things that make me…


George Jones died today.

This song still makes me tear up. RIP George. If there’s a heaven, I hope you’re partying your ass off like the rock star you are! (and like you used to do…without remorse!)

THIS is being taught as SCIENCE.

It’s okay to believe what you choose to believe, but you should not teach your personal beliefs as scientific FACT when there is actual SCIENTIFIC PROOF that you are wrong is just plain ignorant. UGH. I fear for the future of these kids who are being taught this as science.

Things that make me HAPPY:

A CAT. IN A SHARK SUIT. RIDING A ROOMBA. CHASING A DUCK. It just doesn’t get more awesome than that.

Well, THIS might be more awesome. But only slightly.

Things that make me AWESOME:

Sassy pants. Sparkle. Humility. (LMAO) and a bag of Gardetto’s for Breakfast. (Hey, I almost chose the Chili Cheese Fritos. I think I made the better choice.)

I need a beach. Until I have this in real life, I’ll have to stick to imagining this is me and Jefe on our private island somewhere.

Honestly? What is wrong with people?

Look. I get it. There’s humor in everything. I can make fun of my State-sized ass. I can tease my skinny friends out of love and envy. I can take a joke… But I’m a grown-ass woman who is comfortable in her skin.

What I can’t take is people being mean. Just mean. Because kids see it and they take that shit to heart. Especially young girls.

Yesterday I was looking for motivational stuff on pinterest and humorous e-cards and I came across this and I nearly had a stroke.

“inner beauty is for fat people”

First off, fuck you.

Secondly, I know some people of all shapes and sizes that need a dose of inner beauty. Size does not matter.

But most importantly. WHY WOULD YOU MAKE SOMETHING LIKE THIS? There are teenage girls everywhere, searching for anything to make them feel more secure and less ugly. They’re awkward. They still have their baby fat at 14 but their friends are tall and thin. They hope to hell the Ugly Duckling story is true…so they search for anything to make them feel hope….and they see this.


So we had a conversation about it on FB yesterday.

Sorry, some of the comments are doubled, but you get the picture.

The fact is, kids are impressionable. You tell a little girl she’s beautiful on the inside or has a great personality and one day somebody will like her, then what you get is a little girl who believes she’ll never be pretty. Or that she’ll always be fat and that fat isn’t beautiful. If you mock a little girl for not having boobs to wear that dress or for wearing a slut dress, that little girl hears that boobs are what’s important in life and that she’s a slut. If you tell a little girl her thighs are too big for that short skirt, you’ll get a little girl who believes she has fat thighs–even if they’re all muscle.

Why do we shame people like this? No wonder it’s so hard for people to overcome their childhood issues.

You can say what you want to me or about me. I don’t care. Like I said, I am comfortable in my own skin and your opinion of me doesn’t matter. But when these messages get out and young, impressionable minds see them, it breaks my heart. Growing up, I was that girl. Had I seen this as a teen, I think it would have broken me.

Anyway, just be nice to each other, okay? And remember, everyone is beautiful. Their actions may be ugly sometimes, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have something beautiful inside them.

/end rant.

at a loss

When someone I care about is in pain, everything in my body aches to fix it for them.

Yes. I’m a fixer.

It is not my job to fix things for everyone. But I want to. Everything inside me wants to.

I don’t like to see my loved ones hurting. I don’t want them to go unheard or unseen or unnoticed. I don’t want them to grieve alone. I want to fix the problem. Make it better.

And I’m absolutely paralyzed by the fact that right now, I cannot fix this. I can’t make the pain go away. Ease the guilt. Soften the harsh reality. Cushion the fall. Fill the emptiness. (Insert every cliche’…)

I cannot fix this.

I can only try to make him smile and laugh and try to quicken the process so the laughter will reach his eyes again and fill the empty space in his heart.

I cannot fix this.

It’s my mantra. I have to remind myself of this, every second of every day.

Healing takes time.

I cannot fix this.

I can only love. And in the end, I hope that love is the magic bandage that he will need.

I cannot fix this, but maybe my love can.

Made it home.

We had an unexpected death in the family, so El Jefe and I headed off to Georgia for a few days of sadness and celebration.

I enjoyed meeting new members of his family. There were some laughter and good times, despite the very sad circumstances.

I also got to spend some quality time with these fellows every morning…

We returned last night…spent an hour stuck in traffic thanks to construction and morons who can’t drive. Sally Sparkle proved herself to be an excellent road trip car. I foresee more trips for much more fun reasons in the future.

Apparently we’re supposed to get “snow and sleet” today. So far, it’s just cold and rainy, though my favorite local weatherman has promised:

Team coverage of the approaching winter storm on Channel 7 News Midday Arkansas starting at 11:30 #arwx” 

By golly, if Todd Yakoubian says it’s a ‘winter storm’, I’m gonna go buy my bread and booze!

Okay, maybe not. It’s supposed be almost 50 degrees tomorrow. It’s not like this is a real winter storm. Hmph.

Happy Wine Wednesday!

if you’re sexy and you know it


Damn. Wasn’t that concert great last night? You know, the Beyonce’ concert? Whoa. I never thought my girl crush could be elevated to another level, but somehow, some way, Beyonce’ made me love her even more. There are born entertainers, and this chick is one of them. Also, how perfect is her Brick House Body? That’s why I’m going back to Boot(y)Camp. So I can mold my awesome ass into a Beyonce’ BooTAY.


BTW, we only watched the concert. I’m glad the Ravens won the Super Bowl, but I wasn’t in the mood for football. And neither was El Jefe. So we watched movies and snuggled and enjoyed some alone time while the boys went to my bonus child’s house and ate ribs and watched the game with their bonus parents.

In some very sad news, one of my favorite places on earth is closing at the end of the month. The Hot Springs Brau Haus has been a very important place in my life for the past 18 years. I spent the majority of my birthdays there. The owner, John, became a dear friend. We became friends with Zac (aka The Angry Tuba Man) and Cheryl–the duo known as The Itinerant Locals. We watched their babies (Eureka and Zephyr) go from belly to babies to big kids on the stage…Ian did his first Chicken Dance at the Brau Haus when he was 18 months old. I had my first taste of Franziskaner Weissbier and Optimator at Brau Haus. Sigh. You will be missed….

Sad News, Happy News

Last night, Ruby went missing for over an hour. We let her out with Trin-Trin like we always do. She didn’t come back after about 20 minutes, which is unusual, so we started to look for her. We searched 3 different properties that are attached and cover more than 10 acres. We searched across the street, even though she has never ventured across the street before. Nothing.

Finally, after more than an hour, I looked in a different ditch across the street, and there she was. Shivering and weak. I picked her up and there was no yelping, so I didn’t think she got hit. She had a scraped bottom lip that was bleeding, and that seemed to be the extent of her injuries.

We thought she may have gotten scared by a car and fell down the ditch and then was just too cold to move.

However, once she warmed up, we discovered her sweet little pug tail was broken. Hanging limp as a noodle. And she was having a real difficult time with her back legs. She’s at the vet now and we are waiting to hear what’s going on. Poor Ruby-Doobie-Doo. It looks like she was definitely clipped by a car. So we wait.

We’re all pulling for you Rubes.

Now, in happier news…

Remember how I sold German Rights to BITE ME?

Well, we can add LOVE SUCKS! to that mix now! That’s right! Lovely Agent emailed me this morning and said CORA wanted to buy the rights to LOVE SUCKS! Yippee!!

Roll those sixes with the angels, Joan!

Today, we celebrate the life of fellow Bunko Babe who was taken from this life way too suddenly.

My fellow Pisces, Liberal, Writer, Bunko Babe, and Friend. We’re gonna miss you hard, Joan Duffy. I’m definitely going to miss the sharp witted emails you would send just when I needed a laugh. You’re a rockstar…and you’re gonna rule the roost in the after life.

Love you. The earth already misses your presence.