Tag Archives: facebook

a MELFellaneous post

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Here’s a mish-mash post. Because my brain can’t stick to one train of thought today.

SQUIRREL!

superman-squirrel-nb19571So this quote has been making its rounds on FB this week. It looks like everyone is having “man” problems and needs some inspiration from Oprah Winfrey that she supposedly said in 2005 when this first made its rounds via email forwards. Now. Don’t get me wrong, I think this is great advice, but according to Snopes.com…there is no evidence that Oprah said any of this:

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending… Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage… Deal with your issues before pursuing a new
relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE
individuals. Look for someone complimentary…
not supplementary.
Dating is fun… Even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes… When a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him ~ he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phil says… You should know that: You’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he’s not the only one. They’re all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts…

Is it just me, or is FB the new email forward. POST THIS AND YOUR DREAMS WILL COME TRUE! IGNORE IT, AND WE KNOW YOU DON’T LOVE GOD. ALSO, YOU MIGHT DIE.

Speaking of FB, apparently my aunt has figured out I’ve been living in sin (for like, forever) and called my mom to tell her…because, of course, she wouldn’t know…. and my mom was all, I know…and why are you calling me!? My aunt is all, well, she’s posting on FB… which is funny, because it’s not a secret. And also funnier, because my aunt and I aren’t FB friends.  And even funniest, because I’m a 44 year old adult who can make grown-up decisions all by herself.  Ahhhh the south. Full of judgment and busy-bodies.

Speaking of sin… Oh. I got nothing. I just like to say sin and think of it.

What else is going on? We had our supper club last night and my pasta was amazeballs, if I do say so myself. (and I do) And the company was even better. Would that be amazingerballs?

Ok. I’m done with my chatter today. Y’all keep on keepin’ on and I’ll see ya tomorrow!

stop being so annoying people! she said with a smile…

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BlogFBMistakesAnd yes, if more than one of these things applies to you, then I am talking to you. Directly. This is a Facebook rant. You’ve been warned.

    1. I get it. There’s a Royal Baby. But GeeDee…don’t act like Kate Middleton is the only woman ever to give birth. I mean, I know it seems odd to think about it, but that cheeky wench, Queen Elizabeth? She had babies, too. And so did Diana. And every other royal vagina before them. So stop acting like this baby is the 2nd coming of Christ.
    2. You know those Facebook memes “Like if you hate cancer” or “Like if you think this girl is beautiful” or “Like if you wish pedophiles didn’t exist and if you don’t like we know how you really feel” OMG. Just. Stop. That shit is almost worse than VagueBooking. We all hate cancer. We all think child abuse sucks. We all think the poor girl with a birthmark covering her face is beautiful. What isn’t beautiful is the desperate plea for “likes.”
    3. Also stop doing this: “Repost if you believe in God. I know most of you won’t.” Shut up. Religion is supposed to be personal and PRIVATE. And this latest trend of guilting people into proclaiming their love for god is just plain assholery.
    4. Also, stop doing this: “Let’s see how many of you read my status. I know it’s probably only 4 of you so here goes. Leave a comment with one word describing _________ and then repost this status to your page.” Stop telling me what to do and trying to drum up attention. If you want more comments, be funnier. Or original. Or talk politics, that always gets ’em going.
    5. If you need help deciding what else you grown ups should stop doing on Facebook, read this: 5 Things You Need to Stop Doing on Facebook Right Now. I’d like to call your attention to  “4. Stop communicating with your spouse on Facebook. Have you no conscience? Unless you and your spouse live on opposite sides of the planet—no, even then. Even if you do, you have no excuse to share things on Facebook with the person you’re married to. You should be wishing them a “happy anniversary” privately, instead of uskeepcalming your special day as an excuse to let all your single friends know how much happier you are than them. If you feel suddenly overwhelmed by the need to tell your spouse just how lucky you are to have them in your life, consider whispering this information in their ear instead of co-opting their wall. Open up a damn email and send your spouse a private link to whatever video of an otter playing with a rock is unmissable today. Then post the same video on Facebook if you must. Just don’t mix the two.” I’d like to add that it’s one thing to post a funny to their page or what not. It’s another thing to post pics of y’all making out and spewing cheesy love shit all over a public forum. Probably when you’re sitting right next to each other. Nobody’s buying it. Trust me. It’s obvious you need the world to believe you’re happy and so in love so you’re overcompensating. Those of us who are actually in love, we’re saying those things privately. (and oftentimes, nekkidly.)
    6. VagueBooking. Like I said earlier, if you need attention, then find yourself a personality. Be original. Be funny. But don’t be attention seeking. Example:  “Sometimes it’s just not worth the effort. Sigh.”  Really? What isn’t worth the effort? Breathing? Here’s a pillow. Put it over your face. Is it hard being human? Is it hard being a mom? A dad? Is it hard being pretty every day? WTF are you talking about? And stop with this “Inbox me” crap. Either just come out and play your drama out online or don’t. But stop being an attention-seeking hooker.
    7. If you invite controversy by ending your blanket statement with “I just don’t get it” or “Somebody please explain it to me” and then someone takes an opposite stance of you, remember, YOU INVITED IT. Don’t get pissy because people may disagree with you and don’t feel attacked when you’re the one who started it.

Here are things you can do on Facebook that will make people (and yourself) forever happy.

  1. Be funny
  2. Be original
  3. Don’t take life too seriously. It’s Facebook, not real life
  4. Drunk Facebook (as long as you have a personality and as long as you aren’t one of those whiny drunks)
  5. Have a good time.
  6. Don’t take shit so personally. I use hashtags because I instagram a lot. I have a friend who hates hashtags and bitches about them all the time. Who cares? Good for her. She has the right to her Facebook status and I have the right to my #hashtags.
  7. Hide people who you like but you don’t like their constant updates. I have people who hide me. It’s okay. It’s Facebook, not real life. I hide all my Jesusy Preachy Friends because it’s Facebook, not church. And religion is private. I’m pretty sure Jesus isn’t sitting in Heaven giving people a +1 every time they quote the bible out of context.

There you go. Melf’s helpful hints for a Happier Facebook life. You’re welcome. (RAINBOW STARS….the more you know…)

In Camp Compound Bootay’s Bootyliciousness news: I walked 1.5 miles at lunch yesterday and did 20 minutes of HIIT workout focusing on legs and arms. Then I did 300 different crunches.

Yep. I’m a little sore today. But that’s alright. I kinda like the pain.

in the world of WTF?

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Look. I get it. I’m funny. I joke a lot. I’m sexy and awesome and have lots of fun. People dig me.

So, when you friend me on FB and ask me just how “liberal and open are you?” and then proceed to proposition me to “help you and your wife out in the bedroom.” I need you to understand that is immediate grounds for a big Facebook Block.

Also, when you proposition someone that you haven’t seen since 9th grade? You might wanna be good looking. Or at least, not gross. No wonder you guys need help in the bedroom.

Probably it would help your mission if you didn’t post racist comments on the person’s page that you’re propositioning. Especially AFTER said person asked you to stop. Because THAT SIR, is a huge turn off.

I’d tell you to go get fucked, but obviously, you’re trying. Just without any hope of success.

And one more thing…all the “Incest Likes” on your page? Not helping your cause either. I am obviously not THAT open or liberal.

I need a shower.

In other Facebook world, this blog post made me LOL.

25 Common Facebook Statuses and What They REALLY Mean

Truth in sarcasm. My favorite.

Facebook. It’s making people look dumber and dumber everyday. C’mon people, it’s social media. Use it for fun. Stop being so damn stupid.

Okay, I’m off to the gym where I shall sweat off the grossness of my indecent proposal. Have a happy humpday! (hahahaha! How appropriate)

Forward. HO!

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Yes, the election is over. Yes. I’m pleased with the results…but the reality is, if things had gone the other way, I’d be all right, too. (Unless I wanted to make a very important decision about my body…)

Anyhoo… Yay that the Rape Idiots didn’t get reelected. Good Grief. Yay for women who soundly told our country that we deserve the same pay and full control over our own bodies.

The only 1950s we get to live in, is in our pin up girl fantasies! And that’s the way it ought to be. (I’ll be right back, I need to go make you a sammich.)

And yay for President Barack Obama and his family. Go forth and continue to rebuild from the mess you were handed.

I’ve been extremely disappointed in my Facebook newsfeed lately. I welcome dissenting opinions, but I do not tolerate racism, hate or rhetoric. I woke this morning to see a couple of my ‘friends’ posting “Welcome to Muslim America’  and “Well of course he got voted in, everyone loves getting freebies.”

Really? Come on. Educate yourself. Don’t spread hate and rhetoric and untruths. Damn. So this is my status today.

If you truly believe that Obama is a Socialist, a Muslim, if you’re still looking for his birth certificate, or if you’re posting racist hate and rhetoric on your page, please just unfriend me now. This is a democracy. The people have spoken and they have spoken loudly. If I survived 8 years of Dubya (barely) then I promise, you will survive 8 years of Obama. These are not the darkest days. This is not the end of the world. I have been looking for signs of the apocalypse, and I’m pretty sure we’re safe. There’s no excuse to post hate. Respect the process and let love rule.

Seriously, we’ve all made mistakes, we all don’t like something about someone. We all disagree with different government policies, but to be hateful? To spread lies and encourage racism? Just not something I want to be around and certainly not something I want kids to see. So I’ve unfriended a few folks and I posted this and asked people to unfriend me. And I’m okay with it if you do. You have the right to your beliefs, but I’d appreciate it if you’d just keep them off my newsfeed because I don’t really want to hang out with someone who won’t bother to educate themselves with facts and who hates because of race, gender, or sexuality. Now. Go forth and love someone today.

[insert witty title of your choice]

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Gonna take care of some business on the front end… You know I write the recaps for The Bachelor/Bachelorette over at Hey Don’t Judge Me right? Well, I have some very good news…Starting in July, I’ll be recapping Season 1 of Once Upon a Time…2 shows a week to bring us to the beginning of Season 2 in September! So…Please bookmark Hey Don’t Judge Me and like our Facebook page. We have some fantastic writers over there who recap and review all sorts of shows and movies and what not. For example, we added Dr. Who this week. I KNOW RIGHT? Awesome.

Oh. and now I have a Tumblr account because Stoney told me to get one. And I always do what I’m told. So I’ll be posting little what nots about the shows I’m recapping there. And other what nots. There will probably be posts about wine. And possibly some talk about the zombie apocalypse. I might even solve the world’s problems. So if you’re into that sorta thing, follow me. If not, well, why are you reading my blog anyway?

In news of discovery, I have been totally using El Jefe’s razor, and I am now going to have to go get my own, because WOW. This thing works! My legs are awesome. AND now they are smoov too!

Seriously. The battery power makes all the difference.

 Hmmm. What else is going on? Today is the longest day of the year…and I’m stuck at work instead of soaking up all the sunshine at the lake. I think this should be a mandatory day off…don’t you?

Click Here and do some real good.

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So yesterday I got probably a half a dozen inbox messages from FB friends urging me to participate in the latest “Breast Cancer Awareness” status update game. Last year, it was “Post the Color of Your Bra”, which at least somehow made sense–Bras–Breasts–ah ok.

This year’s supposed game? Stupid. Ridiculous. Asinine. Your birthday month is assigned a number of weeks and your birthdate is given a “craving” and you’re supposed to post: “I’m X Weeks and Craving X” So mine would have been, “I’m 3 weeks and craving mint chocolate.” or something like that.

Really? Do you want to tell me exactly how this is going to raise any kind of breast cancer awareness? Do you not realize this makes you look like a moron. This is what I posted instead:

And then my friend Sherri Jones (who works for ACS) posted in my comments about she’ll gladly take $50 for the American Cancer Society. And I decided, guess what, you get it sister. I’m donating $25 today and $25 next month. Because THAT’S how you raise awareness. You raise money.

Do me a favor, don’t post that stupid game which leaves everyone rolling their eyes. Do some real good and donate some money to ACS or to the charity of your choice. Here’s a quick and easy link. And here’s another. Even $10 would go a long way.

Thanks y’all. And to my fellow Americans? Happy Labor Day. Hope you enjoy your long weekend! I know I will.

a saturday blog!

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Yes. It’s true. I’m up, it’s Saturday, I’m drinking coffee and getting ready to take the youngest nerd to chess club.

Then…the oldest nerd is gonna help me in the yard. There’s gonna be a burnin’ today!
This is one of my favorite times of the year. We burn twice a year for the most part. And today, we’re gonna have our spring fire.
It’s gonna be awesome. We have marshmallows.
In other news, next week I’ll be speaking at The Fiction Writers of Central Arkansas meeting. Check out my Author Page on Facebook or the article posted Arkansas Times for info!
And while you’re checking out my author page, you may as well click the LIKE button. You know you want to…

the 1st of 2010…

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Today, my friend Birdrunner and I will recommence our very cherished bi-monthly pedicure tradition.

And I can’t wait. My toes have been neglected through these cold, winter months. And nothing says I’m ready for spring like pretty, painted toes. So bring on the sun bitches. I’m ready for spring!

I love picking my toe colors. Sometimes I go with name, sometimes I just know I want a certain color and have to find just the right one. Sometimes I let my Facebook friends pick my color for me.

While we were discussing my first 2010 toe color on FB the other day, I realized I have NEVER had red toes.

Never.

Ever.

WTH?

So if my salon has the new Alice in Wonderland colors…I believe I’m going to be wearing OFF WITH HER RED.

dopplegang this

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So last week’s Facebook game was ‘Doppleganger’ week. Everyone was posting new profile pictures of celebrities they’ve been told they look like.

Um. The only celebrity I’ve ever been told I resemble is Queen Latifiah. And as much as I adore her…both of us being strong women of larger stature does not automatically mean we look alike. Now we might carry ourselves in the same way–but looks? Nope.

I really don’t have a celebrity doppleganger (and me wanting to be Stifler’s mom does not count). So I asked around and I got a few different answers, so I’ll let you decide. Do I resemble any of these folks below or someone else entirely?

Janeane Garofalo: I like Janeane and am not opposed to her being my doppleganger, but I think it’s more attitude than looks that people see.

Toni Collette: I am amenable to this comparison.

And my favorite….Jessica Rabbit: (I wish)

So what do you think? Any of these work? Who do you think is my doppleganger?

new stuff!

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Today is a special day. Lucienne Diver allowed AJ Ashe the star of BITE ME! to answer a few questions on her blog today. Stop by to see what makes my teen vamp a little different from Gina Covello, the center of attention in Lucienne’s book, VAMPED.

If you’re on Facebook, please join my author page:

Melissa Francis’s Facebook Page
Melissa Francis's Facebook Page
Promote Your Page Too

And please join my book group: Have You Been Bitten?

Also, today is my day to blog at Fictionistas, but basically it’s the same blog as here because I’m in total pimp mode….

And finally…today’s the big day. We’re launching my book website. It should be up and active around noonish central time. Stop by for fun downloads, a quiz, information on how the book came to be, and a maybe even a few pics of me from high school…bookmark it because very soon, we’re going to be hosting a contest that you will definitely want to participate in. Two very nice big prizes.

Trust me.

Have You Been Bitten? (http://www.haveyoubeenbitten.com)

Don’t worry, I’m not abandoning you here. This will still be my daily blog and author info site. But HaveYouBeenBitten is all about the books…

Happy Monday. Hope your weekend was fabulous!