Monthly Archives: December 2011

I think I failed at Christmas irony

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I’m wearing jingle bells in my ears.

A giant off-white sweater with gold snowflakes, a gingerbread house, snowman and trees.

And red and green Christmas socks.

I thought I was being ironic because I have my girls Christmas gathering tonight and wanted to be funny for Festivus. Apparently some of the people I work with think I’m being serious.

I have failed Christmas Irony 101.

Actually, no, they have failed because they wear this stuff on purpose for serious. That means I’m an epic winner. Right?

That’s my Christmas story and I’m sticking to it. Also has anyone seen my leg lamp? I swear I put it in the front window…

12 days…

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I guess we can officially start singing the 12 Days of Christmas now.

AND A BEER IN A TREE.

Confession: I didn’t know a “toque” was a hat for the longest time. I thought they meant something else when they said 5 golden toques…  

When Christmas Attacks.

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I kinda, sorta was attacked by Christmas this weekend and then I kinda, sorta attacked El Jefe with my Christmas spirit. I FORCED THE HOLIDAY UPON HIM. (but don’t kid yourself, he loved it.)

The purple tree is the Pimp Tree as requested by the boys. It’s actually really cool. I kinda love it a lot.

And then there is my personal favorite, the Flamingo Tree.

Here’s the creepy stalker outside view:

Oh, and remember my monkeys and their fire? Well now they are joined by Evil Monkey and Mr. and Mrs. Claus. It’s gonna be a very warm and merry Christmas for them this year. No matter what their faces say, they are really happy on their inside parts.

Next up: Griswold lights.

a pimpin’ weekend

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Tonight, El Jefe and I will be touring the Rock Town Distillery which we are both very much looking forward to. It’s a booze tour! With booze made in Little Rock! <–this is the stuff awesome is made of.

Then tomorrow we are beginning our decorating extravaganza. First, we are heading to Goodwill for our holiday sweater/sweatshirt purchase, then we are headed to Garden Ridge, the mecca of all things holiday and we’re picking up my new favorite Christmas Trees.

I’ve always wanted a Hot Pink tree. I’m gonna totally go all FLAMINGO on it and make it awesome.

Once I decided to go FABULOUS or go home, I asked all the mens in my house what they thought, and if the hot pink would automatically revoke their man card.

Ian answered “Not if we get a purple tree, too. Purple is for pimps and a pimp’s man card can never be revoked.”

So we will be having a pimp tree as well. I’m thinking an animal print skirt, maybe some peacock feathers and a black feather boa as garland? Ian has already found some gold ‘disco ball’ ornaments that we’re going to add. I think a Pimpin’ Christmas sounds fantastic. Don’t you? I’ll be sure and post pics next week.

Meet DC and Ike

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Last night, Ian and I were killing time at Savers while Rader was at guitar.We were just poking around looking for fun stuff and possibly some decorations for our Pimp Tree (pics and an explanation to come soon)

Sadly, Savers was pretty much free of any Pimptastic decorations, but we kept poking around, hoping to find a diamond in the rough.

What we found was MUCH MUCH better than diamonds.

We found weird and scary monkeys sitting around a campfire.

And supposedly, the campfire lights up (and hopefully makes a noise, too! fingers crossed!) El Jefe is in charge of making fire today. Please don’t let it be broken! PLEASE!!!

I had to buy these guys. I can’t explain it. I think maybe I was scared not to. Or maybe I secretly hoped they were possessed by some evil serial killing monkey soul. I dunno. I just needed the monkeys and the campfire.

So we started working on names last night. Ian was pushing for Boots and George but I nixed those names before he finished his sentence. I thought Carl and Gomez could work, but Ian was all NO.

Fine. I’ll name them myself when you aren’t around.

And so I have. Meet DC and Ike. Ike is the one on the left, who’s obviously been beaten up by his ex. DC is the host of Soul Train Tree  and he always wishes you “Love, Peace, and Soul Bananas.

THAT was unexpected

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So it kinda, sorta SNOWED last night. I thought it was going to be a little flurry here and there, but no, we got SNOWED IN with 2.2 inches.

Okay, that was me being slightly MEL-o-dramatic (a direct result of the lingering MELaria) but there is some slight truth in that statement. I actually can’t get out of my driveway this morning because there was a big rig wreck on the interstate and a fuel spill. And the road in front of my house is at a standstill. And has been for 2 hours.

At least it’s pretty. And the dogs seemed pretty happy about it…

Personally, I love the fact that the traffic has given me a reason to be late for work and snuggle up with El Jefe and more coffee…

I just lost my nomination for Mother of the Century

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I have been derelict in my duties as a mother. I have failed my children. HORRIBLY. I may not be able to recover my Mother of the year decade century ALL THE YEARS  x  ∞ = MELF tiara. (it was very sparkly.)

When my kid put on this get up over the weekend, immediately El Jefe and I started laughing and saying “Shitter’s full!”


And he didn’t get the reference.


OMG. What have I done?


Okay, so it’s a cape and not a robe…and there’s not a cigar in sight, but still…c’mon! That’s funny stuff right there…



And sadly the funny was lost on my son, because I have failed him. I haven’t made it a holiday tradition of watching Christmas Vacation OVER AND OVER AND OVER every year like I should have.


That ends this week… It’s on, boys. I will regain my tiara and you will deliriously happy with your forced entertainment of the holiday season. 


 

sick and wet. and sick of being wet.

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I’ve been under the weather since Wednesday evening. I left work early on Thursday and pretty much slept through Friday. Felt great on Saturday, so naturally, I over did it by working outside then going to a holiday soiree…which means I barely got out of bed yesterday. It was totally worth it, btw…

Now, part of that was sheer laziness. It was a gloomy, cold, rainy day. Okay, all of it was laziness. Fine. You caught me.

Today it’s still gloomy and rainy…I’m sure that the clouds are trying to RAIN ALL THE RAINS because the forecast in the immediate future is wet, wet, and wet.

Fine. It’s wet. I get it. So I went from wearing these boots on Saturday night:

To these boots today. Hmmm. Can you wear fishnets with duck boots?