ballads so they can rock out and slow dance simultaneously.
Yeah, I live to embarrass my children. Their total humiliation helps me forget the whole pregnancy/labor thing.
My baby boy turns 10 today. Weird.
He’s such a goof. The child doesn’t take a ‘regular’ picture. You know the kind with smile? No. He only takes funny face pics. But if we’re sneaky enough, sometimes we can catch him off guard and get a good shot.
He was a big baby. 8 lbs 6 oz…and 3 weeks EARLY. And he hasn’t stopped being a big boy since. He weighed 18 lbs at 3 months. My oldest son weighed that at 1 year! He’s almost always the tallest kid in his class and he’s almost always the smartest. For those of you who haven’t read my Rader stories, feel free to browse. They’re entertaining. My particular favorites are:
My child is special…there is no doubt about that.
Happy Birthday, Rader!