what time is it?

Posted on by
Reply


It’s early, that’s for damn sure.

Too early to be up cleaning…which obviously I’m not doing since I’m blogging.

I can has procrastinashun.

Last night, after a full day of dusting, cleaning, sneezing and watching 2 movies (oops, I accidentally sat down with the TV on…that’ll show me!) I went to dinner with my friend Andrea. It was nice to just sit and chill…and sneeze. Damn those dusty blinds! where’s my claritin?

Now this morning I have to finish vacuuming the cat hair out of the air and off the furniture, mop the floor and hit the road. Fishdog was up all night working (I don’t know if getting this new Powerbook was such a good idea now) so he was coming to bed as I was making coffee. He’s gonna get up when the sun comes up, mow and clean the carport. Then we should be ready for this weekend’s open house.

We have to go back to Little Rock today because Ian’s first cross-country meet is this afternoon. It won’t be thrilling to sit at the finish line and wait, but it is thrilling that Ian is running. I hope he sticks it out.

Anyway, I think I’ve procrastinated enough. Must. Clean. (after another cup of coffee, of course…)

dirty bitch

Posted on by
Reply

I’m a dirty bitch right now.

I’ve come back to Oxford to dust and mop for our Open House this weekend and I am filthy.

Who knew there could be so much dust in one house…especially in the blinds? (probably everyone knew but me since I apparently never dust. Hey Mel, if you dusted more, this wouldn’t be a problem!)

So, anyway, that’s not the only thing that makes me dirty…I discovered yesterday that something really is wrong with me.

It’s not a secret that I’m not right in the head. Not long ago, I confessed my lust for Steve from Blue’s Clues. I opened up my heart and let it bleed on my blog. And now I’m about to do it again.

Remember the country boy from Sling Blade? You know, little Lucas Black? Well, I’ve been watching this boy grow up and finding my thoughts turning toward the impure as he became a teenager. Friday Night Lights was a great movie (and a great TV show, too) and Lucas was extremely hot. But too young for me to call hot, so I just ignored the naughtiness that meandered inside me. But then last night, I finally watched The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Oh how my naughty river flowed once again.

Thank God he’s 25 years old now. At least I’m not as dirty as I first thought. Which I think is a good thing…

i’m a loser…but i’m having fun

Posted on by
Reply

So, Marley wins…I mean, ‘Bama wins. We sucked. It sucked. I drank and didn’t care after a while. But I still love my Piggies and I’m still a Houston Nutt supporter. Go Hogs. Sorry you brought home the big L tonight.

After the game and many beers, we pulled out the Fishdog’s new Mac Powerbook. I love this machine. I love typing on it and I love the fact that I can take funky pictures with it.

go hogs go!

Posted on by
Reply


WOO PIG SOOIE!

Spank ‘Bama!

Today, my friend becomes my “enemy”. I love you, Marley. But today, we must fight.

For those who are interested, last year my Piggies beat ‘Bama in 2 overtimes…It was ugly, but I was wearing my beer goggles so ugly didn’t matter….

friday, part the 2nd…

Posted on by
Reply

I volunteered at the school today and they worked me over like a cheap hooker. Okay, maybe not the best metaphor considering the fact this is a Catholic school, but you get the picture. It was 5 hours of hard labor–without an epidural. Trust me, drugs would’ve helped, tremendously.

I had a good time despite the fact I was wishing for a hit of pain killers. I hung out with a cool Egyptian chick (been in America since ’68 so really she’s more American than Egyptian now…) anyway, Maggie is the mother of 3 beautiful girls. You know, dark skin, dark hair, dark eyes…the kinda girls that will be called “exotic beauties” when they’re older. We had a great time. We spent the day moving and unpacking boxes and laughing at assisting the snooty other moms were also there to “help”.

So, this whole Catholic immersion thing is new to me. A: I’m protestant and a lapsed protestant at that. B: I think organized religion ruins spirituality C: What do you mean Mass doesn’t count except on Saturday’s after 4:00 pm and on Sundays? If it doesn’t count, why the hell are y’all going all the damn time? But I’m hanging in there and being as supportive as I can be for a heathen an uneducated protestant.

Sometimes I worry one of the parents will find my blog and my kids will be kicked out because their mom has had naughty thoughts about Steve from Blue’s Clues (honestly, can they forgive a naughty river?), has posted half nekkid pictures of hot guys, is writing a Vampire YA, and gets pretty hot and bothered when reading MMF. Could you imagine that conversation?

“But she’s in PTO. She can’t be all bad.”
“But she likes reading MMF sex! I bet she liked watching Queer as Folk… (I did. Hot naked guys for 1 hour a week. Duh.)
“She writes about the undead. She’s a sinner.”
“We could convert her…”
“Um. Do we really want to convert her?”
“Good point.”

Of course, this is my overactive imagination working overdrive ( I write fiction, you know?) The school takes our money and welcomes us into their fold. It’s been fabulous there. The kids like it tremendously and I’ve felt very welcome by the people who count. (actually, the majority of the school and administration has been more than welcoming. Just one or two moms have tried their best to make me feel uncomfortable. They didn’t realize I thrive on the challenge..)

Just because I feel like it, here’s one of my favorite scenes from Rush Hour (shut up, I like this movie). It’s not the scene I quote the most… (“Do you hear the words that are comin’ out of my mouf?”) But it is one of my favorite scenes. Enjoy, bitches.

friday…

Posted on by
Reply

Okay, so I’ve been told it’s Friday. I am volunteering at the school today after my workout…we’re moving some stuff into the new school building, so it’s okay that I’ll be stinky and sweaty when I get there.

Fishdog finally blogged again. He’s gotten his new Mac laptop and has been playing with all the new features. Here’s a sample:

For more, go here: Fishdog’s Flophaus. Tell him twfkam sent ya.

keyword analysis

Posted on by
Reply

First of all, thanks to everyone who popped over to the Cafe to say Hi! I appreciate it…and I fully expect you guys to do that for me every month. Today, Tess Harrison is discussing her love of book buying over there, so add the HEA Cafe to your daily read.

I’ve had some interesting search tool referrals lately. None as interesting as what they get over at Smart Bitches or KillerRants . I obviously don’t talk about man-titty and camel toes enough. (must. change. that.)

This week though, I’ve had multiple google hits for “heinous anus”, and “spanked pics”. Something must be in the air. Oh, and my favorite, “melissa francis hot”. (Yeah, I know they’re probably looking for the CNBC anchor, but let me dream for a second, please…)

One person googled my maiden name: “mel mckenzie radio”. Part of me wondered if it was an old high school friend who remembered that fateful day a local station hosted “complain about a teacher” day.

Gee, guess who called in? One of these days, I might have to tell y’all that story…

Someone who works for Safeway in Salt Lake City googled “melissa francis husband”. Honey? is there something you need to tell me? LOL

I get a kick out of reading my blog stats. I have a lot more readers than I realized. (You should all delurk one day and say howdy. Today would be good…)

Anyway, I’ve decided I’m just going end my blogs with a random word or phrase just to see if it pumps up the blog hits. Kristen Painter* had read somewhere that just mentioning Alan Rickman will increase your traffic….so I’ll start there.

Alan Rickman is hot when he’s not Severus Snape or the spitting Sheriff in Robin Hood. The more evil his character, the more hot he is to me…except as Snape, which frankly, kinda grosses me out. However, as much as I love his bad guys, I think my favorite of his characters was Col. Brandon in Sense and Sensibility. He made me swoon in that movie. Swoon, I tell ya.

*go read Kristen’s blog if you wanna find out how totally weird her mind is. She had a dream about me and Louisa — topless. Which, really isn’t far fetched…however, the company we were keeping…Just. Not. Right.

13 year old logic–or lack thereof

Posted on by
Reply

Me: Ian, you haven’t done your literature. It’s incomplete. It’s inaccurate.

Ian: (Shrug)

Me: Why?

Ian: (Shrug. Lip smack. Eye roll. ) Because it is.

Me: (steam flowing from my ears. Blood streaming from my nose due to the aneurysm) Explain why it just is. With words. Minus the visuals and sound effects. (I think I growled, and then I popped a ventricle from trying not to yell…)

Ian: I don’t like that teacher. That’s why it just is.

He doesn’t like his teacher? So in order to hurt his teacher, he doesn’t do his work?

Yeah. That’s some logic right there. I mean, that’s like uber-advanced-college-thesis-level logic. It’s so high level, I need a diagram to help me understand.