Okay, this cracked me up.
So I’m often asked if the vampires sparkle in my books and my standard answer is: “I sparkle. My vampires do not.”
Sparkle on, Wayne. Sparkle on Garth. <–but not if you’re vampires named Wayne and Garth
The only math I’m good at is Lottery Math and so this morning while I was driving my kid to football practice at 6:15 AM, we did Lottery Math.
Rader feels like once we win the lottery, $15M should be just about right for him. Yes, that’s what he thinks I should give him…hahaha. I said I would give he and his brother the same amount and it would remain in a Trust Fund until they were 30.
Apparently this was unacceptable. He should have more money than his brother and he should have full access to it at 18.
Keep dreaming kid.
While I’m spending money I don’t have, I believe after I do win the lottery, I’m going to hire someone to drive my kid to his predawn football practices. Don’t punish me, bro! That ain’t fair!
I’m very happy to announce that I’m going to be adding Project Runway to my recap resume over at Hey Don’t Judge Me! I’m working on Episode 1 right now and am planning to have future episodes up on Friday afternoons.
Sadly, we’re still having some behind the scenes upgrade activity, so I can’t post anything new yet. My Bachelorette posts are ready to go and I have high hopes I’ll have them up today, as well as my first Project Runway. I’ll keep you posted. But just because I like you, I’ll give you a little sneak peek of what I’m writing:
Julie Tierney, Grand Junction, CO is showing a collection of things made from blankets. I’m not even kidding. You know those woven blankets you can buy for $10 at every southern and midwestern convenience store? We always called them “Indian” blankets growing up. She is seriously making dresses out of them. Or that should probably be “dresses.” it’s an “outerwear” collection and Nina says “You have a passion for outerwear, clearly.” What I heard in my head was “You have a horse blanket fetish.”
The gayest of all the gays is Gunnar Deatherage from Louisville, KY. Heidi wants to see his look for an average woman. I’m expecting him to pull out yoga pants and a sweatshirt in a size L (or possibly XL, if it’s Thanksgiving) Instead he pulls out this pastel pink dress made from satin sheets, crystals, and broken dreams. I need to go to Louisville and meet some of his average woman peer group.
I’m not going to talk about the heat. Y’all know it’s hot. I don’t need to keep harping on it…I’m usually the one bitching about people who bitch about the heat anyway. (You can bitch about the winter all day, though.) I have air and electricity and there are plenty of people who don’t right now (Benton, AR where a substation caught fire yesterday) so I’m gonna be thankful and happy about it.
Oh and for you Kindle owners, you can request an autograph for my books on Kindle now. It’s pretty darn cool…check it out: Kindlegraph
How do you say BITE ME! and LOVE SUCKS! in French? I don’t have a clue, but we’ll soon find out! From Publisher’s Marketplace:
International rights: Children’s
French rights to Melissa Francis’s BITE ME! And LOVE SUCKS, to Bibliotheque Interdite, by Anne Lenclud, on behalf of Elaine Spencer at The Knight Agency.
I’m totally stoked! YAY!
And secrets are fun.
I should be able to tell you tomorrow… but until then, here’s a hint:
Pouvez-vous deviner mon secret?
OK slightly off topic but BETTER OFF DEAD is one of my all time favorite movies ever and ever and ever.
I will tell you this isn’t a Dirty Little Secret. Hope you’re not too disappointed…
Today is El Jefe’s birthday so I took the day off. Yay me! Yay for El Jefe!
My visit with the Augusta School was pretty awesome. Had a good talk, signed some books, sold a few books and had a fantastic lunch at the Mexican Gas Station. I love small towns. Really, where else can you get great food at a gas station?
Have a great Monday. See you tomorrow!
It’s Friday! and by the time you read this, I’ll be on my way to Augusta, AR to have a little chat with the high school book club.
Word on the street is they loved BITE ME! and are ready to read LOVE SUCKS!
This makes Melf very happy.
After my chat I’m heading to Oxford to hang with El Jefe for the weekend. It’s his birthday weekend, ya know.
Oh and guess what? Next Friday, I’ll be watching the Neon Trees live and in person! I can’t wait…
Last night I was invited to a local (adult) book club. One of the women works with fishdog, and since he’s still one of my biggest pimps, he’d been talking my books up so her book club chose to read BITE ME! this month.
It’s always so flattering when a book club reads me and then asks me to come for a visit. But it’s also nerve wracking because what if they don’t like the book? And then I’m sitting there facing a group of displeased readers. And WHAT if there is no wine?
Luckily, none of the above happened. They all seemed to genuinely like the book (which is always a plus since it was written for a different age group) and there was plenty of wine, as well as very enjoyable company! Lots of laughing and storytelling and I truly had a great time. Thanks ladies for having me!
In other news, BITE ME! received another fun review this week! 4/5 Stars!
Okay, she doesn’t beg, but she is going to introduce you to a fabulous charity and ask you to donate.
It’s a really good cause and unlike any other I’ve ever seen. My friend Christian is participating and is trying to raise $15,000 for Spin for Kids. Look at what they accomplished through last year’s donations:
Please go to Christian’s personal donation page, even if you can only donate $1. It’s a worthy cause.
And…if you donate, come back and tell me and you’ll be entered into a drawing for both of my books and a $25 gift card to Amazon. Tweet or blog this and you’ll be entered twice–just leave a link in your comment. So give a little and get something back in return. The contest runs until October 1. How awesome is that? (pretty awesome, tyvm)
In other news, this song has been in my head every morning for the past week…now I shall give you my early morning ear worm:
So, I signed books in Oxford this weekend and had the best time ever. And I would LOVE to show you how much fun I had by posting all the pics I took (all 3 of them) but…
The sun setting over the Mississippi River. It was spectacular. This pic doesn’t even remotely do it justice.
We’re baaaaack!
Hope y’all had a great weekend!
IT’S ONLY A DAY AWAY!
When: Friday, September 17 (tomorrow)
Where: Square Books, Jr.
Time: 5:00
Who: ME!
Please come see me!
I had the best time with one of my pals, Stacey Jay last year. We signed books, drank wine, signed more books, drank more wine…
Wait. Anyone beginning to see a pattern here? I LOVE SIGNING BOOKS!
I can’t wait to see you guys tomorrow. It’s gonna be a big time full of sparkly goodness.
In other bits of random…
I was checking my website stats and seriously, somebody in Boulder, CO googled I HATE MELISSA FRANCIS. That’s just mean and hurtful, yo. I’m good people. Don’t be hatin’ on me!
I’ve also had some weird search terms on my website search bar. Like one day a month or so ago, someone just kept searching for KILL and HATE.
So this is what my report looked like:
08:17:30 2010 Kill
08:17:28 2010 Kill
08:17:23 2010 Kill
08:17:22 2010 Kill
08:17:16 2010 Kill
08:16:24 2010 Kill
08:15:46 2010 Kill
08:15:10 2010 Kill
08:14:31 2010 Kill
08:11:35 2010 hate
08:11:34 2010 hate
08:11:31 2010 hate
08:11:30 2010 hate
08:11:29 2010 hate
dudes. Seriously. That’s just not nice! I don’t blog about killing and hate so why are you searching for them? Also, I know people and I know things. And I know people who know things about people. So, watch it. mmmkay? This is my sandbox. Don’t throw sand at me in my own box!!! Besides, I’m all friendly, and sparkly, and fun to play with. Haters are not allowed.
And in Kitteh news. 2 are promised (Charlie Chaplin and Kitteh G) and 2 are maybes (the boys) but my kids wanna keep one of the boys, so I’m not sure what we’re gonna do about that.
I probably will be scarce tomorrow. If I think about it, I’ll pre-post a blog. But I may not think about it. We’ll see.
Have a great weekend if I don’t catch ya mañana!
Bitchin' Fiction: Musings by author Melissa McKenzie / Melissa Francis 