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The kids, my mom and I are headed to Mid America Museum today. Should be a good time.

Tomorrow is my annual birthday trip to Oaklawn. We have confirmed 25 friends will be joining us. I can’t wait. Love, love, love going to the horse races for my birthday celebration. Once we’re finished gambling, we head to our fave German restaurant, the Brau Haus, and eat and drink ourselves into a stupor.

Well, there will be decidedly less eating and drinking on my part since I’m in the middle of diet central. But I will be partaking some. 🙂

Have a good weekend y’all! Got any big plans?

the spring breaks

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Last year, we went to Orlando via Tallahassee for Spring Break. I got to hang out with my best friend and CP, Maria Geraci before I headed off to the World of Disney and the Studios of Universal. We had a tiring but fantastic time.

This year, we’re at home. The boys have soccer camp in the mornings, but their afternoons are fairly free. Ian’s girlfriend is out of town, so he spends much of his day texting her. He has come down with a cold, so yesterday, he slept the day away. Rader is spending his days catching up on Tyler Perry’s House of Payne show. My boys LOVE LOVE LOVE Madea and she makes guest appearances on the show, so they eat it up.

Spring Break is only fun when you go somewhere. So, I took Rader and his cousins to the Little Rock Zoo yesterday. It was a beautiful day. Unfortunately, the entire population of Little Rock joined us there. Crowded as shit. Oh well.

I’ve exercised everyday this week. It helps when I have a good book downloaded to my iPod and right now, I’m listening to Jennifer Weiner’s Goodnight Nobody. I’m enjoying it. I really like her style. I think I’ll download Sophie Kinsella’s latest “un” shopaholic book next.

I’m off to the salon to get my hairs cut and colored. I need a pedicure badly. Maybe if I wear sandals, they’ll take pity on me and offer one for free….

Anything special happening this week?

more later

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I have completed my new proposal and submitted it to my most awesome critique partners, Maria and Louisa. They will now devour my proposal, chew it up, spit it out, and tell me to try again. And I will. Rinse. Repeat.

I hope to have this to Deidre by end of next week. I think it’s a really strong story and I hope I’m not kidding myself. (been known to happen before…) This is only the 2nd proposal I’ve written since I sold last year. It is also only the 2nd YA I’ve ever written. I’m excited. Very excited. I’ll tell you what my story is about after it’s being submitted. Until then, you just have to trust me that it’s good. 🙂 Probably one of the most marketable and fun stories I’ve ever thought of.

I’m off to walk the Big Dam Bridge while my kids are at soccer. Ruby is very excited.

home again, home again

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Well, we’re back in the Rock in one piece. We had a great weekend hanging out with our friends and doing loads of yard work. Do you know how hard it is to make a garden pretty when you no longer live there to appreciate it? Sigh.

While I was weeding my flowerbed in Oxford, I found the St. Joseph I had buried last fall. I can be pretty superstitious so when multiple people told me to bury a St. Joseph to help my house sell, I did…well, when I found St. Joe this week, I gave him a stern talking to. I think we came to an understanding, and I reburied him beneath a new Gerbera daisy. He must’ve really understood, because the next morning, we got a call from our Realtor. No, we didn’t have an offer, but we did have two new scheduled appointments. That’s a start.

Now I have to get started on my yard in Little Rock. I’ll admit, I am at a bit of a loss as to what to do or where to start. My front yard is nearly all moss, which means there is way too much shade for most grasses. I’d like to sod it, but I have to find the appropriate shade loving grass to do that. My friend suggested I plug it with Dwarf Mondo grass. She said it takes some time, but it only grows to a certain height and stops, so it never has to be mowed and it stays green year around. I may try that. I dunno though, if it’s too much work it might not be worth it for me. I love to garden–in spurts. LOL

Anyway, today I’m finishing my proposal that I didn’t finish last week. I have about 10 pages left. Then I’m off into the world of revision for a while. Fun. For. Days.

Did you have a good Easter weekend? Did you do anything fun or exciting? What’s up, y’all?

happy bunny day

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I love bunnies. Don’t you?

I’m heading out to Oxford with the family. First time I’ve been back in 5 months. Can’t wait to see everyone and do some yard work at the house I love, but no longer live in.

Y’all have a great weekend and tell the Easter Bunny hi for me.

drive by posting

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I’m finishing up my latest proposal to send to my fab critique partners today, cuz we’re headed to Oxford tomorrow to do some yard work and to bring home my gardening tools, because it’s high time I start working on my yard at the house we actually live in.

Entertain yourself with this movie trailer (thank you, Jill Monroe for posting it first.) I am totally STOKED about this movie. Normally, I don’t get the whole musical thing…but I totally get Mamma Mia. And with Pierce Brosnan and Colin Firth? Mamma Mia indeed.

white-thong is the new awesome

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Just finished watching The Bachelor. I know. I shouldn’t watch such mind-numbing tripe, but I can’t help myself. The new bachelor is British. And hot.

But the best part of tonight’s show? Stacey.She’s cute. Sure her rock-hard boobs will poke your eye out, but if you manage to keep your eyesight, you can see she’s plainly not ugly.

But when she got off the limo, I told Fishdog she’d had some Valium and possibly a Xanax as an appetizer. Then, after she overtly flirted and almost man-handled the handsome Brit, she went inside to booze it up.

By the end of the night, she had started a cat-fight, taken off her white lacy thong and given it to the handsome Brit, and passed out on an unmade bed. Unmade as in no sheets. At all. Just a mattress.

Oh yeah. White-thong is the new awesome.

birthday recap

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Backstory to set up Friday morning:
I have been married to Fishdog for 1 month shy of 15 years. I know him pretty well. He rarely surprises me–especially on big days like birthdays, anniversaries, etc. He doesn’t like to spend money, so if there is something that we want that is over $50, it really is tough on him. He just won’t buy it. I knew that I was going to have to buy my own Awesome Pink iPod Nano. I’ve been wanting one since forever. I have asked for one more times than I can remember. I had already decided that if I didn’t get one for my birthday, I would be buying it myself.

I get out of bed Friday morning and shuffle to my computer to check email and lust over my white trash crushes one more time.

Fishdog gets up and says, “You got that bean juice going yet?”

“Nope.”

“Why not.”

“We’re out.”

“Go see.”

“You go see.”

Heavy sigh. about 10 mins go by and I’m in the kitchen fixing me a glass of water.

Fishdog: “Hey, while you’re there, check on the coffee.”

Me: “Honey, it’s my birthday, you should be making me coffee.”

“Just check on the coffee woman!”

“Fine.”

I open the container, and there is my iPod.

He does learn!

Thanks, honey. You rock.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

you say it’s your birthday…

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It’s my birthday too, yeah. Happy Birthday to ME! For my birthday, I offer you another Dirty Little Mel Secret. I have a vault full of them, but I have found it is more fun to open that vault every once in a while, as opposed to just opening up like a $2 hooker. So, in honor of my birthday, I offer you a gift.

Mel’s White Trash Crushes Top Three

1. Eminem: The man is fine. I don’t care if he’s the real slim shady or not. He can slim my shady…or shady my slim. Whatever. The man is purebred skanky fine.

2. Kid Rock: You can say whatever you want about this man, but there is something strangely sexy about Kid Rock. He has a great voice, and a great bod and some fantastic tattoos (which, I’ll admit, I have a huge weakness for) and frankly, I’d do him. Twice. Sober. With my own vagina.

3. Johnny Knoxville: I had a real hard time putting him on the White Trash list, but frankly, he hosted Jackass for WAYTOOFUCKING LONG. There is no way you can’t consider the host of Jackass as White Trash. But he’s so fine he makes my toes curl just saying his name. And I fell in love with him twice after watching him in Walking Tall. Why? You ask…Because he was in that movie with The Rock…and man, did I have some fun fantasies that night. And those fantasies included me being the cream filling between a Rock/Knoxville Manwich. They could do some nasty dirty things to me and I would ask for more. Seriously, I’m a-twitter with anticipation about my dreams tonight. Mmmmmm. Manwich. My favorite meal.

So those are my top three…but, in the spirit of research, I asked a few friends who their White Trash crushes would be. (I had a few more folks on my list and I wanted to see how they measured up)

4. Tommy Lee: Okay, I have determined (scientifically of course) that if you’ve ever been married to Pamela Anderson, you are automatically qualified for the White Trash Crush list. And I’ll admit during my heavy metal years, I got wet over Tommy Lee. I love me some drummers. I only dated drummers for a while (not kidding) and if Tommy Lee would’ve ever looked at me with his hot little wiry tattooed self, I would’ve volunteered to have his babies. Or at least practice with him. And look at that Happy Trail. Admit it…you’d practice with Tommy, too.

5. Bret Michaels: Every Rose Has its Thorn…and every shithead has his own reality tv show. Yet, I find him strangely HOT. Why? Somebody help me! It’s the tattoos. And the hair. And the hat. And those awesome abs. Sigh. I’m hopelessly committed to the trailer park, aren’t I?

6. Colin Farrell: As a friend of mine ( who is not a high-class hooker) said—the man is fine but he would f*ck a dead donkey. Yeah. He makes the list. But he really is fine…

I apparently really have a thing for hair and tattoos. Go figure.

So, who would you add to the list? Do you have a white trash crush? Go ahead, we’re friends here. Nobody’s judging you. (No really, I promise.) Unless you drink white zinfandel. Then we’re probably judging you a little.

birthday week, day four!

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Today, I’m going to discuss some of my favorite things. Cartoons.

But not just any old cartoons. Nay.

Special cartoons that should’ve never been cancelled. Ever. And I’m not talking about Roadrunner or Popeye or Tom and Jerry or any of that crap. I’m talking about innovative, funny, and smart cartoons that walk the line between kid and adult. Innuendo is our friend.

1. Aaagh! Real Monsters
If you didn’t see this cartoon, you truly missed out on a treat. This show was only on the air for 4 years, but they were 4 brilliant years. The cartoon followed three fledgling monsters in training, Oblina, Krumm, and Ickis. They attended a school below the city dump and when they had a scare assignment, they would go to the surface (oftentimes traveling through the sewer). The Headmaster’s name was The Gromble and I believe he may have been the first (the only?) cross-dressing cartoon character on Nickelodeon. (Tranny! Hot Mess.)

2. Rocko’s Modern Life
How could you not love a cartoon that followed the life of a wallaby who’s best friend was a cow raised by wolves? Guess what the cow’s name was? Heifer Wolfe. Oh yeah. Awesome.

3. Ren and Stimpy
Fishdog and I dated to Ren and Stimpy, so of course I have a soft spot in my heart for this show. I still quote the show as well. “Stimpy, you eeeeeediot.” “Happy, happy, Joy, Joy!” and of course, one of my favorite ditties (sang to the “Slinky” commercial tune


What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs

Rolls over your neighbor's dog?

What's great for a snack and fits on your back?

It's Log, Log, Log!

It's Log, Log, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood.

It's Log, Log, it's better than bad, it's good!

Everyone wants a log! You're gonna love it, Log!

Come on and get your log! Everyone needs a Log!"

4. Pinky and the Brain
How can you not love a cartoon that spawned witticisms such as these?
Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?
Pinky: I think so, Brain. If they called them sad meals, nobody would buy them.
Brain: Moo. We are a cow. Take us to China.
Pinky: Narf!

Pinky: What are we going to do tonight, Brain?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.

5. The Angry Beavers
First of all, the title itself is just a winner. Secondly, how fun is it following the lives of two beaver brothers, Norbert and Daggett aka Daggy Waggy? The brothers beave left their parents to live the life of bachelor beavers in the woods. There was a great cast of characters, including a bear, a stump, and a hippy Beaver named Treeflower (she was Norbert’s love interest)

The show was cancelled not long after a parent emailed Nickelodeon to complain that Norbert told Dag to shut up in an episode. Yeah, cuz brothers never do that! If you can find these on DVD, do not pass go until you buy them. Best. Show. Ever.

6. Beavis and Butthead
Really? Did you really think I wouldn’t miss this show? Yes, I’m easily entertained. Whatever. Loved this show.
“I’m Cornholio! Need TP for my bunghole!”

‘Nuf said.

Are there any cartoons you really miss? Did you guys watch any of these or am I the only sadly demented one in the world?