LIFE LESSON: How NOT to handle a customer

This is a very long post. It is full of pictures. It is also full of awesome. Thank you for stopping by.

On July 23rd, Robyn and I went to see Star Trek. We chose the Riverdale 10 movie theater because they have the MOST COMFORTABLE recliners around, and because we could have a beer. I mean, hey, who doesn’t love sipping a Guinness at the movie (that you didn’t sneak in yourself…)

We purchased the beverages and popcorn. I was so looking forward to the popcorn because I’d been living la vida low carb for 3 months. That popcorn was going in my mouth and I couldn’t WAIT.

We got settled in, reclined our seats, and started chowing down. The lights had just dimmed as I reached in for my 2nd handful, I popped it into my mouth, and immediately spit out a fresh and minty already chewed piece of gum. That wasn’t mine.

I’ll stop for a moment while you gag. Trust me. It’s 3 weeks later and I’m still gagging. I can still feel someone else’s ALREADY FUCKING CHEWED GUM IN MY MOUTH.

I leaned over and told Robyn. After she stopped herself from throwing up, we decided it was best I go see the manager. When I explained what happened, the manager on duty said “Well that’s weird. We’re not allowed to chew gum behind the counter.”

Me: I get that. But still. There was someone else’s gum in my popcorn. It wasn’t my gum. It was someone else’s. And it came from behind the counter,  so…

MOD: That’s just weird. *turned and yelled* HEY WAS ANYONE CHEWING GUM TONIGHT?

Me: Seriously? Nobody’s going to admit it was theirs. I just want my $4.50 back. That’s it. Thanks.

MOD: Sorry, you’ll have to call Laird. The customer service number is posted on that sign.

Me: Just give me the $4.50 back. That’s all I want. And you’re the manager so you can do that.

MOD: No You have to call Laird.

Me: Fine. May I borrow your phone? 

I dial the number listed and hear an undecipherable message that I’m pretty sure is on an ANSWERING MACHINE from 1987. I leave my name, my telephone number, and a message that says I would like a call back before the movie is over so that I can get my refund.

Of course, no call came. So I call again from my phone, and I said something to the effect of: All I wanted was my $4.50 back for the popcorn. Now I want a full refund of both movie tickets and the popcorn. I’ll happily pay for the 2 beers we drank.

At 8:03 AM Sunday morning, the magical Laird returned my call. He woke me up, but hey, he called me back. He told me multiple times he was on his way to church and stopped by the office and got my message. He listened to what happened, thanked me for calling and not posting a review on social media, he just doesn’t understand why people do that. I laughed.

Me: Oh I posted a review on FB. If your manager had just given my money back, there wouldn’t have been an issue other than just being grossed out for a while. If you would have called me back last night, there wouldn’t have been an issue. But you didn’t. So yes, you got a review.

Laird: I just don’t understand what people want. We post the customer service number.

Me: They want actual customer service.

The conversation goes on and on like that for a while. He never once apologizes for my bad experience. He just says “But they’re not allowed to chew gum.” Over and over. Like that’s the end of it. Then he says he’s going to investigate and get back to me. That was July 24.

Fast forward to yesterday, 08-10-2016–almost 3 full weeks since my incident.

Robyn decided to post a review. We hadn’t heard back. We’d done what they’d ask. So it was time to let the world know that these guys suck. 1

She gave them 2 stars, which I thought was being generous. Then Riverdale 10 decided to respond and things got awesome:


Someone thought it was a good idea to inform the customer she was wrong in her assessment because they have six employees over the age of 40.And please note the number they asked her to call while trying to slam her from not contacting them privately. That number will be important later on in the show.


Of course, since I was the one who was the victim of the already chewed gum, I decided to remind them that I did, in fact call…


Then I thought this person might need a lesson in how to handle customer complaints.


At this point, I figure it’s over and done with. Surely a manager or the owner has seen they have a troll who is managing their FB page and SURELY they’ve shut it down. Right? LOL Wrong.


Did you read all of that? No? Me either. I did skim it. Apparently Riverdale 10 loves good feedback, thinks I’m angry and public shaming them (I guess they don’t think having a customer find already chewed gum in their popcorn is HORRIFYING) and that if I had JUST CONTACTED THEM PRIVATELY, this would have all been taken care of. And then they proceeded to attempt to shame me like I was Cersi Lannister. Sorry honey, but Melf don’t play that.

unnamed 2


The Riverdale 10 person proceeded to rant on…


and that’s when I dropped the hammer:


Now, Robyn and I couldn’t help but poke a little fun after this, because frankly, it had been the most entertaining day either of us have had in a while. I can’t remember laughing so hard. I mean, I know this guy wasn’t trying to be funny, but he was hysterical. His customer service skills are spot on! Even our friend Marissa got a little hammer drop in there herself!

Not long after the proof was offered and we started openly mocking him, the entire thread disappeared. I guess this poor twerp doesn’t understand the concept of screenshots.

BTW, I’ve been told by a former employee that the only person who handles the FB page is the Owner of the theater. So no, it wasn’t some little college kid twerp who should be fired. It was the owner, who doesn’t give a shit if his customers find already chewed gum in their popcorn.

Because his employees don’t chew gum…

Monday, funday…?

Ugh. It’s so hard to come back to work after such an awesome weekend. Sigh.


Not your typical blow job…

My favorite picture from the weekend? Look at that laugh. LOL This is El Jefe cleaning himself up after weedeating the Compound. Yes. He’s using a leaf blower to remove the debris…and dry his hair. This man makes me smile.

For more awesome weekend pics, check out my instagram... There’s some of Ruby, and coffee, and wine, and MEAT…and various other awesome stuff.

Saturday, El Jefe and I took Rader to see WORLD WAR Z and it was fantastic. Seriously. I jumped and yelped a couple of times. According to Rader “I’m such a girl.” LOL Well, yes, I am.

Rader cracks me up. He texted me all weekend long, sending me jokes and images he finds on reddit. His latest find is r/onetruegod. OMG. Nicholas Cage is the One True God. So freaking hysterical.  I believe I may have some Cagey plans for my kiddo now…

And on a final, slightly ranty note… Last week, we all read about Paula Deen’s dirty little not-so-secret issues. And suddenly, people are all up in arms, “forgiving” her on Facebook. DID SHE CALL YOU A MONKEY? No? Is she paying you less money than your white counterparts? No? Did she or her brother tell you “fuck your civil rights?” No? Then what the fuck do you have to forgive? Seriously? IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU, PEOPLE. There’s nothing for YOU to forgive. Good Grief. Everything is about you, isn’t it?

You’re so vain, you probably think this blog is about you, don’t you, don’t you?

Narcissism. You're doing it right...

Narcissism. You’re doing it right…


Happy day of foolishness!

“A naked woman in heels is a beautiful thing. A naked man in shoes looks like a fool.”
~Christian Louboutin

 Wise words for a foolish day…

How was your weekend? Mine was pretty fantastic. I love stormy weather. Lightning crackling and thunder booming…hard rains pelting the roof in a soothing staccato, lulling me back to sleep with its rhythmic lullaby… the only problem with the stormy weather (aside from the hail. POOR SALLY SPARKLE) was trying to get out of bed on Sunday. So I didn’t. Until lunch time with the family.

 Saturday afternoon, Jefe and I went to see GI JOE. Ladies, I’m not gonna lie, too many shirts were worn in this movie. But there was plenty to see and enjoy. And lots of explosions and bullets. And a little bit of witty repartee. It was covered in cheese, but that’s okay. Would you really expect anything else?

Friday was the only “lovely” day of the weekend until Sunday late afternoon, so when I got home from work, I sat outside and read.

I really wish Spring would get here and stay. It’s going to rain here Tuesday-Thrusday and only be in the 40s. But today, it will be sunny and  70s so Robyn and I are gonna get an outside walk in, while we have a chance.

Now, for a really lovely and inspiring read, for those of us who are amply-endowed and trying to get healthy. Check this out…HEY, FAT GIRL.

 Hope y’all have a beautiful Monday. And be careful for the pranksters…they’re out there. And you never know…you might be their next target!

ETA: btw, Carbkiller has resurrected our Fat Chicks Running blog and I’m gonna be participating again as well. I’m doing a 12 weeks challenge, so if I haven’t blogged here, you’ll probably find me there.

2013: Month of Mel Day 5

And then, she rested.

Well technically, I rested on Day 4. (Which would have been my MeMa’s 113th birthday if she were still alive. And that would have been awesome. I celebrated by watching Y&R (her favorite) and napping. (her other favorite.)

Yes. I napped yesterday. (can you call 5 hours a nap?) I’ve spent the last 4 months working 7 days a week. I used to do this when I was younger…however…this old body just doesn’t bounce back like it used to. Now, I’m not so old that I’m wearing floral gowns, carrying around a pocket full of Werther’s Originals and getting my hair set every Saturday morning at 9:00, but I am old enough that my body doesn’t like to go without proper rest. So when I’m tired, I sleep.

And sleep I did.

Today, I’m sparkling so bright…that you gotta wear shades!

These’ll do the trick…

The one thing I didn’t do this past weekend that I said I was going to do? The 1/2 Marathon. Yes. I absolutely traded my bib for a bottle of wine when I realized it was gonna be 20-something degrees that morning. I’m sorry. The only activities I do in Sub-Freezing weather requires blankets and a bed. Maybe a fireplace…

I’m ready for this weather. Go away Jack Frost. We don’t want you comin’ round here no more.

We finally saw Pitch Perfect this weekend. I am NOT a fan of most musicals, (and I think Glee is the worst show on earth) but I LOVED this movie with all my heart. It was so damn funny. We all enjoyed it…even El Jefe found himself laughing against his will. We watched it twice, it was so good. (And I’m pretty sure I would have watched it a 3rd time if we hadn’t gone to Robyn’s house for dinner Saturday night…)

What’s on your agenda this week? Are you sparkling as I commanded? Don’t forget, this is my month and you are required to do my bidding. So turn your sparkle up to 11 and leave a trail of glitter wherever you go!

a summary of my activities

I’ve been busy so I’ll just sum up what I’ve been doing with bullet points.

  • Came down with the crud (which I typed as “curd” at first and then spent 10 minutes trying to figure out what the symptoms of having the curd would actually be.)
  • Had a biopsy
  • Took awesome pain meds for the biopsy
  • Enjoyed the hell out of my medication
  • Had weird freaking pain med dreams, one of which included a shoot out between Mannequins. Yes. Mannequins. In a parking deck.
  • Have been spoiling the animals rotten while Jefe has been visiting his family. 
  • Eating a lot of cheese. Mmmm. Cheese.
  • Drinking wine. Possibly I drank some wine while on pain meds before I went to the doctor. Possibly.
  • Cleaned out the laundry room/storage area and put away some boxes that have been cluttering up the living room. 
  • Put up the Pimp Tree in the living room, to replace the boxes because that space seemed too bare.
  • Watched LOVE ACTUALLY twice. I’m such a dork for that movie.
  • Saved LOVE ACTUALLY to the DVR so I can watch it as much as I want this holiday season.

I think that’s about all the highlights. I feel great today…Well, I don’t wanna choke a bitch or stab anyone in the eye, so I’m thinking that means I’m on the mend. Y’all have a great humpday, or wine Wednesday or downhill slide to the weekend or whatever.

Oh…and to the creeper who inboxed my author page asking for a signed photo of me… thank you for noticing my lovely neck and shoulders but EW. No. Me. Gusta. Creepy McCreepypants. Go troll someone else, mmmkay?

Love and all that,

weekend wrap up…

New movies watched:


I absolutely adored both movies. They were each very funny and The Cabin in the Woods was absolutely fantastic! Well written (duh…it’s Joss Whedon), hysterical, campy and a little creepy.

Saturday, I spent the morning with my BFF from high school and her family, then we had lunch. Afterward, I made another VERY SUCCESSFUL Pinterest recipe It was melt-in-your-mouth fabulous.

This is what it looks like before it is done. Sorry I forgot to snap a pic of after…but trust me, it was pretty and delicious. El Jefe calls the crockpot the Magic Food Bowl. heh You put regular stuff in and a few hours later, magic happens and deliciousness comes out. Yep, that’s pretty much what happens.

Saturday night I delivered half of the roast, potatoes and greenbeans to my friends and hung out with Bit for a while. She dubbed me Princess Pink (even though she assigned yellow to me as my favorite color.) She was Princess Purple and she wore her sparkly shoes. We both had on tiaras and I was instructed that next time I come over, I have to wear my sparkly shoes, too. Terms I am happy to comply with.

Then it was movie time:

Sunday was sunny and beautiful and the perfect day for soccer. The final score was 1-1. There were some not so great calls and some parents who were not so great examples by yelling at the refs and calling for red cards every few minutes. And they wonder why their kids act like assholes on the field? Because their parents act like assholes on the sidelines…

And Sunday night, I enjoyed a trip down memory lane with Ian as I forced him to watch HEE HAW while we waited on Boardwalk Empire to start. Apparently he didn’t find HEE HAW nearly as funny as I did. Neither did El Jefe, who quickly left the scene for the safety of the bedroom. Humph.

There’s just no accounting for some people’s taste…or lack there of, huh?

Hope you guys had a great weekend. Mine was filled with love, laughter and some fantastic food…which means I’m all smiles today.

too much plot.

Dear Magic Mike,

Less talking. More more skin.


The movie was fun. But seriously, way too much plot.

How was your weekend? Do anything fun? I got some sun, had some fun with my girls, and cleaned out my closet! (Not to mention spent some fun time with Magic Mike).

I also donated a ton of clothing to Big Brothers and Big Sisters…including my wedding dress. That felt a little weird, but also good. I’m very hopeful that it will bring someone the happiness it once brought me. It’s a beautiful dress, if you’re into that sorta thing. I wanted to elope. But when we didn’t, I decided screw it, I’ll be Princess for a day. And then the princess part stuck…haha. Some people are just meant for royalty–and some are just pretenders to the throne. hahahaha. I’m funny.

Well, that’s all I have for ya today. Love ya. Mean it.

I’ve been waiting…

For a musical like you, to come into my life…

Confession: I don’t like musicals. At. All. I can name 3 that I actually enjoy…the rest can all jump in a lake. I can’t stand Glee and I know that offends many of you, but I just can. not. watch it. Without gagging and rolling my eyes so hard it hurts.

I realize this makes me a traitor to my gender, but somehow I’ve managed to be able to live with that.

Friday night, I went to see ROCK OF AGES with my girlfriends. I knew full well that it was a musical and I was quite aware that there would be some cheese-tastic moments full of eye-rolling glory, but I was willing to risk permanent eye injury to relive the music of my high school and college years. I wanted to go back to the days of big hair, short skirts, rockin’ concerts, and ripped jeans.

And ROCK OF AGES did not disappoint.

So I went to see it again on Sunday. Yes. That’s how much I loved this movie.

It is funny, campy, cheesy and epic. I never fancied myself a Tom Cruise ‘fan’ (not since Top Gun *fans self*) and especially not since his couch jumping visit to Crazy Town…but let me tell you, I am now, officially a huge fan. He was born to play this role. And he rocked it. Pun intended.

And if I thought I was in love with both Alec Baldwin and Russel Brand before this movie? Let me tell you, I didn’t know what love was until this flick.

This movie is to be seen knowing it is a musical. Knowing it isn’t to be taken seriously, but just enjoyed. And even if you’re allergic to most musicals like I am, you will enjoy this movie, especially if you were a teen or in your early twenties in the 80s.

my week in review

Went to Degray with Robyn and her brother and the kids and the dogs. Robyn and I decided to act like kids and ride the water toy behind the boat. This did not end well, but it was extremely fun.

We saw Snow White and the Huntsman. The ending was a little anti-climatic, but I enjoyed the movie…despite Kristen Stewart. Actually, she did well in this movie. She had more than one facial expression and even though she isn’t physically fairer than Charlize Theron (as IF) she did portray Snow White very well. Also, I decided that I would gladly inhale the life force out of all the girls in the kingdom if that meant I would look like Charlize Theron. I would do this without remorse.
And so would you.

Bought Ian an awesome new ride. He’s gonna be rollin’ like a boss in a 1982 Mercedes 300 SD Turbo Diesel. It is a beautiful car that has been treated like a lady for 30 years. Let’s hope this continues… As you can see, he is thrilled. As he should be.

Posted my recap of this week’s Bachelorette at Hey Don’t Judge Me. If you haven’t read it yet, please do. You know I’m funny, right? Also, you can read my recap and not have to watch the show…because I suffer through it for you. This is a terrible sacrifice I’m making, you know. And you should be thankful and gracious and go read my recap. 🙂

Went to dinner with Rader one night and he looked cute so I took his pic. Because I’m that dorky and I still like my kids. Even though they are stinky teenagers who fart in the car with the windows up and think that’s funny.

I had drinks with the girls Wednesday, dinner with a friend Wednesday night, and tonight, I’m going to see Rock of Ages with my girlfriends…and I can’t wait.

It’s been a good week and I’m a very lucky girl.

I cannot tell a lie

I’m very excited about seeing The Lorax. It was one of my all time favorite Dr. Seuss books, even with it’s doom, gloom, and smog. It was reality wrapped up in tiny furry guy with a giant yellow mustache.

Also, I wanted a Truffula Tree

I mean, who wouldn’t want a tree that looked like Cotton Candy growing in their yard?

Guess who’s never read The Lorax? El Jefe. Guess who’s gonna be reading it very soon? El Jefe.


So it’s Monday morning, and I spent the weekend running Rader to soccer, walking, burning stuff, and having beers with Birdrunner. El Jefe and I also took the dogs to the park where they explored the creek and had a very fun time.

Oh! And I washed my car! BlueBelle hasn’t had a bath in a very long time. She looks so much better now.

I’m sure I did other stuff too, but really, who cares? My life is so boring, I’m even putting myself to sleep. Sorry about that.

Hopefully, it won’t stay boring too much longer, because The Month of Mel begins in 3 days….

Are. You. Ready?