and then she rested

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What a busy weekend! Holy Spamoli!

Okay, first was Friday night’s party…which was a huge success and totally fun! I didn’t want the night to end however, responsiblity called and reminded me that I had a very busy day ahead of me on Saturday. So even though I played at being a Naughty School Girl–I am still a good girl at heart and I went home. (by myself, heh)

Saturday started off watching the Razorback game with my pal (and Alabama fan) Marley Gibson. Then the fabulous Linda Gerber joined us. After that farce of a game (can NOT even talk about it) we drove over to North Little Rock to meet Stacey Jay and her cutie-patootie hubby and Rosemary Clement-Moore for some appetizers.

from left to right: Me, Rosemary, Linda, Marley, Stacey (Not pictured: Chloe Neill)

Then we had the book signing at Books-A-Million. It went pretty well considering we were competing with the Miley-freaking-Cyrus concert. Lots of great costumes, fun trivia questions, and tasty treats. Met Chloe Neill for the first time. Totally awesome chick.

While there, I found out that BITE ME! has been chosen for the Books-A-Million Twilight Book Club! Look! Not only do I get great placement, but I get a sticker, too!

Sunday, Marley and Me (hehehee) went out for a very lovely and inexpensive brunch before I took her to the airport. We had a great time and was so good to see her again.

Now it’s back to the normalcy of laundry, house cleaning, cooking, and homework. Hmmm. I like the busy weekends better.

Hope y’all had a good one. Anything you wanna share?

Saturday list

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  1. Go Hogs. Beat Rebs.
  2. Multi-Author Book Signing at the North Little Rock Books-A-Million tonight from 5-8 PM.
  3. Here is a pic of me from last night’s Halloween party. We had a great time and I really embraced my role as Cliché, The Naughty School Girl

Hi, I’m Cliché. It’s nice to meet you…

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Costumes, yummy food, friends, football, and a book signing.

If you threw in a beach and maybe a game of darts, this would be the most perfect weekend ever.

Tonight I have a costume party to go to. I was originally gonna be She-Hulk, but plans have changed…Yes, we’re having a ‘super hero’ themed party…and yes, She-Hulk (or ‘Slutty She-Hulk’ as I was planning to be) would’ve been a lot of fun…but I may not want to have green hair all night. So I’ve revamped.

Now I’m going as Cliché, The Naughty School Girl. But wait! you say. I thought this was a super hero party? you say.

Ah yes. It is. I’m the super hero of fantasies. Heh. And since I seem to pull off the Naughty Librarian look on a dialy basis, I decided to mix it up a little.

Yes, I’ll probably post pictures.

Probably.

I’m also making Artichoke-Me dip for my appetizer contribution. It’s a very simple and yummy recipe and I really can’t wait to pull it out of the oven so I can have a bite. (or 12)

Tomorrow is the Razorback game. They play Ole Miss (which is where our former coach defected to a couple of years ago. *boo hiss*) I feel certain we’re gonna tap the keg of whoop-ass on them. If we don’t, I’m also sure my Rebel pals will let me hear all about it. Wish I was going to be there…but…

I have a book signing tomorrow! Remember? There are 6 awesome authors gathering at the Books-a-million in NLR, AR from 5-8 pm Saturday night! You won’t wanna miss it…I’m thinking with that much talent all in one place, there might be a shift in the time-space continuum.

Y’all have a great weekend. I’ll see you Monday!

the story of Meth Ho and School Boy

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Anyone else wanna sing “This is the story of a girl..”

Anyway…

So Friday night we went out after the Party at the Potty. The band was fun (and turns out, an old friend of mine is a member of the band, which was totally crazy.) Well, I had mentioned that some folks decided to dance and it kinda turned into a White People Can’t Dance competition.

What I didn’t mention was Meth Ho and School Boy.

MH and SB were sitting with a group of ten or so right behind us. Now, it was obvious that the group hadn’t been to the ‘big city’ in a while. They were a colorful group and seemed to be really enjoying themselves.

When the band started, this skinny chick wearing high-waisted, tapered ankled Mom jeans, an oversized hoodie and workboots got up and started ‘dancing’ by herself. It was an awkward side-to-side step and she was way offbeat. Her braided pony tail (she had it in a pony tail then braided it) swung back and forth like a whip and I was afraid for anyone who might accidentally be lashed by the bleached blond weapon.

It was almost painful watching her, but we couldn’t look away. When the band slowed things down, she moved toward the table and we all breathed a sigh of relief…until she grabbed School Boy’s hand and pulled him to the dance floor.

School Boy must’ve used the best fake ID on earth to get into the bar, because I swear he was just a very tall 12 year old. Honestly, at the very oldest, he was 18… and that’s giving him a very large benefit of the doubt. At first, I thought ‘Aw how cute. He’s gonna dance with crazy Aunt Gilda.’ But that thought quickly turned to ‘OMGWTFBBQ! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STOP!’

MH pulled SB close and they started slooooow dancing (say it like Barry White. Sloooooow Dancing) And doing this very awkward kinda grindy Dirty Dancing thing that made me throw up a little in my mouth.

I kept trying to look away, but I just couldn’t. It was horrific. And awesome.

My friend recorded the dancing with her iPhone but it was so dark and she didn’t have a good angle so I don’t have video evidence.

Which I promise you is for the best. Because seriously, that image? It burns.

better put on your shades; mel is sparkling again…

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Bee Girl be gone. Today, I’m the Queen Bee. I even wore heels to work. That’s right. HEELS. And my perfectly pedicured toes are rockin’ the silver shoes.

The sun has come out (though rumor has it we’re gonna get more rain tomorrow. Boo. Hiss.) I’ve been walking again, so I feel great again. Funny how exercise really can make such a huge difference in attitude.

Are you wearing your shades? Cuz my sparkle is turned up to blinding.

How is everyone? Are you sparkling or fizzling? Tell the Queen Bee what’s up–maybe she can help. If not, I’m sure she can entertain you with meth ho/school boy dirty dancing stories…

we did it all for the boobies

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The Meander Race for the Cure was a big success this weekend. Pictures…I have them.

It’s Friday Night and Time for a Party Potty!

The Little Rock Bunko Babes sponsored a port-o-potty to honor Dauphne’s mom, who died earlier this year. She was a truck driver, so we decided our potty should be a big rig.

Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl… Yes, we named her Lola. I mean, she wore stars in her hair and had feathers down to there…

The front of our big rig in progress.

The side. Notice the lovely details like the mirror (objects are closer than they appear) and the Bunko Babes Trucking logo.

No big rig is complete without a mudflap.

Here’s a close-up. Yes, it’s the worst kind of awesome. No, I will not admit that I drew it. Nor will I admit to laughing until I cried as I drew it. Mudflap–Simpson’s style. Or would it be more like Futurama?

After the Party at the Potty, we all went to Underground Pub for a night of fun and what ended up being a White People Can’t Dance competition. We ended an awesome day with an extra big scoop of more awesome.

Saturday was Meander Race day!

Here’s the thing about doing a 5K with 45,000 other people…it isn’t a race. Not even close. It’s amazing to see…all those people wearing pink trying to walk 3 miles…but it’s really a slow moving river of pink. Not a walk. and certainly not a real race. Except for the race winner who ran the circuit in 18 minutes. Um, I’m pretty sure she was finishing just as my group was finally reaching the starting line. It took us 1 hour and 26 minutes to complete the 5K. It drove me nuts. I can’t handle that slow…so Sunday I got up and walked 5 miles in an hour to make myself feel better.

Me and Jenn C. Even blurry we’re awful damn cute.

The group left to right: Linda C. Pam (in front), Carla, Liz, Dauphne, Jenn C. Not pictured: me, Cassandra, Kim, Rachel (I think I got everyone that was there…)

This year we had over 45,000 ‘racers’

It’s an awe-inspiring thing to experience that much estrogen & pink before 9 a.m. on a Saturday.

What’s hotter than a dude on a Harley? Lots of dudes on Harleys, revving their bikes and wearing pink. *swoon*

Overall, it was a great day and I can’t wait til next year. Thanks again to all who donated to the cause!

technical difficulties and other stuff

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Yeah, we’re not really sure what’s up with the blog formatting. We added an Events tab and for whatever reason, my blog decided to go wonky. Hopefully we’ll get it fixed soon.

Meanwhile, I’m hanging out in my cube, staring out the window waiting on the sun that THEY PROMISED we’d see today. I don’t see nuttin’ but gray. How do you folks in the Northwest handle all this gloom? It’s seriously messing with my sparkle.

Tomorrow is the Race for the Cure. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to all who donated! My goal was $150 and as of yesterday, I’ve raised $250! You guys are awesome! (It’s not too late to donate…just puttin’ it out there…) I’ll be decorating a porta-potty tonight (will be wearing rubber gloves) and then first thing in the morning, I’ll be joining 41,000 other participants in the race. Will take lots of pics.

Okay, since I need some sparkle, I’m posting a pic that makes me happy. You guys have a great weekend!


Ahhhhh. I can feel the heat of the missing sun on my legs RIGHT NOW.

a not-so-sad goodbye

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Dear John Comcast,

Today, I say goodbye. I wish I could say that I’m sad about this breakup. I mean, we’ve been together for 2 years, so I should feel some remorse. But I don’t. Not even a smidge.

Because as a partner, you suck. You’re high maintenance and expensive. And frankly, if you were at least hot and consistent, I would probably still pay for your service. But no. You’re not hot. Because half of your channels don’t work. And when I call, the techs say it’s the squirrels but then they never come to fix the problem. And then the problem will magically disappear without someone coming to repair the squirrel buffet, so I have to wonder, is it really the squirrels?

Do you know how frustrating it is to be in the middle of a show and have the picture just start going all wonky? And it would be understandable if the weather is bad outside, but no…the weather doesn’t seem to matter to you.

I was very hesitant to go out with you initially because I’d had such a great, long term relationship with Direct TV. But when I moved, DTV couldn’t come with us because we had too many trees. (In which the ravenous squirrels reside) When I called you, you were so receptive, and frankly, you were CHEAP. You were practically giving yourself to me. And for the first year of service, when I was paying less than $100 a month for full cable including HBO/STARZ, I had no problems. We were happy. We were simpatico. It was love.

Then one day, I checked the bill and it had doubled! Suddenly, you were $180 a month. And even more suddenly, your picture was no longer clear. So I called to complain. If I’m paying that kinda cash for TV I should at least be able to watch it!

Those damn squirrels must’ve been really hungry because I didn’t have all my channels for almost 3 months. I couldn’t watch my NCIS marathons on USA or Jon Stewart on Comedy Central or Family Guy on Toon. I almost missed an episode of True Blood because of you! I called and called and called. Technicians were dispatched but never showed up. I can only assume the squirrels ate them, too.

Then one day, another company caught my eye. ATT U-verse is known for his poaching ways, but there was something so sexy about him. The more I resisted, the harder he pursued (and really, I’m a total sucker for attention like that). He put on the full court press and even showed me how he could save me over $100 a month by switching. Finally, I said yes.

So I’m trying someone new. I’m sorry this is how you have to find out, but honestly, I just can’t afford you and your antics anymore! If things don’t work out with ATT, I’ll be sure to let you know.

Love,
-Mel

Queen Bee or Bee Girl?

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Some days, you know you’re the Queen Bee (or Slutty Queen Bee as pictured to the left). Okay,who am I trying to kid? For me, most days I know I ‘m the slutty Queen Bee. I just wake up and feel great. And then I’ll have a great hair day. And I’ll look good in my underwear. My stomach will seem flatter. My boobs will seem perkier. My smile will be brighter. My make up will look great. My tattoo will sparkle and I’ll walk with a pep in my step.

And on those days I carry that awesome with me wherever I go. And the people approve.

But lately, with the dreary weather and my lack of exercise, I’m starting to feel more like the Bee Girl…my hair is pulled back, my belly is pooching and my underwear is starting to fit wrong. My boobs…well, we won’t even talk about them. My smile is hidden and my sparkle has dimmed. The only pep in my step happens when I trip over nothing.

I’ve fallen victim to BGS: Bee Girl Syndrome

BGS is not an easy thing to overcome. Do you know how hard it is to walk with your shoulders back and your stomach sucked in once you get used to slouching. (and breathing…b/c let’s be honest, when we’re sucking in our stomach, we’re not really breathing) And I can’t even talkabout the difficulty of putting back on the awesome cleavage bra once you get used to the cotton sports bra that feels great but gives you uni-boob…

So what do I do? I came out of it briefly Saturday night. I looked pretty damn good. Felt pretty damn good. Then woke up Sunday to more of this God-forsaken rain and I haven’t wanted to take off my pj pants since. (for the record, I HAVE taken off my PJs to go to work. I promise)

Tell me interwebs…how do you overcome BGS? Everyone feels better as the Queen Bee. Help me get back there!