things that make me…


George Jones died today.

This song still makes me tear up. RIP George. If there’s a heaven, I hope you’re partying your ass off like the rock star you are! (and like you used to do…without remorse!)

THIS is being taught as SCIENCE.

It’s okay to believe what you choose to believe, but you should not teach your personal beliefs as scientific FACT when there is actual SCIENTIFIC PROOF that you are wrong is just plain ignorant. UGH. I fear for the future of these kids who are being taught this as science.

Things that make me HAPPY:

A CAT. IN A SHARK SUIT. RIDING A ROOMBA. CHASING A DUCK. It just doesn’t get more awesome than that.

Well, THIS might be more awesome. But only slightly.

Things that make me AWESOME:

Sassy pants. Sparkle. Humility. (LMAO) and a bag of Gardetto’s for Breakfast. (Hey, I almost chose the Chili Cheese Fritos. I think I made the better choice.)

I need a beach. Until I have this in real life, I’ll have to stick to imagining this is me and Jefe on our private island somewhere.

feelin’ SASSY!

I’m talking about motivation, failure and success at FCR today. Go forth and read.

I thought I was going to gnaw my arm off yesterday afternoon around 4:30. I’ve been eating a ton of protein, but I guess my activity increase has motivated my metabolism to jump into gear, (this is a good thing) and by yesterday afternoon, I could’ve chased down a wildebeest and eaten it live in 4.5 seconds.

Instead, I went home and hurriedly put together a very high protein wrap and drank some roasted dandelion tea.  And I was full for the rest of the night.

And I woke this morning, full sass and sparkle. I hope you guys are wearing your shades, because I’m shining bright!

So rapid topic change…some of you folks need to stop taking FB so damn seriously. For REALZ. First off, if you have to qualify every freakin’ post on your own page with something like “Don’t be a hater, but…” or “This is MY opinion only, don’t hate…” then probably, you’re wrapping your ‘opinion’ in a bundle of judgement. And that’s okay, it’s your page, but if you’re not comfortable with the response you are going to get, then probably you should rethink your post.  Either own your feelings or bury them on the inside. Stop getting so defensive. (Probably, you wouldn’t be so defensive if you didn’t have some passive-aggressive alternate point to your post anyway.)

Just know, if you’re always posting life drama or hating on someone or ‘qualifying’ all your ‘controversial’ opinions…I’m hiding you from my news feed. I don’t need the negativity. I’ve spent months ridding myself of it…and since I find FB to be a place to be playful and fun, your constant pettiness and vitriol is not for me. You’re welcome to continue to drown yourself in it–it’s your page after all. I just choose to smile and click “hide from news feed.”

And this…is how I choose to live. It’s amazing how great I feel now that I’ve changed my attitude. It was a lot of work (and still is) but it was totally worth it.

Happy Tuesday! I hit the gym at lunch, am walking after work, then I’m getting my lashes refilled. Tomorrow is supposed to be hella stormy, and seriously, I’m kind of excited about it. I love a good spring thunderstorm…as long as nobody is hurt.

Stay sassy and carry on, bitches!

It’s a rather blustery day…

Yep. Today the wind is windy and the temperature is dropping and there’s a chance of ice tonight. Every time the weatherman says something about a “light icing” I have dreams of cream cheese frosting. It’s just the sugar withdrawals, I’m sure…

Still, I’m wearing my sassy pants again today. I do love it when I wake full of awesome and sparkle. A friend of mine sent me this picture this morning and you know what? I feel so fabulous, I would have smashed this box twice.

I’m heading to the gym at lunch again today. I’ve decided working out at lunchtime is really ideal for me. And it saves me gas money. I bring my lunch, go do my workout, come back and eat. So I’m getting more awesome AND saving cash. If I get any smarter, you’re all gonna be in trouble.

Hope you’re wearing your sassy pants and sparkle today! Life is better with glitter…


Yeah. I’m wearing my sassy pants today. And they look GOOD  on me, too.

I love it when I wake feeling sassy. There’s nothing like living your life in color, ya know? And since I’m determined to make 2013 my bitch, I’m in living color every day. (Every day I’m not down with the flu that is. heh)

The LR 1/2 Marathon is about 6 weeks away! I’m really looking forward to it, even though I’ll be worn-smooth-out when it’s over. I am gonna be wearing my Funky Tights and a smile. And possibly a tiara–because, why wouldn’t I? I’m down 10 lbs since the beginning of the year and have hopes to be down another 10 by the marathon.  Go TEAM MELF!

Rader and I had a great dinner last night. We were talking about school and his future and where he might want to go to college. He surprised me when he told me he plans to get a full scholarship to UCLA. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have no doubt that boy can get a full scholarship anywhere he chooses…I was just really surprised to hear he wants to Left Coast it.

It fits him, though. Completely. He’s my little hippie. He’s very much like his momma. Peace, love and laughter seems to be his life’s motto and California would definitely suit him.

My monkey boy. He’s trying to grow up right in front of me.

funky town

So I posted a pic of my hot new boots on FB yesterday, but I had to repost here because I’m still in love with them a lot.

Guess what? The sock monkey hat really compliments the boots. SASSY!

I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately, trying to figure my way out of it and not sure how to do it (except for shoe shopping…but then that sends my bank account into a funk.) I mean, I do the smiling, laughing, faking my way through the day crap and mostly I feel good but still the funk just hovers like a gray cloud. Not really a storm cloud, but it certainly isn’t full of sunshine and unicorns either.

And I realized last night that some of this is holiday hangover. It took a lot out of me this year. I had daydreamed all year long that somehow, some way this holiday season would be better than my last five or so, and even though it was in a lot of ways, it still wasn’t what I needed. (which is all my fault because I didn’t make it what I needed. I just allowed myself to survive. And frankly, that’s probably where some of this comes from. I don’t do well with just existing. I like to be an active participant…) So I’m still kinda recovering from that funktastic feeling.

Also, I haven’t exercised in 3 weeks, and trust me, that has a lot to do with my trip to Funky Town.

That’s changing today. I’m meeting Birdrunner at lunch and we’re gonna do the death march today. Which means I’ll be exhausted tonight, but that’s cool. I’ve gotta get back to walking an hour + a day…especially since I have a half marathon to do in a few weeks. And if we’re gonna have Team Melf gear, then Melf herself had better not be shaming the team!

Team Melf…

I did it. I took the plunge. I bit the bullet. I *insert various other cliches*… I am out of my damn mind…

But I don’t care. I now have a goal and I’m gonna meet it.

What did I do? I signed up for the Little Rock 1/2 Marathon.

Yeah, we won’t even discuss how I haven’t run or walked much in the past 6 months. The less I think about that the better off I am… Sometimes denial can be a good thing.

If you’ll recall, I ran my very first 5K 2 years ago on my 40th birthday. I had never run a full race of any kind. Now I had walked them…but I wanted to run all the way. (not that you would mistake my ‘run’ a real run. because it isn’t. I really do think I walk faster than I run. LOL) And so, I did it. I met my goal and ran the whole race.

It seems I’ve roped a couple of other chicas in with me. Birdrunner and Lindy Lohan have both signed up as well. My friend Carbkiller (from where I rarely blog anymore because I’m lame) is coming in from Cali for the full! And rumor has it, El Jefe is thinking of doing the half as well. What’s this? The madness is spreading like a Zombie Virus! (speaking of zombies…OMG THE WALKING DEAD IS TEH AWESOME AND I CAN’T WAIT TO CATCH UP THIS WEEKEND!)
I’m not going to fool myself into thinking I’ll run the whole way. Hell, I may not run at all. It is 13.1 miles and I only have 3 months to prepare for it. But the thing is, I have a goal now. And I’m motivated and excited and ready to get back off my ass.

Who knows. Maybe one day I’ll actually attempt a full marathon like CK…or maybe I’ll just be happy to have completed the half and move on.

a confession from Wine Wednesday

Okay, this is nothing like Texts from Last night…I mean, I suppose it COULD BE something like that, sometimes. But since this is about me and there is no way to make this anonymous…my confessions from Wine Wednesday will just be funny little innocent stories that happened last night.

The rest of it will stay in the Wine Wednesday vault.

First off, I have discovered I love every Sauvignon Blanc (that I have tried so far) that comes from Marlborough Wineries. Now, I haven’t tried them all yet, but here’s a short list of the yum that I have tried.

Villa Maria
and my current favorite: Kim Cattrall Crawford

These wines just make me wanna yell More Cowbell WINE!

So the last few Wine Wednesdays have been funny because every time we yelled More Cowbell WINE! our glass was magically filled! It had nothing to do with our awesome server, Trey. I’m sure of it. It was just MAGIC!
Actually, I think it was leprechaun magic because for some reason, we were suddenly inspired to write limericks and haikus (hey, our magical leprechauns could LOVE haikus. So shut it.) On cocktail napkins.

Naturally, the more we yelled More Cowbell! Wine! the naughtier the limericks got. We will NOT be showing you any of those. And just in case you get the wrong idea about me, I did NOT write any of the naughty limericks. Nope. Not one. I promise. (No my fingers aren’t crossed?! I’m was just trying to snap them behind my back and they got tangled up!)

My FAVORITE non-naughty limerick that I wrote was simply a masterpiece…because I managed to rhyme my favorite red-headed waiter named Thomas with the llamas.

Oh yeah. That’s awesome right there.

And I swear, it wasn’t dirty. It’s more like Dr. Seuss.

There once was a boy named Thomas
Who always kept his promise
So when his car broke down
On the way out of town
He had to hitch a ride on some llamas!

Now, I will admit that maybe, just maybe there is another version where I might’ve actually rhymed Thomas with Lorenzo Lamas. And it possibly is naughty. But there’s nothing out there to prove that…

drag queens + karaoke = win #rwa09

You can view the whole album here. I must warn you, some pics are not pretty. Most–are well worth looking at.

So after the literacy signing on Wednesday night (I’ll post those pics later, I just figured we should start off with a bang here) a group of Romance Divas decided to hit the drag (bar) like we did in Dallas a couple years ago.

We hit the jackpot when we found Remington’s. Seriously, this place was dream come true for us Divas. They welcomed us women with open arms. And we accepted their welcome gleefully. Here, let me show you:

Lisa and I got pulled up on stage to dance back up….
Chelsea is our other backup dancer…
took this one with my cell phone. She was my favorite!

After the show we trounced upstairs and took over. A couple of regulars (who could really actually sing) didn’t seem to appreciate our version of karaoke. You know what version I’m talking about right? The ‘I can’t really sing but who gives a rat’s ass because this is fun’ version. Pictures…let me show you them.

Vivienne Westlake owning the mic
Me and Christina “singing” I’LL THINK OF A REASON LATER (though, truth be told, we already have our reasons…)
and me and Jen “singing” COPACABANA. Yes, we put on quite the show…
I think I was a mic hog which is honestly, quite unfortunate.

A good time was had by all. My fave part of the night (besides being molested by a Drag Queen) was when the New Yorker (Jen) busted out the cabbie for going way out of his way to get us to our destination. She pulled out her iPhone map and he nearly died. He said, “Sometimes the cheapest way isn’t always the best way.” Uh huh. Tell that to someone who doesn’t live in Manhattan buddy.

More pics soon….

the party’s over–but we have pics!

You know how I know I’m getting old? I can’t seem to sleep past 6:30 a.m. no matter what time I go to bed. Hmph.

So last night, we had a combo birthday-party-slash-reunion-slash-holiday gathering at Chez Francis. Fishdog invited loads of his friends from elementary and high school as well as our regular peeps.

It was a fun night. I was exhausted by the time it was over, and kicked folks out around 1:00. (sorry guys. You were welcome to stay–Fishdog was up for a while, so you could’ve kept him company. but my tired ass was ready for some zzzzzz’s)

Favorite part of the night? Meeting an old friend of Fishdog’s, who is an artist living in Paris, who also reads my blog. He entered the house like a whirling dervish, all energy and smiles. And as soon as Fishdog introduced us, Marcus hugged me and said (exclaimed with gusto), “I read you blog! So when do we get to the boob shots?” Ah yes. the cleavage shots. I love being famous for my ‘Who’s Tits Are These’ pics from conferences and parties. LOL!

You’ll be sad to know, there were no cleavage shots last night. Sorry guys. There were children present. Even I have a small amount of dignity.

Anyway, Marcus is awesome and I wanted to wrap him up and put him under my tree for Christmas. Please Mom? Can I keep him? Please check his website out, he’s a very talented artist and really an amazing guy. Also, he was the only one at the party last night who could claim to have a tall, dark and handsome French boyfriend. (I saw pictures. Trust me when I say tall, dark and handsome.) I wanted to hate him a little for that, but his charm and energy won me over. (And Gabrielle, if you ever get a chance to meet Marcus, I give you permission to play with him, but you do not get to keep him all to yourself. I heart him.) I’m still trying to figure out how I can convince him to let me wrap him up and open him for Christmas…

I think a good time was had by all. Pics below–why don’t you judge for yourself?