So this morning a co-worker asked me if I was like the mother from Harper Valley PTA. I had to laugh because, you know what? I kinda am. A lot of you won’t remember the song because you weren’t even embryos then. But believe me I remember the song & the movie. Here ya go:
I remember this video like it was yesterday. We won’t talk about how ‘yesterday’ was 24 years go.
I needed a pick-me-up so I found me some Beavis and Butthead and laughed my ass off. Yes, I’m mature like that.
So for your enjoyment, because I know you’re as mature as I am, I give you, B&B:
No Laughing uuuuuuuh Burritos?
Rico Suave….
I feel better…don’t you?
It’s true. I want bacon. Now. Maybe I’ll stop by the store on the way home this afternoon and fry me up a mess.
I had a great time yesterday in Arkadelphia. I heart librarians everywhere. They are the warmest and most supportive group on earth. Thanks for making me feel welcome. I hope you all enjoyed our discussion. Next time, I promise to dance and sing a little. Maybe I’ll do a number from Hairspray…
Did I mention I want bacon? Which makes me want to see Bacon Boy again. I love this kid.
C’mon over, Bacon Boy. We’ll fry up a skillet full of heart attack together.
Have a great weekend y’all. Love ya. Mean it.
My total dislike of clowns (with the exceptions of Bozo and Ronald McDonald) is deep-seeded/deep-seated RUNS DEEP. I’m not exactly when it started, but me reading Stephen King’s IT and then watching the movie certainly didn’t help. It’s not really a phobia, exactly. I just don’t like them or want to be near them.
Apparently I’m not the only one. The USPS gets it. That’s why I love this commercial so much…
We only thought we were cold at the Liberty Bowl.
It’s freezing in Central Arkansas right now, with no relief in sight for a few days. and we have another possiblity of sleet/snow, but I’m a little skeptical. Mainly because I want it to happen so badly, that I know it won’t.
Here’s hoping for a big blanket-of-snow surprise tomorrow.
I have a headache today and I can’t seem to shake it. Not sure if it’s the weather or just my state of mind. Even the miracle cure of BC Powder and a Coke Zero didn’t work. I think my brain cells are punishing me for making them watch The Bachelor: On the BOOBS of Love and Conveyor Belt of Love on Monday night.
And then yesterday, I topped it off with a couple of episodes of Jersey Shore–because I just wasn’t feeling stupid enough.
Here’s a fun little spoof of Jersey Shore that is sadly, quite accurate. This is NSFW and not safe for anyone under 17. You have been warned.
I would apologize for the lameness of this ‘song’ but whatever. I had fun. LOL
On the 1st day of Christmas, someone gave to me–a cold that lasted 6 days.
On the 2nd day of Christmas, my kids gave to me–2 lame excuses for not doing their chores.
On the 3rd day of Christmas, my dog gave to me–3 chewed up pens and garbage all over the floor.
On the 4th day of Christmas, my friends gave to me–4 glasses of wine and laughter that lasted all night.
On the 5th day of Christmas, my mother gave to me–5 guilt trips!
On the 6th day of Christmas, my boss gave to me–6 piles for filing and papercuts that just won’t heal.
On the 7th day of Christmas, my cats gave to me–7 giant furballs and a stinky litter box.
On the 8th day of Christmas, my mailman gave to me–8 bills I can’t pay.
On the 9th day of Christmas, my neighbor gave to me–a 9 minute fight in the street.
On the 10th day of Christmas, my statcounter gave to me–10 million searches for
Melissa Francis CNBC.On the 11th day of Christmas, my daddy gave to me–11 books to sign for his poker buddies.
On the 12th day of Christmas, I give to you: a new set of decorative plates …
You’re welcome.
I’m in a great mood today, even though the odds were totally stacked against me.
Monday’s are always difficult at Chez Francis. I The boys don’t wanna get out of bed and once they’re actually upright, they never wanna get moving.
Today was greeted with an extra special batch of ARE YOU KIDDING ME when my almost 16 year old started harrassing my almost 12 year old for the 10 bucks he charged his brother to play with his Yu-Gi-Oh! cards. Seriously, d00d? You’re damn near 16. Stop being such a grade A butthead. You haven’t messed with those cards in 2 years and the only reason you’re being a tool about it now is because your little brother wants them.
Yes, I just called my kid a tool. Doesn’t mean I don’t love him, just means he’s a teenager and frankly, they’re all tools at one point or another.
Still, I feel great today. I’m in a good place mentally (though I’ve slacked off on my exercise lately and I’m starting to feel it) and even though Christmas really isn’t my favorite time of year (long story) I’m beginning to feel a slight tingle of holiday spirit. Not sure I’m tingly enough to listen to Christmas music, but maybe that’s not too far away.
I wrote a little bit this weekend on a new series proposal that I’m actually really excited about. Did some plotting with the Amazing Tia Maria last night and she helped me figure out why I was stuck. Now I can unstick myself and move forward.
We had another movie day yesterday. Watched The Proposal and Doubt. Completely different movies, but very good. I actually enjoyed The Proposal more than I thought I would, BUT they missed some really good opportunities to increase the sexual tension and the love story. However, I laughed out loud several times and got to look at Ryan Reynolds for two hours. All in all I would call it a WIN.
I’m ready to watch Love Actually which is one of my favorite movies of all time. And just because I’m in a great mood, I’m going to link my favorite scene from that movie.
“Enough. Enough now.”
Bryant Hornet Reading Club and seeing Mr. Cole again.
Watching TV with my 15 year old’s head on my shoulder. No better feeling in the world.
My 11 year old cracking himself up by telling me I needed to add The Proclaimers: I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) song to my iPod for when I walk. Because you know the verse is: But I would walk 500 miles; And I would walk 500 more
The very yummy dream I had last night. Oh wait, did I mention that already? Well it deserves a 2nd mention because damn it was good.
Amanda Brice, my friend and co-blogger over at Fictionistas, had her beautiful baby girl on Wednesday. Even
though Amber arrived a little earlier than scheduled, both mom and baby are doing well.
Girls Night Out and Carlos’s yummy flaming coffee drink that he made for us! And our new friends that we met. Too fun… 
And finally, today’s note from the Universe was just filled with sparkly goodness:
Did you know, Melissa, that every time you cry there, harps go quiet here, angels stop dancing, and the stars look down in stunned silence?
Which is why we often say, “If Melissa ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy.”
You are loved,
The Universe
And did you know, Melissa, that every time you smile there, it’s like sunshine here?
Have you had a great week? Please say yes…if not, you can borrow some of my sparkle. I have tons to share.
TOP CHEF
SPOILER ALERT
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First of all, I’m very disappointed in the Top Chef finale. Not surprised–disappointed. The judges have had a Chef-mance with Michael V from the beginning and they really wanted to have it be brother vs brother in the finale so Kevin didn’t have a shot. IMO, Kevin was the most consistent chef. And frankly, I would’ve eaten EVERYTHING he cooked.
I liked the V brothers alot. I adored Bryan. I thought Michael had great vision and talent, and normally I’m all about cocky, but he was usually more cock than cocky. He needed to be knocked down a peg. I will say I laughed out loud and snorted when Tom asked him why he should be Top Chef and he said, “I just don’t want Bryan to win.” THAT was funny.
I felt like the finale should be between Kevin and Michael. I would’ve preferred Bryan, but he seems to underseason quite often. I’m not even sure why they bothered bringing Kevin to the final 3 because they knew it would be Bro vs. Bro in the end. Poor Kevin. I adored him. And he can cook for many ANYTIME.
CRIMINAL MINDS
I love this show but last night, I was screaming at the TV. (I do this when the writers make the characters do something TSTL)
So, there’s a dude with a knife in your house. He goes after your boyfriend and you try to escape. You run to the front door which is locked. What do you do next? As your boyfriend is being stabbed to death, of course you run upstairs instead of trying to just UNLOCK THE FREAKING DOOR AND RUN OUTSIDE. right?
WTF? seriously. I know the chick needed to die, but honestly, did the writers have to make her so stupid that she deserved to die from being brain dead? Unbelievable.
As she ran upstairs I just started screaming. “WTF are you running upstairs for? And why are you just standing there watching your boyfriend die? If you’re gonna run upstairs, shouldn’t you at least try to lock yourself in a room and dial 911? You deserve to die, dumbass.”
My oldest kid was laughing so hard at me. “Mom, they can’t hear you.”
“Clearly. If she could hear me, she’d be outside by now.”
TSTL. The writer who wrote that scene should be shot. Or chased upstairs by a knife weilding lunatic.
and for your dose of naughty, naughty, Christmas fivolity…I give you Lady GaGa’s Christmas Tree. “Light me up, put me on top…Let’s FaLaLaLaLa…”
You’re welcome.
I love this song. It’s sex on a stick.
It’s Black Friday. Hope none of you lose a limb while getting the best deal on the latest Tickle-Me-Whatever.
Bitchin' Fiction: Musings by author Melissa McKenzie / Melissa Francis 