Tag Archives: hey don’t judge me

Hello Humpday. What you got for me today?

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  • Popsicles taste better in a hammock.

  • Today we register Rader for 8th grade and that’s just weird to think that I have an 8th grader…who’s almost 6ft tall. WTF?
  • In other news, the double hammocks do indeed work for two people who are not pint-sized.
  • I have finished both my recaps for the Bachelorette Finale and After the Final Rose but Hey Don’t Judge Me is offline right now for server upgrades. Hopefully we’ll be back up and you can read all the goodness that is crappy TV.
  • I woke this morning to this:

  • Today is Wine Wednesday but I’m not sure it’s gonna happen as per usual. We shall see.

Oh and for the recent visitors to my blog who are looking for Melissa Francis from CNBC …Let me answer what I can for you: Yes she has great legs. Yes she’s married (to Wray Thorn, I believe)–at least she was this time last year when she had a baby. I have no idea how her tits look, but from the number of searches looking for them, they must be fabulous. You can find her on twitter @MelissaCNBC and if you work your google-fu properly, you can find an awesome Frosted Flakes commercial she did when she was a kid. And in that commercial, her eyebrows are amazing. Wait, here’s a fun interview I did with her in 2009 and I posted the commercial at the end…it’s pretty fantastic.

Melfcellaneous

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I’m so witty.

Sometimes blog titles are hard especially when you have a lot of nothing to talk about.

  • My recap of Bachelorette: Men Wear Panties Tell All is up at Hey Don’t Judge Me!
  • I’m working on last night’s Bachelorette Finale and After the Rose recap. Planning to post sometime today.
  • You know you’re the mother of boys when your early morning discussions over coffee are all about farts. It was an in depth discussion covering all aspects of farting from aroma to consistency. I am mother of the year.
  • BITE ME! got a 5 Star review yesterday and it popped up on my news feed and I am excited (because this book is 2 years old and new reviews are few and far between!) I commented and then I had to save her comment back because she didn’t wanna like the book because it’s a vampire book but she ended up loving it! Here’s the brief review. A detailed review will be on her blog 8/19 and of course, I’ll be bragging posting.
  • Here’s proof she didn’t wanna like it but did anyway:

  • I realize posting the picture of our conversation makes me a dork, but I’m good with that.
  • Hammocks really might be the key to happiness. I am doing extensive research on the subject.
  • During last night’s research, I had to test El Jefe’s hammock. It’s very important to collect as much data as possible, otherwise I’d just be wasting my time. I highly recommend testing hammocks in your PJs

  • The heat index this week is going to be consistently in the 115 degree range. I like the sun, I have never had any intention of living on it.
  • I had to call AT&T last night and by the time I finally got to the correct automated menu I was about to have a stroke. Hammock therapy helped me through. As did a glass or two of Kim Cattrall Crawford.

it’s my right as your mom to give you something to talk about in therapy

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You’re my kid. I’m gonna pay for your therapy anyway, so I’m gonna give you something to discuss. Like how your momma has ruined your life by posting pictures of you sleeping on the internetwebz where they will remain forever and ever.

Yes, this is what happens when you don’t get out of bed in the mornings…



Oh and according to Sleeping Beauty, a giant ziplock back of Cap’n Crunch in your backpack helps you focus better. I mean, I always thought that’s what the Concerta was for, but hey, if Cap’n Crunch is doing the same thing…carry on.
Sleeping Beauty also informed me that if I let the world know my secret identity, he would probably need even more therapy. I guess he didn’t like that I was carrying my personalized backpack today. The very one given to me by the super hero delegation. This backpack works for me and me alone, as it is synced up with my DNA. (My evil twin sister keeps trying to take it from me, but my backpack is super smart. OR am I the evil twin sister? Hmmmm)

HELP THIS IS THE REAL SUPERGIRL! MY DNA EQUAL HAS STOLEN MY IDENTITY! SAVE ME!

Shut up, you! Do I even look remotely evil? You’re the evil one. And I look better in pink.

NO YOU’RE EVIL!

I’m rubber and you’re glue.

SAVE ME INTERNETZ! DON’T LET HER USE MY BACKPACK OF AWESOME! NOTHING GOOD CAN COME OF THIS!

No good can come of you wearing pink. Where’s the super glue? Oh, there it is…Suck it, Super Bad. I’m the real Supergirl and you’re just SOL.

MMFMFMFMFFFFFMMMMMMMM

Aw. Someone isn’t so super after all.

Can y’all do me a favor? (because I’m asking, not because I’m going to use my super powers for evil and cover the world in locusts and booger flavored jelly beans) If you guys are on Facebook (and you know you are) Will you please go “like” our HEY DON’T JUDGE ME page? And if you’re reading the recaps, can you “like” the ones you dig? Because we’re trying to get advertisers so we can get paid and we’re really, really close to that, so the more you LIKE the better chance we have of making a dime or two and becoming internetz famous.
And you KNOW you want me to be internetz famous. Even more so than being the “other” Melissa Francis. You know, the one not on TV…(true story, I always wanted to be on Little House on the Prarie. I figured if there were 3 other Melissa’s on that show, then I should be, too…)

yo yo yo

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Ain’t got much for you today. My Bachelorette recap is up! (sorry I’m late. Can you believe I’m actually expected to work sometimes?)
Other than that, I am still wanting a half grape/half peach Cajun Sno and may have to get me one at lunch today.

I have no title so suck it Trebek

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I hit the reset button yesterday after the morning from hell and overall the day turned out okay. My air still isn’t fixed, but they swear it will be taken care of TODAY. I’m pretty sure they had the part shipped from China via the Pony Express. I hope it’s repaired today because I’d actually like to go home and do stuff like laundry before we head out of town on Friday. (Hey Oxford…are you ready for us?)

My Bachelorette recap was posted yesterday. I’m pretty stoked about seeing the next episode of drama when we meet Ashley’s crazy freaking sister Amy Winehouse. She looks and acts like her, so as far as I’m concerned, that’s who she is…It’s gonna be a good time, y’all.
I really wanna Yard Art Farm. Yes. I have a thing for large metal animals. ESPECIALLY the 5ft Giant Metal Flamingo that Galaxy Furniture has. El Jefe and I have decided we should buy one of each of the metal animals and position them around my flower bed like it’s a trough…and then just move them all slightly each day so it looks like they’re alive.
But whether I do a yard art metal animal farm or not, my life may not be complete without the giant metal flamingo. I’m for serious.
Especially since Lumpy the Drunk decapitated my little metal flamingo a few weeks ago. A GIANT metal flamingo would totally rid the place of all negative energy. Like burning a bundle of sage by the doorway. Only it’s PINK and GIANT and in my yard! (and not on fire, because there is a burn ban right now…)
and now…just because this always makes me laugh like a loon, SNL’s Jeopardy. I totally heart Will Ferrell. I know this isn’t right on so many levels, but I can’t help myself.
Also…suck it, Trebek.

yo

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Don’t really have much to say today other than my recap of this week’s Bachelorette is up. Ames wore red pants and I may never get over it. Also you should go read just so this picture will make sense to you:

Also, you should check out Stoney’s recaps of Hoarders and season 1 of Glee and Sue’s recaps of True Blood… Good stuff.

That is all. Carry on.

lawdy I thought Friday would never arrive!

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Seriously. For a short work week, this was the LONGEST. WEEK. EVER. I told Stoney yesterday that I was pretty sure I’d aged 45 years over the past week. Have you seen my spectacles and cane?

I caught up on True Blood last night and I’m going to head over and read Sue’s recap of the episode today at Hey Don’t Judge Me. If you’re watching the show, you’ll want to supplement your viewing pleasure with her very witty recaps. She’s the olive and caper on top of the Easy Cheese goodness.
Man. I could go for some Easy Cheese right now…
This weekend appears to be one of no plans and I’m okay with that. Maybe the party barge will be all better and we can go day-trippin’ to the lake.
I’m very excited about seeing friends and family tonight at Tony and GiGi’s reception. Also, I am going to look really cute. (I have to start planning the cute way early in the day so that by the time the event rolls around, my voodoo has kicked in. Cuteness Voodoo is not an easy magic. Or would that be magick?)
Next week, I start back on my exercise routine. Maybe if I keep saying that in writing to the Internetz, it’ll really happen… I should do something like video blog it. Hahaha. Instead of My Drunk Kitchen (which is AWESOME) I could do I Drink Because I Exercise. Or would that be I Exercise Because I Drink?
Or Boozercise. Even better.

Hmmmmm.
Have a great weekend, y’all.

+500 FRUSTRATION; -1000 in awesome.

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Remember a long time ago, way back last weekend when we backed it up like a Tonka Truck with a load of gravel? Me, the boys & El Jefe worked our asses off. We raked, shoveled, tamped, & spread for damn near the entire weekend.

And the end result was beautiful:

So imagine my utter horror and dismay last night when my mother calls to tell me that some drunk asshole took the curve at warp speed, missed it entirely, AND TOOK OUT MY BRAND NEW FUCKING EFFING DRIVEWAY.

El Jefe was all “Do you wanna go home and check it out?” and I was leaning toward YES when I got my first text from my brother with pictures.
And then I was all “Hell no because I would pick up a shovel and beat that man down with it. IN FRONT OF THE COPS.” (because I’m hard like that) Frankly, I’m not cut out for jail time and even though his murder would have been totally justified in redneck court, I couldn’t take the chance.



BTW, the asshole had LUMPY on his tailgate. Yeah. LUMPY. I’m thinking he had a few lumps after he hit my culvert and left pieces of his truck in my yard. He also told the police he’d just been at the tattoo parlor. I’m guess he’d gotten quite loaded before he got his brand new LUMPY tattoo over his heart.
And you know what? Today is Wine Wednesday and I can’t even go. WHICH MAKES ME HAVE A SAD.
Grumble. Grumble. Piss and Moan. Somebody say something funny or cast a spell of awesome on me or put a hex on Lumpy. C’mon. Make today better…
BTW, my Bachelorette Episode 6 Recap is up at HDJM. Bentley the Super Douche returned on Monday and I recorded it all in its douchetastic glory.

a tail’s tale

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Bobcat Greyskull (occasionally known as Turbo, Spazz, Bullet, Blur, and Crackhead) is currently having his tail snippy-snipped. Which is good, because it was getting pretty disgusting. *shudder*
Not that it slowed him down at all. He don’t need no stinkin’ tail. He just needs a piece of paper. And lemme tell ya, you bettah NOT be a piece of paper in his presence because he will PUNISH YOU hardcore.

Here he is crashed out with his BFF. When she allows such things…
In other news, there’s a whole lotta stuff going on at Hey Don’t Judge Me! We have Glee Season 1 Drinking game recaps; My Bachelorette Recaps; Real Housewives of WTF New Jersey; and now Hoarders! Go forth and enjoy!!!

late

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It’s been a long day after a long night. So all I have to say is my Bachelorette Episode 5 recap is up at Hey Don’t Judge Me. Get thee over and shower me with attention. I need it to keep awake…

<– see the guy in the hot pink panties? He gets knocked the F*(K out. And I laughed. You will too, I’m sure.