it’s raining crazy

And I’m not just talking about the dumbasses who forget how to drive when water falls from the sky. /rant

Yesterday, I posted my Bachelor Recap for episode 4 on Hey Don’t Judge Me. Y’all. Y’ALL. I cannot explain the amount of crazy that pours out of that show. It is seriously awesome. And I’m always left to wonder what the douches and hoes think after they watch themselves..and see the behind the scenes crazy that goes on. I mean, it’s truly spectacular. So please, go read and talk to me about it. (This recap even has a clip of the crazy. One in which threats are levied against another ho-testant’s eyebrows.)

That’s all I have for today. I am going to go suck down more coffee and watch the water pour from the sky…while driver IQs everywhere continue to fall…

where did the week go?

It’s amazing how fast this week has flown by! We got right back into the groove of things with guitar lessons and work, and soccer, and, and, and…yeah. Busy.

My Sweet Baby Mac has been returned to me with a brand new hard drive. She’s beautiful and I love her so much. Now I can write comfortably again!

BTW, did you check out this week’s Bachelor recap?

We also have SouthLAnd recaps and Glee! is back with a  yummy cocktail recipe to go along with a fabulous recap. I don’t watch Glee! but I always read Stoney’s recaps…because she is witty and her cocktails are yummy.
Did I tell you guys that I showed up to work on Monday only to discover campus was closed. yeah. I am a dull bulb sometimes. In my defense, I’ve never worked anywhere that was closed on MLK Day. It was actually a nice surprise to have an unexpected day off…

Apparently there are a lot of people interested in “Love Coupons” as it has been the #1 search term that has been bringing people to my blog. (The 2nd term has been “feet”. The intertubes has a foot fetish.) Anyway, I mentioned “love coupons” in a blog last year, and I’m getting tons of traffic this year to that post. Here’s a link, maybe it’ll help someone out… I believe love coupons are the only coupon allowed on Valentine’s Day…If you use a Groupon, I’m totally gonna make fun of you. Openly.

Have a great weekend y’all!

Humpday Melfellaneous

My Bachelor Ben episode 2 recap is up at Hey Don’t Judge Me and it’s a doozy. Wow, I’m guessing emotionally disturbed must be a requirement to even apply. I love the crazy so much…it’s almost painful.

Please come by and chat me up. I love talking about the Craymazing Ho-testants. Also, have you liked our Hey Don’t Judge Me Facebook page? Why not?

 In other news, Friday is opening day at Oaklawn! Y’all, I CAN. NOT. WAIT. Last year, it snowed on opening day and then they rescheduled it and I had to miss it. I’m not gonna lie when I say my spring just never quite seemed to get back in line after that. It was the first girl’s opening day trip that I missed and I NEVER WANT THAT TO HAPPEN AGAIN. I actually only got to go once last year. Just. One. Time! Dudes, that is not okay.

I’m not sure that we’re gonna have the car and driver this year like we usually do. I’m hoping so, but things are up in the air right now. It doesn’t matter though, because we’re going. Even if I have to ride a pack mule to get there. Hahah. Slight exaggeration…

Here are some of my favorite pics over the years…

 I call these ladies the Shining Twins. They are really so nice. I’ve seen them almost every opening day.

Here’s the Pimp. Yes that’s a full length fur coat. The first year I saw him, I just snapped a pic. The next year, he posed with me.

We could probably also call this post, the many faces of Melf. haha.

ok daddy-o

Here’s a confession. In general, I don’t like musicals. Naturally there are a few exceptions such as Grease, Mamma Mia, The Sound of Music, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-long Blog…but mostly, if people are bursting into song in the middle of a movie, my ears start to bleed.

This weekend, El Jefe was a little distraught over the fact I had never seen West Side Story, so when it popped up on the TV guide, we watched.

Well, I can check that movie off my bucket list. (not that it was ever on it, but still. I’ve seen it now.)

And what did I think of it?

  • Natalie Wood and Rita Moreno looked beautiful. 
  • I would wear every single dress in the movie.

  • I detest Natalie Wood’s singing voice.
  • Bernardo looked like he was made of cheese and spray paint. 
  • There is nothing sexy about being a Jet or a Shark. Snapping ain’t cool, daddy-o.

Okay, I can say I’m glad I’ve seen the movie, but I can also say, it did not win me over…

And now you know why I can’t stand Glee…

PS: I’m working on my Bachelor recap for Hey Don’t Judge Me! it should be up this afternoon….

I’m back!

I took a much needed two week break from blogging. It was totally unplanned, but I’m glad I did it. Hope you guys are still around. If not, I’ll just talk to myself. I do that a lot anyway. Good thing I crack myself up…

First things, first…The Bachelor is back and so are my recaps at Hey Don’t Judge Me! Go forth, read and let’s discuss the crazy! Because trust me, this season will be full of some drama.

Lot’s of things went down over the holiday break. And by “lot’s of things” I actually mean sleep. I did lots of sleeping. I slept all the sleeps. It was fantastic.

I also got a haircut…

I like it. 🙂 I never like having the same ol’ boring hair year after year.

I hope y’all had a wonderful holiday and new year.

By the way, I don’t believe in resolutions, but I do think I could use a revolution this year…let’s make it happen.

need a weekend to recover from…

my weekend AND that joke of an interview with Jake and Vienna.

Weekend first:

Drove the kidlets to Oxford. I always go the back way because it ends up being quicker than going through Memphis because 9 out of 10 times, there’s some kind of accident or construction or just stupidity that brings the traffic to a stand still.

Also, I love farmlands and the character of the country. Especially when I see things like this:

This is the most politically and grammatically incorrect street sign I have ever seen. And I ♥ it soooooo much. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Then I passed by the Cougar Cafe: Hot Mamas & Cold Drinks

Unfortunately I did not get a picture of that and I haven’t forgiven myself yet. I will tell you, that might end up in a book somewhere…

After a yummy lunch at Proud Larry’s (the service is still a little slow, but they have the best pizza and salads so I deal with it) I dropped the boys off with their friends and headed out to a pool party. It was great seeing my friends again. Afterward, me and Andrea made our way to the square where we had a VERY DELICIOSO pineapple margarita at Prime.

After our pineapple yumminess we headed over to Rooster’s Blues House and sat outside where we enjoyed the company of a lovely couple as well as the company of our beers. I was excited to see Rooster’s carried Diamond Bear Pale Ale which is brewed right here in Little Rock.

Sunday I had planned to drive home, but made a ‘quick’ detour to Water Valley, MS so I could visit my pal Rhonda. Rhonda has a pool. Mel’s quick visit turned into 24 hours. Rhonda’s pool called me like a siren. I was trapped and couldn’t free myself so I just gave in…

It was a great weekend. I miss my Oxford peeps!

JAKE AND VIENNA

Look none of us were surprised Jake and Vienna broke up. (Well, none of us except maybe the host of the show Chris Harrison…) None of us are surprised she’s emotional and slightly unstable. But you know what did surprise me? What a freaking controlling asshole Jake is! And that smirk! Holy smokes! What I took away from the interview was that Jake wanted a girl who was quiet and compliant in real life…maybe he should’ve chosen Tetley Teabag instead of Vienna Sausage then… I do think he’s a big ol’ fame whore like Vienna said. I think he would turn on the charm for the cameras then when they were home, he would turn into what we saw last night. I’m not her biggest fan, but I will say, I believe her side of the story MUCH more than his. Because he is a douchebag.

So how was your weekend? Did you see the interview? What were your thoughts?

UNreality TV

There is absolutely nothing real about 1 man dating 25 people at the same time.

First of all, in the real world, who could afford all that? Hell, they do things like rent out Sea World, private concerts by real bands from the 80s, and take helicopters everywhere. So yeah, there ain’t nothing real about The Bachelor.

Secondly, these dates are a guarantee. There is no worry about a girl saying “Eh. I don’t think so.” There isn’t a ho-testant in the world who is going to refuse the rose. The power is in the hands of the Bachelor. “will you accept this rose?” he asks. But he knows the answer. And if he don’t want ya, you ain’t getting a flower–no how much you cry about it.

There is also the fact that dude is macking on all these chicks and they are living together knowing each of them have been swapping spit. Okay, in the real world, if dude takes me out onto the balcony and checks for tonsils with his tongue, I’m expecting that I’m the ONLY ONE he’s playing tongue twister with. But no. He goes right back into the house, picks out another ho-testant and does mouth to mouth with her five minutes later. (unless you’re one of the unlucky ones who just gets a peck on the cheek.)*

This is the worst tv ever on earth, yet I can’t look away.

The fun of it is doing the commentary via twitter or on FB. I do love that quite a bit. It makes me feel superior to the ho-testants. Maybe that’s shallow, but whatever. I’m not choosing to date a man on national tv along with 20 other chicas. In my opinion, that opens them all up for brutal discussion. Especially after hearing some of the things they say! (Plus, they do gymnastics on the beach in their swimsuits. Of course I’m superior.)

This is the bitchiest and most childish group of ho-testants I’ve seen in a long time. None of them like Vienna Sausage and they all keep running to Jakey and telling him she’s a bitch. Yet he keeps her. And then they get all pissy about it–which is really unattractive. I’m beginning to feel sorry for Vienna Sausage (even more so than I did because of her name). They are all just flat out cruel to her. I don’t care what the chick has done (which as far as I can tell, hasn’t been much) nobody should have to stay in a house with people who are constantly talking about you. It’s not fun.

I should know, it happened to me once. And it wasn’t over anything I had done, it was was because the women I was with were insecure, petty, and just flat out mean. Jealousy can cause some people to react in a very ugly manner…and I think that’s exactly what’s happening to Vienna. The girls feel threatened by her.

And the more they try to sabatoge her with Jake, the more it works against them.

I am fully invested in this train wreck now–and believe it or not, I’m just about to switch to team Sausage.

*if you’re getting just a peck on the cheek, chances are you’re the next ho-testant being cut. Just an FYI.

The Bachelor: BOOBS of Love

I wasn’t going to do it. I wasn’t going to watch the Train Wreck Plane Crash that is The Bachelor: BOOBS Wings of Love. But between Maria Geraci and @jennchristman, I kinda had no choice.

And you’re in luck, because I tweeted the whole show. I won’t share all my tweets, just some of my faves.

18:58 I’ve been instructed by @jennchristman that I will be watching The
Bachelor. Since Heroes is dead to me & HIMYM is a rerun, I guess she’s rt

19:09 DEAR ABC: ON THE WINGS OF LOVE? REALLY? yes, that’s so bad, it
deserves all-caps. Shame on u for topping the cheese mtn w/ cheese whiz.

Jake is a pilot. He is very easy on the eyes and thankfully he goes without a shirt a lot. Unthankfully, every ho-testant has decided to offer up awesome plane euphemisms. (“I wanna be your co-pilot in life.” “You can land on my landing strip any time.”) No, I’m not kidding. This may be the best season yet.

19:21 vienna is not only a small sausage. She’s also on The Bachelor. She can’t walk in high heels & has ‘Mommy/Daughter’ days w/ her dog.

19:33 Rozlyn with a “z”… “My name means little rose. Fasten seatbelt/ bumpy ride.” Yes, She said that. She’s excluded frm Chicken Cutlet nt.

20:29 what kinda name is Tenley?

Okay, there is also a chick named Gia. So, these very special ho-testants have very unique names. Vienna is now known as Small Stinky Sausage Girl. Tenley is now Tetley Tea. I call Gia, Gigli.

Also, there was lots of gymnastics on the beach in bikinis. It must be a requirement for the show now.

19:43 I believe their bra sizes are all larger than their IQs. @jaciburton @cambriadillon @maureenmcgowan

19:44 they all have one thing in common: BOOBS.

20:29 The “biggest thing is, have fun” I thought the biggest thing were their BOOBS

Yes, this is why the show is no longer called Wings of Love.

20:30 Sausage (aka Vienna) is killing me with her “omgomgomg my heart is beating!”

20:33 OMG. There it is! The LANDING STRIP QUOTE! I HEARD IT!

20:37 SHE IS NOT WEARING A FLIGHT ATTENDANT UNIFORM! I love her the best.

20:37 This is Ella: Hi. I’m southern. I do hair (Hay-yer) and I have a kid. But I’ll be your babymaker!

20:41 PRETEND FIANCE? PRETEND FIANCE? Oh. Oh. Oh….that’s awesome.

Yes, Small Stinky Sausage Girl pretended to fall, then tried to play it off, then did the swooning girl thing. Though it may not have been a pretend fall, we did see her stumble in heels at the beginning of the show, just before she did a handstand.

Ella had on a pretty dress, but her southern accent was too BLUSH AND BASHFUL for me.

And I don’t even know the chick’s name who had a pretend fiance, gave him the ring and said “I’m ready to make it real now.” WHO DOES THIS?

20:50 Tetley Tea just called herself a cuddlebug & asked for a kiss. but she didn’t go in & actually give him a kiss. she kinda chickenlipped him

20:51 O.M.G. is he giving Tetley Tea the first impression rose?

20:52 u were very memorable…he says. Why because she’s named after a teabag?

20:53 he obviously doesn’t know the difference b/t “kiss” and “chickenlip”

I don’t even have to explain the above.

And now for the Rose Ceremony:

20:55 Rose ceremony. HAY-YER just got her rose. She is so Graytfuyul

20:56 just once, I’d like a ho to say “No. I don’t want yo rose.” But this isn’t “Flava of Rose”

20:56 did landing strip get rejected? Dood.

20:57 he cut the landing strip and co-pilot girl. and girl in ugly green dress w/ gap b/t her teeth.

20:58 cry ugly green dress girl! CRY! it’s heartbreaking after 4 hours, isn’t it, hon?

20:58 Poor girl with short hair. She’s never watched the show. Short hair girls don’t win. Best to get cut now.

Jake has very little substance. I think ABC needs to capitalize on his hot bod and start a marketing campaign: The Bachelor: SHUT UP JAKE AND TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF.

I’m not sure I can watch this every week, especially since I tuned in and watched CONVEYOR BELT OF LOVE afterward. No I’m not kidding. There is not enough booze in the world to survive that morsel of pain.