Tag Archives: wtf

thank goodness that’s over (you may just wanna skip this rant)

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The one good thing I can say about the elections? They’re over–which means no more political ads.

Unfortunately, the one ad that should’ve run every 2 minutes, I never saw on TV. Sadly, I have a feeling we’re in for a repeat performance of some of the things discussed in this ad.

It’s too late now, but…in two years, maybe people will remember again.

It’s a huge pet peeve for me. I lost a house, lost my savings, and pretty much lost my marriage due to the housing crash thanks to deregulation. Yeah, I’m a bit bitter about it. But hey, now the GOP is in charge again, so surely EVERYTHING will be just fine. Right?

Hah. This country’s government has completely forgotten it is supposed to work FOR THE PEOPLE. I’m people and trust me, our government stopped working for me when Clinton’s term ended. Obama hasn’t even been given 2 years to fix the mess that it took GW 8 years to get us into. But it’s over now. And all I can say is I’d much rather watch Viagra commercials over hate-filled political ads any day.
And I’m off my political soap box. Like I said on Facebook…I’m going to my happy place where there is sunshine, unicorns, and Matt Damon.

send in the clowns and watch Melf panic

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Before I get to my panic attack, let me show you some fantastic reviews I’ve recently received!

BITE ME! from Leslee at Night Owl Teen Reviews
BITE ME! & LOVE SUCKS! from Sharon’s Garden of Books
LOVE SUCKS! from Zoe’s Book Reviews

go forth and enjoy the awesome…

Okay, I know, you don’t really care about my fabulous reviews. All you care about is my pain…So here, let me share it with you.

Y’all all know I came to work dressed as Mrs. Roper on Friday for costume day. We had a good crowd of costumes…and one of them included a soul-sucking rabid clown from Hell.

Now, I’ve joked in the past about how much I hate clowns, but usually I can handle them. Only Pennywise from Stephen King’s IT has really ever made me wish for instant death. The others I’ve usually managed to just shudder, wrinkle my nose in disgust and move on.

That all changed on Friday.
My co-worker Dan decided to torture me and sadly, there is photographic evidence to prove it.

I’ve never had anything remotely resembling a panic attack until this moment. My heart was racing, I was hyperventilating, laughing nervously until I started crying, and shaking like a polaroid picture. Yeah, I knew it was Dan. Yeah, I knew this was a costume. Yeah, I knew I was safe…but I couldn’t stop my body from taking over and freaking out.

Of course, it didn’t help that Dan was standing behind me saying things like “I live under your bed.” and “I’m very fast. You can run, but I’ll catch you.”

Now you know my Achilles’ Heel, Internetz. With great knowledge comes great responsibility. So don’t clown me unless you wanna die, because I am now carrying a taser in my purse just in case…

just say no to the ‘Mo’

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Gather ’round Internetz. Melf has a very important public service announcement.

There are two men and only two men in this world who can wear a mustache.

Sam Elliot

and Tom Selleck



Do you know why I bring this up? Because of this: Movember

The Mo, slang for moustache, and November come together each year for Movember.

Movember challenges men to change their appearance and the face of men’s health by growing a moustache. The rules are simple, start Movember 1st clean-shavenand then grow a moustache for the entire month. The moustache becomes the ribbon for men’s health, the means by which awareness and funds are raised for cancers that affect men. Much like the commitment to run or walk for charity, the men of Movember commit to growing a moustache for 30 days.

Ok, I applaud the out of the box thinking on this, however, I am concerned about subjecting the public to an over abundance of 70s Porn ‘staches. We survived it once, I’m not sure we, as a society, will be able to survive it again.

Please, if you’re considering this…PLEASE understand that you will not ever be Sam Elliot or Tom Selleck and you will be opening yourself up to a month-long ridicule…The ‘stache, the Mo, the lip catepillar…it needs to remain in the 70s.

Now, if you wanna grow a beard or a goatee that’s long enough for me to play with and braid…GO FOR IT, ROY!

Just say no to the mo…

Let Love Rule (Melf on another Soapbox)

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THIS (if that link doesn’t work, try this one)is unacceptable. Hatred and bigotry in any form is just plain not okay. Period. And this man is a member of a school board! Is this the type of person you would want representing your children?

Quote from Clint McCance’s facebook page:

“Seriously they want me to wear purple because five queers committed suicide. The only way I’m wearin’ it for them is if they all commit suicide. I cant believe the people of this world have gotten this stupid. We are honoring the fact that they sinned and killed themselves because of their sin.”

“Being a fag doesn’t give you the right to ruin the rest of our lives. If you get easily offended by being called a fag then don’t tell anyone you are a fag. Keep that shit to yourself. It pisses me off though that we make a special purple fag day for them. Ilike that fags cant procreate. I also enjoy the fact that they often give each other aids and die.”

I’m disgusted. Truly, in my gut, disgusted. And I’m sad that Arkansas will get a bad rap over the short-sighted, hate-filled opinion of this one man who happens to live in this beautiful state.

I can’t believe this man holds a position of power in a school district. Shame on you, sir. It seems you’ve forgotten a very important rule in life…DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU. Christian or not, that’s a pretty darn good guideline to go by, don’t you think?

No matter how you feel about homosexuality, you should definitely agree that wishing kids dead is not okay. If you think it is, get off my blog, please. You’re not welcome ’round these parts. I don’t hate you, I just don’t wanna be around you. Kthxbai.

ETA: This is an article that has a screenshot of his actual facebook page and includes more hate-filled quotes, including this gem: “I would disown my kids they were gay. They will not be welcome at my home or in my vicinity. I will absolutely run them off.”

Here at Mel-O-Drama, we prefer to Let Love Rule. Take it away, Lenny:

a Melf pet-peeve

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Gather around, Internetz. Melf has a pet-peeve she’d like to discuss with you.

Halloween falls on the same date every year: October 31

So why is it that every time the holiday falls on a Sunday, the question arises “When do we celebrate Halloween?”

I truly don’t understand why this question is even asked. We celebrate Halloween on October 31…like we always do!

Okay, I bring this up because the county in which I currently reside (Saline) has voted that trick-or-treating will take place this year on Saturday.

And the reason they are giving for this? Because it’s on a school night and kids need their rest.

*cough*bullshit*cough*

They’ve never passed a resolution on any other weekday in history to observe Halloween over the weekend instead of during the week. Are they saying that kids only need rest on Sunday nights?

This has absolutely nothing to do with being a school day and has everything to do with Halloween being a supposedly “evil” holiday and landing on a “holy” day. It’s crap, is what it is, and it gives me a rash.

You either celebrate Halloween or you don’t–and the day the holiday falls on shouldn’t matter. But to legislate the day an entire community must trick-or-treat to appease a few is beyond ridiculous. Halloween is on Sunday October 31, not on Saturday, October 30. If you come to my house Saturday night, I won’t be home…sorry. However, Sunday night, I will have a big bucket o’ candy waiting for you. Because THAT is Halloween–I don’t care what the Saline County Board of Whatevers say.

more drugs? better drugs?

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So I really have nothing fun to say today other than the walker thing is getting closer to reality.

I’m seriously too damn young to be walking around like a MawMaw. Oh well, at least I still have my looks. Hahahahahaha

In other news, I’ll be in Oxford this weekend. Not sure if I’ll be walking around or cruising in a Hoveround, but I’ll be there. If I buzz by you at the speed of light, I’m sorry. It’ll be a new toy and I’ll just wanna go FASTER! Call me Ricky Bobby not MawMaw!

baby got back (pain)

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A few years ago I was rearended by a Ford Excursion. I went to the chiropractor a couple days later because of neck pain. Not only did I discover I had whiplash (for realz!) I also found out I had arthritis in my lower back.

I’ve had arthritis in my elbows since 2002 as a result of untreated Lyme’s Disease and the doctor thinks the lower back arthritis is probably from the LD as well. I’ve always had some sorta lower back pain but each year, especially when the seasons changed, my back pain would get worse.

Fast forward to this week.

@#$!@%$%^^^&&&%%$#*&%^)&^&$#@@^&**!

Boy does my back hurt. Like badly. Like, I seriously need a cane to help me get out of bed, especially in the middle of the night.

I feel like an old damn woman this week. I can barely walk, it hurts to bend over, squat, put on my pants! I’ve been eating anti-inflammatories like candy and they aren’t even touching the pain. These are the days I miss Vioxx.

The pain will probably last through the end of the week and slowly start to get better…or maybe I’ll just get used to it? But I can tell you that sitting all day long doesn’t help it. However, I brought my heating pad today, and I can already feel a slight improvement.

If you guys see me using a walker with tennis balls on the legs, you better not be judging me. Because I will gladly suffer the pain to whip your ass with a walker. And I’ll take pics of you getting beaten by an old lady with a walker and I’ll post them on my blog for the world to see. Just sayin’…

Romance Snooki-style!

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You know who Snooki is, right? Even if you don’t watch Jersey Shore (Oh how I miss cable…) you should know who the human oompa-loompa with the big bump-it is by now. Here’s a visual aid, just in case you don’t know…

(sorry, I had to throw in the SNL Snooki cuz seriously, it’s the best ever!)

Anyway, apparently Snook and this hot soldier named Jeff Miranda hooked up a couple of weeks ago and now he’s proposed to her, shirtless (as it should be) on a magazine cover. I kinda think it’s the most romantic thing ever…

In all seriousness, it’s a pretty cool proposal, despite the fact that they’ve only known each other for two minutes weeks and I’m quite certain those two minutes weeks were filled with jager bombs, jello shots, and dirty dancing. I mean, who wouldn’t fall in love in that situation? We’ve all been there, right? No? Just me? Hmmm.

So what do you think? Romantic? Foolish? Will she say yes? And do you think if they tie the knot her colors will be orange and brown? Probably not, cuz that would be like Snooki Camoflauge and we wouldn’t get to see her walk down the aisle.

what a girl DOESN’T want to come home to find

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This is my baby, Mac. She apparently isn’t feeling well. And it must be contagious because I’m not feeling well now, too. Sigh.
No, this is not what a girl wants to come home to find. I’m going to make a list of things that I would much rather come home to, and maybe tonight when I get home, one (or more of them) will be there.
  • Matt Damon in my bed
  • Matt Damon naked vaccumming my house
  • Anyone vaccumming my house fully clothed
  • A chilled (bottomless) bottle of wine in the hand of my cabana boy as I walk in the door to my already cleaned house.
  • A million dollars and Matt Damon lying naked in the middle of it.
  • A million dollars (Matt Damon optional)
  • A brand new swimming oasis in my backyard with an oasis house and cabana boy.
  • A disco ball hanging from my living room and the Geico Gecko waiting to dance. Or Matt Damon.
  • A fully cooked meal served to me by Matt Damon wearing my Flamingo apron in my already clean house.
  • A computer that works…sitting on Matt Damon’s lap.

Yeah, I’m thinking anything on this list would be much more fun to come home to find. Don’t you agree?

WTF?

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I don’t care how big a Twi-hard you are…this was a very. bad. idea. OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!

THE EYES! THEY BURN!

Y’all have a great weekend. I have some baseball and lounging and yard work in my future. You got plans?