As in, let’s “ketchup”!

Ugh. that was horrible. And now I want fries.

First off, happy belated mother’s day to all the moms who don’t suck.

Check out my awesome Mother’s Day gift that my cool boys got for me.

They tried to find me the perfect flamingo they said, but this is perfect. Me gusta mucho.

Update on the spider bite:

Friday I woke with a super swollen and painful arm. Weird. But it’s probably because Walgreens sucks now that they’ve purchased all the USA Drugs and they never seem to be able fill a prescription timely anymore. Apparently they were out of my antibiotic and didn’t bother to tell me prior to texting me that my prescription was ready. So when we get there, they let us know it’ll be ready tomorrow. And it was…around 5:30 pm. Which allowed the toxin/infection another 24 hours to grow. And so, I was pitiful and whiny on Friday while I waited for the meds to kick in.

Saturday I was all better, so I cleaned up my yard.

OH…Why was I cleaning my yard? Because another Hammered McHammerstein decided to drive through a tree in my front yard. She was on Xanax, not booze. That didn’t stop her from getting arrested. Trust me. Here’s some pictures, and if you want real entertainment, watch the video at the end of my blog. Yes. She was followed and filmed. It’s kinda like my own personal episode of COPS.

So I sawed up the giant holly bush she mowed over, and Jefe finally got to the tree in the back yard that broke during the ice this winter. We did LOTS of sawing. And hauling. And I still need to get the left over car debris from the yard before I mow… yippee.

And Mother’s Day started with pancakes and ended with cheese dip with a lot of John Deere time in between. All with my boys… THESE ARE SOME OF MY FAVORITE THINGS!

Now, for your viewing pleasure…Hammered Driving:

yo. whassup? nothin’ much over here

Except for my gross swollen arm from a spider bite.

Stupid spiders. No wonder I hate you so much.

So here I am, back on antibiotics. Thankfully, just one day of the antibiotic cream and the swelling and redness has gone down. I have to pick up my oral meds today, apparently they were out. Yes, I know. Go figure…So glad I wasn’t concerned about sepsis or anything.

Mother’s Day is this weekend. The boys are taking me to brunch that morning, and then we’re spending the day together while Jefe works.

I’m so sleepy today. I blame the Benadryl which I had to take last night because of my grody spider bite. (grody is an official scientific term.) Stupid grody spider.

That’s why I love this so much: Spiders are Scary. It’s OK to be afraid of them.

In other news, Ruby is still Ruby.

Hope y’all have had a spider-free week. If not, I hope you were able to get the bastard before it got you.

You’re welcome for this video.

My favorite moment from our Mother’s Day brunch yesterday… We had a great day. The Godfodda transformed into a fabulous chef and prepared us a yummy brunch of Eggs Benedict with Lobster and Crab cakes. El Jefe put his magic touch on the best Bloody Marys known to man. Or as I like to call them, liquid salad. The kids served us and entertained us and teased us and it was wonderful.

With my belly full of goodness, I took a lovely little siesta.

 It was a great day filled with love and friendship.

In other weekend news, we went to see the Avengers on Saturday. Whoa and damn, what a fantastic movie. Joss Whedon continues to amaze me. And I officially have a crush on The Hulk.

Y’all have a great Monday! And please, enjoy Rader’s serenade. It will amaze you.

red couches are awesome and a happy ending

I love our new couch! It’s comfy, cozy and RED! I had to cover it up this morning because when I got home yesterday after work, Ruby had decided she could, in fact, jump up on the couch. It’s funny that when we’re home, how her legs suddenly stop working and she has to beg us for help. Our help is in the form of a Harry Potter pillow on the floor. “Get on your pillow, Ruby.” and she does. But when no one is at home, she thinks the couch is her domain. Hmph.

Speaking of pet domains…

The bed is so high off the ground that only Clementine can jump up. Ruby struggles even with her step-stool and Trin Trin just can’t jump that high anymore. Which leads me to a story of love and trust:

Once upon a time, about 18 months ago, an awesome Red-head and an awesome Jefe started dating. Jefe had two dogs, one who loved the red-head without question, and the other who could only look at the red-head if Jefe was in the room. And even then, it was with a side glance. There was no trust between this dog and the red-head.

Time passed and the dog started allowing the red-head to feed her snacks and occasionally let her outside. Eventually Jefe and the dog moved to Arkansas, and the dog slowly warmed up the the red-head and her two boys. But still, there wasn’t much love or trust–just appreciation for land and treats.

Several more months pass, and the dog seems to have developed a love for the red-head. Well, maybe not love, but a strong like–an affection. The dog greets the red-head with excitement when she comes home for work and sleeps next to her on the bed in the mornings. The red-head is very pleased with the progress as this dog is very loving and loyal to her people. Well her Person. The red-head is starting to feel a little bit like she belongs to the dog, even if only on the periphery.

Which brings us to today, when the dog wanted on the bed (see above). The dog asked the red-head for help by nosing her leg and panting. The dog then allowed the red-head to lift her onto the bed without a hesitation or a growl.

The red-head now believes she may actually be considered one of the dog’s people. Not completely, but there is at least love and trust now. The Red-Head is very happy.

I love happy endings, don’t you? (ahem…c’mon guys! This is a PG-13 blog. Sorta.)

Happy Friday, bitches! And to all the awesome moms out there, enjoy your weekend! 

From 12:00-2:00

Our furniture is being delivered today. Let us hope it’s closer to 12:00 than 2:00.

Oh wait. I still need to vacuum where the bed is going. I ran out of time this morning. So maybe I should be hoping it’s closer to 2:00 than 12:00…

Either way, YAY FURNITURE!

You know, I understand that these delivery dudes have to schedule multiple deliveries on a single day, but I find it so frustrating that I have to plan a 2 (ok, more likely 4) hour chunk out of my day to be there. It wasn’t free delivery…we’re paying these dudes to deliver and set up. So really? Please don’t make it a 4 hour wait time. You said 12-2…and I’m gonna hold you to it. Mmmmkay?

Let’s see…what else is going on….

Well it’s mother’s day weekend and it looks like the kids will be serving an awesome group of moms brunch on Sunday at the Partyhood. Aw yeah. I think they should wear uniforms and everything…. I believe there will be Bloody Marys and Mimosas involved in this affair, so we will be winning the Mothers of the Year award again. Because obviously, we are.

Clementine is missing Bobcat Greyskull. Well, she’s not “missing” his sneak attacks and his pouncing ninja moves, but she is obviously feeling his absence. She’s been sleeping with us every night, which is highly unusual for her. And she’s also not like other cats…when you roll over, she doesn’t jump up and move…she’s like a lump on a log. Dead weight. Warm and fuzzy dead weight…

See where Ruby and Clementine’s butts meet? That’s where my leg belongs….

It’s Thursday, bitches! The weekend is almost here. Let’s get our party on!

out with the old…

It’s time to purge. Clean out my closets…sweep up the cobwebs…scrub the baseboards of my life.

And yes, I’m being both literal and metaphorical because that’s how I roll.

I started boxing up some old clothing yesterday. Actually, it would be more accurate to say I “bagged up” some clothes that I just don’t wear anymore. And I’m cleaning out my closet this afternoon and doing the same. When you live in a small space you have to be creative with storage. And who wants to waste what little storage there is on clothing that isn’t worn? Not me said the flea.

Our new furniture is being delivered on Thursday, and so I’m making a fresh start…And since Mother’s Day is this weekend, I’m thinking my boys will be making a fresh start in their rooms as well. “Mom what do you want for M-Day?” Flowers to plant, mani/pedi gift cert…and FOR YOU TO CLEAN YOUR ROOMS.

Hmmmm. Let’s see which of those three items I actually get.

I also want them to cook me breakfast Sunday morning…is it wrong to ask them to fix me the perfect Bloody Mary, too? Probably. But who cares? I’m already the “world’s greatest mom” anyway…this will just add one more notch on my awesome mom belt. (BTW, the perfect Bloody Mary is made with Zing Zang, Black Pepper Vodka, Green Olives and a lime) (spicy green beans/asparagus optional.)

Thanks for all the sweet words, texts, & FB comments about our beloved BCGS. He will be missed. In other cat of the awesome news, check out the world’s dirtiest cat, Clementine:

This cat is bad-ass. She brings us birds all the time. Killed a possum an opossum last week. And sadly, she got herself a bunny over the weekend. She’s a hardcore hunter. I bet she would even outwit Predator.

Clementine vs. Predator: Hunter Games

Yeah. I crack myself up.

Later y’all! Have a great Tuesday!

what I want for Mother’s Day

Justin Timberlake

What I’m actually doing for Mother’s Day?

Taking the boys to the IMAX showing of Star Trek this morning then hanging out with my friend Stacey Jay this afternoon.

Life doesn’t suck, but I’m still holding out hope JT will knock on my door soon and make life suck even less.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you awesome moms out there. I have the best kids in the world. I know you think you do too, but you’re wrong. I do.

mother’s day

Usually, we do a movie for Mother’s Day but this year, the only thing that the boys were willing to take me to was Spiderman 3 and it’s not on my to see list. Looks a bit too melodramatic even for me. I like my cheese on a cracker, not on the big screen.

So I told them I wanted to plant an herb garden this year and they could help. Imagine the joy they felt in their hearts to know they were going to have to help Mom plant stuff instead of going to a movie.

In their defense, they managed to assist me with my tomatoes and peppers pretty much without complaint. But about five minutes into the herb portion of the planting, they wandered off toward the water hose and a mud puddle–where they spent the next 3 hours making a total mess of the backyard, but having a damn fine time doing it.

Here’s the product of our labor:

I had Fishdog and the boys buy this planter spefically for my herb garden. Isn’t it awesome? I planted 9 herbs: Lemon Basil, Dill, Thyme, Cilantro, Roesmary, Lemon Verbena, Parsley, and Oregeno

a close up

In the back row I have 3 tomato plant and the other 4 pots contain various peppers. I love homemade salsa, don’t you?

Here’s the front flowerbed that I finally managed to mulch on Sunday after spending all last weekend weeding and planting. If all works out like I’ve planned, all the empty spaces will soon be filled with wildflowers

View 2

The side garden (it’s really all one big garden) This is where my roses are planted. They are doing beautifully now!

and just for fun, here’s a pic of my bearded irises from the other side of the house.