2 kids and a couple of pantsizes later and still going strong.
This planning ahead thing is a fairly new concept for me.
The fam and I are headed to sunny Florida in two weeks. Since we’ll be gone for 11 days, the Fishdog and I have decided it might be prudent to start planning now.
So yesterday at lunch, we began to plan by making lists. Now, I’ve never been a list maker. I’m more of an organic, go-with-the-flow kinda gal. List making has always been too structured for me. You MUST complete this list or you have failed! Aaaagh! That goes against my go-with-the-flow nature!
But, I’m glad we made a list, cuz I see Fishdog has a lot to do before we leave.
I really can’t wait to head out. We’re going to Tallahassee for a couple of days to visit the Geraci
Clan. Then we’re headed down to Orlando to do the Disney/Universal Stuidos thing for a few days. We’re meeting my parents and my brother and his family there. We’ve rented a big house with a pool, so it should be a lot of fun. (with the help of a fermented beverage or two. That is a lot of family in one space…)
Rader hasn’t been to Disney yet. He’s 9, so it should be just about right for him to truly enjoy the rides. I’m excited about riding the Incredible Hulk Coaster with Rader. Totally stoked. Ian likes coasters, but he’s not fond of upside down…I prefer upside down over long drops. The Incredible Hulk Coaster has 7 inversions. Awesome.
After our Orlando stint, we’re traveling to the coast for a day or two. Ahhhh, the beach. I’ll get to see my friend and now my face crack dealer, Angie, and her sweet six month old baby. And if it all works out, I’ll get to meet Mr. Angie.
Then it’s home again. Fishdog will be busy with laundry on Sunday while I rest. Laying out on the beach can be exhausting!
I’m not exactly sure what intellectual fat is, but apparently my youngest son has it. He said it’s the stuff right under his eyes.
Intellectual fat sounds pretty special. I decided right then and there if I was gonna be fat, I should most definitely be intellectually fat.
What purpose does intellectual fat serve?
Let’s explore.
First off, if intellectual fat is only located beneath your eyes, then I think its purpose is obvious. According to Fishdog, skinny people don’t have intellectual fat. That’s what they get for being skinny. So when they age, they get wrinkled. Those of us intellectually fat folks will not wrinkle and therefore we will look better than the skinnies. Intellectually fat folks age like fine wine. Fishdog says they all just need to eat a sandwich so they can get curvy like his hot mama. (or his hot TWFKAM).
Now, if intellectual fat can be located in other spots, then we must investigate.
Consider the possibility that intellectual fat could be located around the brain. Does that serve as a natural helmet for those who refuse to wear one? Or does it feed the brain to make intellectually superior people? I’m gonna go with #2 because frankly, people who refuse to wear a helmet can’t possibly have any intellectual fat anywhere in their system.
If intellectual fat is around the ass, then is that really very intellectual? What purpose does the intellectually fat ass serve? I suspect that’s where mine has landed–maybe if I sit on it a while, the reason will come to me.
Today’s my beloved’s bday.
We’re gonna spend it eating pizza, drinking beer, and going to the movies. Then we’ll come home and have more beer and probably watch more movies.
And maybe I’ll kick his ass later when we fire up the Unreal Tournament.
Should be a good time.
Everyone pop over and wish the Fishdog a happy day.
My eldest son is 12.
He was born almost 4 weeks early and weighed a mere 5lbs 6oz. We lovingly called him the tree frog for the first year of his life.
Tonight, Fishdog took him to buy shoes. He’s wearing a size 10.
a 1o!
Fishdog wears a 10 1/2 and his twelve year old son is in a 10????
Where did my baby go?
Now, don’t get me wrong…I don’t want another baby. I’d rather eat glass than be pregnant again. Or breast feed. Or change another diaper. Yeah, I was not one of those “I love pregnancy” women. (personally, I think those women have been brainwashed by aliens…but that’s another blog) And age and gravity are doing a fantastic job of ruining my breasts on their own without the assistance of a greedy mouth tugging them downward at an even greater rate of speed. And changing one or two diapers a year is fine…but if I did that with my own kid, I think I would get into a little trouble.
More often than not, I’m ready to pass go, collect my $200, and skip adolscence completely.
But I have to say, seeing my son in a size 1o shoe broke my heart a little. Sniff. He’s not my little tree frog anymore. Well, he is–he’s my tree frog with canoes for feet.
If you read this blog with anything resembling regularity, you are familiar with my youngest son.
Rader is his biggest fan. He cracks himself up on a daily basis. Rarely can he go five minutes without giggling over something he just thought of.
Sense of humor runs deep in our family.
Many of you will remember my blog from last year where he apologized to his teacher by creating her a masterpiece. He drew a donkey and at the head he put “this is you” and at the rear he wrote “and this is what I’ve been”. Yes, my 8 year old called himself an ass to his teacher, in writing, and got away with it.
Because the child is just funny.
Last night he was working on a project for his Insights class. They are currently studying Native Americans and he is doing a project on food.
He decided to use a Buffalo and label all the parts and then he’ll explain how the entire animal will be used. Nothing went to waste.
So he drew a sketch of the Buffalo and labeled it last night. And I just have to share it with you.
Click on it to get the full effect.
Yes, the buffalo has a goatee and tail fluff. I’m very curious to see his explanation on exactly how those parts didn’t go to waste…and I’m not even gonna touch the fact that I was clueless about the location of the buffalo’s abdomen.
BTW: when he showed me the picture, he was cracking up waiting for me to notice the “go-tee”.
Last night, Rader and I made three batches of brownies. We’re mailing two batches to the lads in Nebraska and we kept one for ourselves.
He was very excited about cooking. He read the directions on the back of the box and gathered the ingredients.
Rader: 1/3 cup of water and 1/3 cup of oil and 1 egg.
Me: Very good. Now, if we’re making three boxes how much oil and water do we need.
Rader: Three thirds.
Me: Right. But, is that really a measurement we use? What does three thirds cups equal.
He thought about it for a second then smiled.
Rader: That’s one cup!
Me: Excellent!
He was proud he figured that out…as he should be. Then he got to the most important part of baking…
Rader: Mom? Can I wear an apron?
Of course you can!
I tried to get Ian involved. Hell, it was his idea to cook the lads brownies in the first place…but he was too busy on the computer chatting with his girlfriend. I guess he has his priorities…
I came home last night to both boys sitting at the dining room table doing their homework. No TV. No fighting. No farting around. (probably, there was farting, just not farting around)
My heart swelled. The planets aligned. The heavens opened up and angels sang.
This morning, Rader was struggling to get out of bed. Since he’s not much of a morning person (like his momma) I decided to help him out so he would make the bus. I picked up his assignment book and homework and placed them in his backpack.
I realized his composition notebook was in the backpack. This was the first assignment he failed to do last week so I thought, just in case, I might want to double check that he didn’t have an assignment.
Guess what?
We’re still here working on his one paragraph assignment…
So, it seems we made some progress in the homework department, just not enough. He did not get a reintroduction to Woody because that would’ve worked against us this morning. He did, however, get reintroduced to The Wrath of Fishdog. Let me tell you, that ain’t pretty.
On a good note, Ian seems to be doing very well this year. I’m very proud of him. He has really matured some, although, he still acts like a 6 year old around his brother. But that’s okay. I discovered with the lads that boys don’t really seem to ever out grow that.
I heard from Simon last night. He’s supposed to send me pics this weekend of he and his mates out on the town. I can’t wait to see him in his element. I miss his cheeky smile.
Simon with my friendAudrey
Audrey, Grant, Me
Last night’s walk was sponsored by thunder, lightning, stuffed shorts, and a wooden spoon.
Fishdog took Ian to buy new running shoes. He’s going to start cross-country training this week, after we get his physical. That’ll be a great experience for him, I’m sure.
Rader tried to pull the old “I don’t have any homework” trick. I knew something was up when he took his backpack to his room. He NEVER takes his backpack to his room. Every day, I pick it up from the middle of the kitchen floor and yell, “Not where it belongs!” So, when Rader picked up his backpack voluntarily, took it to his room and put it in his closet, I knew something was up.
I marched back there and looked through it. He had 3 sheets of homework. The boy learned nothing last week.
I called him into the room, asked him about the homework calmly…no yelling at all…honestly, you should be proud. After he answered me, I said, “I’ll be right back.”
Walked into the kitchen, picked up Woody, (a wooden spoon) and went back to Rader’s room. He was waiting, wide-eyed and worried.
“Bend over the bed, please.”
He does without any argument. I’m thinking, this is good. He’s not fighting it. I’m handling this the right way. I am getting through! I am mother of the year!
Apparently, he anticipated that I might be getting Woody (which is funny, because he’s only been spanked by Woody one other time. I’m not a big spanker) Anyway, he had shoved several pairs of shorts into his shorts, hoping I wouldn’t notice the extra padding.
I noticed. I removed said padding and he got 4 licks. One for each page of homework he didn’t do and one for lying.
BTW, he did his homework in about fifteen minutes and it was all correct. Why do they insist on being so stupid sometimes? Not only did he get reaquainted with Woody last night, but now he’s grounded again from electronics except for the radio. Seriously, I heart boys, but sometimes I wonder how they manage to make it to 30 years old.
So, after the beating, I decided to walk for a while. It was nice outside. Not too hot and the wind was blowing. It was thundering in the distance. I decided to stay in the neighborhood because I didn’t want to get too far away and be struck by lightning.
I made 2 laps around our half-mile circle before the lightning had made it to our area. I had planned to walk for 3 laps. Since I didn’t get to do that, I came in and had a whisky instead.
This is the 2nd week of school and I’ve already gotten a call from the teacher. It seems Rader is testing his limits…seeing if Ms. Teacher will call his bluff.
She did.
And he missed recess because of it. haha. That’s what he gets. He didn’t turn in his homework twice this week. Wait. Let me amend that. He didn’t do his homework twice this week. Twice.
What the hell is wrong with that boy?
He wanted to see if he could charm his new teacher. He can’t. He’s really sorry about that too, as you can imagine. Oh well, no tv for a while isn’t gonna kill him. Neither will doing
his brothers’ chores. Punishment’s a bitch…
And so is Rader’s momma.
Bitchin' Fiction: Musings by author Melissa McKenzie / Melissa Francis 