Monthly Archives: June 2009

being succint

Posted on by
Reply

Yeah, I don’t do one word answers, but I thought this would be fun to try since I’m leaving for a couple of days.

Have pre-blogged for tomorrow. Don’t worry. I’m not totally abandoning you.

One Word Answers

Where is your cell phone? lap

Your hair? flat

Your father? Cotton

Your favorite thing? laughing

Your dream last night? strange

Your favorite drink? served

Your dream/goal? happiness

What room are you in? front

Your hobby? daydreaming

Where do you want to be in 6 years? Florida

Where were you last night? home

Something that you aren’t? boring

Muffins? sure

Wish list item? secret

Last thing you did? slept

What are you wearing? jammies

TV? Tivo

Your pets? spoiled

Friends? everything

Your life? complicated

Your mood? happy

Missing someone? always

Drinking? later

Car? old

Something you’re not wearing? jewelry

Your favorite store? Liquor

Your favorite color? Pink

When is the last time you cried? yesterday

Favorite place? beach

Favorite place to eat? beach

stoopid hooman trick–I duz it right akshually

Posted on by
Reply

I’m alive! It’s true. No matter how much I wanted die this week, I actually made it through.

Sometimes I can be for reelz stoopid. I know it’s hard to believe, me being Mel the Awesome and all. But it’s true.

So sparing you all the gory details, because really, they don’t matter in the long run, I basically lost 2 weeks of work on Sunday.

Two full weeks I had been revising LOVE SUCKS! I had been taking my time, doing it right. blah blah blah.

And on Monday morning, I pulled up to finish and tweak (because they were due Monday) and I discovered they were gone. Almost completely gone.
funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Now, I know what happened. Like I said, the only detail that is important is the fact that I am for reelz stoopid sometimes.

Thankfully I have a fabulous editor who gave me the rest of the week to fix my stoopid hooman trick.

And because the revisions were so fresh on my mind, the only real thing that was getting in my way was time. Because, of course, I work on Tues, Wed, and Thurs.

Sleep? Highly overrated.

I actually had a bit of a melt down Wednesday night. It wasn’t pretty and thankfully only one person witnessed it via text message. I believe he referred to me as a ‘grilled cheese sandwich.’ Yeah, a nuclear grilled cheese. It was U-G-L-Y.

And I ain’t got no alibi.

But now it’s sitting in Awesome Editor’s inbox and I’m going to celebrate with a pedicure (am contemplating Kermit Green toes…thoughts?) and sleep.

Oh sleep…how I’ve missed you.

Next week, I’ll be doing a girl’s trip to Beaver Lake in NW Arkansas. Can’t wait. Not sure if I’ll have real internet access there (okay, not sure if I want real internet access) but last year I took lots of pics of wild life and posted all about it when I got home.

So if I’m not blogging til Wednesday, please forgive me!

I hope y’all have a great weekend. Tell me: what you got goin’ on?

finish the sentences

Posted on by
Reply

I stole this from @jennchristman because my brain is fried. See #7.

1. My ex is…from long time ago way back when.

2. I should learn to…sail.

3. I love…music.

4. People say that I am…funny.

5. I don’t understand…war.

6. When I wake up in the morning…I make coffee.

7. I lost…my revisions. No I don’t wanna talk about it.

8. Life is…unpredictable. See above.

9. My past taught me…that life is unpredictable.

10. I get annoyed when…I have to wait.

11. Parties…make me happy.

12. I wish…I lived at the beach.

13. My childhood pets…were named Checkers, Shingles, Amber, Big Red, Moose, Charlie, Sadie and Spike.

14. Tomorrow is….Wednesday.

15. I have a low tolerance for…apathy.

16. If I had a million dollars…I’d move to the beach.

17. I’m terrified of…becoming jaded.

18. I’ve come to realize…I love lottery math, but I may have to change my lottery numbers. They don’t seem to be hitting…

20. I am listening to…a playlist I put together.

21. I talk…about everything.

22. My good friends…center me.

23. I hate…not having it all.

24. My cell phone is…tied to my soul. Don’t judge me.

25. Before I go to bed…I chat with friends and watch the Daily Show.

26. The person most likely to re-post this is… who cares?

27. The person least likely to re-post this is…again, who cares?

28. My favorite pictures…make me smile.

29. I sing…very badly but all the time.

30. If I were a crayon…hot pink.

it’s a monday

Posted on by
Reply

I’m over at Fictionistas today talking about nicknames. I’ve had my share of them–have you?

While I’m working my butt off today finishing up the revisions for LOVE SUCKS! y’all can tell me what fun things you did over the weekend.

And you can also swing by HAVE YOU BEEN BITTEN and read an excerpt from BITE ME! just click the ‘read an excerpt’ link under the book.

hmmm. What else is going on? Nothing really. Just feeling a little overwhelmed and behind lately. Trying to get myself together. Not an easy thing to accomplish when you’re just this side of whacked-out.

Oh, here’s an odd little tidbit I noticed last week. Almost every time I started the car, this song was on the radio. It happened so much, it became a game.

Armageddon it

Posted on by
Reply


No, this is not about Def Leppard.

This is about Liv Tyler and how absolutely effing beautiful she is. She has the prettiest eyes on earth. Honestly. How could you look at her and say otherwise?

She’s one of the dream team of women for me. If I could pick bits and pieces from different women to make myself more awesomer than I already am, she would be lips and eyes.

(FWIW, Madonna would be back; Beyonce would be ass, Gwen Stefani would be attitude and waist…)

Anyway, tonight, I’m watching Armageddon. I was in the mood for pretty people, a love story, some action and a good cry.

Enter Armageddon.

While watching, I renewed my love for Aerosmith. Yes, I’m an 80s girl and I will always love them. But this song, it just gets me. And I had forgotten how it got to me. It’s a great song. And I still want to be Liv Tyler beautiful.

one day THAT Melissa Francis will be confused for ME

Posted on by
Reply

It happens here quite often. People google Melissa Francis and they expect to find CNBC’s host of The Call and former child star of Little House on the Prairie, Melissa “Missy” Francis.

She is not me. I am not her. We are not the same.

Yesterday, during my day-o-twittering, I got an @reply from @Shoq who thought I was the other Melissa Francis.

Original tweet

@contessabrewer Perhaps @MelissaFrancis could share more of her insipid sidebar remarks about taxes, teaparties, other right wing memes?

This tickled me on so many levels. I replied immediately:

original tweet

@Shoq @contessaBrewer I’m not that Melissa Francis. I’m also not insipid.

and before he read my reply, he re-tweeted (I prefer tweeted to twittered. sorry) @liberalchik and included me in the message:

original tweet

RT @liberalchik: RT @Shoq: Melissa something//shes irritating..kinda Fauxish //KINDA FOXISH? This bimbo @melissaFrancis is ALL FOXish.

To which I reply:

original tweet

@liberalchik I am a fox, but I am not *that* Melissa Francis.

Then I get:
original tweet

Sorry to @MelissaFRANCIS. Wrong one. I thought you were the MSNBC bimbo. Apologies

and I reply
original tweet

@Shoq nope. I’m the author. One day ppl will think she’s me. LOL

original tweet

RT @MelissaFrancis: I’m the author. One day ppl will think she’s me. LOL //Well, if you’re not insipid or a RW tool, WELCOME 🙂

original tweet

@Shoq def not insipid or a RW tool. I’m not a douche either. Actually, I’m kinda awesome.

@liberalchik then apologizes

RT @MelissaFrancis: @liberalchik I am a fox, but I am not *that* Melissa Francis.//sorry bout that.

and I end the conversation with:

@liberalchik no worries. it was bound to happen sooner or later! LOL

So to wrap this up. I am not @MelissaCNBC I am @MelissaFrancis the awesome, undouche-like, unt00l-like, un-RightWinged author*. My first book (BITE ME!) comes out in approximately 7 weeks, and you can pre-order it now. You can check out my book website at HAVEYOUBEENBITTEN.COM

*repeating the tweet. I have no knowledge of @MelissaCNBC‘s real personality. She may be the nicest person on the planet. I know that people think she has great legs because I see “melissa francis cnbc legs” in my stats all the time.

And Melissa, if you’re reading this, nice to meet you. I can’t wait for the day when someone comes up to you and asks, “Are you the author of that awesome book BITE ME!?”

cracked up

Posted on by
Reply

Last night, the boys and I were watching Family Guy together and goofing off. My kids crack me up. Both boys are able to combine typical sophomoric boy humor with some pretty adult thinking. It’s fun to hang out with them and listen to them crack on each other and crack on me.

When we’re being silly, they sometimes forget I’m the momma. Last night was one of those times. My 11 year old was on the phone with a friend from Oxford.

Me: Is that your girlfriend?

11: No it’s I.

Me: So it is your girlfriend.

Takes a moment to register

11: quick flick of middle finger. Then wide eyes and open mouth when he realizes he just flipped his mother off. Then bright red cheeks and so much laughter he had to hang up the phone.

Me: Um. Did you forget I’m the momma?

11: giggle. giggle. giggle.

15: Dude, you’re stoopid.

11: I can flip you off so you better shut up.

Then the threats of farting on each others’ faces began and it all went downhill.

Pretty much the perfect night. Stupid boys.

(not so) Sweet Dreams

Posted on by
Reply

Do you ever have a night where you feel like you dream the entire time? I did last night. Most of the night, my dreams were good. Comforting, happy, fun. I would wake after one of those dreams with a big smile on my face, drift off, and dream again.

I love those nights.

But, this morning I woke a little after 5 and when I drifted off again, my dreams went from comforting to scary.

I was driving a maroon car. I think it was something like a Dodge Charger (which is funny for several reasons, one being ME? IN A DODGE CHARGER? REALLY? LOL) I think I was delivering something for my job and suddenly a big car full of men was behind me. And they were shooting at me.

Being the ace driver that I am, naturally, I got away. But I was freaking out. WTF did this gang want with me? What had I done?

I pulled the giant car down a cobblestone street (probably pedestrian only knowing me and my ace driving skills) and thought I was hidden pretty well. But of course, they found me. I revved up the car and punched it, only to get stuck between a tree and a building. (see? Totally an ace driver)

I jump out the back and lay low behind the giant tree trunk while the gang of miscreants empties their automatic weapons into the car. Luckily they didn’t see me escape, so they think they’re killing me off.

Just then, a dude pulls up behind me, grabs me, and pulls me into his car. He whisks me off like some kinda super hero. He tells me his name is Jackson (why I remember this, I don’t know. Maybe he was Action Jackson?) and he needs to take me to see someone.

We go to an old apartment building that looks condemned, he knocks, and Laurence Fishburne opens the door. Suddenly I’m feeling a bit like Neo from the Matrix. Like maybe I’m the chosen one or something. Fishburne welcomes me into his very beautifully decorated home, sits me down, and Jackson tells him the story.

Just as I’m starting to relax, the miscreants find me. And I wake up.

I did a little googling this morning to see what the hell all that meant. Chasing dreams indicate stress. Okay, I can see that. To dream you’re being shot at suggests a confrontation in your waking life. Alright. Not so far off. Being rescued represents an aspect of yourself that has been neglected or ignored and that you are trying to express this neglected part of yourself. Hmmm.

Funny how the subconscious works.

Do you have any weird or recurring dreams? Have you ever tried to figure out what they mean or do you just chalk it up to weird brain waves and move on?

summertime

Posted on by
Reply

Summer is hands down my favorite season. People tend to complain about the heat and humidity, and yes, sometimes even I get a little too hot (heh, as if being too hot is a real problem) but the fact is, I love summer.

As a little girl, my daddy would take me camping for 2 weeks at a time. I remember pitching the tent, building fires, losing my fishing poles in the lake. (was devastated the year I lost my Snoopy rod. I mean, it was MY SNOOPY ROD AND REEL FOR CRISPIES’ SAKE!)

I still love to camp, but I prefer to do it in the fall months. Even if the heat and humidity doesn’t melt me, the inside of a tent tends to bake me somewhat. I’m too old for that now.

My parents have a place on Lake Ouachita and we go quite often. We’re all about drifting on the pontoon boat, partaking in a few beverages, soaking up the vitamin d and just enjoying the day. The video below is exactly what I love about summer. This is what we do…minus the girls on the stripper pole. Not that I’m opposed to girls on stripper poles…it’s just not something my 15 year old son is quite ready for!

What is your fave season? And what is the one thing you love most about summer?

miss me?

Posted on by
Reply

Of course you did. I’m back, and I’m at Fictionistas blogging about my playlist for BITE ME! pop over and read about it, check the playlist out at my new site, and then enjoy the variety of the list with a few videos from the playlist below…