the end is nigh

Or not. I mean how many people are going to predict the apocalypse and be wrong?

But damn, I sure am having fun planning to be left behind on Saturday where there will be much looting and the killing of zombies.

Because you know there will be zombies. or lots of Chuck Norrises…

Anyway, we’re on my Facebook page building an Apocalyptic Playlist…but we don’t have to just play there…you can play here, too. Suggest some songs! C’mon! It could be the end of the world again! And if we survive this round, remember, the Mayans have said the end is in 2012…so we’ll already have our playlist ready and waiting.

oh yeah I like it like that

Spent Saturday with Birdrunner soaking up the sun, her company, and several adult beverages. We read the Chuck Norris vs. Mr. T. book and laughed our collective booties off. We listened to music that drove her 10 year old daughter nuts and gossiped about red heads, men, and the kids. On the PSI scale, it was a 10 day for sure!

Yesterday was a day of cleaning and reconnecting. I needed the down time. I ‘ve been swamped these past few weeks–just going non-stop. And my house and my body were suffering for it! I still need to do laundry, but I did manage to get rid of the clutter that had taken over my tee-tiny living room. I also managed to get a nap in…which is always a good thing!

Now for the entertainment portion of today’s blog:

Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.

Chuck Norris was cast as the protagonist in Terminator, but he later bowed out of the role, since he has already stopped a time war between machines and mankind. Twice.

There is nothing to fear but fear itself, and fear itself fears Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Oh and happy or sad Elvis “Death” Day (I used quotes because you know he’s really not dead. Right?) Here’s my favorite E song. Long live the King.

a sunday post!

I know, a Sunday post is a rarity…but I just have to share.

Mamafox over at Page Turner Reviews just posted a wonderful review of LOVE SUCKS!

Here’s my favorite part:

Enter Lex, a smart, sexy “trainer” her aunt brings in to teach her to block her thoughts and fight the evil around them. Lex is quick witted and smooth. His character was an infusion of fun for the story. He is fun and exciting, which is exactly what AJ needs to get over Ryan. Lex can read thoughts, so he knows how AJ feels about Ryan, but he also knows that Ryan still loves her too. Lex exploits this and provides some great comedy and romance to the story line. He is my favorite character and I admit to a fangirl crush on him!

I’m so stoked that people are loving Lex the way I love him!!!! He’s sex-on-a-stake if you ask me.

BTW, Chuck Norris gives LOVE SUCKS! a big thumbs up…so I’m thinking you have no choice but to buy the book. Otherwise, Chuck might be forced to give you a roundhouse kick to the face and we wouldn’t want that, would we?

chuck norris and the razorbacks…

My new favorite picture:
Back in November 2005 I posted this original Chuck Norris list. I’ll repost below.

Here are a few new ones: (thanks to Jimmy the K for forwarding them on–especially the picture. smooches)

When Chuck Norris jumps in a pool, he doesn’t get wet.
The water gets Chucked.

Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris
allows to live.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ Beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease
2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Here’s the original:

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Chuck Norris has yet to get a Jeopardy question wrong. Jesus has missed two.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face andtook his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying “booya”.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he’s Chuck Norris.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more “humane”.

Chuck Norris found out about Conan O’Brien’s lever that shows clips from “Walker: Texas Ranger” and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan’s wife.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn’t give him exact change.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours If you’re thinking to yourself, “That’s impossible, I already lost my virginity.”, then you are dead wrong.

Hellen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn’t a racist.