Author Archives: Just Call Me Mel

Public Service Announcement

Posted on by
Reply

Dear Ladies with Breastesess,

(I’m talking to you of the actual DD+ cup size)

I have discovered Victoria’s Secret.

Apparently their soul purpose is to cater to those of the small breasts…to make them feel better about themselves. Which is a very valiant purpose, if indeed those who are less blessed in the chesticle area need to have their spirits lifted. However, it’s false advertising when someone like myself who wants a bra that fits and makes me look like Heidi Klum with more curves. Because Vicki’s Secret is they don’t measure a cup past DD. So I’ve been a DD for a long time. And that was wrong. So very wrong.

Yesterday, I wore a strapless dress and by the end of the afternoon, I was very distressed by the state of my girls. They seemed very sad. They were giving up. So I drove myself straight to Dillard’s and begged for help.

Let me just tell you, the twins are very happy with their new zip code and housing units.

Ladies. Please…go somewhere other than Vicki to be measured. Dillard’s, Nordstroms, Barbara Graves (in Little Rock)… Your girls will appreciate it. And so will your back.

I promise. 

Celebrate your curves! As my girl Tori said while strapping me in yesterday…”Not every woman is as blessed as you. So wrap them up like they are a prize.”

I am very blessed, indeed.

[insert witty title of your choice]

Posted on by
Reply

Gonna take care of some business on the front end… You know I write the recaps for The Bachelor/Bachelorette over at Hey Don’t Judge Me right? Well, I have some very good news…Starting in July, I’ll be recapping Season 1 of Once Upon a Time…2 shows a week to bring us to the beginning of Season 2 in September! So…Please bookmark Hey Don’t Judge Me and like our Facebook page. We have some fantastic writers over there who recap and review all sorts of shows and movies and what not. For example, we added Dr. Who this week. I KNOW RIGHT? Awesome.

Oh. and now I have a Tumblr account because Stoney told me to get one. And I always do what I’m told. So I’ll be posting little what nots about the shows I’m recapping there. And other what nots. There will probably be posts about wine. And possibly some talk about the zombie apocalypse. I might even solve the world’s problems. So if you’re into that sorta thing, follow me. If not, well, why are you reading my blog anyway?

In news of discovery, I have been totally using El Jefe’s razor, and I am now going to have to go get my own, because WOW. This thing works! My legs are awesome. AND now they are smoov too!

Seriously. The battery power makes all the difference.

 Hmmm. What else is going on? Today is the longest day of the year…and I’m stuck at work instead of soaking up all the sunshine at the lake. I think this should be a mandatory day off…don’t you?

roses are red…

Posted on by
Reply

In fun news, my recap of last night’s douchetastic Bachelorette has been posted at Hey Don’t Judge Me. Go forth and enjoy the douchebaggery in all its glory.

In writing news (and you can just skip this if you’re not in the mood for some la la land confessional woo woo stuff), I’ve really been trying to find my way back to feeling creative with words. I’m journaling again, which feels a little weird to me. I haven’t done that in years, and in the past, the only reason I would write in my journal would be to sort out sad feelings. So when I started associating the journaling to sadness I stopped.

Anyway, I say all that because I am trying something new with this journal. I’m just using the notebook to jot down thoughts, random ideas, pictures…or just words. Sure I’m talking to myself, but it’s kinda weird…like word vomit.

The funniest thing happened to me though. I wrote a poem yesterday. I can’t remember the last time I wrote an actual poem. (I’m not talking about Limericks…haha) It’s not a very good one, but it was heartfelt and honest.

And then…to make sure that I was completely out of my comfort zone (as if journaling and writing poetry isn’t enough to make me feel uneasy) I actually gave the poem to the person I wrote it for…which means, I totally risked my vulnerability to rejection and humiliation. And as scary as it was, it was actually very empowering.

I risked rejection again. I don’t deal well with rejection of my feelings or my words–I’m awesome, why would anyone reject me, right? This has been a bit of a revelation for me, and I’ll just stop right there because this is not a couch and y’all aren’t my therapist. 🙂 I just wanted y’all to know, I’m working on it and I am going to write this book because I need to fill my creative well again.

And I need to enjoy writing fiction again.

*ding* I’m sorry, our time is up. See you next time…

I’ve been waiting…

Posted on by
Reply

For a musical like you, to come into my life…

Confession: I don’t like musicals. At. All. I can name 3 that I actually enjoy…the rest can all jump in a lake. I can’t stand Glee and I know that offends many of you, but I just can. not. watch it. Without gagging and rolling my eyes so hard it hurts.

I realize this makes me a traitor to my gender, but somehow I’ve managed to be able to live with that.

Friday night, I went to see ROCK OF AGES with my girlfriends. I knew full well that it was a musical and I was quite aware that there would be some cheese-tastic moments full of eye-rolling glory, but I was willing to risk permanent eye injury to relive the music of my high school and college years. I wanted to go back to the days of big hair, short skirts, rockin’ concerts, and ripped jeans.

And ROCK OF AGES did not disappoint.

So I went to see it again on Sunday. Yes. That’s how much I loved this movie.

It is funny, campy, cheesy and epic. I never fancied myself a Tom Cruise ‘fan’ (not since Top Gun *fans self*) and especially not since his couch jumping visit to Crazy Town…but let me tell you, I am now, officially a huge fan. He was born to play this role. And he rocked it. Pun intended.

And if I thought I was in love with both Alec Baldwin and Russel Brand before this movie? Let me tell you, I didn’t know what love was until this flick.


This movie is to be seen knowing it is a musical. Knowing it isn’t to be taken seriously, but just enjoyed. And even if you’re allergic to most musicals like I am, you will enjoy this movie, especially if you were a teen or in your early twenties in the 80s.

my week in review

Posted on by
Reply

Went to Degray with Robyn and her brother and the kids and the dogs. Robyn and I decided to act like kids and ride the water toy behind the boat. This did not end well, but it was extremely fun.

We saw Snow White and the Huntsman. The ending was a little anti-climatic, but I enjoyed the movie…despite Kristen Stewart. Actually, she did well in this movie. She had more than one facial expression and even though she isn’t physically fairer than Charlize Theron (as IF) she did portray Snow White very well. Also, I decided that I would gladly inhale the life force out of all the girls in the kingdom if that meant I would look like Charlize Theron. I would do this without remorse.
And so would you.

Bought Ian an awesome new ride. He’s gonna be rollin’ like a boss in a 1982 Mercedes 300 SD Turbo Diesel. It is a beautiful car that has been treated like a lady for 30 years. Let’s hope this continues… As you can see, he is thrilled. As he should be.

Posted my recap of this week’s Bachelorette at Hey Don’t Judge Me. If you haven’t read it yet, please do. You know I’m funny, right? Also, you can read my recap and not have to watch the show…because I suffer through it for you. This is a terrible sacrifice I’m making, you know. And you should be thankful and gracious and go read my recap. 🙂

Went to dinner with Rader one night and he looked cute so I took his pic. Because I’m that dorky and I still like my kids. Even though they are stinky teenagers who fart in the car with the windows up and think that’s funny.

I had drinks with the girls Wednesday, dinner with a friend Wednesday night, and tonight, I’m going to see Rock of Ages with my girlfriends…and I can’t wait.

It’s been a good week and I’m a very lucky girl.

Hidy Ho!

Posted on by
Reply

Boy I’m glad it’s Wednesday! I have a dinner date tonight with two very dear friends and I think it will be a dandy time.

Especially since I’m not the one cooking. 🙂

Speaking of cooking…I grilled some mean chicken last night. Mmmmm. I love grilling on Big Bertha. Charcoal is the only way to go…unfortunately, (or maybe fortunately) when I’m finished grilling, I smell like campfire. I guess the level of goodness depends on how outdoorsy you are. If you like camping, then I was your girl last night. Hah.

Rader is headed out to North Carolina for a soccer tournament. I’m sad I can’t be there, but I know he’s gonna kick some major butt.

Happy Humpday, or Wine Wednesday, or however you choose to celebrate the middle of the week!

GLASS

Posted on by
Reply

I heard this song yesterday and it really struck me. I dig it. Loads.

“Glass”
by Thompson Square
Trying to live and love,
With a heart that can’t be broken,
Is like trying to see the light with eyes that can’t be opened.
Yeah, we both carry baggage,
We picked up on our way, so if you love me do it gently,
And I will do the same.

We may shine, we may shatter,
We may be picking up the pieces here on after,
We are fragile, we are human,
We are shaped by the light we let through us,
We break fast, cause we are glass.
Cause we are glass.

I’ll let you look inside me, through the stains and through the cracks,
And in the darkness of this moment,
You see the good and bad.
But try not to judge me, ’cause we’ve walked down different paths,
But it brought us here together, so I won’t take that back.

We may shine, we may shatter,
We may be picking up the pieces here on after,
We are fragile, we are human,
We are shaped by the light we let through us,
We break fast, cause we are glass.

We might be oil and water, this could be a big mistake,
We might burn like gasoline and fire,
It’s a chance we’ll have to take.

We may shine, we may shatter,
We may be picking up the pieces here on after,
We are fragile, we are human,
And we are shaped by the light we let through us,
We break fast, cause we are glass.
We are glass.

I need a break

Posted on by
Reply

And by break I mean I need to soak up a massive amount of sunshine while lying out next to a body of water. If you have a pool, or a lake house, or a boat…consider yourself warned. I maybe be dropping by very soon… 🙂

In other news, my recap of Monday’s Bachelorette was posted at Hey Don’t Judge Me yesterday. I have officially renamed this episode: WILL YOU BE MY BABY DADDY? And can I just say, the dumbass parade was marching to their own drum in this episode.

Go forth, read, and swiml in the sea of idiocy.

Hairmageddon 2012

Posted on by
Reply

It was a very emotional day. I don’t think Rader actually realized how hard cutting his hair would be…he was joking and laughing for the first two cuts, and then broke down into horrible, heart-wrenching tears for the last two cuts. I was a bit torn about how to handle it because I didn’t want to cry but when you see your 14 year old mancub breaking down, it’s hard not to join him.

Here’s a picture play-by-play:

 


He didn’t love his hair at first, but after spending the weekend looking at himself, I think he’s totally smitten now.

Happy Memorial Day, USA! Please take the time to thank a service member for his or her dedication to our freedom.

sing it Alice Cooper!

Posted on by
Reply

SCHOOL’S OUT FOR SUMMER!

Well, sorta. School is definitely out for Ian, but Rader has 3 more days. We had his Convocation today…and I would like to proudly announce he received the Presidential Scholar Award for maintaining a 3.5 or higher GPA throughout 6th, 7th & 8th grades. this is the only pic I could get that was worth a damn.

Here we are after the ceremony.

All that hair is gonna be gone on Friday. Snipped, clipped and donated to Locks of Love. He’s thinking about going hardcore short…as in a buzz cut. My heart can’t take the thought of him not having any hair! But it’s his to grow and his to cut and not my place to tell him what he can and can’t do. Apparently he’s supposed to curl it for school tomorrow. His friends are really enjoying this last week of Hairmageddon.

Alrighty then. Tonight is guitar, then tomorrow is the beginning of a very long and awesome weekend. I can’t wait for Friday when I’m spending the day with my boys before spending the evening with my guy. I’ll have new nails, new toes and new hair…surely that means date night, right?