Author Archives: Just Call Me Mel

as SPONGEBOB SAYS: I’m READY

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I can’t wait to see my BFF Maria Geraci in a couple of weeks. I kinda look a little glazed in this pic. I’m pretty sure this was after I had been playing Wine Bitch at the literary signing. I was sipping as I served… hey! I smuggled the wine in so surely I had every right to sip…
I also can’t wait to go here: The Wizarding World of Harry Potter

Hogsmeade

I don’t care if I have to go alone, but I’m hoping one of my friends will go with me. Maria says it’s too hot, but she may just have to suck it up and get over it… (DO YOU HEAR ME, TOMATO?)

What else am I ready for?

Oh yes! I’M READY FOR JULY 27…BECAUSE THAT’S THE DAY LOVE SUCKS! HITS THE SHELVES!

for the love of frost bite and peat moss…SIMMER! SIMMER!

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Mrs. Munger’s Class always makes me giggle like a school girl…. these are all about a minute or so long. Totally worth watching…

“Simmer! Simmer!”

Spelling Bee:

Oral Reports:

Mahoot’s Cousin:

Field Trip:


Watch more here

Happy Hump-Day. Or Wine Wednesday. Or no-Wine Wednesday. Or whatever you decide to celebrate today.

SIMMER! SIMMER!

a mel-o-jumble

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Okay, random stuff day.

First off, go see Despicable Me. Seriously. Wonderful movie. Heartwarming. Funny. Fabulous.

Secondly, The Bachelorette is off the deep end. Balls to the walls full of BS and craziness. If you think that show is really “reality” tv, then I want whatever it is your smokin’. Or drinkin’. Or poppin’. Because there is nothing real about that show.

It’s not even fun to make fun of anymore. Bleh.

However, the BACHELOR PAD looks like it’s made of chocolate covered awesome and is dying for me to slice it with my biting wit.

LIE TO ME is one of the greatest shows on earth and nobody should miss it. Yes, it comes on during the first hour of the Bachelorette, but trust me when I tell you, it’s worth watching. I actually think it’s more real than the reality show…

I cleaned my room this weekend. Scary stuff was found in some of the unpacked boxes. Like pictures of me from elementary, middle and high schools. Also some college pics in the late 80s when I had short permed hair and GINORMOUS FREAKING BLUE GLASSES. I don’t even know if I can scan them to show them, THAT’S HOW BAD THEY ARE.

Clementine is pregnant. That little teenaged Tart. She’s not even a year old, and I have no idea where the Tom is hiding because we have 6 acres and I’ve not seen hide nor hair of the horny bastard, but it’s happened. We’re gonna have kittens. So you guys get ready…because depending on how many are born and how many survive…I’m gonna hit you up internets! I’m too young to be a Kitteh Grandma! Would that be GrandKittehMa?

Here’s a pic of the little ho-bag in a box. Because you know cats and empty boxes…

a sunflowery surprise

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Yesterday I drove to Helena, AR to pick up my kids. Actually, we met in Lula, MS at the casino. Too bad I didn’t get there early enough to get my poker face on…

Anyway, this is what I saw on the drive over:



This was a really nice bonus to the drive, don’t you think?

no-wine wednesday?

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yeah. I’m detoxing right now. Last night while we were at Touchdown Sally’s, my friend Wade nearly choked on his beer when he realized I was drinking only water.

“No beer?” he asked. “No beer on purpose?”

And the guys at SO might do the same tonight when I don’t indulge in my weekly love affair with Kim Cattrall Crawford.

It’s back to fitness time. I’ve been slacking for a few months and now I’m getting fluffy again. Soft and marshmallowy. This is NOT good. This is NOT what I worked so hard for last year. Nope. So I started Monday with my fruits/veggies/lean protiens/whole wheat grains regimen. I actually already feel better. I walked 3 days last week–an hour each time. I walked yesterday. If it’s not raining this afternoon, I’ll walk today. BEFORE I go to No-Wine Wednesday. Because if I’ve actually already walked, I am less inclined to want to ruin the accomplishment.

Now, I’m not saying I’m not gonna have a drink every once in a while. BUT I am saying that those empty calories are not good if I wanna continue toward lean and mean. Soft and fluffy is fine, if you’re a towel. I don’t wanna be a towel.

I’ll report back tomorrow if everyone dies of shock tonight when I order water only. I guess if that happens, I won’t have to worry about will power next week, huh?

need a weekend to recover from…

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my weekend AND that joke of an interview with Jake and Vienna.

Weekend first:

Drove the kidlets to Oxford. I always go the back way because it ends up being quicker than going through Memphis because 9 out of 10 times, there’s some kind of accident or construction or just stupidity that brings the traffic to a stand still.

Also, I love farmlands and the character of the country. Especially when I see things like this:

This is the most politically and grammatically incorrect street sign I have ever seen. And I ♥ it soooooo much. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Then I passed by the Cougar Cafe: Hot Mamas & Cold Drinks

Unfortunately I did not get a picture of that and I haven’t forgiven myself yet. I will tell you, that might end up in a book somewhere…

After a yummy lunch at Proud Larry’s (the service is still a little slow, but they have the best pizza and salads so I deal with it) I dropped the boys off with their friends and headed out to a pool party. It was great seeing my friends again. Afterward, me and Andrea made our way to the square where we had a VERY DELICIOSO pineapple margarita at Prime.

After our pineapple yumminess we headed over to Rooster’s Blues House and sat outside where we enjoyed the company of a lovely couple as well as the company of our beers. I was excited to see Rooster’s carried Diamond Bear Pale Ale which is brewed right here in Little Rock.

Sunday I had planned to drive home, but made a ‘quick’ detour to Water Valley, MS so I could visit my pal Rhonda. Rhonda has a pool. Mel’s quick visit turned into 24 hours. Rhonda’s pool called me like a siren. I was trapped and couldn’t free myself so I just gave in…

It was a great weekend. I miss my Oxford peeps!

JAKE AND VIENNA

Look none of us were surprised Jake and Vienna broke up. (Well, none of us except maybe the host of the show Chris Harrison…) None of us are surprised she’s emotional and slightly unstable. But you know what did surprise me? What a freaking controlling asshole Jake is! And that smirk! Holy smokes! What I took away from the interview was that Jake wanted a girl who was quiet and compliant in real life…maybe he should’ve chosen Tetley Teabag instead of Vienna Sausage then… I do think he’s a big ol’ fame whore like Vienna said. I think he would turn on the charm for the cameras then when they were home, he would turn into what we saw last night. I’m not her biggest fan, but I will say, I believe her side of the story MUCH more than his. Because he is a douchebag.

So how was your weekend? Did you see the interview? What were your thoughts?

how did that happen?

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Can someone please tell me how it became July? I mean, I swear it was just January! Now the year is half over? And soon (25 days) LOVE SUCKS! will actually be on the shelves!

Really?

(BTW, both BITE ME! and LOVE SUCKS! will also be available on Kindle…)

Can someone else please explain why I always and WITHOUT FAIL burn the roof of my mouth when I cook microwave pizza? (We will not discuss the fact that said microwave pizza was this morning’s breakfast.) Now I have a lovely blister that I won’t leave alone.

BTW, if you ask me about my books and want to know if my vampires sparkle, this is the answer I’m going to give you: I sparkle, my vampires do not.

Hey Oxford! Are you ready for some Melf sparkle?

PeeWee’s Playhouse

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Do you know how much I loved this show?

And look! Laurence Fishburne was Cowboy Curtis!!

This show was so funny and still holds its own today. Also it’s a lot more adult that people realize, which makes it even more awesome now that I totally ‘get it.’

Check this out. Dolly Parton was awesome on the show. And wow, look at how hot she is in that Kitty-Cat dress!

I love Pee Wee. If anyone out there wants to buy me all the seasons of his show on DVD, I wouldn’t turn it away… hee!

it’s wine wednesday!

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Oh Kim Cattrall Crawford, how I love thee…

today is gonna be a good day. Any day that ends with a glass of Kim Cattrall Crawford and good friends, is a great day. Plus it’s much cooler today with little humidity so we might end up on the patio….

Oh, 1 more thing…Dear Oxford, see you Saturday!! That’s right, the prodigal Mel will be in town for 1 night only…so get ready… I believe we’re going out Saturday night, so if you’re in town, give us a shout and we’ll let you know where we’re gonna be.

Can’t wait.