Tag Archives: fun

I’m judging you

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Okay, I’m not generally a judgy-mcjudgington. I don’t care who you’re sleeping with, where you buy your clothes, if you leave dishes in your sink or have enough dog hair on your floor to weave a rug. It doesn’t matter to me if you believe in/worship God, Dog, Karma, The Universe, Buddah, Brangelina, The Kardashians, or Jim Jones. I almost don’t care what your politics are (I am slightly judging you here. I’m working on that.)

However, if you do any of the things listed below…I’m totally judging you. Because this is when your choices are infringing on me in one respect or another. And let’s face it, this is my blog, so it’s all about me.

Unless you’re physically injured or handicapped, you better not be taking the elevator just one floor. I mean it. Do you know how ridiculous it is for me to travel from floor 12–thinking I’m going to make it all the way to floor 1–only to be stopped on floor 2 because some Mr. Lazy-pants didn’t feel like taking the stairs? Yeah, I’m rolling my eyes at you when you step on the elevator because I’m judging you. If you don’t like it, take the stairs.

When you refuse to put the shopping cart in the cart corral, I’m judging you. And possibly I’m confronting your uber lazy ass as well. Yes, I’m the cart Nazi. Just walk the 3 spaces over and replace the cart. C’mon. You know you can do it. Rain is rarely an excuse. There’s always an exception but my guess is, if you’re reading this blog, the exception doesn’t apply to you.

If your hair has it’s own zip code? Yes, I’m judging you. This goes for all you Bump-It wearers. If I feel the desire to mail your hair a letter, there is a problem. I had big hair once–between the years of 1988 & 1992. If I see your bangs and suddenly start singing a Poison song, you need a new stylist.

If your jeans come to or over your belly button, and/or taper at the ankle, you bet your sweet Chic-jeans I’m judging you. Mom called, she wants her jeans back. And while you’re at it, return those white Keds to her, too. Thanks.

If you’re reading this and can see yourself in any of these examples, well, you know what to do…

[insert witty blog title here]

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Okay, this has been a hard week so I’m very glad today is Friday.

Tomorrow I’m giving a presentation to my local writing chapter on Screenwriting. This should be interesting since I have never written a screenplay in my life. I do however apply screenwriting techniques when I’m wriitng a proposal, so that’s what I plan to focus on.

Okay, can we talk about Survivor for a minute? How much am I loving this season? Seriously, Russell is the most awesome player ever. I hope he’s for real, cuz honestly, I love how bad he is and how good he is at this game. He deserves to win the money…as long as he keeps playing smart and doesn’t get too cocky. (of course, not sure he could get anymore cocky than he already is. Wow.) Shambo is just TSTL sometimes. She better watch her back…her days are numbered. And Mick? He is the real Mick-dreamy (totally stole that from Maria Geraci)

And Project Runway. Wow. What a disappointment. I just don’t understand how they picked her as the winner. <–(this is me trying not to spoil it for those of you who dvr'd it.) Her collection was just so…bleh. It wasn't wearable (except for a couple of dresses…including the last dress wh/ I actually loved but the judges didn't!) and what was with those jockey helmets? UGH UGH UGH.

Okay, now for some fun:

We played a Facebook status game last night: What four words would you say to me if we woke up in jail together? The comments were many and funny. Now it’s your turn…

What four words would you say to me if we woke up in jail together?

a night to remember

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It’s not often that I’m able to go out and play with my friend ALL-CAPS KRISTAL but when I do, it’s always a night to remember.

And it also takes me about 2 weeks to recover. I may not have one foot in the grave, but I’m also not a spring chicken anymore. LOL

I knew the night was going to be a good one when I tried on a pair of jeans in a smaller size and they fit. I did it more as a way to gauge how much I needed to lose before I could wear them. I had no idea they would actually fit! So I bought them. And I will probably never take them off. That’s the only way to ensure I won’t gain any weight. LOL

So ALL-CAPS KRISTAL and my friend Kim picked me up and we headed to see The Gettys play. (awesome band! if you ever get a chance to catch their show, I highly recommend it) I spent much of the time admiring the lead singer’s ass, and before I knew it, ALL-CAPS KRISTAL had him standing next to me asking him if I could touch his booty. (Jaeger may or may not have been used as a bargaining chip) The girl has no fear.

Then we played with a little bachelor party. All the boys were 21 or so and we spent a lot of time trying to tell them it was okay not to get married so young. And we offered them other life advice which is not really something that needs to be written down here. ALL-CAPS KRISTAL kept introducing herself as “the famous local author Melissa Francis. Buy my book, BITE ME!”

The rest of the night will remain in the vault, but I will give you a few hints. Gay bar, inappropriate conversations, an offer that was hard to refuse, Midtown, IHOP, 4 A.M. (oh, and there was possibly some public indecency near the train station, but I will not confirm or deny the incident)

Yesterday I slept. And ate. And watched movies and football (HOLY COW! DID YOU SEE THE COLTS GAME!?) Tonight, I’m headed to the Rivermarket for Monday night football and then the rest of the week, I’m planning to chill. Gotta recharge my batteries for the next time ACK (heh) and Kim decide to take me out.

arkansas trivia

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Just for fun, I thought I’d offer you a blog about my homestate. If you ever get a chance to visit The Natural State, don’t hesitate. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised!

Glen Campbell, Johnny Cash, Tracy Lawrence, Billy Bob Thornton, Mark Martin, Scottie Pippen, Jerry Jones, Maya Angelou, John Grisham, Charlaine Harris, and of course, Bill Clinton are all from Arkansas.

We have several colleges here, but the majority of Arkansans are Arkansas Razorback fans.

Arkansas was the 25th state in the union.

Our bird is the Mockingbird, our tree is the Pine (seriously, how boring) our flower is the Apple Blossom, our insect is the Honey Bee (as it should be…Melissa means Honey Bee)our mammal is the White-Tailed Deer, our fish is large mouthed bass, our gem is the Diamond (did you know we have a diamond mine? It’s true!) our rock is Quartz, our state beverage (AM NOT KIDDING YOU) is milk (heh) and our state instrument is the fiddle.

In 1972, dinosaur fossils were found near Locksburg, AR. The dinosaur is informally known as the Arkansaurus which means Arkansas Lizard. (can I tell you how much I LOVE that?)

There was a war fought in Arkansas in 1874 over election results. Brooks-Baxter War was fought between the locals (scalawags) and the non-natives (carpetbaggers). It was a real war and had to be put to an end by President US Grant.

Dave Rudabaugh is our famous cowboy…he rode with Billy the Kid and he was played by Christian Slater in Young Guns II.

George Straight’s newest album (TWANG) features a song about Arkansas Dave

I grew up a half a mile from the geographical center of Arkansas.

Strange laws:

  • It is illegal to mispronounce Arkansas while in the state. It must be pronounced “Arkansaw.”
  • It is illegal for dogs to bark after 6:00 p.m. in Fayetteville.
  • While it is legal to shoot bears in Arkansas, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.
  • It is illegal to keep an alligator in your bathtub in Arkansas.
  • The state prohibits moose from being viewed from airplanes. Furthermore, it is against the law to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
  • An Arkansas law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise. (surely this isn’t still on the books!)
  • It is unlawful to walk one’s cow down Fayetteville’s Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday.
  • In the state of Arkansas a man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. (okay, if this is still on the books we have a real problem)
  • In Little Rock, no person shall sound the horn on a vehicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 p.m.
  • Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock can result in a 30-day jail term. (uh oh)

Don’t you wanna come visit me now? Especially so you can get rowdy and walk your cow down Fayetteville’s Main Street after 1:00 on Sunday. Or look at a Moose from an airplane! (I will not support the pushing of a moose from an airplane. you wanna break that law, you’re on your own!)

channeling James Brown: I FEEL GOOD!

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Okay, so Monday’s post was a bit of a downer, and if y’all know me (and I think you do) you know that I don’t like to dwell on the negative. Because really? Dwelling on the ugly doesn’t make it any less ugly, does it? Nope. But dwelling in uglyville can certainly start making me feel all yucky on my inside parts and that is the last thing I want.

So last night I walked with @JennChristman for over an hour. We haven’t gotten to do that in a while and it was so nice to get back into our walking groove. We had lots to talk about because the ‘bridge people’ were out in droves. (We saw a guy with BACK CRACK!! OMG. Who has BACK CRACK?) And a major Cammo-DON’T. Or Cammo-No. Or just CamNo. Not sure…you pick. But this skinny chick was wearing two differen’t patterns of cammo…the pants looked like PJ pants. It was wrong on sooooo many levels.

While we were walking, I totally got caught checking a cyclist out. Completely busted. But then, I guess he got busted too, so that makes us even. Jenn and I were walking and this cute biker was coming toward us. I smiled, he smiled, I thought “Hmmmm. Cute.” and then I waited a few seconds and turned to check out his backside…and apparently he was turning to check out mine at the same time. DOH! total movie moment and funny as hell. Never saw him again, so it wasn’t serendipity…but it was awesome.

I slept hard last night after finally catching up on Project Runway! (can I just say YAY ALTHEA AND CAROL HANNAH!?) And this morning, I decided to wear my favorite necklace. Good things always happen when I wear this necklace. I don’t know if it’s because I always feel great when I wear it or what…but I love it.


It makes me happy.

Another thing that makes me happy? Atomic Fireballs, Jelly Bellies, and Lemonheads.

OH and Key Lime Pie. Though it is a little out of season for the actual pie here in Arkansas. But when I taste Key Lime Pie I always think of the beach and that ALWAYS makes me happy. (So does the Kenny Chesney song.)

Speaking of songs that make me happy:

Tell me what gets you in a good mood when you’ve had a crappy week?

a new discovery

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I grew up in central Arkansas. Other than the 7 years I was in Oxford, MS, I’ve lived in Arkansas my whole life.

This weekend, I discovered something new about this area…we have a covered bridge! How did I not know this?



I forsee many a beautiful fall and spring day sitting on this dock, soaking up inspiration.

Cheating on my blog post

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Here’s a meme for ya because I’m not awake enough to properly blog:

1. Who was your FIRST prom date?
Scottie Courtney

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love?
yes. Had lunch with him yesterday as a matter of fact.

3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink?
cheap white wine drank from a sprite can.

4. What was your FIRST job?
Daycare provider

5. What was you FIRST car?
1987 Chevrolet Spectrum.

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
It will probably be Jennifer Christman. As a matter of fact, I’m a little surprised I haven’t heard from her already.

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?
like I’m going to tell you guys…

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher?
Mrs. Kinney @ Bryant Elementary

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?
Washington DC. I was 18 years old.

10. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk?
Sherri Hamilton was my first preschool best friend and we were still good friends in high school. and yes we still talk.

11. Where was your FIRST sleepover?
It was in kindergarten at Cathy Finney’s house. I believe that was the sleepover where Carol Catton bit me. Carol and I have moved on from the incident and remain friends today.

12. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?
My kids

13. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?
My friend Jennifer

14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?
Peed. Isn’t that the first thing everyone does in the morning?

15. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?
Air Supply, BABY!

16. FIRST tattoo?
4 daisies that travel from right above my heart to my shoulder, across my back. 1 has a dragonfly and 1 has a honeybee on it. I got it this year.

17. FIRST piercing?
My ears, in 4th grade

18. FIRST foreign country you’ve been to?
haven’t had the pleasure, believe it or not.

19. FIRST movie you remember seeing in the theater?
Gus

20. FIRST Detention you had?
there were so many, I honestly can’t remember the first.

21. What was the FIRST state you lived in?
Arkansas

22. If you had one wish. What would it be?
This isn’t a fair question to ask me prior to coffee so I’m going to opt out.

23. What is something you would learn if you had the chance?
Piano

24. Who do you think will be the next person to post this?
Nobody

football, friends, fun and NATURE!

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Despite the fact that the Razorbacks lost, it was a good weekend.

First of all, the Hogs have a passing game. This is welcome news to all of Arkansas, as we haven’t seen our little piggies throw and catch the ball in years. Actually probably a decade. We could’ve won the game (we should’ve won the game) but we had a player get ejected and the coach got an additional penalty and then the team kinda fell apart after that.

Plus, even though we have an offense; the defense (for either team) was pretty much non-existent. Maybe they should work on that some this week. Just a suggestion.

I saw my friend Debra Parmley who did a book signing at Words Worth books not far from my house. Debra lives a couple of hours away from me, so it was nice to be able to pop over for a quick visit:And then I had Robyn’s bday party to go to. There was dancing, and dancing, and dancing! OH MY! Sunday I walked with @jennchristman and it turned into a nature hike. We saw several deer, a couple of heron, a turtle convention (seriously, I’ve never seen that many turtles on one log before in my life), an alien egg (wish I had gotten a pic of it. When the pod people take over, don’t say I didn’t warn ya) and a tee-tiny little green snake. It was a naturiffic!

Did you have a good weekend? Do anything fun?

my wee scottish lad

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The summer of 2006, we hosted a couple of soccer coaches from the UK for the first time (Grant and Simon). We fell smack in love with these kids and have stayed in touch with them over the years.

Grant still lives in the states–he works for Challenger Sports as a Regional Director out of Cincinnati. We saw him last summer when he was still traveling as a coach, but we haven’t had the pleasure so far this year.

But we will tonight. His mum and pop are visiting from Scotland and we’re all meeting in Nashville, which is about 4 hours or so from both of us. We’ll just be there one night, but it will be one very fun night, I promise.

Here are the posts from the first time I met Grant’s parents:

Will post pics Monday! Y’all have a great weekend. And please take some time today to remember those we lost 8 years ago.

ooooh that smell! can’t you smell that smell?

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Just for funsies, here is a list of fragrances and flavors that I really don’t like:

  • Amaretto: this stems from a bad experience in college. Amaretto sours should be banned from existence.
  • Hazelnut: Never have been a fan of the flavor or the fragrance; not really sure why. I will tell you that there is a holiday potpurri that is hazelnut fragranced and it makes my stomach turn. *shudder*
  • Plumeria fragrance from Bath and Body Works: This stems from when I was a store manager back in the 90s. I was used to the overwhelming scent of all the blended fragrances in the store. Then I got pregnant. Overall, the fragrances didn’t bother me, until one day these two women came into the store and tried every damn plumeria scented product. Even the air freshner. I had to excuse myself and go throw up.
  • The perfume Tresor: When I was in my early 20s, I worked in a very small office for a local auctioneer. It was me and one other lady. Everyday, Judy would come in smelling like she had showered in Tresor. The 1st thing she would do when she sat down was pull out her Tresor scented lotion and lather up. She did the same thing after lunch. I asked her nicely one day to please stop using the lotion and she got very angry with me and told me to deal with it. I did–I quit the next day. I had a friend who used to wear Tresor and I had to ask her not to on the days we hung out together.
  • Nut flavored beers: I love a good stout, a yummy pale ale or IPA but if it’s nut flavored it makes my tongue curl. And it gives me a headache.
  • Catfish: Yes, it’s true. I’m the only southern girl in the world who doesn’t like catfish.
  • Venison: I know many of you are reading this and saying to themselves: “You just think you don’t like venison because you ain’t never had it fixed right for ya.” I can assure you, you’re not the only person to say that. Even my grandmother tried to fool me once. Trust me–I don’t like it.
  • The air freshener fragrance they use at the West Little Rock Bed, Bath, and Beyond: Holy crap it smells like a blend of medicine and Plumeria. I have to breathe through my shirt when I’m in that store…which is why I no longer shop there.

Is there anything you’re really sensitive to?