whew! what a weekend.

photo(122) See how tired Ruby is? Poor girl, she just can’t keep her head up.

(You should have heard her heavy sighs and puggly growly noises…)

So Friday I got to take Rader Tater to Oxford! Which means I got to see some dear friends and have a low-key dinner at a new-to-me place: The Bar on North Lamar…which is officially The Lamar Lounge.

The food was great and the atmosphere was chill and a good time was had by all.

Saturday morning, Drea and I walked to another of my favorite places, The Honeybee Bakery. Excellent brunch…but one of the weirdest experiences ever. For some reason, they thought it was appropriate to ask us to remove our hats! Um, no. This is not some ‘chi-chi’ swank place in New York. This is a bakery.  So we told them, yes we minded (OMG, we had just walked over a mile to get there, it was hot! And our hair was a mess under our hats) and we asked if we could sit outside to eat our brunch. They approved our request and we enjoyed our quiche and our hats.

The boys had decided to get their dad another frog item or a goat item for Father’s Day. (He has a thing about frogs and goats) We talked about a wind chime or something to hang up in the yard. I was given permission to do the frog hunting for them, since they weren’t able to get together and go themselves like they did for me. There is a new garden store on the west side of Oxford called The Barn and I found a really cool wrought iron and stone frog and the boys approved.

While we were out shopping, I finally got to try on a pair of MONKEY SHOES! I’ve wanted a pair since forever, and finally spoke to someone who was able to help me find the right oneW3333s to suit my needs. I really want to use them for my run/walks…I’ve always been a barefoot girl at heart, so I figure these shoes will be perfect for me.  (btw, the ‘real’ name of these shoes is Five Fingers, but whatever. They’re MONKEY SHOES!)  I can’t wait to order me a pair.  Probably next month! YAY ME!

I drove back to LR on Saturday, and watched The Dark Knight Rises with El Jefe and Ian. Then Sunday we had a cookout at the Compound with Lynne and Stacey Jay and her fam. Burgers, dogs, watermelon, guacamole, wine! It was an awesome day.

The weekend ended with the return of TRAINWRECK TV…also known as True Blood.

Oh, and Jefe is so damn sweet. He bought me some plant food for my maters and black out curtains for the boys’ rooms because he is so full of awesome.

Stay tuned for a letter to Walgreens…because after last Friday…we are NEVER, EVER, EVER getting back together.

When Christmas Attacks.

I kinda, sorta was attacked by Christmas this weekend and then I kinda, sorta attacked El Jefe with my Christmas spirit. I FORCED THE HOLIDAY UPON HIM. (but don’t kid yourself, he loved it.)

The purple tree is the Pimp Tree as requested by the boys. It’s actually really cool. I kinda love it a lot.

And then there is my personal favorite, the Flamingo Tree.

Here’s the creepy stalker outside view:

Oh, and remember my monkeys and their fire? Well now they are joined by Evil Monkey and Mr. and Mrs. Claus. It’s gonna be a very warm and merry Christmas for them this year. No matter what their faces say, they are really happy on their inside parts.

Next up: Griswold lights.

Meet DC and Ike

Last night, Ian and I were killing time at Savers while Rader was at guitar.We were just poking around looking for fun stuff and possibly some decorations for our Pimp Tree (pics and an explanation to come soon)

Sadly, Savers was pretty much free of any Pimptastic decorations, but we kept poking around, hoping to find a diamond in the rough.

What we found was MUCH MUCH better than diamonds.

We found weird and scary monkeys sitting around a campfire.

And supposedly, the campfire lights up (and hopefully makes a noise, too! fingers crossed!) El Jefe is in charge of making fire today. Please don’t let it be broken! PLEASE!!!

I had to buy these guys. I can’t explain it. I think maybe I was scared not to. Or maybe I secretly hoped they were possessed by some evil serial killing monkey soul. I dunno. I just needed the monkeys and the campfire.

So we started working on names last night. Ian was pushing for Boots and George but I nixed those names before he finished his sentence. I thought Carl and Gomez could work, but Ian was all NO.

Fine. I’ll name them myself when you aren’t around.

And so I have. Meet DC and Ike. Ike is the one on the left, who’s obviously been beaten up by his ex. DC is the host of Soul Train Tree  and he always wishes you “Love, Peace, and Soul Bananas.

monkey see; monkey play

Rader P had his 2nd guitar lesson last night and Jag is impressed with how quickly he seems to be picking it up. So my little monkey is now practicing a few chords from BAD MOON RISING.

(there’s monkeys in the video, too. When I pick out a theme, I take it all the way!)

ION I found another four-leaf clover this morning when on the phone with Jenn C. (now with more monkeys)

Okay, well that’s all I have right now, unless you want to hear the story about how I nearly had a stroke while waiting to buy gas last night… Thankfully I was on the phone with Dee for the ENTIRE 40 MINUTES otherwise you would be reading about me in the paper. The headline would either be: Woman Strokes Out Waiting in Line or Woman Goes Mad and Kills All Stupid People at the Kroger Gas Station (FYI, that 2nd headline is probably the most accurate)

monkey love

Internetz, have I ever told you how much I love sock monkeys?

Do you wanna know how happy I was when I arrived at El Jefe’s house Friday night to find this little happy waiting for me?El Jefe wins bonus points and a cookie! Oh yes. I love my sock monkey hat. I will wear it and you will love me in it.

And you know what else happened that’s related to sock monkeys? Nemo (my 16 year old) gave me this sock monkey last night when I returned home. Yes, it was a sock monkey weekend all around!

The men in my life did all right by me this weekend. Yay!

Did y’all have a good weekend? I have stuff to catch up on, so fill me in!

The Bachelorette: because Mags wants to know…

My thoughts on the Bachelorette:

Okay, y’all know I make fun of this show mercilessly. Last season’s show with Jake the Fake and Vienna Sausage was like the train wreck of awesome served with the bottomless bottle of Kim Cattral Crawford wine. And calorie free lemon tarts. I mean– it don’t get more awesome than that.

Ali Cat’s season was a little different, mainly because it was so totally producer driven that it became difficult to watch. I know this isn’t ‘reality’ tv no matter how hard they try to tell us it is, BUT when the drama is created in order to keep people watching because the show is so damn boring otherwise, well, it makes it no fun to watch.

And that’s kinda what happened with Ali Cat’s season. They created the ‘Rated R’ drama. They created the ‘Kasey’ drama (how much you wanna bet they paid for that tattoo?) They knew Frank wanted out but made him stay til his leaving would be more dramatic. This was probably the most UNreal Bachelorette ever. And it showed. (Though I’m gonna give Frank his props for his acting. Well done, Sir. I believe you need to forget your screenwriting career and start auditioning for film or tv.)

I think the producers knew from the beginning that Ali was gonna choose Roberto and they wanted to distract everyone from that. They edited the hell out of their time together. (Side note: poor sweaty Roberto! Someone give that man a towel!) They tried to give Chris L’s edit more oomph with the mother thing…(which damn they over did) and they really wanted us to believe she and Frank were gonna be happy 4-evah so that we’d be devastated when he left. But honestly, who’s devastated over this show anymore?

I loved Chris L. but there was no way she was gonna choose him. I have to say, I really respected the way Ali Cat dumped Chris. She didn’t allow him to come to the final rose ceremony because honestly, that’s just mean to humilate a dude that way. “Will you marry me?” Uh no. I love the other guy more. But you’re awesome. Thanks for playing. (this is when the producers hide all sharp objects)

The proposal was adorable. It was obvious they have very strong chemistry and are very excited about each other. Will it last? Bah! Maybe. They have a better chance than Jake the Fake and Vienna Sausage did, that’s for sure. Do I care if they make it? Nope. But the romantic in me kinda hopes they do, cuz I’m a sap like that. Maybe love can conquer all…even unreality tv.


Yeah. It’s a stormy Thursday and all I wanna do is stay in bed.

Thankfully yesterday was gorgeous and I got to hang by the pool for a couple of hours with my friends. I enjoyed it tremendously.

Okay and let me just tell you, I don’t know when my hair went from a small showing of roots to OH MY DAMN I HAVE ROOTS THAT NEEDED TO BE COLORED 3 WEEKS AGO! Calling Katie-of-the-Hair today.

Did I mention how excited I am about going to see Harry Potter this summer?

I’m also Ogrely excited about the new Shrek movie coming out this weekend.

Clementine the new kitty is no longer pregnant and there are no kittens to be found. I’m sure she was so malnourished when she found us, the babies died. Sad really…but it’s time to get her fixed. Which might put an end to her good mood, but I really don’t care.

Also, I wanna know who on earth is googling Monkey MILF and what exactly you think that is? Do monkey’s have MILFs in their society? Would it be a MMILF? Monkey Mom I’d Like to ….

Alrighty then. That’s about all I got for ya today. Sorry to be so boring, but sometimes a girl just doesn’t have anything to say. No really. It’s true.

can’t get enough of your love babe

Yesterday’s writing was much more successful. It was almost the sonic boom of writing. I felt the earth move, that’s for sure. Today is going to be a challenge. Schools are closed, so I have to deal with a houseful of people. The earth may be moving today, but in a ‘opening up and swallowing the kids’ kinda way.

Speaking of the earth moving…

I took the boys to meet their grandmother at the movie on Sunday. We got there a little early, so I parked and we just waited in the car. I had my crackberry, so I was happy as a clam texting my friend and trying to take incriminating pics of the boys so I can embarrass them on Facebook. I love being a mom.

After a few minutes, Ian says, “Mom, they’re totally making out over there.” I figured he was just trying to divert me from my picture taking quest, but then one look at his pink ears and open mouth and I realized he was telling the truth.

So I glance at the car next to me and HOLY VOYEUR BATMAN! were they making out! They had laid the passenger seat all the way down and the girl was laid all the way out on the dude. (Thought it was two girls at first. Dude had some long hair, but no. Boy and girl.)

They weren’t out of high school, but were probably both 16. The total abandon they had while dry humping amazed me. I’ll admit, I watched for a while, completely forgetting my kids were in the car. (There goes Mother of the Year again. Dammit!) But I was fascinated (and yeah, I like to watch I was watching for research! Sue me.) It was broad damn daylight. They weren’t even parked in the back of the lot…it was the middle row, maybe the 4th slot. There were cars all around us. If they had wanted privacy, they would’ve gone somewhere else. Or waited til dark.

Listen, I’ll admit to some parking love during the early years. It’s fun. And naughty. But even I wasn’t brave enough to just park in the middle of a busy day time parking lot and work my way to 2nd base.

Ian tried to pretend not to watch, that was kinda funny. Once they laid the seat down, he couldn’t see anything from where he was sitting, but I had a bird’s eye view. So when the girl slipped her shirt off, I got a really good look at her pretty purple lace bra. (It was a dark purple, almost eggplant) And I got another really good look as the boy’s nervous hand moved from her shoulder, to under her strap, to down…

And then I started the car and drove away. Because you know, there’s only so much watching a girl can do (in the name of research of course) with her kids in the car. And even though I know the kids couldn’t see anything, I couldn’t in good conscience stay there any longer (unfortunately). So I dropped them off with my mom and drove back to my spot to finish watching home. I will admit to being curious. Did he get her bra off? In the middle of a busy parking lot? In broad daylight?

What say you?

In honor of our young horny couple, I offer you Barry White, dressed in awesome.

giving equal time to the dads

I’ve been commanded to give equal time to the DILF. My friend figured if I can use his conversation as a starting point for a blog, then that gives him the right to demand a blog topic. He also says it’s in the friendship guidelines, but he’s wrong. I wrote those guidelines, so I know.

I hated to break it to the poor chap, but there is no such thing as a DILF. Teen girls look at all dads and see…well, dads. And that’s a big EWWWWWW. Girls don’t see the value in the hot older guy until they hit about 25. Then they wake up. And yes, I am fully aware it’s a double standard. 18 year old boys look at hot moms and see boobs. That’s all their hormonal eyes will let them see. Sorry, Dads. It’s not fair. You’ll just have to act out your school girl fantasies with the over 20 crowd.

Sadly, I did give away one of the sacred secrets of all womanhood. I have to beg the women of the internetz for forgiveness for breaking the vagina code. I told him about the DID list.

Dad I‘d Do

And DID is not a list passed around by horny teens. No. This would be the secret list that every horny PTA mom, soccer mom, homeroom mom, and carpool mom has tabulated.

Yes, there is such a thing as a “Dad I’d Do” list. And now I’ve broken the vagina code and spilled the beans.

Women of the internetz, will I be forgiven?

And go ahead and confess it…you have a DID list…