This week’s fun google stats:
I’m particularly proud of the licking nipples, hardest spanker, and dirty bitch googles. Now if I could just make the “melissa francis” googles all about me instead of the other Melissa Francis…
This week’s fun google stats:
I’m particularly proud of the licking nipples, hardest spanker, and dirty bitch googles. Now if I could just make the “melissa francis” googles all about me instead of the other Melissa Francis…
I decided to post my blog to my MySpace account today. Usually, I do it the other way around…so, go forth and read!
I apologize in advance for this, but this is a hot topic for me. You can thank Maria for getting me riled up.
There is an email being distributed about The Golden Compass and its anti-religious propaganda. (don’t even get me started on the forwarding of emails. That is NOT what this rant is about, but that is a subject I could go on about for days…) This email warns Christians away from this movie because it will basically brainwash the kids. It’s BAAAAD. It’s against God.
FW: Heads up: The Golden Compass
There will be a new Children’s movie coming out December 7th called “The Golden Compass.” It is written by Phillip Pullman, a proud athiest who belongs to secular humanist societies. He hates C.S. Lewis’s Chronical’s of Narnia and has written a trilogy to show the other side. The movie has been dumbed down to fool kids and thie parents in the hope that they will buy his trilogy where in the end the children kill God and everyone can do as they please. Nicole Kidman stars in the movie so it will most likely be advertised a lot.
First of all, if you’re gonna send out a mass email warning people away, please at least spell check it….
Now, onto the real rant of the day.
The first thing I’m going to say here is, PEOPLE IT’S FICTION. You do get that, right? Just like Narnia was fiction?
Okay, so Phillip Pullman is an atheist. Good for him, that’s his right. If I’m a Christian and I’m writing vampire books, what does that mean? Nothing. My personal beliefs have zero to do with my fictional writing.
Here’s the thing that gets my goat. These mass emails are being sent around in a panic warning people away from taking their kids to the movie or letting them read the books. Well, whatever happened to having faith in what you teach your kids? Are you that threatened by the possibility that your children might be introduced to a different idea? Do you really have so little faith in the way you’ve taught your child and in your own belief system that they can be that easily swayed by a movie? Seriously?
This is just like the Harry Potter thing. Get over it. Have some faith in what you teach your kids. Give them credit for having a mind of their own and the ability to know what is right for them and what isn’t. If you are that insecure about your own religious choice and how you’ve taught your children, maybe you should do a little spiritual reexamination.
Honestly. It’s a movie. It’s fiction. Quit believing and forwarding the propaganda emails. Let your kids decide for themselves. Talk to them. Don’t “ban” them from something you haven’t even read or seen. And please, for the love of your God, have some faith in your own teachings.
I’ve decided that each time I get one of those emails, I’m replying to all with this message. And I think I’ll put at the bottom, if you are one of th 93% of the people who will delete this message, just remember, you emailed me first. The other 7% who will pass this on will find great success in life because they use the brain God gave them.
Okay, so here’s today’s entertainment…Thanks to Kristen for letting me steal it.
From my stats page….here are my recent “googles”. At least there’s no “melissa francis husband” this week. Last week, there were like 30. I’m beginning to wonder wtf is up with the cnbc anchor and her spouse… and to the person who googled “mel’s ta-tas” last week, we (my ta-tas and I) would like to welcome you!
Just so you know, I’m thrilled that I’m not the only one who has a crush on Steve Burns. And there is always drama at Thanksgiving…otherwise, it would just be “dinner”. And yes, there’s always drama at Halloween, otherwise, it would just be another date night…
Yesterday was pretty successful. I have set a higher page goal today and intend to meet it. Will check in tomorrow…
It’s that time again. It’s time for me to tell another deep, dark secret.
I’ve shocked y’all before, when I announced my love for Steve from Blue’s Clues…and then, again when I discussed my lust for the young Lucas Black. Not to mention when I outted my secret desire for Marshal Mathers. (Yes, Eminem. I love me some bad boys.) Or that I still liked Air Supply. And I’m sure many of you were surprised to discover my youngest son’s dirty little secret, as well.
But, this secret may out do all of them.
Are you ready to be ashamed of me?
I wanna be Stifler’s Mom.
That’s right. I wanna be a MILF.
It’s true. And it’s unfortunate because it’s ain’t ever gonna happen. I might have a chance to be the cool mom…but I will never be The HOT Mom.
I’m envious of my friend Feisty who is THE hot mom. Actually, she’s THE HAWT mom. I guess I could be her protege and be a MILF in training. I’d have to drop about 4,000 lbs and get the girls lifted, but it could happen.
It’s not that I am into boys that young…I’m not. But I remember growing up, and my friend’s mom was THE hot mom. And all the boys talked about her awesome Farrah Fawcett hair and the sweet convertible and her tight jeans and I thought, “One day, I’m going to be that mom.”
Oh well. I guess not. I will just have to settle with being the mom the boys call when they get into trouble. I’m really okay with that. It’s not a consolation prize by any stretch. But maybe one day, why my boys are in college, one of their friends will confess to me that I was their “Stifler’s Mom.”
We’re headed to Hardin Farms in Grady, AR today to pick punkin, ride hay, tour haunted houses, get lost in the hay-maze, shop at the mercantile, and eat some down home country cookin’ from the Farm’s Restaurant.
Will post pics when I get back.
On the writing front, I got a lot accomplished yesterday on Bite Me! plus I heard back from Deidre, the wonder agent, and she loved my most recent proposal. Which is a good thing, because I love it, too. As in, I think I would’ve died a little if she hadn’t responded with pure excitement…because this story is just so fun. Anyway, I’m tweaking it this weekend in hopes that it will soon hit the desks of editors who love it enough to pay me lots and lots of dough for it.
Last night, we had a girl’s night out with my best friend from high school and three of my friends from college, because PamPam is the first in our group to turn 40. Yes, I know I’ll be there soon enough, but I am not next, therefore, I am very happy. Not that I dread turning 40, because I don’t. I just think being skinny and rich will ease the pain a little more, so I’m working very hard to make that happen…LOL We had a good time reminiscing about our old party days. (them, not me. I was an angel) I haven’t laughed that hard in forever. My God I had forgotten a lot. (on purpose? probably) All I know is, I am certainly glad there were no digital cameras around back in the late 80s early 90s.
So what are your plans this weekend? Punkin patches? Boozing it up? Anyone letting their naughty river flow?
In honor of PamPam’s birthday and for her brand new baby, I offer you this video. (Am I the only one in the world who misses Axl Rose?)
CASSELBERRY, Fla. — An adult nightclub in Casselberry is offering free flu shots to Central Floridians.Rachel’s Gentlemen’s Club launched a free flu shot service at the business located on Semoran Boulevard in Casselberry.The flu shots will be free from noon until 4 p.m. for residents who are 55 years old and older.
Central Floridians! Don’t miss out on this chance!
I love America. Where else in the world would offer a flu shot as an incentive to come to a strip club? I’m trying to figure out how I can incorporate this out of the box type of thinking to my book tour in 2009….suggestions welcome!
70 days of Sweat Update
My sweating over the last couple of days has been more like a glisten. I haven’t met my goal yet…but today is another day. Will check in later.
I am such a thief. I stole yesterday’s spinning lady from my friend Kent. (admit it, you can’t stop watching her. I’ve seen my webstats, I know!) I’m stealing today’s fun little goody from my friend Crystal. (Crystal apparently stole it from Linnea Sinclair. Is there no honesty left in the world?)
All I have to say is Sabotage and Assassination? Hell Yeah!
My friend Kent posted this to his MySpace blog yesterday and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.
which way does the lady spin for you? Can you make her change directions?

The Right Brain vs Left Brain test … do you see the dancer turning clockwise or counter-clockwise? If clockwise, then you use more of the right side of the brain and vice versa.
Most of us would see the dancer turning counter-clockwise though you can try to focus and change the direction; see if you can do it.
At first, she was spinning counter-clockwise for me. But now, when I watch her, she’s always spinning clockwise. I can concentrate and make her change directions, but when I stop focusing, she goes right back to spinning clockwise. It’s freaking me out, man!
LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing
acknowledges
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies
practical
safe
RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses feeling
“big picture” oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can “get it” (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking
Last night, we were driving home from North Little Rock. Rader had a game at 5:00 (really, who schedules a game at 5:00? That’s ridiculous!) and he played a kick ass game but they lost by 3. Disappointing, to say the least. Anyway, after the game, we went to Rocky’s Pub to have dinner. Very tasty burgers and very cold beer on tap.
We had about a 30 minute drive to the house after dinner, which is always dangerous when the kids are feeling spunky. Apparently they were in a mood last night, having fun mouthing off and joking around and Rader decided it was time to ask questions about childbirth. He likes the fact that Ian was a C-section and that he wasn’t. So I retell the story.
Rader: You screamed when I was born. I remember it.
Me: Actually, I didn’t. I had great drugs.
Rader: I remember it, Mom. That’s why I had to get tubes. You screamed so loud my ears hurt.
Of course, I thought that was brilliant. Then he asked me: “Where did I come out of again? Your butt crack?”
Now, he knows the answer to this, but being a 9 yr. old, he of course thinks the word Vagina is the funniest thing ever. But I play along.
Me: You smell like you came from my butt crack, but no, you came from my vagina.
Rader: giggle VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA
Me: It’s not a bad word, Rader. You know that. It’s a body part. Like Penis or Eyeball.
Mark: Or elbow. Or sphincter.
Ian: I thought sphincter was an old lady without a husband.
Total silence. Then much laughter.
Mark: You mean spinster?
Ian: Huh huh huh. Yeah. That’s what I meant. I know what a sphincter is.
Name calling ensues. Each boy calls the other a sphincter. I finally put the kibosh on the body part conversation telling them I want a do over. I want to rewind 14 years and decide against having dirty, stinky, rotten boys.
Rader: That’s what happens when you put the hotdog in the donut.
OMG. I nearly ran off the road. That was the funniest thing ever. I have totally ruined my children. Much therapy will be necessary. But at least they’ll have plenty to talk about.