Author Archives: Just Call Me Mel

FYI

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I say Happy Holidays.

Why? You ask (probably with a judgey, angry, smirk. Be careful…you’ll wrinkle)

Because to me, the holidays are Thanksgiving, Hanukkah,  Christmas, Kwanza, and New Year’s. Yep. Those are all the holidays. And I wish them to be happy. Ergo: Happy Holidays/

If you wish me a Merry Christmas, I’m going to smile and say Thanks! Same to you!

I’m not offended because you celebrate Christmas. I love joyful messages, however they are sent. Why people get bent out of shape over a message of peace, joy, and happiness…no matter how it is delivered, is beyond me.

Would you rather me wish you a Happy Chriskwanzakkah? Cuz I totally can.

I love the holidays. Who cares how the message of happiness is delivered. Just receive it with a smile and accept it with the warmth of the intended message. Don’t get caught up in the words used to deliver it…The only difference in Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays is the attitude in which they are received.

So Happy Holidays.

Naughty…

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Let’s face it. Even when I’m naughty, I don’t get coal in my stocking… Santa loves me–especially when I’m naughty.

Last night, my friend Eric told me he just discovered that Melissa means Honey Bee. Yup. It does. And that’s awesome. And it also explains why I have a honey bee tattooed to one of my daisies… I take permanent ink seriously. I didn’t want to do something cheesy like a heart or a yen yang or whatever because I didn’t want to tattoo a fad to my body. I wanted my ink to be personal and meaningful which is why it took me til I was 40 to decide what I wanted.

There you go. there’s my honey bee. 🙂

It’s been almost 4 years since I did this tattoo…and I still love it. I can’t wait to add to it…I have a plan. And I’m thinking during Month of Mel 2013…I will implement said plan…

Roll those sixes with the angels, Joan!

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Today, we celebrate the life of fellow Bunko Babe who was taken from this life way too suddenly.

My fellow Pisces, Liberal, Writer, Bunko Babe, and Friend. We’re gonna miss you hard, Joan Duffy. I’m definitely going to miss the sharp witted emails you would send just when I needed a laugh. You’re a rockstar…and you’re gonna rule the roost in the after life.

Love you. The earth already misses your presence.

I’ve got a plan

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I know that those creepy little Elf on a Shelf dudes are evil. However, I have decided to get one…and he’s going to be so awesomely happy, he will not be decking my halls with the blood of the innocent. Or my blood, for that matter.

We really want to avoid scenes like this at all cost…

If I go missing…y’all look for me inside local wells, basements, dark corners where dark deeds can happen… I’m afraid I’ll be rubbing the lotion on the skin for Buffalo Belf.

Elf on Shelf is almost equal to Clowns for me…but I will overcome this creep-factor. One day at a time…

are we there yet?

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First off…the prodigal boyfriend has returned! yippee! He spent the holidays with his family in GA and then went to his nephew’s wedding, so he was gone for two whole weeks! Thank goodness I had decorating to do, and orientation at my 2nd job and friends to keep me busy. 🙂 Oh who am I kidding, I’m always busy.

Speaking of decorating:

 The Pimp Tree 
The Flamingo Tree (yes, it’s decorated with several flamingos and the tree topper is a flamingo with a sparkly santa hat on…)

However, I did enjoy this past weekend of alone time. It was wonderful–as I don’t get much of that in my life. I did a LOT of yard work. Burned 8 piles of leaves and raked and mulched for about 10 hours over the weekend. I cleaned the house, did laundry, watched Love Actually again. (I am aware I have a problem.) I thought about wearing my sparkly santa hat to do yard work in, but decided since it was 76 degrees that I would burn up if I did so.

Here I am in my sparkly goodness. I do love the holidays…even though I’m not quite ready for holiday music yet. I’ll start playing it the week before Christmas probably. It’s just too soon…and too warm. How can you listen to Winter Wonderland when you’re wearing shorts and flip flops? (and you’re not at the beach…?)

It’s only Tuesday, and I’m already wishing for Friday. Or at least, Thursday night. (You know, Friday Eve) I’m ready for my 2 week holiday vacation to kick in…for me it starts on the 20th…just in time for the end of the world on the 21st. Guess we need to start working on our apocalypse lists again….

Have a happening day! Don’t forget to sparkle…it makes the people around you very happy.

a summary of my activities

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I’ve been busy so I’ll just sum up what I’ve been doing with bullet points.

  • Came down with the crud (which I typed as “curd” at first and then spent 10 minutes trying to figure out what the symptoms of having the curd would actually be.)
  • Had a biopsy
  • Took awesome pain meds for the biopsy
  • Enjoyed the hell out of my medication
  • Had weird freaking pain med dreams, one of which included a shoot out between Mannequins. Yes. Mannequins. In a parking deck.
  • Have been spoiling the animals rotten while Jefe has been visiting his family. 
  • Eating a lot of cheese. Mmmm. Cheese.
  • Drinking wine. Possibly I drank some wine while on pain meds before I went to the doctor. Possibly.
  • Cleaned out the laundry room/storage area and put away some boxes that have been cluttering up the living room. 
  • Put up the Pimp Tree in the living room, to replace the boxes because that space seemed too bare.
  • Watched LOVE ACTUALLY twice. I’m such a dork for that movie.
  • Saved LOVE ACTUALLY to the DVR so I can watch it as much as I want this holiday season.

I think that’s about all the highlights. I feel great today…Well, I don’t wanna choke a bitch or stab anyone in the eye, so I’m thinking that means I’m on the mend. Y’all have a great humpday, or wine Wednesday or downhill slide to the weekend or whatever.

Oh…and to the creeper who inboxed my author page asking for a signed photo of me… thank you for noticing my lovely neck and shoulders but EW. No. Me. Gusta. Creepy McCreepypants. Go troll someone else, mmmkay?

Love and all that,
Melf

Full

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I’m still full of food and love from the holiday. We watched movies and just hung out. I came down with the crud, so I made the boys endure smooshy, kissy movies on Thursday and Friday. I tried to redeem myself by watching Expendables 2, but really, I shouldn’t have wasted my time. BRAVE was fantastic, though. And Rader made fun of me for getting a little teary…but I blame the headcold and medication.

I can’t believe we’re just a few weeks away from Christmas. Wow. It just doesn’t seem right!

I’ll be decorating this week. I can’t wait to resurrect the Pimp Tree and the Flamingo Tree again!

What I’ll never understand…Black Friday

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THIS pretty much sums up how I’ve always felt about Black Friday. I mean, we just celebrated a day of thanks and now we’re off to battle to the death for the best bargain?

Ugh.

You will find me at home, decorating for Christmas and watching movies with the boys. There will be wine, and pie and lots of smiles.

And please, if you’re gonna get out and shop this weekend, shop locally. Don’t give the damn conglomerates another reason to open earlier and earlier and deny their employees a holiday just so they can make a buck.

Barf.

‘sup?

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What’s going on, yo?

Not a lot here. Been enjoying time with my boys, enjoying time with my friends, baking pies…

I got the best compliment in the world Sunday. Da Godfodda told me that my pecan pie was the 2nd best he’s ever tasted…NEXT TO HIS GRANDMOTHER’S. That’s right. I’ll take that #2 slot any time.

Which may explain why I’m always asked to bring pie to Thanksgiving Dinner.

This is going to be a low-key Thanksgiving, and I’m actually grateful. I don’t have to be up at the crack of dawn, taking my turkey out of the brine and spending all day in the kitchen. Although, truth be told, I will miss the hustle and bustle of the orphan Thanksgiving we used to host. But it will be nice not to be completely exhausted by 3:00.

Now, if I can just keep my mouth closed when my daddy starts trying to talk politics and religion. He loves to push my buttons. Maybe this year, I’ll hide my buttons better. (or start partaking in the Cardboardeaux earlier)

Um. This.

I will tell you that this weekend, we will be putting the Pimp Tree and the Flamingo Tree up…and I might be plotting to add another one to our Holiday Forest… Hmmmm, what themed tree should we go for? Pterydactyls and T-Rexes? Science Tree? Lost in Space Tree? Fairy Tale Tree? Sparkle Tree? Oh the possibilities are endless….

Weekly recap

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Hey gang. Sorry I bailed on ya this week. I needed a respite. I’ve been busy planning an awesome birthday celebration for El Jefe. Which was yesterday. Which included a video montage of happy birthday messages from several of his out-of-state friends, a message from the boys…where they killed a hooker and she turned into a zombie and then they died. A message from da Godfodda and Laura, and finally my message…where I made him a bacon sandwich.

And he woke up yesterday, and there was a bacon sandwich waiting for him. With a light saber candle…

I also made a Bacon Apple Pie which was delicious, but I have figured out how to improve it and will remake it and when it is perfected, I will post pics and a recipe.

Here’s a picture of last night’s pie:

We had a great time with our friends. It was very needed.

Booty Camp is going great. My booty is definitely looking better. Though the weight is hanging on like static cling. That’s okay. It’ll come off…eventually. It better or else.

Okay, that’s about it. Y’all have a great weekend and I’ll do better next week, I promise.