Author Archives: Just Call Me Mel

weekend run down

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Friday night… a lovely evening on the screened in porch while a summer storm tried its best to beat us down. We prevailed.

Saturday, El Jefe and I headed over to the Crater of Diamonds State Park where we had every intention of finding all the diamonds. Ever.

Mission incomplete.

We did come home completely exhausted with a pocket full of rocks so it was not a total bust. I mean, who doesn’t want a pocket full of rocks?

Sunday, after many morning hours of lounging in the hammock…I finally got vertical, grabbed a beer and jumped onto the John Deere to get my mowing on. The Compound was starting to look a little overgrown…especially after getting rained on for 3 days last week. I mowed for probably 3 hours or so, then Jefe came back over and he pulled out the big guns…and started to power wash the porch and the patio furniture I want to repaint.

Project started! YAY!

In other news, due to some unforeseen stress last week, I have fallen behind on my recaps for Hey Don’t Judge Me. I will be working hard today to get all caught up. Thanks for understanding!

Oh and just for funsies, check out Rader playing guitar over the weekend. He’s been taking lessons for about 2 months now…. Recognize the song?

PIE. it’s what’s for dinner.

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I’m sad. Former Warrant front man Jani Lane was found dead in his LA Hotel. (I know, slightly cliche, but whatever) I was a big fan of the hair bands back in the day and saw Warrant live 3 times.


Ah. Those were the days of bangs with their own zip code, short skirts, ripped pants, and looooooooong jackets (with shoulder pads, of course). RIP Jani Lane. Thanks for the memories.

In other news, El Jefe and I are thinking about going to dig for diamonds this weekend. Or maybe take in a wax museum. Wax museums creep me out so that should be interesting if we decide to go…. if you don’t hear from me on Monday, you’ll know they came alive and made me one of their own…

from bad to good

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Sorry I wasn’t around yesterday. You wouldn’t have liked anything I had to say anyway, so it’s probably good that I just took some down time. I hate bad days, and I honestly thought yesterday was going to be the worst of the worst for a while.

But it actually turned out to be a really good day by the end, and that was a lovely surprise.

We saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes which was actually a fantastic movie! (Hard to watch at times because really–who would be mean to a monkey? er, I mean ape?) Go see it. And then go read Melody’s recap at Hey Don’t Judge Me.

Then last night, it was so nice outside after a lovely day of rain, that we were able to enjoy lots of quality hammock time. (is it wrong that every time I say “Hammock Time” I actually hear it in my head like “Hammer Time?”) so from now on…you’ll hear it too: “Hammock Time–can’t touch this.”

and I had fun snapping pics of my feet because I’m weird like that.

You’re welcome.

hazy shade of weekend exhaustion

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I love this song, just wanted to share..

The weekend was a good one spent with friends and the boys and of course, El Jefe. It was also slightly stressful at times, but some of that was my own fault. I think (hope) the source of the stress is no longer going to be a problem. Because I don’t really do stress well. It just isn’t in my general make up. It sucks me of all my energy and sparkle. And honestly, Melf without sparkle is no Melf at all.

After spending a lovely Friday evening with my girl Dee Squared, the guys and I watched a couple of movies. Well, they watched the movies, I apparently fell into a coma. So Saturday, after shopping Tax Free with everyone else in the state of Arkansas, I rewatched The Adjustment Bureau and The Green Hornet. I really enjoyed both movies.

Then we rented Rango and King’s Speech. Rango was graphically pretty amazing, and the movie was cute, too. King’s Speech wouldn’t play for me. *sad face*

Yesterday was the final swim day at Birdrunner’s before she leaves the sweet house with a pool for a sweet house with an awesome water feature. 🙂 Ruby and I spent some QT cooling off…



Then a storm blew through so we exited the pool and continued to play inside…

I need all the caffeines in the world today. All of them. I had some crazy dreams all night and it feels like I Forrest Gumped it across America and back in my sleep.

commando

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Today is NATIONAL UNDERWEAR DAY. (really??) Guess what National Underwear People? You are not the boss of me. *sticks tongue out*

Dudes! looks like our server issues at HDJM are fixed and now my Bachelorette Finale and After the Final Blows Rose recaps are up! I will admit that I made myself laugh out loud several times. I crack myself up.

Project Runway episode 1 will be live this morning and episode 2 will be up this afternoon if all is right in the world. (again, I am cracking myself up with these recaps. Something is wrong with me, and that’s all right.)

It’s Back to School Black Weekend (Tax Free Shopping). I will be the one dressed as Xena Warrior Princess. I have my sword and shield at the ready and also, my pretty blonde friend will be there to accessorize the ensemble. And don’t think I won’t cut you over a pack of real wood pencils. Because I will. Twice. And if I kill you, I’ll totally bag you up and throw you in my mossy pond with the other dead hookers. I mean, never mind.

my favorite math

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The only math I’m good at is Lottery Math and so this morning while I was driving my kid to football practice at 6:15 AM, we did Lottery Math.

Rader feels like once we win the lottery, $15M should be just about right for him. Yes, that’s what he thinks I should give him…hahaha. I said I would give he and his brother the same amount and it would remain in a Trust Fund until they were 30.

Apparently this was unacceptable. He should have more money than his brother and he should have full access to it at 18.

Keep dreaming kid.

While I’m spending money I don’t have, I believe after I do win the lottery, I’m going to hire someone to drive my kid to his predawn football practices. Don’t punish me, bro! That ain’t fair!

I’m very happy to announce that I’m going to be adding Project Runway to my recap resume over at Hey Don’t Judge Me! I’m working on Episode 1 right now and am planning to have future episodes up on Friday afternoons.

Sadly, we’re still having some behind the scenes upgrade activity, so I can’t post anything new yet. My Bachelorette posts are ready to go and I have high hopes I’ll have them up today, as well as my first Project Runway. I’ll keep you posted. But just because I like you, I’ll give you a little sneak peek of what I’m writing:

Julie Tierney, Grand Junction, CO is showing a collection of things made from blankets. I’m not even kidding. You know those woven blankets you can buy for $10 at every southern and midwestern convenience store? We always called them “Indian” blankets growing up. She is seriously making dresses out of them. Or that should probably be “dresses.” it’s an “outerwear” collection and Nina says “You have a passion for outerwear, clearly.” What I heard in my head was “You have a horse blanket fetish.”

The gayest of all the gays is Gunnar Deatherage from Louisville, KY. Heidi wants to see his look for an average woman. I’m expecting him to pull out yoga pants and a sweatshirt in a size L (or possibly XL, if it’s Thanksgiving) Instead he pulls out this pastel pink dress made from satin sheets, crystals, and broken dreams. I need to go to Louisville and meet some of his average woman peer group.

I’m not going to talk about the heat. Y’all know it’s hot. I don’t need to keep harping on it…I’m usually the one bitching about people who bitch about the heat anyway. (You can bitch about the winter all day, though.) I have air and electricity and there are plenty of people who don’t right now (Benton, AR where a substation caught fire yesterday) so I’m gonna be thankful and happy about it.

Oh and for you Kindle owners, you can request an autograph for my books on Kindle now. It’s pretty darn cool…check it out: Kindlegraph

Hello Humpday. What you got for me today?

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  • Popsicles taste better in a hammock.

  • Today we register Rader for 8th grade and that’s just weird to think that I have an 8th grader…who’s almost 6ft tall. WTF?
  • In other news, the double hammocks do indeed work for two people who are not pint-sized.
  • I have finished both my recaps for the Bachelorette Finale and After the Final Rose but Hey Don’t Judge Me is offline right now for server upgrades. Hopefully we’ll be back up and you can read all the goodness that is crappy TV.
  • I woke this morning to this:

  • Today is Wine Wednesday but I’m not sure it’s gonna happen as per usual. We shall see.

Oh and for the recent visitors to my blog who are looking for Melissa Francis from CNBC …Let me answer what I can for you: Yes she has great legs. Yes she’s married (to Wray Thorn, I believe)–at least she was this time last year when she had a baby. I have no idea how her tits look, but from the number of searches looking for them, they must be fabulous. You can find her on twitter @MelissaCNBC and if you work your google-fu properly, you can find an awesome Frosted Flakes commercial she did when she was a kid. And in that commercial, her eyebrows are amazing. Wait, here’s a fun interview I did with her in 2009 and I posted the commercial at the end…it’s pretty fantastic.

Melfcellaneous

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I’m so witty.

Sometimes blog titles are hard especially when you have a lot of nothing to talk about.

  • My recap of Bachelorette: Men Wear Panties Tell All is up at Hey Don’t Judge Me!
  • I’m working on last night’s Bachelorette Finale and After the Rose recap. Planning to post sometime today.
  • You know you’re the mother of boys when your early morning discussions over coffee are all about farts. It was an in depth discussion covering all aspects of farting from aroma to consistency. I am mother of the year.
  • BITE ME! got a 5 Star review yesterday and it popped up on my news feed and I am excited (because this book is 2 years old and new reviews are few and far between!) I commented and then I had to save her comment back because she didn’t wanna like the book because it’s a vampire book but she ended up loving it! Here’s the brief review. A detailed review will be on her blog 8/19 and of course, I’ll be bragging posting.
  • Here’s proof she didn’t wanna like it but did anyway:

  • I realize posting the picture of our conversation makes me a dork, but I’m good with that.
  • Hammocks really might be the key to happiness. I am doing extensive research on the subject.
  • During last night’s research, I had to test El Jefe’s hammock. It’s very important to collect as much data as possible, otherwise I’d just be wasting my time. I highly recommend testing hammocks in your PJs

  • The heat index this week is going to be consistently in the 115 degree range. I like the sun, I have never had any intention of living on it.
  • I had to call AT&T last night and by the time I finally got to the correct automated menu I was about to have a stroke. Hammock therapy helped me through. As did a glass or two of Kim Cattrall Crawford.

what’s in a hammock? and other stuff.

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Me! I’m in a hammock!

(Not Pictured: El Jefe)

Last weekend in Oxford, we stopped by a sporting goods store which I for the life of me can’t think of the name right now. I think it starts with a K. Something like Kincaids or Kincannons, or maybe Kancoon. Who knows? And who cares, for that matter. El Jefe has had his eye on these hammocks, you see…and now we can swing from the trees as we were meant to do. His is all manly in Army green and navy and mine is perfectly bright and awesome like me. They are technically double hammocks, so when it cools down, we can snuggle. I say technically because I’m pretty sure they are only double hammocks if you’re both anorexic and only 5 ft. tall. But whatever. We’ll try it…when it’s no longer Eleventy Million Degrees outside.

I worked my booty off yesterday. (Sadly, it came back overnight) I mowed and blowed (leaves) and cleaned my porch and poisoned weeds, and tried to have a heat stroke… And now my yard looks fantastic! I’m pretty sure I did all the outside work to avoid doing all the inside work. My house is a bit of a pit right now and I keep procrastinating. Wait, it’s not procrastinating if I’m working in the yard. RIGHT?

Now it’s time for the gratuitous doggy pics.


Saturday I went to Robyn’s house so that we could enjoy the pool for our last hurrah before she moves. I’m sure gonna miss that pool, but I’m really looking forward to the new digs and my new guest room. (it’s the room where the wine bar is, btw) So here’s this year’s Robyn and Mel in the pool shot:

Compare that to last year’s Mel and Robyn in the pool pic:

Farewell my blue-watered friend! You will be missed…

Oh! And El Jefe and I went to see the very much anticipated (by me) Jon Favreau movie COWBOYS AND ALIENS. I wanted to love this movie so very much because I love Jon Favreau so very much. The only word I have in my vocabulary to describe it… Meh.

And that makes me so very sad. It was okay. Wait for the DVD…