I heart Dramady! My favorite part is when the dads all talk about doing whatever it takes to get their kids to hate Jar Jar Binks.
Happy Thursday, y’all!
Internetz, yesterday y’all nearly had to bail me out of jail.
I’m not even kidding.
So, I was minding my own business, obeying all the rules of the road, when this bitch woman blew through a yield and nearly slammed into me. I was upset, but these things happen…
Until that bitch woman rolled her window down and began to cuss me up one side and down the other.
Bitch! Woman please.
After she finished her first tirade I said “You might wanna rethink talking to me like that before I step out of the car and reacquaint you with the rules of the road. Or road rash.”
She called me a few very unflattering names, the least offensive being bitch. The worst rhyming with punt.
And that’s when I lost my cool.
“Are you familiar with the phrase Towanda? If so, then you might wanna get the fuck out of my way. The sooner, the better.”
As she drove off, I saw this bumper sticker:
Are you kidding me?
Sister, please. I will feed on the irony of this moment forever.
I believe in Karma and bitch woman, you got yours coming to you…
On the radio this morning, the DJs’ topic of conversation was food that you’ve never tried or never will try.
A 58 year old woman called in and said she’d never eaten a PB&J and never plans to.
What madness is this?
Never had a PB&J?
Never ever?
Never ever ever?
Now look, I get that there are foods out there that people haven’t tried, but I truly can’t wrap my head around the idea that there are people who haven’t eaten the yumminess that is a PB&J.
Now I want one for breakfast.
There are some foods I’ve never tried such as Haggis, Kidney Pie, Blood pudding. And honestly, I don’t wanna try them. But one day, I probably will just so I can say I have.
There are some foods I don’t like that others find crazy. Like Bread Pudding (it makes me gag), Salmon (really not a fan) and Venison (yes, even the way YOU prepare it) But given that, it’s still hard for me to understand how someone hasn’t tried a PB&J and why they wouldn’t want to.
Do you have any weird food proclivities?
Today is El Jefe’s birthday so I took the day off. Yay me! Yay for El Jefe!
My visit with the Augusta School was pretty awesome. Had a good talk, signed some books, sold a few books and had a fantastic lunch at the Mexican Gas Station. I love small towns. Really, where else can you get great food at a gas station?
Have a great Monday. See you tomorrow!
It’s Friday! and by the time you read this, I’ll be on my way to Augusta, AR to have a little chat with the high school book club.
Word on the street is they loved BITE ME! and are ready to read LOVE SUCKS!
This makes Melf very happy.
After my chat I’m heading to Oxford to hang with El Jefe for the weekend. It’s his birthday weekend, ya know.
Oh and guess what? Next Friday, I’ll be watching the Neon Trees live and in person! I can’t wait…
<– this is my mother's favorite wine. It's actually the only wine she'll drink. It's tasty and inexpensive. And sometimes on my way home, I stop off a buy her a bottle. (or 2)
I tend to go to the same stores where they all know me by name (Norm! MELF!) or by tattoo, or by hair. (or maybe by my Bend and Snap…) Anyway, last night I stopped off at a store I don’t go to very often and a new boy waited on me.
“May I see your ID?” he asked as I placed the wine on the counter.
I blushed and batted my eyes appropriately snorted.
“Sure.” I handed it over. (I’m blonde in my ID so that sometimes throws them off for a second.)
“69?” he asked. “For real?”
“For real. I’m pretty sure I’m old enough to be your mother.”
“Damn. Yeah, but I’m pretty sure I’d date you anyway.”
*love*
I’m 41. I’ll be 42 in March. There are people I graduated high school with who are already grandparents. There are people who are younger than me who already LOOK like grandparents. So the fact that I’m still getting carded is teh awesome.
Here’s hoping I never look like a MawMaw even when I am one…
*cheers!*
Hapty Birfdy to my BFF from high school!
Last week, I had the worst Wednesday ever. ..
Today, I woke up feeling all sparkly on the inside. Did the Sandman give me a Red Bull in my sleep? Did the Sparkle Monkey visit me? Where did all this energy come from?
Oh who cares where all the sparkly goodness came from. I’ll take it.
Last night my nephew started talking about when BITE ME! and LOVE SUCKS! goes to Hollywood to make a movie that he couldn’t wait to go help me cast the movie. He thinks he should be able to play Oz (Ryan’s baby brother). He says he could totally dye his hair red and get freckles for the role.
He’s right. He totally could.
He talks about the books being made into movies all the time. Wouldn’t that be awesome?
Dear
Garry MarshallFancy Hollywood ProducerPlease buy my movie rights and make my books into the best movie ever so my
nephew Ryan’s dream will come true. He’s okay if he doesn’t get cast in the
movie, but he has totally made me promise that he gets to walk the red carpet
with me when it premieres.C’mon dude! Work with me here!
Love,
Melf
You think that’ll help?
Last night I was invited to a local (adult) book club. One of the women works with fishdog, and since he’s still one of my biggest pimps, he’d been talking my books up so her book club chose to read BITE ME! this month.
It’s always so flattering when a book club reads me and then asks me to come for a visit. But it’s also nerve wracking because what if they don’t like the book? And then I’m sitting there facing a group of displeased readers. And WHAT if there is no wine?
Luckily, none of the above happened. They all seemed to genuinely like the book (which is always a plus since it was written for a different age group) and there was plenty of wine, as well as very enjoyable company! Lots of laughing and storytelling and I truly had a great time. Thanks ladies for having me!
In other news, BITE ME! received another fun review this week! 4/5 Stars!
A busy weekend was had by all!
Bitchin' Fiction: Musings by author Melissa McKenzie / Melissa Francis 