Tag Archives: damn kids

cracked up

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Last night, the boys and I were watching Family Guy together and goofing off. My kids crack me up. Both boys are able to combine typical sophomoric boy humor with some pretty adult thinking. It’s fun to hang out with them and listen to them crack on each other and crack on me.

When we’re being silly, they sometimes forget I’m the momma. Last night was one of those times. My 11 year old was on the phone with a friend from Oxford.

Me: Is that your girlfriend?

11: No it’s I.

Me: So it is your girlfriend.

Takes a moment to register

11: quick flick of middle finger. Then wide eyes and open mouth when he realizes he just flipped his mother off. Then bright red cheeks and so much laughter he had to hang up the phone.

Me: Um. Did you forget I’m the momma?

11: giggle. giggle. giggle.

15: Dude, you’re stoopid.

11: I can flip you off so you better shut up.

Then the threats of farting on each others’ faces began and it all went downhill.

Pretty much the perfect night. Stupid boys.

what I want for Mother’s Day

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Justin Timberlake

What I’m actually doing for Mother’s Day?

Taking the boys to the IMAX showing of Star Trek this morning then hanging out with my friend Stacey Jay this afternoon.

Life doesn’t suck, but I’m still holding out hope JT will knock on my door soon and make life suck even less.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you awesome moms out there. I have the best kids in the world. I know you think you do too, but you’re wrong. I do.

hot monkey love

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Rader just finished reading Christopher Moore’s YOU SUCK. (this has been on my TBR pile for a while, but I don’t like reading vampire novels while I’m writing one, so it’s still sitting there) Most of you know that Rader is only 10, but he is reading FAR above his reading level. If we made him read ‘age appropriate’ books, he’d never read. He’s also really mature for a 10 year old. Having a brother 4 years older helps.

So he gets to read whatever he wants as long as he:

  1. Doesn’t repeat the naughty words
  2. Doesn’t discuss the naughty topics with his friends.

Easy rules and he is really good at following them.

He’s a big fan of Sci-Fi. He loves Tim Waggoner and he loves anything dragon. I’ve been trying to get him to try something new so I finally gave him YOU SUCK and said, “Read this. It’s supposed to be very funny. It’s an adult book so remember the rules and if you read something that’s confusing or that makes you uncomfortable, you have to tell me.”

The next day, be the end of school, he was finished with the book. (seriously, the boy is a voracious reader)

Me: So, was there anything too adult in there or that you didn’t understand?
Rader: No. But you couldn’t turn a page without seeing the ‘F’ word. And I know the rules Mom! I won’t say them and I won’t tell my friends about them either.
Me: (smiling) I know you won’t. What about other stuff? You know, ADULT situations that might have been confusing. (didn’t wanna say sex because I wanted him to tell me)
Rader: Oh I wasn’t confused, but there was some hot monkey love.

Guess all those chats about Hot Monkey Love have paid off.

He’s reading TWILIGHT now because he’s intrigued by the movie trailer.

end of the week report

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Mac is back. She’s a little tired from being worked on and having her 80 gig hard drive replaced with a 120 gig hard drive, but she’s happy. I still haven’t gotten her completely set up–the internetz connection keeps disappearing for no apparent reason. That happened when I first brought Mac home, so I know it’s a setting issue and I just have to find it.

The sad news is, her old hard drive = toast. It’s so toasted that none of the data was recoverable. We have the drive in our possession, and if ever we have a spare $1000 lying around, we’re going to ship the toast to a specialty recovery place and give it the old college try.

I’m totally at peace with the loss. It sucks, but I knew better. And now I’m writing like the wind to try to make up my lost time. The good news is, I really wasn’t happy with what I had written, so this forces me to back the hell up and start over from chapter 2. I can do that. It’s a good thing I’m a fairly fast writer!!!

I am going to pick up my running today. My cold has moved out of my head. It’s trying to move into my chest but I’m fighting it. I have that damn persistent itch between my ear and my throat. I’ve been tempted to take a wire hanger to my ear…but every time I turn on the closet light to find the right utensil, a panicked voice starts whispering “No More Wire Hangers!” and it freaks me out.

A Rader Story:
I realized the other day I haven’t told you guys a Rader story in a long time. It’s a shame really, because he’s always so damn entertaining. I’m sure we’ll have more inappropriate conversations to report at some point–but there will never be another licking nipples report. That was just too much.

Rader is a charmer. He always has been. And I’ve always known his charm was going to be the death of me. Last night, I got the full effect of his charm and his sense of humor. Now, the child is only 10, but he’s tall and handsome and he carries himself like a teenager half the time. We were sitting in the living room and Fishdog told Rader to take his folded clothes from the coffee table and put them in his room. Rader (without missing a beat) winked at me, smiled and said “Sure.” He knew he was being cheeky and he was completely unapologetic about it. That one little wink struck me as so intentionally flirty–like the hot guy in high school flirting with the cute quiet girl.

When he winked, I flashed forward five years and saw exactly what kind of young man he was going to be. And boy are we in trouble. Charming, good looking, funny, flirty and smart. I am not ready for this. The mothers of the girls of Little Rock are not ready for this…

Hope you guys have a great weekend. I’ll be busy WRITING (I know, you’re shocked). I’ll also be running and blogging over at FatChicksRunning so don’t forget to stop by!

manic monday…

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I’m still beating the horse over at Fictionistas. This time with More Links!
Fictionistas

So I told y’all that Fishdog and Nemo did the paintball thing yesterday. Holy shit they came back all bruised up. And they were dressed head to toe in fatigues. Nemo even had on a 2nd pair of pants underneath is fatigues.

Behold the madness. Will somebody please explain to me how this paintball thing can possibly be fun?




glorious rain and 14 year old boys

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We haven’t had rain in probably two months here at Chez Francis. But for the last two and a half days, that has changed.

It’s been raining a steady amount. And the temps are amazingly fantastic. Fall temperatures in the morning. Like right now, it’s in the 60s! I mean, WOW! The high is supposed to be 80 today. That’s the normal sunrise temperature for August so this is a blessed relief.

This is the last official week of summer. The boys had their long hairs cut off the other day. Now they are both back to their good Catholic school boy look. Though there is nothing ‘good’ about either one of those boys.

For example.

Yesterday I was teasing the boys about my upcoming week at the beach. I showed them the house I would be staying in and this is the conversation that followed:

Ian says: Take me. Pleeeease.
Me: No. It’s just me and 12 other women.
Ian: oOh women. How old?
Me: 29 and up
Ian: (eyes and smile get wide) 29 huh? perfect.
Me: Ian! Don’t be a pig!
Ian: I’m not a pig, I use a Trojan brand condom.

Yes, that’s what he said. It’s from a commercial…see below for the hilarious TV version. The radio one ends with “Don’t be a pig. Use a Trojan brand condom.”

Oh what have I created?

i don’t get it.

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Okay, this probably should’ve been #1 on my list of things that bug me. (well, maybe #2. I really hate molestaches.)

Can somebody PLEASE explain to me the appeal of sagging?

Please? Because I just don’t get it. And I don’t think my difficulty grasping this fashion don’t has anything to do with my age or my skin color.

My senior year, the big thing was to shred or tear holes in your jeans and bleach the crap out of them. We did it. We wore them everywhere. And frankly, I’d probably wear them now (minus the bleaching)

But this sagging thing it just makes no sense to me.

The other day I saw a group of kids walking through my neighborhood. One kid’s pants fell to his ankles 3 times while walking. Now I’m aware that we’re pretty much already seeing your underwear when you have your pants buckled below your ass, but come on. Doesn’t it bother you at all when your pants fall down?????

It’s funny to watch these guys try to walk when they’re wearing these pants 10 sizes too big and they can’t even keep them buckled below their ass. They try to strut, but they have to keep their knees closed together as they walk, so they kinda look like they’re having a seizure as they mosey down the street.

I am curious, are there any women (or men) out there who find this sexy? What is so appealing about it? Am I alone in the fact that I JUST DON’T FREAKING UNDERSTAND????

I swore when I had kids I would not stop them from experimenting with their looks. They could dye their hair, pierce their ears, tongues, nose…whatever. They could wear skirts or parachute pants if they wanted. And I stand by that…except for this sagging thing. I have all but mandated that the pants have to be around the waist, period. I am trying not to make a big deal out of it, because as soon as you deny a kids something, that’s what they must do immediately.
Anyway, somebody please tell me what is so appealing about this fashion nightmare. I’d really like to understand.

The Toe Report (like the Colbert Report only about the toe)

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Today we are better. The swelling has really gone down…but the color is really ugly. Dr. Weed (the most awesome doc ever. I’ve known him since 7th grade, he RAWKS) said that Rader shouldn’t lose his toenail, but after looking at it this morning, I’m not so sure.

He might be able to wear shoes by the weekend. I guess since he can’t play basketball, this means we can go to the lake… LOL

The Mel Report
I’m having a hard time with this back to work thing. I haven’t written anything since I started the job. I haven’t exercised either. I can’t seem to work that stuff into the new schedule because when I get off work, I swear all I do is run the kids around. You would think that leaving work at 1:00 would give me plenty of time to workout, write, and clean my stinky house. But no. I leave at 1:00, run home, pick up Ian, run him somewhere. Come back, to the house, take Rader somewhere else. Buy groceries or run other important errands. Cook dinner. Bitch about the state of my house. Pick up the boys and collapse in the couch to watch one of the reality shows I’m obsessed with. (don’t judge me.)

I made progress last night by opening my latest proposal and reading through it. So maybe I’ll be able to find my groove again. I think part of the problem is the family has adjusted to me being around all the time whereas before, when I got off work and sat at the computer, they would leave me alone. Now…not so much. Plus, the kids have to be driven places here, not like in Oxford where I could just give them $20 and say “Go to the square.” Or I could kick them out and say, “Find some friends and go to the park. Come back before dark.” We do have a park within walking distance here, but their friends are spread out…so it’s like coordinating a military coup. I don’t really miss Oxford, but I miss some aspects of it…like the kid thing and my friends (Hey guys! I know you’re reading this!)

Speaking of friends:
Seven of us are going to see Sex and the City again tomorrow night. Jealous? You totally should be. I can’t wait to see it again!!!

from the flo up.

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The toe be fractured.

The good news is, it’s in a place that will heal quickly and will not require a cast, surgery, or PT. AND he can resume his soccer/basketball/nerding-out as soon as he can put a shoe on. (which might not be for a while, considering the swelling…)

It’s all good.