Melf’s Compound BootyCamp Day 1: Report in, sir.

pinup18So…it was kind of a success! I say “Kind of” because clearly, I like to believe I’m still fit as I was when I played 3 hours of basketball every afternoon and ran a 9 minute mile without breaking a sweat.

Just in case you were wondering, I am NOT in high school, anymore.

The boys were awesome. I actually didn’t expect them to take it seriously and get out there with me, but they did. Even my nephew Ryan jumped in!

I made 1 round of all the exercises, which totaled 22 minutes. I had hoped to do the full round of 42 minutes, but it just didn’t happen. I know I got a good workout in though because I wanted to puke a couple of times. That’s how you know you’re doin’ it right. Right? LOL

Or it could have just been the extreme heat and humidity. Whatever.

It was a pretty leg intensive workout, which is what I need. (the boys bitched about it. Said they want more upper body work. hah!) I have large thigh and butt muscles (big butt, SO WHAT?)  and I need to focus on getting rid of the extra padding around them. But we did arm work along with the leg work, so we did get a pretty full body workout.

I’m quite pleased with my first attempt, thankyouverymuch.

I ran out of energy faster than expected because I didn’t eat enough calories yesterday. I ate some peanut butter on a whole wheat pita about an hour prior to the workout, but…it just wasn’t enough to get me through. I have GOT to do better about eating more calories during the day. The thing about doing the low carb lifestyle is I’m just not as hungry. Which is GOOD and bad…because I have to eat for energy if I’m going to exercise more than just walking. And of course, if I exercise at night, I generally am not hungry at all afterward. Whicexercisepinuph means I ended yesterday with only 821 calories and I burned 420. Not good for energy levels.

This morning I made sure I ate a good breakfast. A grilled chicken burrito with Greek Cream Cheese and spinach on a low carb, whole wheat tortilla. It was so tasty and satisfying. And I’m not crabby at all.

We’re gonna be back at it on Wednesday night! I hope I can push myself to do more than half the workout. I have a hard time motivating myself to do the workouts. I need a coach to bully me. LOL Oh, the 80s. How I don’t miss being yelled at and shamed for being curvier and slower than the rest of the basketball team. I certainly wasn’t anywhere close to fat at 135 lbs and 5’6 tall. But to hear the coach tell it, I was morbidly obese and lazy.

Which is why, now that I am overweight, it’s really hard for me to motivate myself. I shame myself for the body I have because I felt so much shame about the body I had. WTF is wrong with adults who shame children like that? Don’t they know that shit sticks?

Eh. The only failure is failing to try again. So, I’m just gonna keep trying until I’m successful.

And I’m going to love me for who I am. Because seriously? I’m pretty fat-tastic. FANtastic. Awesome even. And I’m gonna rock this body, no matter its size, shape or leftover shame. There is no shame in being human. There is only shame in being an ugly-on-the-inside human.

I am ANYTHING but ugly. Inside or out.

Let’s stay motivated, bitches!

d69d1bb47669a73ced85314bf5fffb5f

full house! and Operation Bootylicious, take 2,000

After a lovely and tiring 5 days with friends doing awesome lake stuff, Rader Tater returned to me last night. It was great to see him again and hear about his exploits and how awesome his trip was. I met “Grammy and Pops” his friend’s grandparents, and they had nothing but love for Rader. “He’s such a sweet boy. So polite and well-mannered and fun. You’ve done a great job.” Well, so far. Yes. LOL There’s still time for me to screw him up. I’m working on it!

pin_up_exerciseOPERATION BOOTYLICIOUS is back on track.

I’ve managed the diet portion of my health and fitness journey, but I keep falling off the exercise wagon. I loved Booty Camp and miss it…but when you’re saving money, organized bootcamps are not necessary expenses. Also, the times were so hard for me to work in. The best class was Mon/Wed at 7:15, but those are my days with the boys…and I really don’t like giving up my time with them for the gym. Tues/Thurs would be perfect, but they didn’t offer anything at night. And sadly, no matter how hard I try, I cannot get to a 5 a.m. class. I’m just not a morning person.

And those of you who are…YOU ARE NOT HUMAN.

I walk 2-4 times a week with Marissa at lunch. And that’s great, because it keeps me moving, but I have GOT to add a more hardcore exercise program to my weekly regimen.

So, starting tonight, Welcome to MELF’s BOOTYLICIOUS COMPOUND.pin-up-girl-on-scale

Instead of leaving my kids to go workout, we’re going to start working out together. I’m putting together a 40 minute HIIT workout and then we’re gonna do 15 minutes of abs. And it’s gonna be awesome.

Here’s this week’s workout…

Do every exercise for 2 minutes. Repeat once.

  • 2 minute warm up run
  • Walking lunges,  10lb weights
  • Jumping jacks
  • Squats (8 regular/8 pulses)
  • Jump on trampoline
  • Narrow Squat With Overhead Press
  • Line drills with medicine ball
  • Push ups
  • wall sit
  • Tricep curls
  • jump rope

This will be a 40 minute workout. Then abs.

I’ll report back tomorrow. If I can walk. Type. Or breathe.

Oh…check out this awesome blog post. 25 things fat people shouldn’t do. #19 Run.

You know, I keep reading these motivational quotes, images, posters, and what nots from people who THINK they are helping us big girls. But the problem is, shit like this doesn’t help. Because DUH. We know this:

getting-back-into-exercise-389x435If wishing worked, my Booty would make Beyonce’s look like a squishy marshmallow.

We know it’s hard work. I’m not lazy. I’m strong as hell. My legs will crush you like rotten nut if you give me a chance. I have lots of muscle under my layer of fluff. And I really don’t have a problem with being a woman of substance. HOWEVER. I want to be healthy. I’d like to ween myself off the BP meds if I can. I’d also like to get my toned arms back. I don’t know what happens with me. I do well with exercise, but not diet. Or I do well with diet but not exercise. It’s like I have fitness ADHD!

Either way, maybe working out with my kids and Jefe will make a difference. I know I enjoy walking more when I have someone to walk with…so, I’ll keep you posted on Operation Bootylicious. Hopefully you’ll be seeing less of me soon. *wink*

exercise-motivation-quotes-weight-loss-work-out-lose-weight-15_large

The problem with this? I’m done, when I’m tired. UGH.

LET’S PLAY FAIRIES!

My niece Double A.

My niece Double A.

When I was a little girl, my favorite thing to do on the 4th of July was play fairies.

You don’t know how to play 4th of July Fairies? What is wrong with you!?

You light up sparklers for each hand and you “fly” around the field yelling “I’m a fairy!” I taught Double A this game last night, and we spread our fairy sparkle far and wide at the compound. I’m pretty sure it’s still glowing out there.photo 3(7)

Ian and Ben and my brother Mike bought ALL THE LOUD FIREWORKS KNOWN TO MAN and we blew shit up for hours. Well, they did. I lasted about 30 minutes. The skeeters like my sweet blood way too much. They apparently don’t even care if I bath in Off or Skin So Soft or Gasoline. It doesn’t matter. The want to suck me dry.  photo 1(9)

For a while, the entire county sounded like we were at war. I thought maybe the British were actually returning…and Paul Revere fell down on his job. But by 11:00, the bang, bang, booms had stopped and the world was quiet again.

I think everyone was excited we weren’t under a burn ban. I can’t remember the last time it sounded like that. I bet it’s been since I was a kid.

OMG. we used to have the best 4th of July celebrations when I was younger. Bonfires, roasted weenies, s’mores and lots of booms and bangs. This would have been the perfect year (weather wise, especially) to have brought back the Compound Celebrations, but with Jefe still down with the plague, it just wouldn’t have been the same. (you know he doesn’t feel well when he didn’t even come outside to blow anything up!)

Today, the kids are coming back to test out the waterproof fireworks in the pond and to blow up old toys. Good grief. We have created monsters! (Monsters of awesome)

I still have some sparklers left, so I shall play fairies one more time.

photo 2(9) photo 3(8) photo 4(2) photo 2(11)

Have a fantabulous weekend, bitches. I will be sparkling and fairying all weekend long. If you need some extra awesome, just stop by the compound. I have plenty to spare!

 

 

‘merica!

americaThe prodigal teen-almost-grown-ass-man and his friend have returned to the house. Just passing through, I’m sure. They have too many video games to play elsewhere to stick around too long.

I’ve heard from Rader and he’s have a grand ol’ time. He’s gonna be plum worn out when he gets home on Sunday. He better send me some pictures!

My grumpy bear is still down with the lurgy, so we are just having a very chill day at the house. I will do the John Deere thing (a girl should always have a back up date for a holiday, just in case her #1 choice catches the plague) John Deere always treats me right.

Since the big boy is home, I’m going to send him out to buy me some fireworks because we are not under a burn ban for the first time in years, and I’m gonna light some shit on fire. blow shit up. make things go boom.

Also, there will be sparklers, because I’m a girl and I love them.

Hope you guys are getting your 4th on in style. Let the gluttony and explosions begin!

Team America! Fuck. Yeah.

parenting ain’t easy.

c9579d13b4d68148f452ece83e014311Even when your kid is an adult (legally, that is.)

I’ve always encouraged my kids to find themselves. To find a dream and pursue it and most of all, to find happiness and keep it.

The key to happiness is always going to be from within, so for me, the most important life lesson I can teach them is to be happy. I’ve often said I don’t care how you get there, or when you get there, just get there. I remember as a teen, not knowing what I wanted to be as an adult, and feeling caught between two worlds. The world where I couldn’t disappoint my parents and the world where I couldn’t find my footing for fear of disappointing my parents.

So I did everything in my power to fulfill my parents desires. I went to school. (failed my first year of college, went to another school, graduated summa cum laude) then went back to my original school and did the same. Graduated with honors.

And I was miserable for the next 10 years because I didn’t have focus, or drive, or any idea what I wanted to be now that I was an adult.

I don’t wish that on anyone. Especially my children.

We’re at a crossroads with my oldest. He’s not working, and he needs to be. He is looking–and he’s looking hard. I’ve been helping him for months. He’s a teenager–so he makes stupid decisions sometimes. Didn’t we all? I talk to him every day. I don’t nag him or yell at him because he responds negatively to that and shuts down. He’s just oppositional enough that he will do exactly the opposite of what you want if you bark at him and chastise him. I’ve learned over the years to talk to him like an adult and try to give him the room to make mistakes and learn from them. I’ve supported him financially and emotionally. And I will continue to do so for a little while longer.

I may be making a mistake by parenting him this way, but threats don’t work. They never have! I used to call him a chameleon child. It didn’t matter the punishment you doled out, he adapted to it. We took EVERYTHING out of his room one time–he played with pennies he found in the corner. We offered to pay him for his grades; that wasn’t motivating. We yelled, spanked, tore our hair out…he didn’t change anything. He’s adaptable. He needs to do things himself. So I’m trying so hard to let him.

But damn, I sometimes just want to scream at him. Luckily for both of us, I’m smarter than that. I learned a long time ago that doesn’t work. That I had to adapt my parenting style to accommodate his personality and learning style. (I just wish others could do the same…)

He and I have a great relationship. When we talk, he’s honest as am I. He needs to get his shit together, and he knows it. He’s working on it…on his time. And I’m fighting with everything in my being to allow him to do that, because I remember being that kid. Stuck between childhood and adulthood, wanting to please my parents…wanting to do what was right…and losing myself in the end. But if I allow him to do this himself, he’ll be a better man for it.

Ugh.

Parenting ain’t easy.

Hey Ho! It’s Monday!

I don’t know about y’all, but I had a pretty fantastic weekend.

First off, we had driving lessons #2 and #3 this weekend. Rader did great! He’s becoming a pro!

We’re practicing at Burns Park, so we took a moment to appreciate one of my favorite places while we were there:

Rader ran the Rocket 5K Saturday morning, so after our driving lesson, we came home and he seriously fell flat asleep at 4:30 and didn’t move until the middle of the night. Poor kid. He was beat up. Probably he was worn out from all his awesome. (he gets that from his mother…)

He didn’t run wearing the horse head, that belonged to a friend. He did, however, run wearing that awesome shirt.

Sunday I found myself itching to be outside and get dirty…so I planted stuff. Welcome to my salsa garden!

In the pots we have tomatoes and peppers. In the herb planter, we have sweet basil, dill, rosemary and cilantro.

My handsome domestic partner (heehee) helped me repair the herb planter… I like having a man who’s good with his hands at my disposal…

I saw my first snake of the season, too. It was a wee-itty-bitty thing. And it was magical…it disappeared right before my eyes! I hope it was a king snake and not a copperhead!

And just because, here’s your gratuitous Ruby pic. Isn’t she a gorgeous little hot mess?

Tomorrow we are heading to see the Travelers play! I love Dickey-Stephens park and this will be Jefe’s first experience with Traveler baseball! I can’t wait!

Hope y’all have a great week. Happy Monday!

and then it was Thursday and the world rejoiced.

Before I get to my blog-of-nothing today, I posted this on FCR yesterday afternoon. I swear, I could have written this article.

PROJECT BENDYPANTS: PRACTICING YOGA WHILE FAT

I’ve been wanting to get back into yoga, but I’ve been holding off because of how fit people tend to view fatties when trying something new. Normally, I could give a flying rat’s ass about how people view me, but with yoga, it’s different. I can kick your ass in the gym or on the softball field, but you put me in yoga class and I turn into a shy, awkward mess. Because I’m not as flexible as I used to be. And because I have Gigantic G cups that get in my way and sometimes try to suffocate me in certain poses. So walking into a new class, with a yogi who doesn’t know me, makes me feel intimidated.

Not my favorite feeling in the world.

However, I have decided to try some yoga at home. I found this video on Fitbottomed Girls: Yoga for Weight-Loss: A Sequence for Beginners

I just wish I had a personal yogi who could help me with proper poses.

Enough of that talk, let’s talk about something else… Like, this morning’s note from the Universe!

The question, Melissa, that some might consider asking is, “Can others, doing what they’re now doing, no matter what their motivation, no matter what our relationship, and no matter what they decide, keep me from being all I want to be?”

And the answer is always, “Not in a million years.”

Whooohooo!
    The Universe

Especially, when who you want to be, Melissa, is as simple as being happy, huggable, and sharing your new good book deal with the world.

I needed this today. Sometimes I forget that the only person in charge of me, is ME. Sometimes I allow myself to get wrapped up in other people’s actions and reactions and forget that how/ who they are is not my problem nor is it my fault. Those are their issues, not mine.  It sounds easy, but the reality is, it is much more difficult to practice. But I am practicing. Everyday.

In other, other news…This will be another weekend with Rader, practicing driving! He’s stoked…as am I. He’s a quick learner, too.

Well, I hope you guys have a great Thursday. Turn your sparkle up to 11, folks! And if you have a sunroof or a convertible, I hope you’re somewhere that you can open the top and enjoy the day!

ETA:
I blogged at FCR today as well. I‘m talking about Mastering Yourself (not being the Master of Your Domain. I mean, why would you punish yourself like that?)

Hey Mom…

“For your birthday, do you want to do another spa day…just me, you, and Rader?”

Best. Sons. Ever.

Speaking of birthdays, Rader turns 15 on Wednesday.

Yes, This Child…

WILL BE 15.

How lucky am I to be the mother of such a fantastic kid? (who will be driving soon? ACK!)

Pretty damn lucky.

I’ve done one thing right in my life, and it’s my two boys. Excuse me while I pat myself on the back for a moment.

good grief!

Just when I thought I was feeling better, Lucy would pull the football out from under me again.

Damn you, Lucy!

But, after a weekend of only working 3.5 hours each day and sleeping damn near the rest of the time…I can finally say, I feel better.

Sparkly, even!

Thank goodness. Because last week was the most unfun I’ve had in a long time and I hope we do not have a repeat anytime soon…

January…what a bleh month. We’re getting some freezing rain today, possibly some snow. Probably not gonna be anything like what we had over the holidays, but still…I don’t like being at work when the stuff starts falling. Let’s hope it just blows on through.

It was 75 degrees on Saturday…and it’s 25 degrees right now. Arkansas! There is nothing predictable about our weather!

Oaklawn opened Friday…and for the first time in forever, I wasn’t there. So sad. The girls will be planning a day soon, and I can’t wait. I do love my days at the races with my crew.

Speaking of my crew…damn I miss everyone. What a weird past couple of months I’ve had. I’m working on weekends now, so I’m exhausted by the time I finish with work and can’t make it to the PartyHood. I haven’t made it to Girl’s Night Out since early November, and that feels weird. Jefe and I haven’t been able to go out in forever either…I’m kind of ready to get back to the social aspect of my life…when I can fit it in, that is.

Rader’s birthday is at the end of this month, and he sent his father an I an email with his wishlist. His note said :

I included price, html, and name of item(s). You’re Welcome. Fishdog and I were joking this morning that this was the equivalent to our days of marking pages and items in the Sears Catalog. (which is how I got my awesome Barbie Country Camper, back in the day.)

Hope everyone had a great weekend and that your week is starting off with a sparkle!