Author Archives: Just Call Me Mel

let’s talk about feet for a second, mmmkay?

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Ok, I get it Internetz. Y’all really do have a foot fetish. I’ve talked about it before…and now, I’m here talking about it again, you know why?

There’s some dude in Conway, AR going around sucking women’s toes.

WTFityF?

Look, I get it. Feet can be sexy. I mean, what’s not sexy about this?

But here’s my problem with this toe sucking thing (besides the fact that toe sucking in general gives me the giant squicks. And yes, that’s an official medical term.) HOW DID THIS DUDE GET THE WOMEN’S FEET TO HIS MOUTH? Because trust me, if his face was anywhere near my foot? The police would be taking my shoe impression directly from his face as evidence for his justifiable homicide.

What I’m saying is, I’d kick his skull in.Without. Remorse.

Because EW. Gross. Stranger Toe Danger. Keep your fungus tongue off my pretty toes.

Here’s something really funny…his description.

White male in his 40s with a pot belly. 

Um…I see him EVERYWHERE! NOBODY’S TOES ARE SAFE! (I better go get a pedicure this weekend, because seriously, if my feet are going to be evidence in a justifiable homicide case, they need to be pretty…)

Y’all have a great weekend. And try not to miss me too much. I know. It’ll be hard. But there’s always your dreams…

melfellaneous

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I love this couple. I especially love it when grandpa gets really fresh with grandma!

Hope y’all are having a good week. I’m trying to 🙂 I am meeting some friends for Happy Hour after work tonight. I’ve been told to expect lots of laughter. Good. I need it. Now for your gratuitous pet pic. Here’s a new pic of Trinity and Clementine. Or as we like to call them, Black Dog and White Dog.

Also, I’m guest blogging at Magical Musings today. Go read about me getting my groove back. (now taking applications for the position of cabana boy)

your marketing team should be fired.

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It’s that time again. It’s time for me to talk about commercials that bug me.

Drive Sober is currently running an ad that states THEY’LL SEE YOU BEFORE YOU SEE THEM.

You know what I hate about this? The cop in the invisibility cloak allowed the couple to get into the car. WTF? Isn’t it his job to protect and serve? How is he doing either when he watches a drunk couple get behind the wheel and lets them drive away? How did he know that they wouldn’t run into a nun pushing a baby carriage on the way to the road block? This ad stinks. It’s creepy and it’s irresponsible. This dude should be preventing them from getting into the car, not calling ahead to get them arrested. What a load of crap.

KFC asks: What part of chicken is the nugget?

I’d like to know, WHAT PART OF CHICKEN IS POPCORN? hate. hate. hate. These are the days that I miss having TIVO when I could just FFWD my way through the commercials…

I will admit that neither of these are as bad as GETTING YOUR JUNK CHECKED MAKES A GREAT VALENTINE’S DAY GIFT, but still, no me gusta.

it’s a shame how easily Monday can ruin a great weekend.

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 object in picture is larger than it appears…

El Jefe and I had an absolutely fantastic weekend. There was a full moon, football, friends, hammocking, a covered bridge, lots of giggles, a little hysteria and a BADGER!

I’d never seen a BADGER! up close before. I’m pretty sure she’s a momma BADGER! and that hole is her den full of babies. Or possibly it’s a den of iniquity. Either way, she was hissing and being very protective. I didn’t leave the truck. haha I don’t need to add death by BADGER! to my resume.

We had a great day walking the dogs in Burns Park by the covered bridge. We almost got run over by some cyclists a couple of times. I swear, they just appear out of thin air and then they’re all BEHIND YOU! and you’re all WTF! is there a portal in that pine tree? Trin and Ruby had a great time and they were both worn plumb diggity out by the time we were done. Especially Ruby.

Bobcat Greyskull went from in a coma to full on attack mode. He keeps knocking my vase of roses over. I think he hates flowers. We also can’t leave the bag of dog treats on the counter because he will knock them to the floor and do everything in his power to get a treat. He actually will come to the kitchen and SIT for a treat like Ruby and Trin Trin. It’s the funniest thing. He doesn’t know he’s a cat.

Hope you guys had a lovely weekend. Can you please make Monday speed up? Thanks.

flying high

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I’m fighting a sinus infection. It’s my fault. I was so excited the temperature was no longer SATAN LIVES HERE that I immediately opened the windows to sleep.

And wow. I’ve been sleeping really well. BUT, the side effect of a good night’s sleep with the windows open seems to be a massive amount of snot.

So I’m medicated. After last night’s shot of Nyquil with a beer back, I actually felt a lot better today. But, I went ahead and popped a little red pill to help things along, and now my head feels like a balloon…

Also, I have to take notes in a meeting this morning and that could be really interesting. My train of thought is a little off the tracks right now.
 

Swagger like Swayze

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ALL-CAPS Kristal called me the other night after having an epiphany.

“Guys today…they don’t have enough Swayze in them. Girls want the Swayze. We NEED the Swayze.”

And you know what? She’s totally right. Girls want the guy who can seduce us on the dance floor or over a pottery wheel and still tear the throat out of a dude–and then celebrate his kill by taking us against the wall. Also it doesn’t hurt if he has a best friend who looks like Sam Elliot, but that’s not really part of the equation…

 

And you know what else? I bet in real life he bought his girl flowers on a Wednesday, and probably left her cards on her pillow just because, and I bet that even on her fat & ugly days, he told her she was beautiful. Because he was Swayze. And he had swagger.

So guys, you may have moves like Jagger, but if you really wanna impress your lady, you need to have Swagger like Swayze.

Rainbow Star: The More You Know….

weekend picgasm

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My weekend in pictures…

 Got a new hair cut. For those of you who may not remember, I started growing my hair out as one of my 40 Things to do at 40. I basically grew it for 2 years. It was time for a change. 
Saturday
Went to the lake on Saturday where the following events took place. (in no particular order)
 El Jefe captained the boat with style

Lots of hammocking took place on the island. If you don’t think hammocking is a verb, then you ain’t doin’ it right.
Rocks were piled. I swear, this is not a shallow grave. 
Dogs played. 
Art was created.
Sunday
I spent some QT with my other boyfriend, John Deere. 
Bobcat Greyskull continued his Ninja agility training.
Monday

I hope your weekend was as awesome as mine. I’m a very lucky girl to be loved by so many wonderful people.

Click Here and do some real good.

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So yesterday I got probably a half a dozen inbox messages from FB friends urging me to participate in the latest “Breast Cancer Awareness” status update game. Last year, it was “Post the Color of Your Bra”, which at least somehow made sense–Bras–Breasts–ah ok.

This year’s supposed game? Stupid. Ridiculous. Asinine. Your birthday month is assigned a number of weeks and your birthdate is given a “craving” and you’re supposed to post: “I’m X Weeks and Craving X” So mine would have been, “I’m 3 weeks and craving mint chocolate.” or something like that.

Really? Do you want to tell me exactly how this is going to raise any kind of breast cancer awareness? Do you not realize this makes you look like a moron. This is what I posted instead:

And then my friend Sherri Jones (who works for ACS) posted in my comments about she’ll gladly take $50 for the American Cancer Society. And I decided, guess what, you get it sister. I’m donating $25 today and $25 next month. Because THAT’S how you raise awareness. You raise money.

Do me a favor, don’t post that stupid game which leaves everyone rolling their eyes. Do some real good and donate some money to ACS or to the charity of your choice. Here’s a quick and easy link. And here’s another. Even $10 would go a long way.

Thanks y’all. And to my fellow Americans? Happy Labor Day. Hope you enjoy your long weekend! I know I will.

hello kitteh

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The gray blur is Bobcat Greyskull. He is what crazy wishes it could be. Clementine plays with him, but when she’s done, she goes to the door and glares at me until I let her outside.

 
That’s when we get to see this…
 
He wants outside so BADLY. But we can’t do it. First off, he’s young, dumb and full of…well, yeah. He hasn’t been fixed. And he really isn’t smart. So we’d probably never see him again, except in pancake form in the middle of the road.