I’m still alive–but

But the house isn’t finished. I swear, next time I go on strike, I’m going to prepare and freeze 2 months of meals in advance and hire a weekly housekeeper. (of course, I hope by ‘next time’ I’ll already have a housekeeper coming every other week…) I live in a frat house with animals.

So today’s goal is the living room, finish the laundry, mop all the floors, and organize my bedroom closet.

Part of the organizing is going to entail getting rid of shoes I don’t wear, as well as all the clothes I’ve ‘undergrown’ (because I’m not going back).

I’m also going to the gym today…I registered for my March 15 race this morning, so I have to make sure I’m going to be able to actually run that bitch. YAY ME!

I posted some pics on Ficitonistas from Saturday’s day with the boys at the races. Pop over and see them! I’m also going to be over at FCR today sometime. It’s Monday, so I’m making the rounds!

teach my ass, Melissa

Dear Person from Germany who googled Teach my ass Melissa,

I’m going to need a little bit more direction. What exactly would you like me to teach your ass? Does your ass have something special it would like to learn?

I must admit, I am a very good teacher. I take my time with each lesson, make sure the student is fully apprised of the subject and I painstakingly teach, and reteach until the pupil can pass the test with flying colors. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it.

So your ass is in the right hands. But the problem is, I have no idea what lessons your ass would like to learn. So I’ve taken this opportunity to work up a list of potential subjects. Please let me know what your ass would like to learn.

  • how to eat with chopsticks: admittedly, this will be a tough lesson for me, as I have not mastered the art of chopsticks. I can do it, but it ain’t pretty. However, if this is what your ass chooses to learn, I will gladly do my best to teach it.
  • how to prepare foie gras: Um, yeah. sorry. That won’t be happening. I just learned what foie gras is during the last season of Top Chef. Your ass is on its own.
  • how to be a ninja: I don’t do stealth and I don’t do ninja. But I’ve got the name and number of a guy who does. if this is what you want, email me and I’ll put you two in touch.
  • Algebra: um, sorry. Your ass is striking out with me if you want to learn algebra. Mel is a firm believer that the alphabet and the numerical systems should be kept separate. Letters and Numbers do not equal more numbers.
  • how to be a milf: now we’re talking. I’m pretty sure I can teach your ass a little bit in the way of milfing, but it’s a lot of work. Is your ass up for the challenge?
  • how to text and drive: I would almost never do that! *have your ass contact me privately*
  • how to write a damn good book: THAT I can teach your ass. LMAO

Okay, these are just a few things your ass might be interested in learning. If your ass has something else in mind, please let me know.

Thanks for your interest. Now, in the mean time, I offer you this video on how to be a Ninja, free of charge. Watch it. You won’t be sorry.

“Judy Chop!” and “Don’t go ninjain’ nobody that don’t need ninjain'”

are you a burrower?

When I sleep, I tend to flip to my stomach, kick a leg up, and burrow under a pillow. Actually, sometimes I can’t go to sleep if I don’t have a pillow over my head. (Which is really ironic since one of my irrational fears is suffocating.)

I don’t know why I do this. I used to think it started when I got married and Fishdog watched a lot of TV in bed and I would cover my head to block out the light/sound. But I think that’s just when I started noticing myself doing it.

What’s even funnier? Both of my kids are burrowers.
Above is Rader. Yes, he’s buried in there. Sound asleep.
Below is Ian. This is how I find him every morning. He sleeps with a minimum of 3 pillows and he digs in like he’s hibernating for the winter.
So, is sleeping style inherited? Is there some weird recessive gene for burrowing. Should I get out my Punnett Square and start playing?Hmmm. Would Burrowing be a dominant trait since both boys are burrowers? Fishdog definitely isn’t a burrower, but he could be a ‘burrower’ gene carrier. Crap, I can’t remember. I do know that genetics was about the only part of science I enjoyed. It must’ve been if I could remember Punnett Square.Did you inherit anything quirky from your folks or did your kids inherit something quirky from you? And do you think it was nature or nurture that caused it?

date weekend

I have a date with my computer this weekend. We’re going to be spending a lot of QT together, plotting, storytelling, and maybe even getting on each others’ nerves a bit. But it must be done. So I’m firing up my iTunes, sticking in my headphones and hitting the keyboard. If my computer cooperates, I might even let him go to second base. (especially if iTunes sets the mood by playing some Barry White…)

In the mean time, HobbitGrrl has offered some fantastic marathon advice for n00bs over at FCR. Really great advice. Now I feel at least somewhat prepared for that very scary event, which is only 1 month, 2 weeks, and 5 days away. Not that I’m counting.

If you haven’t been keeping up with my fitness status over at FCR, I’m down 13 lbs, have lost 1 full size, and am now able to run 2 miles on pavement without stopping. Still a long way from 6 but hey, I’ll get there. It’s sure a lot better than the struggling I was doing over my first 60 second run a few months ago. 🙂 Also, I’m finally to the point that I actually want to go workout. This is a new thing for me…I missed a week to let my foot heal and I was really cranky. (I know, know! Who am I and what have I done with the real Mel?) Don’t worry, the real Mel is fine. She’s off on some island with a gaggle of red-heads servicing her every need…

music, music, I hear music!

Before we get to my regularly scheduled blog below, I wanted to let y’all know my BFF and critique partner is blogging about how she came up with her Bunco series idea and sold it. Pop over (after you read my blog, of course) and check it out!

Now on to our regularly scheduled blog…
————————————————–
This morning, I woke up singing Kokomo.

Does this happen to anyone other than me?

I wake up EVERY morning singing a song. Rarely is it a song I listened to during the day before or one that I go to bed singing. It’s always some random song that pops into my head as I’m getting out of bed. Trust me, I don’t sing Kokomo. Ever. Except when it pops into my head in the mornings.

I’ve noticed this phenomenon a lot lately and I’ve wondered WTF?

Tuesday when I woke singing Springsteen’s Land of Hope and Dreams, I didn’t think anything about it. That made total sense. Actually, my mind drifted between that song and another Springsteen song (Better Days) all day. My subconscious was there for me all day Tuesday.

But really, when I woke Wednesday singing Jessie’s Girl and I woke yesterdasy singing I Touch Myself (actually, I wake up singing that one quite a bit…) I wondered if I really WANT to know what my subconscious is thinking.

Other songs I’ve recently woken up to:

  • Witchy Woman (okay, I get this)
  • Gold Digger (yeah, I’m not even kidding)
  • Sweet Home Alabama (um?)
  • So Fresh, So Clean (okay, I do sing this one after I shower. Can’t help myself.)
  • Turning Japanese
  • Ain’t Missing You (Dude, I do love me some John Waite)
  • Where It’s At? (I got, two turntables and a microphone)
  • Controversy (yeah, Prince. Old Skool Prince. I did love that album in high school)

So there you go. Mel’s personal wake up playlist. It’s probably a good thing I don’t have theme music that follows me everywhere I go…

And today from The Universe:

Baby steps spark miracles, Melissa.

Miracles do not spark baby steps.

Ungawa,
The Universe

Damn skippy, U.

So, if y’all had a theme song, what would it be? Or even better, what would your playlist be? Happy Friday y’all!

a mish mash

First of all, I’m back to blogging over at FCR. I took a week off due to a pain in my foot. The pain is still there, but it’s better. Yesterday I bought new shoes and it was quite the experience. If you get a chance, pop over and read about it. Sometimes I’m kinda funny. It’s true.

Speaking of funny, is it weird that almost everyday somebody tells me that I’m funny? I mean, I know I have a good sense of humor and I know I crack myself up on a daily basis, but really am I that funny? Or does funny mean something else to these folks? Are they calling me ironic? (Okay, that would be kinda funny) Maybe they’re leaving out a word. “Mel you _______ funny.” (It’s Mad Libs Time! insert verb) smell, run, walk, look, need, want, crave, talk, sound, mother, write… The possibilities are endless.

Rapid topic change:
Have you ever had one of those days that you know you must look really good because of the way people look at you? Yesterday was one of those days for me. Seriously, was almost disconcerting. Every woman complimented something about my outfit and most of the men did that eye thing. Ladies, you know that eye thing I’m talking about don’t you? The one that men think we don’t see when they do it? It’s an eye flit of sorts and it’s so funny cuz they think they’re being so subtle. Especially when they like what they see and their ears turn red. Or they cock a brow. Or they smile with a different kinda smile…

Dear [most] Men,
You’re about as subtle as a dog with a pork rib. Stop that.
Yours Truly,
Mel

Rapid topic change:
Last night, I was all primed to watch the season premiere of LOST. I need my Sawyer, Desmond, and Sayid fix in a major way. But do you know what my local dumbass, good-for-nothing, two-timing ABC station did? They preempted LOST for the Auburn/Kentucky basketball game! Listen, I love me some SEC sports, but you don’t preempt the season premiere of LOST for a freaking NON-LOCAL sporting event. Fishdog has encouraged me to write a letter. I’ve had some letter writing success in the past, but I don’t really see the purpose this time. It’s not like they can undo yesterday’s damage. Sigh.

Okay, enough for now. Y’all have a great day, and I’ll see you this afternoon. No LOST SPOILERS! Talk amongst yourselves and when I get home from work, I’ll be sure to play.

Yesterday’s Q of the day: the discussion

Does anyone else find it funny that the majority of yesterday’s answers revolved around food and lounging around?

My answer was a little different. (though I was tempted to steal Lucy’s ‘rob a couple of banks’ idea)

24 hours, on an private island…with a magic man, who could grant my every wish. There would be naughtiness galore. Maybe I would invite Simon Baker, my current not-so-secret-pretend boyfriend and my ex-not-so-secret-pretend boyfriend, Matt Damon. Okay, and maybe 1 or 2 other people. I mean, there’s no consequences, right? No guilt, no worries, just fond memories of a good time.

While on the island, I would go deep sea diving with my not-so-secret-pretend boyfriends and we’d discover a shipwreck…with the largest treasure ever found. I would then be given the private island as a reward. I would name the island in my honor and would require a passport for visitors.

And I would live there happily ever after. You all could visit any time.

What should I name my private island? Mel-o-land?

let’s talk about sex(y)

Or even smexy. Nothing better than smart and sexy…but I digress.

What is sexy?

Main Entry:
sexy Listen to the pronunciation of sexy
Pronunciation:
\ˈsek-sē\
Function:
adjective
Inflected Form(s):
sex·i·er; sex·i·est
Date:
1925
1 : sexually suggestive or stimulating : erotic 2 : generally attractive or interesting : appealing
— sex·i·ly Listen to the pronunciation of sexily \-sə-lē\ adverb
— sex·i·ness Listen to the pronunciation of sexiness \-sē-nəs\ noun

So let’s discuss.

Agree or disagree? Sexy is determined by the looker not the lookee? (make sense? I am on my 3rd drink, so this may be considered a drunk blog before it’s all over. My bad.)

Sexy or Sex Appeal is determined by the person forming the opinion. Not the object of the opinion. It doesn’t matter if I think I’m a frumpy old woman, if someone else looks at me and says, “Damn that bitch is sex-on-a-stick!” then I totally am. yes or no?

OR do you think that sexy is the state of mind of the person being looked at. ‘I feel sexy therefore I am?’ Now, I’m not discounting the sex appeal of anyone who feels sexy. Seriously, I can tell a difference on the nights I feel smoking hot and the nights I just feel put together. Guys (and girls) notice the difference. But I think that’s a confidence thing, more than anything. I don’t think that has anything to do with ‘am I sexy or am I just a goofball?’ mentality.

Personally, I find confidence sexy as hell. You can be the biggest nerd on earth, but if you’re confident (and maybe just a little cocky, I do have a weakness) I’ll think you’re sexy. So if you don’t think of yourself as sexy, does that make me wrong?

Talk amongst yourselves. Would love to hear your thoughts on this…

16 things you didn’t know about me

This Meme has been making the Facebook rounds and I’ve been tagged a couple of times, so I figured I’d kill two birds with 1 stone and post it as a blog–which automatically imports to my FB page. I iz smart.

Now, let’s see if I can come up with 16 things y’all don’t already know. Or maybe I should make that 16 things I can publish on the internetz…there are some things that just need to remain a secret or told only in private.

  1. The first 2 posters on my wall when I was a kid were ELO and Shaun Cassidy.
  2. I had a Logan’s Run Beach towel.
  3. In 2nd grade, I got the Dorothy Hamil haircut. I also used Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific shampoo. (there’s ya a little bonus)
  4. My first dog was a Beagle named Checkers.
  5. My first cat was a Siamese named Shingles.
  6. My first real crush was a red-headed boy named Charlie. We went to summer camp together and played kickball and tether ball and danced to le chic’s Freak Out all day long. I’ve had a thing for gingers ever since.
  7. One of the requirements I had for a husband was the he had to be willing to name a child Ian.
  8. I read my first romance novel at 13 and haven’t stopped.
  9. I love milk and think it’s the best drink with pizza.
  10. I prefer tart/citrus flavors to chocolate. I will always pick Lemonheads or Skittles over a chocolate bar.
  11. My first (real) kiss was the summer between 6th and 7th grade. We were at the lake with a church youth group. I remember it felt like I was free-falling and had no concerns about where I was going to land.
  12. Since I outed him on my blog and he found me, I have lunch once a month with my 9th grade boyfriend. As a matter of fact, we’re having lunch on Friday. Maybe I’ll get pics this time.
  13. People either love me or hate me. There is rarely any in between. I’m totally okay with that. I’ve discovered the same thing is also true about my writing, which I find very curious. Strong personality = Strong writing voice? Survey says? Possibly.
  14. My dad put me on a diet in 7th grade because I had hips and he thought I should be less curvy, like ‘real basketball players.’ I feel like I’ve been on a diet since. However, I love my curves now. And so do most men. And women for that matter.
  15. My ultimate dream car is a 1969 Camaro SS convertible, canary yellow, with black racing stripes on the hood. I will be awesome driving this car one day.
  16. I will be 40 years old in March and I still get carded about once a month.
  17. BONUS: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Okay, so maybe y’all all knew that, but just in case we have a new reader today…

I’m not tagging anyone. You wanna play, please do and let me know.

Anything here surprise y’all?

2 posts! 2 days in a row!

It’s bonus Friday here at Mel-O-Drama. Don’t you feel lucky?

Gwen posted this over at Fictionistas this morning and I thought it was so fun, I stole borrowed it.

60 Questions People Don’t Ask from Quizopolis.com

When’s the last time you ran? – today: 3.5 miles
Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? -not anymore. but in the 80s and 90s…yes. HELL YES. Maybe I’ll bring that back for 2009.
What are you dreading right now? – deadline
Do you celebrate 420? – No (I should get bonus points for knowing what 420 is…I didn’t until about 6 months ago. LOL)
Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night? – not lately.
If anyone came to your house on your “lazy days” what would y’all do? – tell them to come in and please ignore the fraternity decor we have going on. Oh and please ignore the hairballs. (btw, most days are “lazy days”)
Who last grabbed your butt? – New Year’s Eve everyone grabbed my butt. It’s all blended into one big butt grabbing orgy, so I really don’t know.
Have you ever been on your school’s track team? – yes
Do you own a pair of Converse? -yes. Pink. Signed by members of Cheap Trick. Yes, I am awesome.
Did you copy and paste this survey? – Yes
Do you eat raw cookie dough? – yes
Have you ever kicked a vending machine? – Yes
Don’t you hate it when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over? – No. Because if the radio doesn’t do that, I do. I’m a repeat offender.
Do you watch Trading Spaces? – Is that still on?
How do you eat oreos? – Double-Stuf only and Center first.
Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone? – Who me?
Are you cocky? – duh.
Could you live without a computer? – No. Well technically yes, but WHY WOULD I WANT TO?
Do you wear your shoes in the house? – flip flops or big fuzzy slippers.
Who or what sleeps with you? – depends on the night. Every night the pug. a few nights a week the pug and the husband (depends on work) and every once in a while, a cat.
At what age did you find out that Santa wasn’t real? – 5th grade. Shut up. I was naive.
How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house? – 3 cell phones, 4 cordless phones for 1 landline number
What do you do when you’re sad? – I used to eat. Now I go to the gym. If I need to cry, I watch a tear jerker.
Who would you call first if you won the lottery? BFF
Last time you saw your best friend? I have 2 Best Friends. I saw my one from high school just the other day, my adult bff, I saw in August.
Are you in high school? – no. Though some would beg to differ if you’re talking maturity.
What jewelry are you wearing? – wedding band
Is anyone on your bad side now? – someone is always on my bad side.
What’s the first thing you do when you get online? – check my email then blog
Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy? –Yes, especially now that Kevin McKidd has joined the cast. It can continue to be a suckfest as long as he’s there for me to watch.
How do most people spell your name? –Mellisa (seriously, it’s 1 L 2 S)
Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes? – so this is a sore point for me. remember that cute claire danes gap commercial where she would put on the boyfriend pant? I so wanted to be able to do that. However, I have hips. And will probably never be able to wear the boyfriend pant. But yes, I would if I could. I do love wearing men’s button downs.
Where do you work? – write at home, and starting Monday, part-time accounting for a power company
What are you doing tomorrow? – writing
Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson? – God I hope not. I ♥ JT
Favorite name for a girl? – Zoe
Favorite name for a boy? – besides Ian and Rader? Quinn
Will you/Did you keep your last name when you get married? – It’s my middle name now.
When was the last time you left your house? – this morning
Do you return your cart? – I always put it in the cart return. People who don’t return their carts should be open targets for running over. Or tasered. (stay tuned for a new blog topic)
Do you have a dishwasher? –Yes.
What noise do you hear? – a snoring pug
Would you survive in prison? – I would not only survive, I would take over and make that bitch mine.
Who is the youngest in your family? – Rader is the youngest human. Ruby is the youngest animal.
If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would most likey overpack? – Me. Even though I know I’m only going to wear a few things, and 1 pair of shoes, I can’t seem to stop myself from packing ‘just in case’ items.
Do you know anyone with the same name as you? Yes.
What’s the last thing you purchased? a new outfit 1 SIZE SMALLER!
Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you? No
What brand are your pants right now? – um. mens oversized PJ pants?
Ever been to Georgia (the state)? – yes
What irritates you most on the internet? – when I’m online and want to play (read as procrastinating) and nobody else is around.
What brand is your digital camera? – Panasonic
Do you watch movies with your parents? – not very often. Never with Dad.
What song best describes your life right now? – Everything Changes–STAIND
Do you own expensive perfume/cologne? – no
Are you taking college classes right now? – no
Do you like sushi? –no. it’s a texture thing
Do you get your hair cut every month? – every 8 weeks
Do you go online everyday? –um. yeah. If I could be online while I sleep I would be. And in the shower. Also, I pretty much sleep with crackberry, too. I know. it’s a sickness.