Melf’s Compound BootyCamp Day 1: Report in, sir.

pinup18So…it was kind of a success! I say “Kind of” because clearly, I like to believe I’m still fit as I was when I played 3 hours of basketball every afternoon and ran a 9 minute mile without breaking a sweat.

Just in case you were wondering, I am NOT in high school, anymore.

The boys were awesome. I actually didn’t expect them to take it seriously and get out there with me, but they did. Even my nephew Ryan jumped in!

I made 1 round of all the exercises, which totaled 22 minutes. I had hoped to do the full round of 42 minutes, but it just didn’t happen. I know I got a good workout in though because I wanted to puke a couple of times. That’s how you know you’re doin’ it right. Right? LOL

Or it could have just been the extreme heat and humidity. Whatever.

It was a pretty leg intensive workout, which is what I need. (the boys bitched about it. Said they want more upper body work. hah!) I have large thigh and butt muscles (big butt, SO WHAT?)  and I need to focus on getting rid of the extra padding around them. But we did arm work along with the leg work, so we did get a pretty full body workout.

I’m quite pleased with my first attempt, thankyouverymuch.

I ran out of energy faster than expected because I didn’t eat enough calories yesterday. I ate some peanut butter on a whole wheat pita about an hour prior to the workout, but…it just wasn’t enough to get me through. I have GOT to do better about eating more calories during the day. The thing about doing the low carb lifestyle is I’m just not as hungry. Which is GOOD and bad…because I have to eat for energy if I’m going to exercise more than just walking. And of course, if I exercise at night, I generally am not hungry at all afterward. Whicexercisepinuph means I ended yesterday with only 821 calories and I burned 420. Not good for energy levels.

This morning I made sure I ate a good breakfast. A grilled chicken burrito with Greek Cream Cheese and spinach on a low carb, whole wheat tortilla. It was so tasty and satisfying. And I’m not crabby at all.

We’re gonna be back at it on Wednesday night! I hope I can push myself to do more than half the workout. I have a hard time motivating myself to do the workouts. I need a coach to bully me. LOL Oh, the 80s. How I don’t miss being yelled at and shamed for being curvier and slower than the rest of the basketball team. I certainly wasn’t anywhere close to fat at 135 lbs and 5’6 tall. But to hear the coach tell it, I was morbidly obese and lazy.

Which is why, now that I am overweight, it’s really hard for me to motivate myself. I shame myself for the body I have because I felt so much shame about the body I had. WTF is wrong with adults who shame children like that? Don’t they know that shit sticks?

Eh. The only failure is failing to try again. So, I’m just gonna keep trying until I’m successful.

And I’m going to love me for who I am. Because seriously? I’m pretty fat-tastic. FANtastic. Awesome even. And I’m gonna rock this body, no matter its size, shape or leftover shame. There is no shame in being human. There is only shame in being an ugly-on-the-inside human.

I am ANYTHING but ugly. Inside or out.

Let’s stay motivated, bitches!

d69d1bb47669a73ced85314bf5fffb5f

full house! and Operation Bootylicious, take 2,000

After a lovely and tiring 5 days with friends doing awesome lake stuff, Rader Tater returned to me last night. It was great to see him again and hear about his exploits and how awesome his trip was. I met “Grammy and Pops” his friend’s grandparents, and they had nothing but love for Rader. “He’s such a sweet boy. So polite and well-mannered and fun. You’ve done a great job.” Well, so far. Yes. LOL There’s still time for me to screw him up. I’m working on it!

pin_up_exerciseOPERATION BOOTYLICIOUS is back on track.

I’ve managed the diet portion of my health and fitness journey, but I keep falling off the exercise wagon. I loved Booty Camp and miss it…but when you’re saving money, organized bootcamps are not necessary expenses. Also, the times were so hard for me to work in. The best class was Mon/Wed at 7:15, but those are my days with the boys…and I really don’t like giving up my time with them for the gym. Tues/Thurs would be perfect, but they didn’t offer anything at night. And sadly, no matter how hard I try, I cannot get to a 5 a.m. class. I’m just not a morning person.

And those of you who are…YOU ARE NOT HUMAN.

I walk 2-4 times a week with Marissa at lunch. And that’s great, because it keeps me moving, but I have GOT to add a more hardcore exercise program to my weekly regimen.

So, starting tonight, Welcome to MELF’s BOOTYLICIOUS COMPOUND.pin-up-girl-on-scale

Instead of leaving my kids to go workout, we’re going to start working out together. I’m putting together a 40 minute HIIT workout and then we’re gonna do 15 minutes of abs. And it’s gonna be awesome.

Here’s this week’s workout…

Do every exercise for 2 minutes. Repeat once.

  • 2 minute warm up run
  • Walking lunges,  10lb weights
  • Jumping jacks
  • Squats (8 regular/8 pulses)
  • Jump on trampoline
  • Narrow Squat With Overhead Press
  • Line drills with medicine ball
  • Push ups
  • wall sit
  • Tricep curls
  • jump rope

This will be a 40 minute workout. Then abs.

I’ll report back tomorrow. If I can walk. Type. Or breathe.

Oh…check out this awesome blog post. 25 things fat people shouldn’t do. #19 Run.

You know, I keep reading these motivational quotes, images, posters, and what nots from people who THINK they are helping us big girls. But the problem is, shit like this doesn’t help. Because DUH. We know this:

getting-back-into-exercise-389x435If wishing worked, my Booty would make Beyonce’s look like a squishy marshmallow.

We know it’s hard work. I’m not lazy. I’m strong as hell. My legs will crush you like rotten nut if you give me a chance. I have lots of muscle under my layer of fluff. And I really don’t have a problem with being a woman of substance. HOWEVER. I want to be healthy. I’d like to ween myself off the BP meds if I can. I’d also like to get my toned arms back. I don’t know what happens with me. I do well with exercise, but not diet. Or I do well with diet but not exercise. It’s like I have fitness ADHD!

Either way, maybe working out with my kids and Jefe will make a difference. I know I enjoy walking more when I have someone to walk with…so, I’ll keep you posted on Operation Bootylicious. Hopefully you’ll be seeing less of me soon. *wink*

exercise-motivation-quotes-weight-loss-work-out-lose-weight-15_large

The problem with this? I’m done, when I’m tired. UGH.

in the world of WTF?

Look. I get it. I’m funny. I joke a lot. I’m sexy and awesome and have lots of fun. People dig me.

So, when you friend me on FB and ask me just how “liberal and open are you?” and then proceed to proposition me to “help you and your wife out in the bedroom.” I need you to understand that is immediate grounds for a big Facebook Block.

Also, when you proposition someone that you haven’t seen since 9th grade? You might wanna be good looking. Or at least, not gross. No wonder you guys need help in the bedroom.

Probably it would help your mission if you didn’t post racist comments on the person’s page that you’re propositioning. Especially AFTER said person asked you to stop. Because THAT SIR, is a huge turn off.

I’d tell you to go get fucked, but obviously, you’re trying. Just without any hope of success.

And one more thing…all the “Incest Likes” on your page? Not helping your cause either. I am obviously not THAT open or liberal.

I need a shower.

In other Facebook world, this blog post made me LOL.

25 Common Facebook Statuses and What They REALLY Mean

Truth in sarcasm. My favorite.

Facebook. It’s making people look dumber and dumber everyday. C’mon people, it’s social media. Use it for fun. Stop being so damn stupid.

Okay, I’m off to the gym where I shall sweat off the grossness of my indecent proposal. Have a happy humpday! (hahahaha! How appropriate)

and then it was Thursday and the world rejoiced.

Before I get to my blog-of-nothing today, I posted this on FCR yesterday afternoon. I swear, I could have written this article.

PROJECT BENDYPANTS: PRACTICING YOGA WHILE FAT

I’ve been wanting to get back into yoga, but I’ve been holding off because of how fit people tend to view fatties when trying something new. Normally, I could give a flying rat’s ass about how people view me, but with yoga, it’s different. I can kick your ass in the gym or on the softball field, but you put me in yoga class and I turn into a shy, awkward mess. Because I’m not as flexible as I used to be. And because I have Gigantic G cups that get in my way and sometimes try to suffocate me in certain poses. So walking into a new class, with a yogi who doesn’t know me, makes me feel intimidated.

Not my favorite feeling in the world.

However, I have decided to try some yoga at home. I found this video on Fitbottomed Girls: Yoga for Weight-Loss: A Sequence for Beginners

I just wish I had a personal yogi who could help me with proper poses.

Enough of that talk, let’s talk about something else… Like, this morning’s note from the Universe!

The question, Melissa, that some might consider asking is, “Can others, doing what they’re now doing, no matter what their motivation, no matter what our relationship, and no matter what they decide, keep me from being all I want to be?”

And the answer is always, “Not in a million years.”

Whooohooo!
    The Universe

Especially, when who you want to be, Melissa, is as simple as being happy, huggable, and sharing your new good book deal with the world.

I needed this today. Sometimes I forget that the only person in charge of me, is ME. Sometimes I allow myself to get wrapped up in other people’s actions and reactions and forget that how/ who they are is not my problem nor is it my fault. Those are their issues, not mine.  It sounds easy, but the reality is, it is much more difficult to practice. But I am practicing. Everyday.

In other, other news…This will be another weekend with Rader, practicing driving! He’s stoked…as am I. He’s a quick learner, too.

Well, I hope you guys have a great Thursday. Turn your sparkle up to 11, folks! And if you have a sunroof or a convertible, I hope you’re somewhere that you can open the top and enjoy the day!

ETA:
I blogged at FCR today as well. I‘m talking about Mastering Yourself (not being the Master of Your Domain. I mean, why would you punish yourself like that?)

A weekend of sunshine and awesome.

I posted my Week 1 of 12 update at FCR this morning. Also there’s a fantastic baked or grilled salmon recipe included. Go forth and enjoy.

What a lovely weekend. I managed to mow for a couple of hours on Saturday, after walking 4 miles with Robyn. I also drove topless all weekend long.

The TreeFrog and his friend came over to do some yard work and enjoy foods that only his momma can fix.

That night, I baked some asparagus stuffed chicken breasts and made rice pilaf…mmmmm. And let met tell ya something, I threw some of the leftovers into a tortilla and added a little sour cream and avocado yesterday and it was one of the yummiest wraps I’ve ever tasted.

I don’t know if you’ve figured it out or not, but I’m kind of a big deal in the kitchen. (true story)

Jefe and I took the girls for their first swim of the season this weekend. Well, Trinity swam, Ruby waded and played but didn’t venture out very far. She sinks without her life jacket anyway, so probably it was for the best.

This was a lovely weekend. First one in a while that was sunshiny and warm. I even have a little color on my face and arms now! YAY! I hope y’all enjoyed the hell out of your weekend, and that you’re sparkling extra brightly today…even though it’s a Monday!

Oh, and BTW, my Father-in-Law’s surgery was successful and he’s home safe and sound. Thanks for the love and healing thoughts!

hey ho!

This song will cheer you up on a rainy day like today. OMG it is soooo damn dreary. I can’t wait til tomorrow, where the weather is supposed to match my sunshiny disposition. Okay, here’s another song that always makes me happy. I love the original by The Foundations, but here’s another version that’s a lot of fun:

BUILD ME UP BUTTERCUP : McFly (feat. Busted)


And here’s the only BEST way to listen to a Justin Bieber song, it’s a NEON TREES Mash-up:

STAND BY ME and the Beib’s BABY.

If you’re feeling down today, these songs should perk you right up! I’m happy to report, I’m feeling good this week after eating healthy every day, exercising every day, and sleeping well. And I’m in a fantastic freaking mood and have been all week…despite the gloomy weather. Hurry up, Friday! I need your sunshine!!! Meanwhile…y’all keep your sexy goin’…and sparkle until the sunshine can’t resist your shine!

bippity boppity boo

I have no idea why I chose this title, but there you go. So, here you go:

Robyn and I enjoyed the sunshine yesterday and walked nearly 3 miles. My body protested, of course. But this morning, I woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (note to self: shave tail) this morning.

12 weeks. We are committing to 12 weeks of eating healthier, and exercising daily. Like I said at FCR yesterday, I’ve done a great job keeping up my positive attitude and working on my sense of self. Now I just have to stop fueling my body with crap and start filling my well with exercise. After we complete the first 12, we’ll do it again until this is habit.

So, bippity boppity boo! It’s like magic. Only it takes dedication. I would very much like for my fairy godmother to help me out, though.

Happy day of foolishness!

“A naked woman in heels is a beautiful thing. A naked man in shoes looks like a fool.”
~Christian Louboutin

 Wise words for a foolish day…

How was your weekend? Mine was pretty fantastic. I love stormy weather. Lightning crackling and thunder booming…hard rains pelting the roof in a soothing staccato, lulling me back to sleep with its rhythmic lullaby… the only problem with the stormy weather (aside from the hail. POOR SALLY SPARKLE) was trying to get out of bed on Sunday. So I didn’t. Until lunch time with the family.

 Saturday afternoon, Jefe and I went to see GI JOE. Ladies, I’m not gonna lie, too many shirts were worn in this movie. But there was plenty to see and enjoy. And lots of explosions and bullets. And a little bit of witty repartee. It was covered in cheese, but that’s okay. Would you really expect anything else?

Friday was the only “lovely” day of the weekend until Sunday late afternoon, so when I got home from work, I sat outside and read.

I really wish Spring would get here and stay. It’s going to rain here Tuesday-Thrusday and only be in the 40s. But today, it will be sunny and  70s so Robyn and I are gonna get an outside walk in, while we have a chance.

Now, for a really lovely and inspiring read, for those of us who are amply-endowed and trying to get healthy. Check this out…HEY, FAT GIRL.

 Hope y’all have a beautiful Monday. And be careful for the pranksters…they’re out there. And you never know…you might be their next target!

ETA: btw, Carbkiller has resurrected our Fat Chicks Running blog and I’m gonna be participating again as well. I’m doing a 12 weeks challenge, so if I haven’t blogged here, you’ll probably find me there.

happy pancake day, my ass.

Dammit, how can you have a happy pancake day when you’re serious about your training. I’m working hard and I can’t be distracted by the flapjack of goodness right now!

LOL Who am I kidding. I freaking love pancakes and I may make my very tasty super secret recipe pancakes tonight. If I make them silver dollar size, then they can be a dessert. And I’ll save the batter and make the boys pancakes for breakfast tomorrow….Mmmmmmm. My mouth just watered.

In other news, last night was my successful return to BootyCamp. My elbow is still hurting and I had to modify some of the exercises to work around the injury, but overall, it felt great. I’ve promoted myself from Beginner BootyCamp to Regular BootyCamp. It was definitely a harder workout, but I enjoyed it (as much as one can enjoy such things.)

This morning didn’t feel so great and I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m sure it was all those endorphins swimming around in my body.  When I did sleep, my dreams were awesome….

Stairs have been a challenge today…heh.

I’ll be hitting the gym at lunch to work out the kinks and soreness. See what a good girl I am? I deserve my pancakes…

Hope you guys have a happy Tuesday. I’ll have my Bachelor Recap posted at HDJM today…you’ll wanna check that out if you’re into milking goats in Montana….

It’s a rather blustery day…

Yep. Today the wind is windy and the temperature is dropping and there’s a chance of ice tonight. Every time the weatherman says something about a “light icing” I have dreams of cream cheese frosting. It’s just the sugar withdrawals, I’m sure…

Still, I’m wearing my sassy pants again today. I do love it when I wake full of awesome and sparkle. A friend of mine sent me this picture this morning and you know what? I feel so fabulous, I would have smashed this box twice.

I’m heading to the gym at lunch again today. I’ve decided working out at lunchtime is really ideal for me. And it saves me gas money. I bring my lunch, go do my workout, come back and eat. So I’m getting more awesome AND saving cash. If I get any smarter, you’re all gonna be in trouble.

Hope you’re wearing your sassy pants and sparkle today! Life is better with glitter…