Tag Archives: chatter

achieving MILF status the SMART way

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Everyone knows one of my goals in life is to be Stifler’s Mom aka a MILF.

Last night, I was asked how I would know when I reached MILF status and I said, “I don’t have a clue, but surely I’ll get there.”

His response: “You need SMART goals for your MILF ambitions.”

WTF? SMART goals?

Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time-bound

Okay, that’s just a little too sciencey for me and my goal of becoming a cougar. So I said, “That’s so sciencey. Can’t I just know when I get there?”

“How will you know? When one of your kids’ friends slaps you on the tushy?” (and yes, he said tushy. I thought about changing it to ass but decided to leave it in there because that’s funny as shit.)

LMAO. Yes, that’s exactly how I will know. Or when I read a text message that says, “Dude, your mom is hot.”

Instant MILF.

But his suggestion got me to thinking, is there a way to develop Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound goals for becoming a MILF?

C’mon gang! Let’s explore!

  • Specific: Well, that’s easy. I wanna be a MILF. I’m already the equivalent of a naughty librarian which is hot, but not my ultimate goal. So there’s the specific. Or does he mean I need to achieve specific objectives in order to become a MILF? See? too Sciencey. Dammit. Can you guys give me some specific objectives? I’m all out of ideas.
  • Measurable: Um. Is there a certain number of teenage boys that need to be lured by my siren song before it counts? I’m not really sure how to measure this.
  • Achievable: Yes. (LOL that’s funny. I just made myself snort)
  • Realistic: Again, Yes. (see above comment about snorting)
  • Time-bound: ASAP. Okay, well theoretically, I’ve got time. I have 2 sons. So if I can’t achieve MILFiness in 4 years, I have another 4 to try. But my guess is I will achieve much sooner than that. Because really? As stated, I’m already a Naughty Librarian. Surely MILF isn’t that far away.

So what do you think? Is it possible to apply science to such an unscientific goal? Is there such a thing as over-thinking?(yes)

How do you think I’ll know when I’ve achieved MILF. Will I ever know?

Taking bets now–will I EVER make it to MILF?

conversations

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I love blogging. I always try to do it first thing in the morning, before I’ve had time to really wake up. I blog about whatever pops into my head and I rarely preplan. Preplanning makes it feel more like an essay and less like a conversation.

(though I will admit to preplanning for tomorrow. I have a busy day and wasn’t sure if I’d be able to fit it all in! And I hate missing Monday blogs.)

Blogging really fulfills the social butterfly part of my life. I need communication, attention (surprised?), stimulation, and challenges. And laughter. I need a lot of laughter. And sometimes, I crack myself up and I have to tell someone who will appreciate it.

So I tell the Universe. Cuz surely someone out there gets me.

That’s actually a pretty cool feeling. Knowing that no matter what I say, someone out there will get it. They’ll relate to it, laugh at it, shake their head…whatever. They’ll get it. They’ll get me. And this will keep me from having Schizophrenic Conversations inside my own head. šŸ™‚ (I bet I could work a Staind song into every blog post if I wanted to. LOL)

Some people think of blogging as a marketing tool–they don’t enjoy it. They do it because they want to promote their work. Even if I had nothing to promote, I think I would keep blogging. It keeps my mind mostly clutter free. (Okay, that’s not true, but maybe one day it will be).

things that make me happy

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The holidays are always full of cheer, but I decided to make a list of things that make me happy year around. In no particular order:

  • Hot coffee first thing in the morning.
  • ABBA, Bee Gees, and Donna Summer
  • Dragonflies
  • My boys’ goofy laughs
  • Fishdog’s sense of humor.
  • The number 897
  • Phone calls from my BFFs
  • Emails from long-lost friends
  • Ruby (see picture. How could that face not make you happy?)
  • Boston Legal (Why is this the last season??), Patrick Jane, How I Met Your Mother
  • Maker’s Mark
  • Diamond Bear Beer
  • The Beach
  • The smell of fresh honeysuckle, new money, and puppy breath.
  • Dirty Dancing (the movie, not the activity. Though I don’t mind a good dirty dance every once in a while.) The Replacements, American President, Robin Hood Men in Tights.

Of course, that’s not a complete list, but it’s a good start. What about you? What can you think of, turn on, or look at that instantly lifts your spirits?

Writing update:
Yesterday was a writing bust because I spent the majority of the day deciphering my son’s microscopic handwriting and then last night, I taught him how to properly edit his research paper. I was cross-eyed by the time it was over. Today will be a different story.

Thursday, Nov 20th: Chat with Jonathan Friesen

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Jonathan Friesen is making a splash on the YA scene with his debut novel, JERK, CALIFORNIA (Penguin/Speak, September 2008). The Minnesota native will be stopping by TKA’s chat room this Thursday, November 20th @ 9pm ET to share his experiences as a first-time writer.

Though the book is fictional, Jonathan shares an important characteristic with his main protagonist, Sam Carrier. They both have Tourette Syndrome. In JERK, CALIFORNIA, Jonathan pulls from his own painful journey to self-acceptance in order to craft a life-altering tale that both motivates and inspires.

A school teacher for 14 years, Jonathan is now a full-time writer; he also heads up a writing program targeted specifically at gifted young writers and speaks about Tourette Syndrome to groups around the globe.

“Sam and his story are quixotic in the best possible way: he is a good-hearted dreamer trying to do right by his dulcinea. Debut author Friesen has Tourette syndrome, and he brings complexity and nuance to Sam’s struggle for understanding and self-acceptance. The pacing is leisurely, but like any good road story, there are enough corners and bends to keep readers eagerly anticipating what lies ahead at the journey’s end.” — Booklist

WHAT: Chat with Jonathan Friesen , Author of JERK, CALIFORNIA
WHEN: Thursday, November 20th @ 9pm ET
HOW TO CHAT: Click Here: TKA CHAT ROOM Enter a username and password. Login.

conversations with a head cold

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*blowing nose*

Me: Hmmm, I need to write.

My head: Whateber. You need to sleeb.

Me: I don’t want to sleep anymore. I slept yesterday. A lot. And I feel better today.

My head: Think about how much bedder you’ll feel tomorrow if you sleeb more today.

Me: I’m on deadline.

My head: Yeah, but you may have to start ober anyway because of your computer mess.

Me: Are you trying to drive me to the bottle at 8:30 in the morning?

My head: Would drinking helb you sleeb? Then yes.

sheer restraint. the girl is a will-powerhouse!

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I managed to deny myself the tantalizing, corny, chili-cheesy goodness of another bag. That’s right, hat-trick DENIED. I’m the best damn keeper in the Frito wars this world has ever known. The force is strong in this one…

So guess what I’m doing tomorrow?

Do you give up?

I can give you a hint…I will NOT be eating 2 or 3 bags of Chili-Cheese Fritos.

I will, however, be flying to Pittsburgh, PA, catching a ride to Steubenville, OH, and picking up a car that I will then spend the next 2 days driving home to Little Rock. The bossman needed someone to handle this task and I volunteered. Yes, I would rather spend a day in the airport and 13 hours in the car than sit at the front desk. I get paid…so really, it’s all good. I have loaded some awesome books on my iPod, will carry my laptop for travel blogging and writing, and will enjoy my alone time.

Also, the countdown to my vacation has begun. In exactly 1 month, I will be flying to Tallahassee to have a CP weekend at the beach with Louisa and Maria. I can not wait. I am so ready for that trip now, especially since next week is the RWA Conference atnd this will be the first one I can’t attend in five years.

I haz a sad.

things that bug me

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Yo. ‘Sup? Anything goin’ on I need to know about?

No? Hmmm.

What am I going to blog about today? I have no idea. I think I’ll make a list.

Things that bug me.

  1. Men with mustaches. The 2 exceptions to this rule: Tom Selleck and Sam Elliot If you are not either one of those men, shave the fucking ‘stache. Now.
  2. Bowls left in the sink with either oatmeal or mac and cheese residue. You know, it takes an extra 5 seconds to run water in the bowl. Just do it.
  3. The sound of clipping toenails.
  4. People who clip their toenails anywhere in the house other than the bathroom over the trashcan.
  5. People who clip their toenails at work (it has happened. Trust me.) That is a fireable offense.
  6. Too much cologne. Men and women both fall victim to this travesty. If I can follow your trail of stink, you’re wearing too much. If I can come into the office 5 minutes after you’ve left and identify you by smell, you’re wearing too much.
  7. Burnt coffee.
  8. Frenemies. You’re either my friend, or you’re not.
  9. The size of my ass. Why can’t I just dream it away? Why must I go back to the gym? It’s not fair.
  10. When the toilet paper is facing the wrong way. It should always be under. But don’t worry, I’ll fix it for you when I’m visiting…
  11. People who have no sense of humor.

What bugs you?

use this word more often

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interloper

Pronunciation: \ĖŒin-tər-Ėˆlō-pər, Ėˆin-tər-ĖŒ\
Function: noun
Date: circa 1590
: one that interlopes: as a: an illegal or unlicensed trader b: one that intrudes in a place or sphere of activity

Interloper is a great word and I believe we need to use it more often. So everyone go forth and use interloper at least three times today.

You can start now by posting a sentence in the comments.

Here’s mine:

Kristen started out as an interloper, but her persistence charm eventually won Louisa over.

Gwen is blogging at Fictionistas about her fear of clowns. I haven’t even gone over there beacuse I’m so scared. Click the banner and chime in with your thoughts.
Fictionistas

thanks, y’all

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I really appreciate the love during yesterday’s slight meltdown.

I’m all better now. Promise. It was just bad news at a bad time and now it’s over. We all have shitty days sometimes.

My BIL and his family are going to be here today. (you’ll see him comment as ‘brother joe’ sometimes.) I’m excited. We haven’t seen them in two years. Unfortunately, my house is still a wreck after the British Invasion over the weekend. So, I’m having Fishdog put our slaves kids to work today. Hopefully they won’t be here til sometime tonight. Otherwise, they may rethink their decision to stay with us cuz the house is just this side of Zoo.

Do y’all have big plans for the weekend? We’re headed to the lake on the 5th–staying here for the 4th. Decided it would be better to stay away from the lake crowd on Friday and hit it Saturday. Probably will be just as crowded, but who cares. It’ll stil be fun.

With any luck, next week some of the lads from ‘Team Maumelle’ will be back to run a camp in Bryant. (my hometown) Hopefully we’ll get to see them. Justin said he thought he might get assigned to that camp, which would be awesome. Maybe I’ll get a few more ‘morning’ pictures. šŸ™‚

I know Grant won’t be in Bryant–which is sad for us, but oh well. He’s going for a full-time job here in the states. If he gets it, then we’ll be seeing him more. That’ll be good for us. I miss him when he’s gone. He really is a part of our family.

So, tell me about your plans. What’s going on over the 4th? And to my Canadian friends, did you do anything fun yesterday? Happy Belated Canada Day!

fanatsy island…tell me about your fantasy hero

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Iā€™ve blogged about this before, but I feel like itā€™s time to resurrect one of my favorite topics. The Alpha Male.

I love a bad boy. Always have. Over the years Iā€™ve realized that the bad boy is my fantasyā€¦one that I never wanted as my life partner. Not that Fishdog isnā€™t a bit of a bad boyā€”he totally is. Bald head, long goatee, loud and confident. (all heā€™s missing is an eyebrow piercing and a tattooā€”heā€™s thinking about the tattoo. Donā€™t think Iā€™ll ever convince him to pierce his eyebrow.) Either way, he definitely looks the part. But overall, heā€™s a teddy bear. Heā€™s the perfect guy for me in real life.

But Iā€™m not talking real life today; Iā€™m talking about fantasy world.

I know there are women out there who love to read/watch/fantasize about the ā€˜Betaā€™ hero. As Kwana says ā€œApples and oranges.ā€ I have no problem with a Beta man. In the real world, they make the great partners (for some women). But for me, when Iā€™m indulging in a fantasy, itā€™s all about the attitude. And Betas just donā€™t have what Iā€™m looking for.

Itā€™s not just about a hot body and a pretty face (although, truth be told, that doesnā€™t hurt) itā€™s about mind-set and self-assurance. Shy is cute, but confidence turns me on.

Look at DeAnna on the Bachelorette. Who was she the most attracted to? Graham. He was confident and cocky and very closed off. But his aura was sex-on-a-stick. Was he the right guy for her? Nope. But could she stay away? Nope. The air sizzled when they were together. All that sexual frustration would end up coming outā€”usually in the form of a fight. What they needed was one week all alone without any clothing. They were never going to have a real relationship, but damn they wouldā€™ve had fun getting all that out of their system with some hot, sweaty, monkey-love.

Louisa blogged about this not too long ago. Her question was: how tough is too tough. Well for me, itā€™s not about actually being tough. (Though Iā€™m not opposed to a tough guy). For me, Alpha/Bad-Boy really is all in the attitude. You can be an electrician or an accountant and still be Alpha. Or a snowboarder. Look at Jesse on the Bachelorette. Heā€™s soft spoken and quiet most of the time, but his confidence is off the charts. Itā€™s damn sexyā€¦and it is the reason heā€™s in the final two. But will he be the one she picks? Probably not. Because the thing that draws us to an Alpha is the very thing that makes them a difficult life partnerā€”theyā€™re not easily complemented. DeAnna and Graham butted heads because they were both very Alpha. Sexual tension was so thick between them, but other than that, they were oil and water. Jesse and DeAnna would do the same. Even though he has a bit of both, I think the bad boy in him would be hard to settle down. And that’s what she wants more than anything right now.

But thatā€™s why Alphas make such awesome fantasies, because we donā€™t want to change them, we want to believe weā€™re the perfect complement to them! However, Iā€™m not sure thatā€™s possible in real life.

What do you think? Can a true Alpha make a good real life hero? Or is it that impossible? I think real life heroes are a good mix of Alpha/Beta (would that make them Gamma?) but when I fantasize, I like my men damn near Cro-Magnon. Okay, with smaller foreheads and a better vocabularyā€¦but you get the picture.

Tell me, oh blog readers, what do you think? And guysā€”what about the chicks? Do you like them with confidence or do you prefer them pretty, pliable, and mute? The less expressive the better? Or is that just your fantasy girl? Seriously, Iā€™m curious. What type of girls do guys fantasize about (and Iā€™m not just talking about a nice set of tits).

Go on. Talk amongst yourselves.