There is absolutely nothing real about 1 man dating 25 people at the same time.

First of all, in the real world, who could afford all that? Hell, they do things like rent out Sea World, private concerts by real bands from the 80s, and take helicopters everywhere. So yeah, there ain’t nothing real about The Bachelor.

Secondly, these dates are a guarantee. There is no worry about a girl saying “Eh. I don’t think so.” There isn’t a ho-testant in the world who is going to refuse the rose. The power is in the hands of the Bachelor. “will you accept this rose?” he asks. But he knows the answer. And if he don’t want ya, you ain’t getting a flower–no how much you cry about it.

There is also the fact that dude is macking on all these chicks and they are living together knowing each of them have been swapping spit. Okay, in the real world, if dude takes me out onto the balcony and checks for tonsils with his tongue, I’m expecting that I’m the ONLY ONE he’s playing tongue twister with. But no. He goes right back into the house, picks out another ho-testant and does mouth to mouth with her five minutes later. (unless you’re one of the unlucky ones who just gets a peck on the cheek.)*

This is the worst tv ever on earth, yet I can’t look away.

The fun of it is doing the commentary via twitter or on FB. I do love that quite a bit. It makes me feel superior to the ho-testants. Maybe that’s shallow, but whatever. I’m not choosing to date a man on national tv along with 20 other chicas. In my opinion, that opens them all up for brutal discussion. Especially after hearing some of the things they say! (Plus, they do gymnastics on the beach in their swimsuits. Of course I’m superior.)

This is the bitchiest and most childish group of ho-testants I’ve seen in a long time. None of them like Vienna Sausage and they all keep running to Jakey and telling him she’s a bitch. Yet he keeps her. And then they get all pissy about it–which is really unattractive. I’m beginning to feel sorry for Vienna Sausage (even more so than I did because of her name). They are all just flat out cruel to her. I don’t care what the chick has done (which as far as I can tell, hasn’t been much) nobody should have to stay in a house with people who are constantly talking about you. It’s not fun.

I should know, it happened to me once. And it wasn’t over anything I had done, it was was because the women I was with were insecure, petty, and just flat out mean. Jealousy can cause some people to react in a very ugly manner…and I think that’s exactly what’s happening to Vienna. The girls feel threatened by her.

And the more they try to sabatoge her with Jake, the more it works against them.

I am fully invested in this train wreck now–and believe it or not, I’m just about to switch to team Sausage.

*if you’re getting just a peck on the cheek, chances are you’re the next ho-testant being cut. Just an FYI.