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So…I was making out with Fabio last night…

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Okay. I’m going to give you a rare glimpse inside my brain. You’re welcome.

Last night, I was watching REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER (btw, my favorite text ever from Rader was when he sent me a picture of Bill Maher and asked “Are you sure he isn’t my real father?”) Anyway, Dan Savage was on and it was one of the funniest episodes I’ve seen in a while. If you get a chance, please watch the 5:48 video just for a laugh and to see a very conservative former republican senator from Florida get very uncomfortable and make the “I smell bad ham” face.

So this is how my brain works. I was thinking that Dan Savage was the guy who did the satire romance novel covers, but he isn’t. I know that now (click that link for a good laugh). But, last night, I went to bed thinking he was that guy and when I think about romance novel covers, I often think of Fabio.

Who wouldn’t, right?

Ribbet collageOkay, so there I am, falling asleep with Fabio on my mind…and suddenly, there he is in my dream.

We’re in the library and there’s a party. And he’s pursuing me. He wants me badly. (I mean, duh!) and he finally pulls me onto his lap in a dark corner and we kiss. And after a few minutes (I had to be SURE) I tell him, “Sorry. This just isn’t working for me.”

And he’s all “I’m Fabio! I work for everyone!”

And I say, “Well, I’m not everyone. And you should learn to kiss better. I don’t have time or desire to teach you.” and I try to get up. But he holds me down and gives me a GIANT HICKEY ON MY CHEST. And then he puts a band-aid on it and says, “You’re branded now. You’re mine.”

I’m pissed. “What are you? 14?” And I dramatically storm off to tell everyone that Fabio gave me a hickey against my will. And everyone tells me I should have been nicer to him. Nobody tells Fabio he doesn’t kiss well, even if it’s true.  He’s FABIO for chissakes!

So yeah. That’s how my brain works. It’s scary, right?

Scary AWESOME.

Fabio

Link

To prove I’m not just a cynical bitch (not that I care if that’s what you think…)

The photos in this article will make you believe in love. I guarantee you these couples aren’t out to prove anything to anyone. Look at them.

Beautiful.

Here are a couple of my favorites (credit Huffington Post):

slide_309016_2709278_freeslide_309016_2709274_free slide_309016_2709295_free slide_309016_2709289_freeThese pictures are beautiful and make me smile.

Real. Genuine. And nothing to prove. *sigh*

I love happy.

I know I’m a 13 year old boy at heart but…

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This is the WORST line from any horoscope I have ever read:

This first difficult day will be July 3-July 4 when the Sun will be in very hard angle to Uranus.

Ouch.

That just really sounds very uncomfortable, for all parties involved.

uranus

topless driving and inappropriate conversations

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How is it that I waited this long to buy a convertible? I will never have anything else now. *so in love with sally sparkle*

photo(117)photo(118)

 

Seriously, I require a massive amount of sunlight to make me happy. Just driving with the top down on the way to work, starts my day off just right. No matter what mood I’m in when I wake up, I’m always happier after 20 minutes in the sun and wind.
Welcome to the bullet points of miscellany. My brain is in ADHD mode, so you have been warned:

  • My little salsa garden is doing great! I cannot wait to make my first batch of homemade salsa.
  • I was feeling kinda cranky last night and Rader was so cute trying to make me laugh. He finally managed to succeed.
  • Ian washed the dishes and watered the plants yesterday because he is awesome.
  • I have a doctor’s appointment in 10 days for a check up. Is it possible to lose 30lbs by then?
  • I am the best griller on earth. I know grilling is supposed to be a man’s job, but seriously, nobody with a penis can hold a candle to my awesome meat.
  • That makes me Queen of the Grill.
  • Eating clean is going pretty well, except for the 1 week hiccup due to my headcold…then I just ate anything that was easy. Mostly cheese and chimichangas. Apparently I needed to feed my cold Mexican food.
  • Stacey Jay is coming over again this weekend and I love her with ALL THE LOVE.
  • I don’t want her to leave me again.
  • We have fun conversations that are very inappropriate. Here’s a snippet of things you miss when you’re not with us “YOU CAN’T PUT YOUR CAT INSIDE ME!”
  • Please don’t ask me to provide the context of that quote.
  • Oh, here’s another provided by my friend Marissa: “She is little. She is mean. She is a bitch… HER NAME IS AMY.”
  • Stacey and I think that is a fantastic book title. We may have to write that story.
  • There is a mattress on my porch. We are klassy.
  • There may have been a discussion of droopy meat-curtains and shaggy rugs women who don’t landscape during swimsuit season.
  • Rader starts driver’s ed this week. He’s been rocking it with me, so I’m pretty sure he’ll pass with driving colors.
  • If I win the lottery, I’m going to fly far, far away.
  • I rewatched Game of Thrones and it wasn’t as meh for me this time. However, I still needed somebody bad to die. Mostly, I needed Joffrey to die.
  • I imagine Margeary killing Joffrey on their wedding night with the same bow he killed Roz with.
  • That will never happen, but it would be awesome.
  • He’s probably gonna die in some weaselly way…like choke on a rib bone while torturing Sansa. I would be okay with that, too, as long as nobody tries to save him and they watch him die.
  • I would like his grandpa to stand over him while he gasps for breath while choking. Grandpa would say, “I can’t hear you, did you say ‘save me, I’m your King?’ because, you’re no king.”
  • I need a swimming pool.
  • And a lake or beach in my backyard.
  • Sorry. I’m just saying things now.
  • I’ll stop bullet pointing and move on.
  • In a minute.
  • happy Tuesday y’all.
  • Bye.
  • Bye.

 

I was trying to be pissy, but now I can’t be. Thanks, Tony Harrington.

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I woke up this morning full of hate and discontent. Seriously. Like, my sparkle was actually a flamethrower of bitterness and anger.


So naturally, I posted on FB that I would not be shining today. At all.

And then that damn Tony Harrington had to go and ruin my bad mood by being all sweet. You see, he’s a fellow writer here in Little Rock and he did an interview (which you should go read) and he said the nicest thing ever about me and now I can’t really be pissy anymore.

“I live in Little Rock, Arkansas. I moved here from Baltimore, MD and I thought I could kiss the writing scene goodbye. But I am lucky to have found that there is a thriving art scene in the city and beyond. I have met and become friends with some wonderful writers and journalists within the city. Melissa Francis who writes the awesome YA books “Bite Me” and “Love Sucks” is a beautiful human being who is witty, charming, 100% awesome.”

Fine. I’ll be in a good mood now, but I’m not gonna like it. Thanks, Tony. You’re swell. Like really, really swell.

Come on Friday!

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I have a new Razorback dress that I will be wearing in Oxford this weekend.

I can’t wait to see all my friends and for some fantastic tailgating. The party will start early since it’s an 11:00 game. We’ll be there early Friday so if anyone wants to do lunch and possibly stop off at LuLu’s for some shoe shopping…let me know!

   

and then it was Thursday.

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I get my hairs did today which is fabulous. I need to spice up the day-glo red. I also need to cover the dull and graying roots.(shhh. that’s our little secret)

Tonight, El Jefe and I are heading to the Arkansas Repertory Theatre to see The Second City perform! yay!

Other than that, I got nuttin’ honey. Well, I’m in a great mood and feeling kind of silly. Also I look really cute today all the way up to my neck. After 2:00, it will be a completed cute. Right now, I need a brown bag to cover the face and hair. haha.

Maybe even 2 bags.

BLOOD RIGHTS release day!

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It’s been a long time coming for my friend Kitteh (aka Kristen Painter) but release day has finally arrived for the first book her a much anticipated House of Comarré series. Go forth and purchase. Here, I’ll help you with links:

BLOOD RIGHTS: Amazon

BLOOD RIGHTS: Barnes and Noble

BLOOD RIGHTS: BAM 

Born into a life of secrets and service, Chrysabelle’s body bears the telltale marks of a comarr — a special race of humans bred to feed vampire nobility. When her patron is murdered, she becomes the prime suspect, which sends her running into the mortal world…and into the arms of Malkolm, an outcast vampire cursed to kill every being from whom he drinks.

Now, Chrysabelle and Malkolm must work together to stop a plot to merge the mortal and supernatural worlds. If they fail, a chaos unlike anything anyone has ever seen will threaten to reign.  

happy tuesday

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Rader has da foozball tonight. I’m hoping it’s a good game. You know, one where the coaches actually let the kids play and the refs don’t blow their damn whistles every 2 seconds making an 8 minute quarter last 35 minutes. Or more. Gah! They are in middle school. This is not college game day. Let the boys play ball!

Gooby Ruby is feeling a little under the weather and that makes me sad. I’m going to check her out at lunch today and if she’s not any better, it’s off to the vet we go.

THIS made me LOLOL. It’s funny because it’s true.

Source: polyvore.com via Mel on Pinterest

Hope y’all have a great day. I plan to.