T-Minus 4 weeks


BITE ME! will be on the shelves 4 weeks from tomorrow.

Can you freaking believe it? I can’t.

It’s been a long time coming. I sold the book to HarperCollins in 2.5million years ago– January 2007. One thing about this business, every publisher moves at a different pace, and to the author, it always feels slow.

Explaining that I sold the book but it’s not on the shelves yet has become second nature to me. Kinda like saying hello. I’ve had people ask, “Are you sure you’re published?” And I would say, “I’ve sold the book, it will be published and on the shelves summer 2009.”

I can’t wait to celebrate. We’re having a huge party Sunday August 2nd. If you’re in Little Rock or can make it here, you’re cordially invited. Email me: tellmel@melissafrancis.net if you’re interested in details. I can’t believe I’ll be signing books soon. My very own book. The one I wrote. The one with my name on the cover. Yup. That one.

4 weeks from tomorrow, little Melissa McKenzie (now Francis) from Bryant, Arkansas, is going to have her first book available for purchase. Who’d a thunk it?

DO NOT PASS GO

DO NOT COLLECT $200

Not until you run out and buy this book!!

Today is release day for debut author and my BFF, Maria Geraci. Run don’t walk to your local bookstore or just click here and order. (2 copies would be best. You know, so you can share.)

“BUNCO BABES TELL ALL is a steamy romp of a read whose lively characters kept me turning the pages.” Haywood Smith, NYTimes Bestselling Author

Meet the Bunco Babes of Whispering Bay. Every Thursday night they roll dice, drink frozen margaritas, and catch up on all the gossip in their small north Florida town. Kitty Burke is the only Bunco Babe who is still single—which is okay—but she’s thirty-five and may need to face that her image of Mr. Right is all wrong.

Take Steve. Very sexy—but on paper, with three failed marriages and a shady career, maybe not great husband material. And yes, his ring tone is “Freebird.” Certainly fellow Babes Shea Masterson and Pilar Diaz-Rothman vote thumbs down. But maybe there’s more to Steve than meets the eye? Is it time for Kitty to take a chance and hope that she can be as lucky in love as she is in Bunco?

Now being one of the lucky few, I’ve read this book. It’s laugh-out-loud funny. You don’t have to play Bunco or even know what Bunco is to enjoy this book. (I didn’t at the time. Now, however, I have been fully assimilated into a group.) Buy this book. You won’t regret it.*

*you may or may not regret it if you don’t buy this book. I’m not saying I will bust up your kneecaps or anything, but I do have a very heavy bat and I was once the queen of home runs. But don’t worry. You won’t see it coming.**

**I kid! I kid!***

***Or do I?

erm

3:30 came very early today.

That is all.

Okay, maybe that’s not all…

So I’m working on revisions for LOVE SUCKS! (see 3:30 rise time. Somehow I gotta fit in real job and dream job all in one day.) During this process I’ve discovered that the music I wrote the book to is not necessarily the music I can listen to while I revise. Curious, yes?

Anyway, my revision mood has been a much more laid back, less angsty sound than my writing mood. Joshua Radin, John Waite, Landon Pigg, and some old school stuff like Boston, Abba (shut up!) Hall & Oates… Totally eclectic mix.

Another artist that I’ve discovered over the past few months (I love Pandora radio!) is Matt Nathanson. I adore his voice. And this song is one of my new faves off his album. (It doesn’t hurt that he’s pretty damn easy to look at…) If you like the song, you’ll like the whole CD. He’s definitely a ‘Must Buy’

Thanks is not enough

It’s bizarre.

I sold BITE ME! January, 2007. I’ve waited and waited and waited for the day it will hit the shelves.

Yesterday, BITE ME! was finally available for pre-order. Like a good little author, I laid on my back and whored myself out proper. (apparently, I’m a blog tramp)

And you guys responded.

I don’t know how to thank you. Every time I sit down to write this blog, to write a proper thank you note, I freeze. You guys were awesome yesterday. You ordered my book, you spread the word (much like I spread my legs), you gave me what I needed and for some reason I can’t find the right words to express my appreciation. (I’m supposed to be a writer, so this is a little unusual for me)

So let me just say, Thank You.

Those words aren’t enough and I know it. But they’re definitely a start. I told a friend of mine last night that I didn’t know how to respond to such an outpouring of support and his response? “You deserve it.”

As simple as that.

Whether I deserve it or not, that was really nice to hear. And all the private emails, facebook comments, cheering and sparkling were overwhelmingly heart-warming.

I love writing and I love this series. And I love the fact that many of you have enough faith in me to buy my first book.

Do I deserve it? No. Not really. Do I appreciate it? Absofuckinglutely. Y’all are amazing. I am humbled. I don’t do humble, so give me a minute to recover, mmmkay?

And tomorrow, I will resume regularly scheduled unserious blogging. The topic is a google phrase: “Teach My Ass Melissa”

I give you this teaser free of charge. You’re welcome.

Dear Person from Germany who googled Teach my ass Melissa,
I’m going to need a little bit of direction.

BITE ME! available for PRE-ORDER

I’m about to fulfill my label as a Blog Tramp and pimp myself like a $2 whore.

Buy now: Pay later!

For the bargain basement price of $8.99, you can buy yourself a copy of BITE ME! It’s a great deal, especially when you realize you won’t be paying until it ships in August!

Also, if you buy 3 or more copies (big strong hint) you’ll be qualified for free shipping. Now that’s a deal!!!

So don’t wait! Order your copy(ies) of BITE ME! today!

Oh, and feel free to spread the word…
——————

Okay, now that I have today’s (self) whoring out of the way, I’d now like to whore myself out for my BFF and Critique Partner, Maria Geraci. Her first book BUNCO BABES TELL ALL comes out May 5, 2009. Today, she’s guest blogging over at The Knight Agency blog (check after 8:30 AM). Her new website is up and running and she’s offering a $25 gift certificate to Victoria’s Secret as a contest prize! Check out her blog over at TKA and check out her beautiful new website. And don’t forget to pre-order BUNCO BABES TELL ALL if you haven’t already.

music, music

Okay, so my friend sent me 3 million 46 Bruce Springsteen songs and I’ve listened to them all and can honestly say, I really love most of what I heard. (But don’t tell him that, because he was being mean to me and I’m pouting now and will not admit to him that I like any of the songs because he should be punished) There are several songs that will become instant ‘replay’ songs for me. (If I actually liked them, which I don’t.) There are very few songs that he sent that I didn’t like. (I didn’t like any of them. I mean it. For real.)Actually most I really liked…loved even. (that’s a lie. A total fabrication.) Some of them I really got. Like with chill bumps and throat lumps and heart thumps. (again, I’m lying. Don’t know where that came from at all. Obviously, I do write fiction, because I’m making all that up.)

I love discovering new music that I totally get. Especially unexpected music. I never imagined I would ever respond to Bruce Springsteen that way. (which I didn’t) Ever. So it was a nice surprise that I felt a physical reaction to some of his songs. (physical as in stomach pain? that must be what I mean.)

Still…nothing gets me like Staind. And I had been wanting the new Staind CD for months…so I finally ordered it as my first reward CD for losing weight.

Holy shit I love this CD. Honestly, it amazes me how this band can put words to music and just affect me the way they do. Heart racing, eyes tearing, breath catching…all of it. I love this CD. I love it with a thousand ♥. I can honestly say this is my favorite band ever. Now I must see them live. I already loved 2 songs from this CD, Believe and All I Want…and now, even though I love the whole CD, there’s another song that will rival Please and It’s Been Awhile from their older stuff…Tangled Up In You. Wow. I totally love this song. Makes my heart hurt a little.

Am I the only one who is affected by music this way?

Here’s the song…just listen, the video is just the album cover, so you don’t really have to watch. Just listen. Seriously, I ♥ this song. I ♥ Staind. And I ♥ Bruce Springsteen. (I’m lying) Who knew I had it in me?

I’m also at Fictionistas today talking about people who deserve to be tasered on the spot. Stop by!

Oh, and I went to the gym at 5:00 AM this morning. Yes, it’s true. I really did.

Dear Southern Grocers (especially Walmart)

Change is sometimes difficult to deal with. Even though I’m a huge proponent of change, I understand that sometimes it’s hard to adjust to. Especially in the business world.

Sometimes attitude makes all the difference. I realize that the south is oftentimes resistant to new things. Once we get comfortable, we start spouting off things like ‘Why fix what ain’t broke?’ and ‘Change is for the parkin‘ meter.’

I need you to listen to this southern girl. This Global Warming thing is real. You can try to blame Al Gore and chalk it up to a bunch of ‘liberal hooey’ but that doesn’t change the truth. The reason your corporate offices are selling ‘Reusable Grocery Bags’ is because they realize that those awful plastic bags are a huge contributor to Al Gore’s mess this problem.

This shopper actually loves her reusable bags. (I HATE the Walmart ones…I love the Kroger ones) I would love them even more if you, the southern grocers, would train your associates on how to efficiently bag groceries in the reusable bags. I understand that here in Little Rock, there are only about 5 of us who use them, but I promise, if your associates change their attitude and become more efficient, that will change.

Yesterday I was at the Bryant Walmart with my mother. My checkout associate was really nice. She was older and had obviously never had anyone use the reusable bags before. (I’m quite sure Bryant, AR will be the last place on earth to convert to the reusable bags.)She was almost confused when I handed the bags to her. She fumbled her way through, mumbling under her breath the whole time. I don’t think she was intending to be rude, but it came across that I was inconveniencing her. Last week, the associate was downright rude to me. She rolled her eyes when I handed her my bags. That is unacceptable.

Honestly? Their attitude is your fault because you haven’t trained them properly. When I was in Florida this summer, I watched in absolute AWE as the Publix associates were almost joyful when they were handed the reusable bags. And talk about efficient? It was amazing. I wish Publix would come to Arkansas. I would never go to Kroger or Walmart again.

I use 6-8 grocery bags for my weekly groceries, as opposed the 30-40 plastic bags. I wish we’d go to a completely ‘plastic-bag free’ environment, but I know, at least in Arkansas, we’re a long way away from that. I’m still using my reusable bags and I need you guys to do a better job in welcoming my choice. Don’t make me feel like I’m inconveniencing you. Because I promise, one day, there will be another grocery option here–and I’ll take my business to them faster than kudzu spreads.

peppermint flavored aweome

This plus coffee makes me a happy girl in the morning.

My husband? Not so much today. I wish I could mix him with some peppermint mocha and make him awesome flavored. Right now he’s annoying flavored.

I think he just enjoys irritating me in the mornings. Actually, I think he enjoys irritating everyone in the family. It’s like he wakes up thinking “What is the one thing I can do to each of the members of the family in the next five minutes that will make them want to stab me in the eye.” And then he does whatever thing his warped brain thinks of.

He better be glad I don’t have a sharp utensil in my hand or else I would totally stab him in the eye.