Happiest of Hours

We had an impromptu happy hour at the compound yesterday afternoon. It was lovely.

Before the gathering, I soaked up all the vitamin D possible. I pretended I was on a beautiful beach in the Caribbean, being served lovely, strong island beverages by handsome young, shirtless men.

Don’t you wish you were me?




trying something new

When fishdog and I split up, the one thing I lost in the divorce that I really miss is his webmaster abilities. He never really did anything for me in a timely manner, but at least he did his work for free.

Being on a limited income (meaning, I’d rather spend my money on booze, blackjack and hookers) I’ve decided to do the logical thing and point my website toward my wordpress blog…because even a thumbless monkey can manage wordpress.

I’ve updated the site a teensy bit. I plan to start blogging more about my summer adventure toward clean eating and my attempt to add yoga to my regimen Of course, there will still be many shenanigans, some sparkle, lots of wine, women, and wanderlust. I mean, I am kinda awesome, so things aren’t really gonna change that much around here.

I guess this is just kinda like rearranging the living room for a different view.

If you guys have anything you wanna see or talk about, give me a shout!

Otherwise, I’ll see you bitches tomorrow!

if you're sexy and you know it

Made it home.

We had an unexpected death in the family, so El Jefe and I headed off to Georgia for a few days of sadness and celebration.

I enjoyed meeting new members of his family. There were some laughter and good times, despite the very sad circumstances.

I also got to spend some quality time with these fellows every morning…

We returned last night…spent an hour stuck in traffic thanks to construction and morons who can’t drive. Sally Sparkle proved herself to be an excellent road trip car. I foresee more trips for much more fun reasons in the future.

Apparently we’re supposed to get “snow and sleet” today. So far, it’s just cold and rainy, though my favorite local weatherman has promised:

Team coverage of the approaching winter storm on Channel 7 News Midday Arkansas starting at 11:30 #arwx” 

By golly, if Todd Yakoubian says it’s a ‘winter storm’, I’m gonna go buy my bread and booze!

Okay, maybe not. It’s supposed be almost 50 degrees tomorrow. It’s not like this is a real winter storm. Hmph.

Happy Wine Wednesday!

Workout Wednesday…

My days of Wine Wednesdays are gone for now. Do I miss them? Well, sure! I miss hanging with my girls on Wednesdays the most…however, I’m really enjoying my workouts, too. And I love the way my body is responding to regaining its fitness.

Yesterday, I added five 30 second sprints throughout my 30 minute run. I read that adding sprints to your runs will actually help you burn an additional 200 calories. It also increases your endurance without increasing your workout time. Since I’m working 7 days a week and it’s still getting dark too early, I can’t do my once-a-week long endurance walk/run. So I have to try to increase my endurance in the shortest amount of time possible.

I’m super-stoked about doing the 1/2 Marathon again.

I was a little disappointed to discover that recording my abdominal workouts on myfitnesspal.com doesn’t actually give me credit for additional calories burned. Hmph. I think if I do 200+ crunches a night, I’m burning some damn calories.

OH! And I think my elbow is healed enough that I can start BootyCamp again! I’m graduating myself from Beginner BootyCamp to Big Girl BootyCamp! I’m stoked. I just have to use light weights in the beginning so as not to re-injure my arm.

This weekend, we finally got a chance to start moving the storm debris down to the burn pile. Them was some heavy branches, let me just tell ya. We tried to move the branches in the front yard with the tractor, but they wouldn’t budge. Next up…a chainsaw.

This tree in the backyard is probably going to have to be completely removed. Sigh. It was such a pretty tree…

What’s going on in your world? Any fun news? Anyone really that concerned that Beyonce lip-synced at the Inauguration? no? Me either. This is NOT news, people, nor is it important.

Oh yeah: My Bachelor Recap is up at Hey Don’t Judge Me.…Go read the crazy and fill your eyes with Shirtless Sean…

a summary of my activities

I’ve been busy so I’ll just sum up what I’ve been doing with bullet points.

  • Came down with the crud (which I typed as “curd” at first and then spent 10 minutes trying to figure out what the symptoms of having the curd would actually be.)
  • Had a biopsy
  • Took awesome pain meds for the biopsy
  • Enjoyed the hell out of my medication
  • Had weird freaking pain med dreams, one of which included a shoot out between Mannequins. Yes. Mannequins. In a parking deck.
  • Have been spoiling the animals rotten while Jefe has been visiting his family. 
  • Eating a lot of cheese. Mmmm. Cheese.
  • Drinking wine. Possibly I drank some wine while on pain meds before I went to the doctor. Possibly.
  • Cleaned out the laundry room/storage area and put away some boxes that have been cluttering up the living room. 
  • Put up the Pimp Tree in the living room, to replace the boxes because that space seemed too bare.
  • Watched LOVE ACTUALLY twice. I’m such a dork for that movie.
  • Saved LOVE ACTUALLY to the DVR so I can watch it as much as I want this holiday season.

I think that’s about all the highlights. I feel great today…Well, I don’t wanna choke a bitch or stab anyone in the eye, so I’m thinking that means I’m on the mend. Y’all have a great humpday, or wine Wednesday or downhill slide to the weekend or whatever.

Oh…and to the creeper who inboxed my author page asking for a signed photo of me… thank you for noticing my lovely neck and shoulders but EW. No. Me. Gusta. Creepy McCreepypants. Go troll someone else, mmmkay?

Love and all that,

weekend recap

  • There were boys in the house all weekend.
  • It stormed Saturday and I slept late.
  • I met my BFF from high school at US Pizza for a beverage and to catch up.
  • I made country fried steak, gravy, and hashbrowns for dinner Saturday night.

  • I spent more money than I should have at Walmart (big surprise)
  • I almost went on a killing spree at Walmart (big surprise part deux)
  • The only thing that saved everyone in Walmart from my bloody wrath was the fact that I didn’t have a gun, machete, or a flamethrower with me. Although I did (briefly) consider going to tools and grabbing something pointy and stabby…the only thing that stopped me is that I would have had to stand back in line for probably another 30 minutes. Also, there would have been lots of blood and probably suicide by cop so I just decided to seethe.
  • Ian and Ruby make a cute couple.
  • There was lots of quality time with John Deere on Sunday.
  • Laundry
  • Goofing off
  •  Sunday is crack-tv night…True Blood and The Newsroom.
  • And wine was consumed.


hairs day! prom! friends! wine! opossum!

Today I get my hairs did. Which is good, because my Go-Go Red needs to be punched up a bit.

We pick up Ian’s tux this afternoon. Prom. ❤

I had a great night with an old friend last night. Well, “old” as in lifelong…We hadn’t seen each other in a decade. It was amazing catching up with her. We will not wait so long to hang out again.

Another awesome thing about last night? She introduced me to a wonderful new wine. And you know I always love new wine. Especially when it’s in a bottle!! (Unless it is that crappy white zinfadel. That belongs in the toilet.)

Paul Hobbs Chardonnay. ZOMG. My taste buds and liver were so damn happy.

ION (of the weird variety) There was a possum in our backyard this morning. (or as one of my high school teachers would say: Miss McKenzie, that would be opossum. there is no such animal as a “possum”) Frieda Mae actually picked it up and carried it around like  puppy. I’M NOT KIDDING, PEOPLE! Picked. It. Up. Then it played dead. It was very committed to its role as dead possum. El Jefe scooped it up with a shovel and dust pan and placed it on the other side of the fence…where it continued to play dead.

Welcome to Arkansas.

If it’s still there when I get home, I’m going to name it Fred Finkle.

hello Wine Wednesday

I’m so happy to see you again.

Ian has prom next week and will be getting fitted for a tux tonight. OMG. My baby treefrog has prom. Now if I could just get him to drive…

Friday, I have pedi-time scheduled with Bell Bottoms. I’ve been checking out the spring/summer OPI colors and I’m having a hard time choosing. I hope CK Nails has the 2012 Holland colors…Here’s where I’m leaning:

 Kiss me on my Tulips
 Red Lights Up Ahead…Where?
A Roll in The Hague
Thanks a Windmillion
So…what do you think?


Guess who contacted me to wish me a very special birthday? I’m placing it under the cut because it my offend some of your delicate sensibilities. (If it does, you’re probably new to me…Hi! I’m Melf and I am an adult, and this is my blog, and sometimes I say adult things. Also it’s my birthday, so there. Also, you should go buy my books so I can quit my day job.)

I KNEW MATT DAMON WASN’T OVER ME! I’m sorry EL Jefe. But it’s Matt Damon. I know you understand… 😉

It is the Day of Mel and my co-workers brought me colorful sprinkled donuts! El Jefe took my car to be fixed (because he is made of awesome). My girlfriend is apparently buying my lunch today (and by “lunch” I mean “wine”) and my boss just gave me the afternoon off to celebrate (okay, she didn’t want me coming back to work hammered. whatever.) Life is pretty awesome.

nothing much and a flamingo

I really don’t have anything substantial to discuss today. Not that I ever do, but sometimes I like to kid myself. (okay, all the time I kid myself. Shut up. It’s my blog. If I want to be in denial, it’s allowed.)

I’m having lunch with my bestie from high school today. SUSHI! I’m very excited about this. So excited that I even put on make-up today.

I’m also wearing underwear. <–You’re welcome.

Maybe today will be a wine lunch…I’m off the rest of the afternoon…may as well make the most of it. (as if being off work really matters…Oh wait, sure it does…it’s the difference between 1 glass and 1 bottle…I mean, nothing.)

OH and check out the newest OMG I WILL DIE IF I DON’T HAVE THIS SOON item. My friend TTB sent it to me last night. Look out, Target. I’ll be there later to collect my awesome.