Okay, so I’ve been told it’s Friday. I am volunteering at the school today after my workout…we’re moving some stuff into the new school building, so it’s okay that I’ll be stinky and sweaty when I get there.
Fishdog finally blogged again. He’s gotten his new Mac laptop and has been playing with all the new features. Here’s a sample:
For more, go here: Fishdog’s Flophaus. Tell him twfkam sent ya.
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My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Her Royal Highness Mel the Haunted of Fishbourne Sneething Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title |
Bow to me…
My thanks to Naughty Kate for letting me borrow her LV Purse blog.
First of all, thanks to everyone who popped over to the Cafe to say Hi! I appreciate it…and I fully expect you guys to do that for me every month. Today, Tess Harrison is discussing her love of book buying over there, so add the HEA Cafe to your daily read.
I’ve had some interesting search tool referrals lately. None as interesting as what they get over at Smart Bitches or KillerRants . I obviously don’t talk about man-titty and camel toes enough. (must. change. that.)
This week though, I’ve had multiple google hits for “heinous anus”, and “spanked pics”. Something must be in the air. Oh, and my favorite, “melissa francis hot”. (Yeah, I know they’re probably looking for the CNBC anchor, but let me dream for a second, please…)
One person googled my maiden name: “mel mckenzie radio”. Part of me wondered if it was an old high school friend who remembered that fateful day a local station hosted “complain about a teacher” day.
Gee, guess who called in? One of these days, I might have to tell y’all that story…
Someone who works for Safeway in Salt Lake City googled “melissa francis husband”. Honey? is there something you need to tell me? LOL
I get a kick out of reading my blog stats. I have a lot more readers than I realized. (You should all delurk one day and say howdy. Today would be good…)
Anyway, I’ve decided I’m just going end my blogs with a random word or phrase just to see if it pumps up the blog hits. Kristen Painter* had read somewhere that just mentioning Alan Rickman will increase your traffic….so I’ll start there.
Alan Rickman is hot when he’s not Severus Snape or the spitting Sheriff in Robin Hood. The more evil his character, the more hot he is to me…except as Snape, which frankly, ki
nda grosses me out. However, as much as I love his bad guys, I think my favorite of his characters was Col. Brandon in Sense and Sensibility. He made me swoon in that movie. Swoon, I tell ya.
*go read Kristen’s blog if you wanna find out how totally weird her mind is. She had a dream about me and Louisa — topless. Which, really isn’t far fetched…however, the company we were keeping…Just. Not. Right.
Join me at the HEA Cafe today! I’m being all writerly and stuff. If you stop by, leave me a comment!
Me: Ian, you haven’t done your literature. It’s incomplete. It’s inaccurate.
Ian: (Shrug)
Me: Why?
Ian: (Shrug. Lip smack. Eye roll. ) Because it is.
Me: (steam flowing from my ears. Blood streaming from my nose due to the aneurysm) Explain why it just is. With words. Minus the visuals and sound effects. (I think I growled, and then I popped a ventricle from trying not to yell…)
Ian: I don’t like that teacher. That’s why it just is.
He doesn’t like his teacher? So in order to hurt his teacher, he doesn’t do his work?
Yeah. That’s some logic right there. I mean, that’s like uber-advanced-college-thesis-level logic. It’s so high level, I need a diagram to help me understand.
Yesterday afternoon, Fishdog and I had drinks with some good friends. You know how hard it is to find a couple you and your spouse love equally? Well, Chris and DeeDee are our perfect match.
Unfortunately, there is a problem with our friendship.
We get stupid together. Totally, unbelievably, ridiculously stupid.
Stoooooopid.
Yesterday’s stupidity began with one of Chris’s favorite questions: “Which character am I gonna be in your book?”
I explain that I’m not sure but maybe I’ll make him a bad sheriff. Or the hot teacher.
Both options meet his approval. Then he asks, “Who’s gonna play me in the movie.”
That’s easy enough. “Timothy Dalton. You guys could be twins.” (it’s true. They look remarkably alike–of course, Chris is 20 years younger, so Timothy will have to have a good make-up artist, but it could work…)
Again, this meets Chris’s approval.
Then he asks me, “Are you gonna have a fart joke in your book? Cuz you know, flatulence can make or break a story.” (what is it with boys and fart jokes?)
So, at the same time that Chris is talking about farts, Fishdog is still casting the movie. When Chris says something about farting, Fishdog says Tim Daly should be cast as Chris’s character. I say something about “loving me some Tim Daly” and what does DeeDee hear?
“I love me some Tyne Daly farts.”
OMG. Stooooopid.
But it gets worse. We couldn’t let it go. Suddenly, we’ve cast Tyne Daly as Chris’s character and Chris says he doesn’t mind if Tyne plays his character in the movie as long as she farts. So for the rest of the afternoon, if Tyne Daly was mentioned, you had to make a fart noise. And now I’ve been commanded to write in a character that can be played by Tyne Daly and that character must have a flatulence problem. I don’t know how well a Farting Vampire will go over with YA girls, but I’m guessing I may be able to appeal to the teenage boy demographic if I write that character.
We were all crying from laughing so hard. I don’t know which is worse, the fact that we were sober when we created the Tyne Daly Fart Game or the fact that I’m really considering writing that character into the book.
This author has no knowledge of Tyne Daly’s actual flatulence issues or lack thereof. No offense to Tyne Daly intended…
In the comments of my last post, Liz said:
I haven’t been to a high school football game since I was in high school. I too miss it, although my memories of the games include sneaking drinks in, chatting, walking off site to smoke, and checking out the 17 year old guys. Have things changed?
In a word? Nope.
But apparently I have.
It’s a bit strange being an adult at a high school function. I haven’t seen so much eye rolling and gum smacking in one place ever! I looked around for a 17 year old guy to make out with, but they were all already occupied in the with their own girlfriends. Darn.
The clicks are still around in full force. The junior high kids go off and nerd it up together. The senior high girls are all wearing too much make up and showing too much skin. Whatever happened to jeans and t-shirts at a football game? When did hoochie “skirts” become the in thing for a football game. Honey, when you sit down, we see your bidniz. K? And when you stumble down the bleachers and fall because you’ve had one too many “Cokes”, well, we can really see your bidniz. Put on a pair of pants. Hell, I’m not picky. Put on some panties! The kids don’t need an anatomy lesson just yet.
The senior high boys are all trying so hard to look nonchalant that they all end up looking constipated.
Pretty much, things haven’t changed at all.
Saturday was busy, busy for us. We got up and went to the park for a family run. Fishdog and Ian ran about 1.5 miles and Rader and I walked and ran a mile. We were getting ready to start our second trip around the track when a yellow jacket decided to attack. It got Rader on the arm, landed on his ear and I knocked it away. We ran toward the van, got about 10 ft. away from the original sting site, and that bitch yellow jacket caught up to Rader, landed on h
is shoulder blade and stung him again. Bitch had to die! Get my boy twice! Of course, you know how bad those things hurt and Rader did a good job of letting Saline County hear his wailing. After a while, he was okay. I was afraid he was gonna let the drama interfere with his soccer game that afternoon, but he manned up and managed to play a helluva game. The kids lost, but I was proud of the way Rader played.
Now the weekend is over, today we rest, hang out with some friends, and tomorrow we start all over. Soccer, cross-country, confirmation class, CYM Jr., working out…oh, and writing. Yeah. Gotta fit my job into my busy schedule!
What day is it?
Oh, FRIDAY.
That’s been the strangest thing for me since I stopped working at my office job. I can’t keep up with the days of the week. Even the fact that I’m taking the kids to school everyday doesn’t seem to help. I’m always carting them around anyway, right?
I’m not complaining, mind you. It’s just strange that today is Friday and I’m not feeling that “THANK GOD!” excitement hum through me. And come Monday, I won’t feel that, “it’s really Monday?” sense of dread as my alarm goes off. That is a nice change. I feel much more even and happy.
Yesterday I completed my chapter. I’m thinking that library thing might really work out, so I’m gonna do it a couple of days a week, I think. But I have to take a sweater because they keep the temperature set on Meat Locker in there. Burrrrrrr.
Ian completed his first full week of cross-country yesterday. He’s been whining like an old lady about his thighs and how much he hurts. I just hand him two Advil and tell him to drink plenty of water. Poor baby. He thought because he was skinny that meant he was in shape. Hah!
Rader’s soccer team looks like they might be pretty good. I really like the coach, he’s Irish (so I love listening to him talk) and he loves soccer and he’s good with the kids. Fishdog’s gonna help out when he’s around more. Rader is still struggling with running, too. We’re gonna have to make this running thing into a family thing. Not that I’m any better off the elliptical. But I think I could manage ten mins of running. Maybe.
Fishdog is coming back tonight. Rader’s first game is tomorrow and the Fishdog has a game on Sunday. Ian’s first cross-country meet is the 19th. That should be interesting. I’ve never been to a cross-country meet before. I hope Ian’s competitive side kicks in and he runs through the pain. LOL
I’m taking the boys to the Catholic High football game tonight. They play my high school’s rival, Benton. It should be fun. I miss high school football and tonight should be perfect. Unless it’s raining. I don’t miss it that much.
at the library.
I have one and a half hours before my first PTO meeting.
Must. Write.
Will have 2 hours after PTO to write.
I’ll check in later. After I kill the guy two tables over listening to Usher on his MP3 player so loud that I can sing along…
Bitchin' Fiction: Musings by author Melissa McKenzie / Melissa Francis 