tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow…

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Because it’s OPENING DAY AT OAKLAWN!

Me and my girls are gonna go see the ponies run, like we do every year on opening day. Pictures to follow next week. I can’t wait!

if you wann read about previous trips, and see pics of me with Hot Springs’ very own version of Huggy Bear, click the “oaklawn” label at the bottom of this post and enjoy!

not so bright…

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Yup… Me, too.

NBC has made some stupid programming decisions over the years. (Keeping ER on the air for 110 years, being one of them.) But putting Jay Leno on at 9 o’clock every night? That was the dumbest of all dumb ideas.

Or so I thought.

Now they want to move Jay back to the 11:30 EST slot and move the TONIGHT Show w/ Conan to the 12:05 EST slot. HUH?

Let’s first address the stupidity of airing the TONIGHT Show at 12:05 AM. It’s no longer the TONIGHT Show if it’s morning.

Then let’s discuss the fact that if it were any other failing show, they would just CANCEL it. God knows they don’t give a show a chance to establish a following. (Studio 60 anyone?) So cancel Jay. Or move him behind Conan. Or just CANCEL HIM. Because seriously, that is the lamest show ever.

So Conan has written a letter saying he’s not going to follow Jay at 12:05.

Here’s an excerpt:

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

You go, boy. I’m behind you 110%. Wherever you go, I will follow.

a pet peeve

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A 4 year old boy in Texas has been serving in school suspension since November because he has long hair. (video here)

This is a public school. THIS is your tax dollars at work.

Honestly, what is the big, damn deal? A boy has long hair. Wow. That’s scary stuff. Alert the media! (done) Are they making the girls with long hair do the same thing as this boy?

No? Well how very double-standard of you, Texas.

Why would they ostracize this child for having long hair? I thought a school’s job was to educate, not humilate.

This is a hot button for me. Both of my boys have grown their hair out at one time or another. The youngest one is currently working toward a goal of growing it out until he’s in 9th grade. Years ago, when we lived in Oxford, my oldest son was in 5th grade. He was growing his hair out. His teacher didn’t like it. She pulled him in front of the class, stuck his bangs up on top of his head in a ponytail ala Pebbles and humilated him in front of the class. Her excuse was that he was too busy messing with his hair and wasn’t focusing on his test. I told her those are natural consequences…she had no right to lay a hand on my child’s hair.

And unless she was doing the same thing to every girl who had long hair, who chewed on, twirled, or messed with her hair, then she was just being a bully.

We removed him from that class. That was a long time ago…I’m still bitter about it.

The school districts need to stop focusing on stupid stuff like boys with long hair and start focusing on education. REAL education. Hair is not a big damn deal and doesn’t interfere with learning. Removing a 4 year old from class to punish him for having long hair is teaching him something all right…I’m just not sure that’s the lesson he should be learning.

The Bachelor Drinking Game

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Any of these phrases = 1 shot

Nice guys finish last
Future husband
Future wife
Best Date Ever
Freaking out
You look amazing
Any catty remark about boobs or coochie
ETA: TEARS!

Every time Jake takes his shirt off:
2 shots

For every flight/pilot/airplane/landing strip, etc euphemism:
3 shots

a good way to start the week

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From the Universe:

Thanks, Melissa, for every single time you ever fell in love.

Whether or not it was obvious. Whether or not it lasted. And whether or
not you were loved back.

It changed everything.

You changer,
The Universe

This was the perfect note to start off this week. Dont ya think? Happy Monday, folks. I’m gonna be blogging at Fictionistas today, but it’ll be a little while…got work to do first!

let it no, let it no, let it no!

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There’s no typo in that title. Nope. Not at all. After all the “snow” hype all week long; after braving the snowstorm crowd at Kroger last night (I needed beer. Can’t get ‘snowed’ in without beer) After getting my hopes up that maybe–JUST MAYBE–we’d actually see some of the white stuff…

I woke up to nothing.

Nada.

Zip. Zero. Zilch.

Monday’s sad little snow was actually a blizzard compared to what we woke to today.

All we have is cold. Bitter, windy, subzero cold.

If it’s gonna be this cold, there should at least be some snow on the ground.

Oh wait! There is! about 30 minutes north of us they got snow. And to the east of us. But our little section of central Arkansas was robbed!

Even Oxford, MS got snow! We never got snow when I lived there.

So it must be me. The snow avoids me. Fine. Be that way. I’ll move somewhere tropical then.

I know some of y’all are snowed in and sick of the stuff. Hell, there’s one city in New York that has 55 inches of snow! (that’s a bit much for me.) But since we rarely ever see powder, we really want it when it’s predicted. That’s okay. We’ll get some eventually. After I move to the Keys I’m sure…

reginerating brain cells

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We only thought we were cold at the Liberty Bowl.

It’s freezing in Central Arkansas right now, with no relief in sight for a few days. and we have another possiblity of sleet/snow, but I’m a little skeptical. Mainly because I want it to happen so badly, that I know it won’t.

Here’s hoping for a big blanket-of-snow surprise tomorrow.

I have a headache today and I can’t seem to shake it. Not sure if it’s the weather or just my state of mind. Even the miracle cure of BC Powder and a Coke Zero didn’t work. I think my brain cells are punishing me for making them watch The Bachelor: On the BOOBS of Love and Conveyor Belt of Love on Monday night.

And then yesterday, I topped it off with a couple of episodes of Jersey Shore–because I just wasn’t feeling stupid enough.

Here’s a fun little spoof of Jersey Shore that is sadly, quite accurate. This is NSFW and not safe for anyone under 17. You have been warned.

The Bachelor: BOOBS of Love

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I wasn’t going to do it. I wasn’t going to watch the Train Wreck Plane Crash that is The Bachelor: BOOBS Wings of Love. But between Maria Geraci and @jennchristman, I kinda had no choice.

And you’re in luck, because I tweeted the whole show. I won’t share all my tweets, just some of my faves.

18:58 I’ve been instructed by @jennchristman that I will be watching The
Bachelor. Since Heroes is dead to me & HIMYM is a rerun, I guess she’s rt

19:09 DEAR ABC: ON THE WINGS OF LOVE? REALLY? yes, that’s so bad, it
deserves all-caps. Shame on u for topping the cheese mtn w/ cheese whiz.

Jake is a pilot. He is very easy on the eyes and thankfully he goes without a shirt a lot. Unthankfully, every ho-testant has decided to offer up awesome plane euphemisms. (“I wanna be your co-pilot in life.” “You can land on my landing strip any time.”) No, I’m not kidding. This may be the best season yet.

19:21 vienna is not only a small sausage. She’s also on The Bachelor. She can’t walk in high heels & has ‘Mommy/Daughter’ days w/ her dog.

19:33 Rozlyn with a “z”… “My name means little rose. Fasten seatbelt/ bumpy ride.” Yes, She said that. She’s excluded frm Chicken Cutlet nt.

20:29 what kinda name is Tenley?

Okay, there is also a chick named Gia. So, these very special ho-testants have very unique names. Vienna is now known as Small Stinky Sausage Girl. Tenley is now Tetley Tea. I call Gia, Gigli.

Also, there was lots of gymnastics on the beach in bikinis. It must be a requirement for the show now.

19:43 I believe their bra sizes are all larger than their IQs. @jaciburton @cambriadillon @maureenmcgowan

19:44 they all have one thing in common: BOOBS.

20:29 The “biggest thing is, have fun” I thought the biggest thing were their BOOBS

Yes, this is why the show is no longer called Wings of Love.

20:30 Sausage (aka Vienna) is killing me with her “omgomgomg my heart is beating!”

20:33 OMG. There it is! The LANDING STRIP QUOTE! I HEARD IT!

20:37 SHE IS NOT WEARING A FLIGHT ATTENDANT UNIFORM! I love her the best.

20:37 This is Ella: Hi. I’m southern. I do hair (Hay-yer) and I have a kid. But I’ll be your babymaker!

20:41 PRETEND FIANCE? PRETEND FIANCE? Oh. Oh. Oh….that’s awesome.

Yes, Small Stinky Sausage Girl pretended to fall, then tried to play it off, then did the swooning girl thing. Though it may not have been a pretend fall, we did see her stumble in heels at the beginning of the show, just before she did a handstand.

Ella had on a pretty dress, but her southern accent was too BLUSH AND BASHFUL for me.

And I don’t even know the chick’s name who had a pretend fiance, gave him the ring and said “I’m ready to make it real now.” WHO DOES THIS?

20:50 Tetley Tea just called herself a cuddlebug & asked for a kiss. but she didn’t go in & actually give him a kiss. she kinda chickenlipped him

20:51 O.M.G. is he giving Tetley Tea the first impression rose?

20:52 u were very memorable…he says. Why because she’s named after a teabag?

20:53 he obviously doesn’t know the difference b/t “kiss” and “chickenlip”

I don’t even have to explain the above.

And now for the Rose Ceremony:

20:55 Rose ceremony. HAY-YER just got her rose. She is so Graytfuyul

20:56 just once, I’d like a ho to say “No. I don’t want yo rose.” But this isn’t “Flava of Rose”

20:56 did landing strip get rejected? Dood.

20:57 he cut the landing strip and co-pilot girl. and girl in ugly green dress w/ gap b/t her teeth.

20:58 cry ugly green dress girl! CRY! it’s heartbreaking after 4 hours, isn’t it, hon?

20:58 Poor girl with short hair. She’s never watched the show. Short hair girls don’t win. Best to get cut now.

Jake has very little substance. I think ABC needs to capitalize on his hot bod and start a marketing campaign: The Bachelor: SHUT UP JAKE AND TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF.

I’m not sure I can watch this every week, especially since I tuned in and watched CONVEYOR BELT OF LOVE afterward. No I’m not kidding. There is not enough booze in the world to survive that morsel of pain.