another Friday, another smile.

I saw this today and it made me LOL. My parenting theory has been if I’m going to pay for their therapy anyway, I should make sure they have something to talk about…

So yesterday was a good day, even though I had one stressful event that sent my adrenaline into overdrive. Last night, after I bought all the things in Target, I came home, put my music on shuffle, grabbed a beverage of the adult variety and took a STEAMING HOT bath.

Ahhhh.

I need a bath pillow and a bath tray that will hold my book for me, and then my sanctuary will be perfect. Okay, that’s not true, my sanctuary will be perfect when I have those things plus this:

While my music was shuffling along, a song came on that I had forgotten how much I love.
STUTTERING (Kiss Me Again) by Ben’s Brother. Enjoy…

Happy Friday, Bitches!

memory lane

I’m feeling a little nostalgic today, so I thought I’d repost one of my favorite Rader stories. This is from 2006:

 Rader then
Rader now

And then he was sorry…

My 8 year old had a really, really, really bad day at school a couple of weeks ago.

It was so bad, he came home and told me about it. He told me everything–except for the part where he was extremely rude to the assistant teacher. He absolutely refused to do anything she told him and apparently had a couple of ugly things to say to her in the process.

All this happened on a Friday. On Monday, I get a note filling in the missing pieces of the story. We do the “do you know what you did wrong?” talk and he tells me he’d just had a really bad day and took it out on Mrs. G.

I said, “Well, you should draw her a picture and tell her you’re sorry.”

So he did. I didn’t see the finished picture, but I saw him writing the note to Mrs. G. He told me that afternoon that Mrs. G. really liked his picture and that was that.

Until this morning when I ran into Mrs. G…

Mrs. G: Did you see the picture he drew me?

Me: No. Should I have?

Mrs. G: Laughing Oh Lord, yes.

Me: Worried now. Um. Why?

Mrs. G: Well, (snicker, snort) he drew me a picture of a donkey.

Me: gasp. this didn’t start off promising.Mrs. G: At the donkey’s head, he wrote my name and drew an arrow. “This is you.”

Me: grimacing

Mrs. G: And at the rear end he wrote, “And this is what I’ve been.”

Well, that did it. I started laughing and couldn’t stop.

Me: Well, I guess he can recognize ass-like behavior afterall.

Mrs. G. went on to say that it was by far the best note of apology she’s ever received.

I should say so.

Super Nerd is Super!

My kid is awesome. He also isn’t quite right in the head, but I love him anyway. Yes, he wore this to school today. These pants are his 2nd pair of “John Daly” pants. (see other pair below)He has to wear a tie on game days (football starts tonight, YAY!) and so he figures if he’s gotta wear a tie, he should wear it with “style.” Ahem. Well, he is his own person, that’s for sure…



In other news, I woke up full of anger and discontent this morning but after I fed on the souls of several babies, kicked a kitten*, and drank 4 cups of coffee, I felt much better.

Honestly, the souls of the innocent work every time. You should try it.



*ETA: no actual kittens were harmed in this mornings kicking… Don’t send me any hate mail because you have no sense of humor. Mmmkay?
Or send it…and then I’ll blog about it. Yeah. Do that.

Melfcellaneous

I’m so witty.

Sometimes blog titles are hard especially when you have a lot of nothing to talk about.

  • My recap of Bachelorette: Men Wear Panties Tell All is up at Hey Don’t Judge Me!
  • I’m working on last night’s Bachelorette Finale and After the Rose recap. Planning to post sometime today.
  • You know you’re the mother of boys when your early morning discussions over coffee are all about farts. It was an in depth discussion covering all aspects of farting from aroma to consistency. I am mother of the year.
  • BITE ME! got a 5 Star review yesterday and it popped up on my news feed and I am excited (because this book is 2 years old and new reviews are few and far between!) I commented and then I had to save her comment back because she didn’t wanna like the book because it’s a vampire book but she ended up loving it! Here’s the brief review. A detailed review will be on her blog 8/19 and of course, I’ll be bragging posting.
  • Here’s proof she didn’t wanna like it but did anyway:

  • I realize posting the picture of our conversation makes me a dork, but I’m good with that.
  • Hammocks really might be the key to happiness. I am doing extensive research on the subject.
  • During last night’s research, I had to test El Jefe’s hammock. It’s very important to collect as much data as possible, otherwise I’d just be wasting my time. I highly recommend testing hammocks in your PJs

  • The heat index this week is going to be consistently in the 115 degree range. I like the sun, I have never had any intention of living on it.
  • I had to call AT&T last night and by the time I finally got to the correct automated menu I was about to have a stroke. Hammock therapy helped me through. As did a glass or two of Kim Cattrall Crawford.

it’s my right as your mom to give you something to talk about in therapy

You’re my kid. I’m gonna pay for your therapy anyway, so I’m gonna give you something to discuss. Like how your momma has ruined your life by posting pictures of you sleeping on the internetwebz where they will remain forever and ever.

Yes, this is what happens when you don’t get out of bed in the mornings…



Oh and according to Sleeping Beauty, a giant ziplock back of Cap’n Crunch in your backpack helps you focus better. I mean, I always thought that’s what the Concerta was for, but hey, if Cap’n Crunch is doing the same thing…carry on.
Sleeping Beauty also informed me that if I let the world know my secret identity, he would probably need even more therapy. I guess he didn’t like that I was carrying my personalized backpack today. The very one given to me by the super hero delegation. This backpack works for me and me alone, as it is synced up with my DNA. (My evil twin sister keeps trying to take it from me, but my backpack is super smart. OR am I the evil twin sister? Hmmmm)

HELP THIS IS THE REAL SUPERGIRL! MY DNA EQUAL HAS STOLEN MY IDENTITY! SAVE ME!

Shut up, you! Do I even look remotely evil? You’re the evil one. And I look better in pink.

NO YOU’RE EVIL!

I’m rubber and you’re glue.

SAVE ME INTERNETZ! DON’T LET HER USE MY BACKPACK OF AWESOME! NOTHING GOOD CAN COME OF THIS!

No good can come of you wearing pink. Where’s the super glue? Oh, there it is…Suck it, Super Bad. I’m the real Supergirl and you’re just SOL.

MMFMFMFMFFFFFMMMMMMMM

Aw. Someone isn’t so super after all.

Can y’all do me a favor? (because I’m asking, not because I’m going to use my super powers for evil and cover the world in locusts and booger flavored jelly beans) If you guys are on Facebook (and you know you are) Will you please go “like” our HEY DON’T JUDGE ME page? And if you’re reading the recaps, can you “like” the ones you dig? Because we’re trying to get advertisers so we can get paid and we’re really, really close to that, so the more you LIKE the better chance we have of making a dime or two and becoming internetz famous.
And you KNOW you want me to be internetz famous. Even more so than being the “other” Melissa Francis. You know, the one not on TV…(true story, I always wanted to be on Little House on the Prarie. I figured if there were 3 other Melissa’s on that show, then I should be, too…)

quit being so nosy


Found a ceramic nose in El Jefe’s driveway this weekend. Bet you can’t beat that story!

Also, apparently my 13 year old son was a big hit at Rick Astley and Weird Al karaoke on Saturday. I’m sad I missed it live but luckily fishdog recorded it for a lifetime of awesome. If you’re my FB friend, it’s posted there. Go forth and enjoy NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP in its teenaged cracking voice glory. It is a wonder to behold.
I had a good weekend. And did I mention I found a nose?

things and stuffs and things

  • I’m hoping to have both Bachelorette episodes 3&4 posted at HDJM today. There are some epic moments that must be given their proper attention. EPIC. MOMENTS.
  • Bobcat Greyskull will indeed be losing his tail, therefore earning his name after all. Probably will be next week some time. He’s doing great, though. When he wasn’t playing with Ruby he was sleeping on my chest. This morning he met Chicken Nugget, and although Nugget is slightly suspicious, he seems to be warming up to him. Nugget is a lover, not a fighter. Clementine is all “get out of my patio.” It will take her a while, but she’ll get there.
  • I found an itty-bitty 4-leaf clover walking to my office today.
  • It’s Day 2 of a short work week and I’m ready for Day 5 which will consist of driving to the lake, getting into the boat, tooling around the lake, getting sun.
  • Possibly some hiking will occur…
  • The kids were left with a chore list this morning as when I got home last night, my living room looked like a daycare had exploded in it. Candy, sodas, juice, jello, cereal, clothing, movies, socks, and shoes were just a few of the things scattered about the room. Most bedrooms are bigger than my living room. As you can imagine, I was not a happy mom.
  • I’m wondering if we can make Bobcat Greyskull a party barge cat…
  • Thanks to the boys (and fishdog) I now have an iPhone 4 (belated birthday gift) and I ❤ taking pics with it, so please see below for THE CUTE.





what the?

So let me ask you a quershtchen.

How is it possible that this tall-ass, long-haired hippy -like 13 year old rocking the 70s sweat band…

is the same kid rocking the pudgy 4th grade catholic school look in this picture?

These 2 pics are 4 years apart. Crazazy, huh?

I would gladly share a recent pic of Ian to compare the difference, but he isn’t a big fan of the camera. You’d think he was 17 or something. (big eye roll)

I have Bunko at my house on Friday night. Should be interesting as I’ve not had more than 2 people at a time over simultaneously. My house is rather small cozy. I’m looking forward to hosting the shindig though…

I’m hopefully also looking forward to Saturday… we will find out tomorrow if our tentative plans are a go. Everyone keep your fingers crossed because we need more of these types of pics–from this year:
I’m going to miss you tonight, Wine Wednesday. I have too much to do and no time to do it… We’ll see you next week!

Not the nose again!

My poor kid. He broke his nose this weekend playing soccer. We counted back and we think this is break #5, but we’re not sure. I do know the when the ER doc walked in and saw Rader, his first words were: “Well this isn’t his first time is it?”

Sadly, no. His first time was at 18 months old.

You see, my son is very passionate at times. And when he was a toddler, and he didn’t get his way, he would throw a hissy fit and bang his head on the floor. And me, being the Mother of the Year that I am, would tell him every time, “That doesn’t hurt me at all, kiddo.” He would eventually realize that I was unsymapthetic to his plight and he would work on a different approach to get his way.

Well, one time he threw his fit and was banging his forehead…and he missed–hitting his nose instead. He was so shocked that we had stone cold silence for a couple of seconds as his nose started to gush. And again, me being Mother of the Year, I said, “I’m thinking that might have been your last hissy fit, what do you think?”

Commence the wailing.

I called his pediatrician (who happens to be a friend of mine from high school) and I said, “So, how do I know if my 18 month old has broken his nose or not?”

“Is it bleeding badly?”

“Gushing.”

“It’s broken. As long has he can breathe, there is nothing we can do about it. Give him benadryl and tylenol and just make sure he’s breathing okay.”

So fast-forward 12 years and here we are with break #5. I only took him to the doc because I was afraid this was the ONE. You know, the break so bad it would require immediate surgery.

Luckily, no. It’s a good break. No surgery needed (yet). And so far no black eyes. But he does have 6 rocking cleat marks on his face. A a shnoz that would rival Squidward.

After our ER visit, Rader informed me that BBQ pizza was the best medicine known for a broken nose. I had to agree.

And for the momma, an ice cold beer was prescribed. All’s well that ends well.

BTW, the Green Death Machine won the tournament undefeated. It killed Rader not to get to play anymore, but he got his medal and he has the cleat marks to prove his awesomeness.

2011: The Month of Mel; The DAY OF NEMO

My eldest son turns 17 today. (Obviously I was a teen mom…) It’s so difficult for me to remember this child:

Ian may be known as Nemo by all of his friends now, but when he was first born, he was known as Treefrog. He was born almost a full month early (Thank the maternity gods) and was a tee-tiny little 5 lbs 6 oz. Which means his itty bitty booty fit into the palm of my hand.
Then our little Treefrog grew up and we started to call him Goose. (I can’t remember for the life of me why.) Anyway, Goose had a real hard time keeping his clothes on. I think he was probably 5 or 6 years old before we convinced him that joining a Nudist Colony was not a part of our life plan, so please put on your underwear.



My baby ain’t a baby no more… Happy Birthday, Nemo. Let’s eat some ribs tonight!