Tag Archives: wtf

no-wine wednesday?

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yeah. I’m detoxing right now. Last night while we were at Touchdown Sally’s, my friend Wade nearly choked on his beer when he realized I was drinking only water.

“No beer?” he asked. “No beer on purpose?”

And the guys at SO might do the same tonight when I don’t indulge in my weekly love affair with Kim Cattrall Crawford.

It’s back to fitness time. I’ve been slacking for a few months and now I’m getting fluffy again. Soft and marshmallowy. This is NOT good. This is NOT what I worked so hard for last year. Nope. So I started Monday with my fruits/veggies/lean protiens/whole wheat grains regimen. I actually already feel better. I walked 3 days last week–an hour each time. I walked yesterday. If it’s not raining this afternoon, I’ll walk today. BEFORE I go to No-Wine Wednesday. Because if I’ve actually already walked, I am less inclined to want to ruin the accomplishment.

Now, I’m not saying I’m not gonna have a drink every once in a while. BUT I am saying that those empty calories are not good if I wanna continue toward lean and mean. Soft and fluffy is fine, if you’re a towel. I don’t wanna be a towel.

I’ll report back tomorrow if everyone dies of shock tonight when I order water only. I guess if that happens, I won’t have to worry about will power next week, huh?

need a weekend to recover from…

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my weekend AND that joke of an interview with Jake and Vienna.

Weekend first:

Drove the kidlets to Oxford. I always go the back way because it ends up being quicker than going through Memphis because 9 out of 10 times, there’s some kind of accident or construction or just stupidity that brings the traffic to a stand still.

Also, I love farmlands and the character of the country. Especially when I see things like this:

This is the most politically and grammatically incorrect street sign I have ever seen. And I ♥ it soooooo much. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Then I passed by the Cougar Cafe: Hot Mamas & Cold Drinks

Unfortunately I did not get a picture of that and I haven’t forgiven myself yet. I will tell you, that might end up in a book somewhere…

After a yummy lunch at Proud Larry’s (the service is still a little slow, but they have the best pizza and salads so I deal with it) I dropped the boys off with their friends and headed out to a pool party. It was great seeing my friends again. Afterward, me and Andrea made our way to the square where we had a VERY DELICIOSO pineapple margarita at Prime.

After our pineapple yumminess we headed over to Rooster’s Blues House and sat outside where we enjoyed the company of a lovely couple as well as the company of our beers. I was excited to see Rooster’s carried Diamond Bear Pale Ale which is brewed right here in Little Rock.

Sunday I had planned to drive home, but made a ‘quick’ detour to Water Valley, MS so I could visit my pal Rhonda. Rhonda has a pool. Mel’s quick visit turned into 24 hours. Rhonda’s pool called me like a siren. I was trapped and couldn’t free myself so I just gave in…

It was a great weekend. I miss my Oxford peeps!

JAKE AND VIENNA

Look none of us were surprised Jake and Vienna broke up. (Well, none of us except maybe the host of the show Chris Harrison…) None of us are surprised she’s emotional and slightly unstable. But you know what did surprise me? What a freaking controlling asshole Jake is! And that smirk! Holy smokes! What I took away from the interview was that Jake wanted a girl who was quiet and compliant in real life…maybe he should’ve chosen Tetley Teabag instead of Vienna Sausage then… I do think he’s a big ol’ fame whore like Vienna said. I think he would turn on the charm for the cameras then when they were home, he would turn into what we saw last night. I’m not her biggest fan, but I will say, I believe her side of the story MUCH more than his. Because he is a douchebag.

So how was your weekend? Did you see the interview? What were your thoughts?

for corn sakes! say it isn’t so!

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Y’all, I’m just not sure if I can take this news. I mean, this is just the one thing in the world that I never thought would happen and now that it has, I’m a little terrified that the Four Horsemen are on their way.

Or that we’ll soon be visited by frogs and locusts and that our rivers will turn to blood.

Maybe Hell did indeed freeze over…

I know. You can’t imagine what on earth would have me worried that this is the end of the world as we know it(and I feel fiiiine…)

Seriously. WTF?

Crap! Is that a boil on my arm!?!? It’s happening!

still LOST and pretty unsatisfied

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WARNING! THERE WILL BE SPOILERS.

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THEY’RE ALL DEAD? WTF?

We went through all that for nothing? Are you freaking kidding me?

I’m sorry, but this just wreaks a little of the Bobby Ewing/Dallas it was all just a dream cop out from the 80s. This show was sooooo much better than a cop out. I’m truly disappointed in the way they chose to end it.

It was awesome seeing everyone together again but it left me wondering when did they all die? Did anything really happen on the island? Was that truly “LIMBO” and everyone had to find their own redemption before they could move on?

WTF ever. I HATED that ending.

I’ll tell you when the ending show lost me…the moment Island Kate told Island Jack she loved him and they had their moment. It was total bunk. They never belonged together, never had real on screen passion or spark. It just felt like the writers wanted them to couple up because everyone else was. COP OUT. I’ll admit I was always team Kate & Sawyer UNTIL there was team Sawyer & Juliet. I loved them together and their parallel moment at the vending machine was amazing. Parallel Kate’s & Jack’s moment seemed as forced as island Kate & Jack. I just didn’t buy it.

I feel like we’ve been duped. That’s just crap. All the stuff they went through only to be dead? No sorry, buddy. I don’t think so. You guys can Suck It.

Yes, the ending with Jack dying on the island was a great bookend to the beginning with Jack waking on the island. And there was some beautiful imagery and dialogue. I loved when Shannon and Sayid found each other again. Hated her…loved them together. I loved, loved, loved Benjamin Linus and his flawed but wonderfully redeemed character. His story really was the most heart wrenching in so many ways.

I loved Richard’s 1st gray hair and Hurley’s heroics and just plain awesomeness. There was a lot to like about the episode. But the overall ending? CHEESETASTIC AND GIMMICKY. Way to ruin a great show by taking the easy way out.

They’re dead. That is all.

Ugh.

All that for nothing. Nobody wants to root for dead people! We want happily ever after…not happily ever afterlife! Or at least, that’s what I wanted. I wanted to know that everything they went through was so they could enjoy a LIFE together in the here and now….then they can move on to the there and later.

Unsatisified overall but happy to see all the couples (except for 1) together. Nice try, LOST dudes. I give the ending episode a B overall and a C- for the cop out. It would’ve been a D but I did cry several times, so you get the emotional points for that.

What did y’all think? Am I alone in still being a little LOST?

so over it

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Yup. I’m over this week. SO BLOODY OVER IT.

It really has been a rather craptastic week and just when I thought there was a silver lining? I came home to this in my driveway:


Let me tell you about the asshat who was driving too fast, missed the curve and took out my gas meter…then drove off. Yeah. Without stopping. But the awesome dudes at Centerpoint moved my meter out of the line of fire and had me up and running by 5:00. Thanks, guys. Y’all are rock stars!

Dear assmunch in the GREEN SUV in Bryant, AR,

Thanks for not stopping. I hope your GREEN SUV is permanently damaged.

Not-so-much-love,
Mel

The almost good news is, the cops think they know who did it, but they can’t prove it yet. Wanna know what gave the asschunk away? Apparently he drove the GREEN SUV into a telephone pole 3 miles away. They’re pretty sure it’s the same person. And that GREEN SUV is pretty damn damaged now.

Hah. Karma…she’s a bitch.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Karma strongly believes in what comes around goes around so if you continue to come around…she will make sure you get your go around…
It’s ladies night tonight.

Ahhhhh. There’s my silver lining.

teach your children well…

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Parents have a tough job. We have to try to raise smart kids, who can think independently yet they still need to be obedient without being subservient. We don’t want our kids to be pushovers. But we don’t want them to be unruly demons from hell either.

Then we have to address the typical teen stuff. How do you teach your kids about safe sex without having them run off with a box of condoms and a smile?

And we can’t forget manners, attitude, proper diet and exercise, regular education, socialization, HYGIENE…it’s neverending!!

All this is VERY IMPORTANT STUFF. But, it’s not all we have to teach is it? Nope. Not even close.

One of the most important things we can teach our children (especially boys because I think for most girls, this comes naturally…)

HOW TO PLUCK THEIR EYEBROWS.

It is completely unnecessary for boys to have a unibrow. I don’t care how old they are, they don’t need it. We’re not living in caves. We don’t need completely hairy faces to protect us from the elements. I mean, what exactly does a unibrow really protect you from anyway? Brain freeze? I don’t think so.

So please. Parents. Do the world a solid and buy your pubescent son a good pair of tweezers and possibly one of those brow shaping razors.

Your son’s future love life will thank you for it one day.

a mish mash of mel

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Trivia Night at Touchdown Sally’s:

Team BITE ME! was again victorious! Together, this motley crew could rule the world of useless knowledge.

The kids:

Ian was wounded in battle yesterday during PE. His ankle was as big as his head for a little while…but according to fishdog, he seemed better this morning. He’s hobbling still but he’ll survive.

Rader has a chess tournament this weekend. I love my kid and would do anything for him, but spending all day watching these kids play chess is about as much fun as watching paint dry.

Books:

Pepper Jack is available at Amazon in hardcover, paperback and Kindle and it was written by friend of mine and fellow Arkansan, Jon Pendergrass. I’m downloading it to Rader’s Kindle today…shhhhh don’t tell him the reason he got a Kindle was so that I could use it!!

Jackson Pritchard is a wanted man. Wanted by his clients, by an ex-lover, by a new love interest…and now by the police for questioning. His clients have begun to turn up dead.
Jessica Young wants to live her own life for a change. Now that her second life is ready to begin, her path crosses Jackson’s. Follow them across the country and further as their adventures culminate in an explosive and surprise ending. Pepper Jack is a thriller much in the style of James Patterson. Set predominantly in Memphis, it is filled with rich Southern character and characters.

Weird stuff:
I’ve had 2 nose bleeds in 2 days. I hope this isn’t a direct result of the shelf incident. Phil the Lump is now Phil the Light Bruise. I’m thinking the nose bleeding thing is just my sinuses. Still, it sucks.

The skeeviest thing on earth happened to me yesterday. I’m not going to talk about details but I will say that an offer was made that I couldn’t decline quickly enough. And then I wanted to take a shower–in bleach.

Miscellaneous (did I spell that correctly? I always mess that up…)

I’m thinking of making my own laundry detergent. Anyone out there ever done it before? What did you think? At $.02 a load, I’m thinking it’s worth a try….

• 4 cups of water.
• 1/3 bar of cheap soap, grated.
• 1/2 cup washing soda (not baking soda).
• 1/2 cup of Borax (20 Mule Team).
• 5-gallon bucket for mixing.
• 3 gallons of water.

First, mix the grated soap in a saucepan with 4 cups of water, and heat on low until the soap is completely dissolved. Add hot water/soap mixture to 3 gallons of water in the 5-gallon bucket, stir in the washing soda and Borax, and continue stirring until thickened. Let the mix sit for 24 hours, and voila! Homemade laundry detergent.

lump

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This is my theme for the day. Hell, maybe even for the week…

So yesterday I was working in the new house…unpacking, cleaning, working on laundry. You know, basic GTL Now, my new laundry room is quite large which is fabulous. It also has lots of shelving…which is also fabulous. However, one of the very sharp edged shelves is right next to the washing machine.

Do you see where this is going?

Yes, I have a lump (his name is Phil). And seriously, I kinda think I might even have a slight concussion…unless everyone sees fireworks when they close their eyes and hears weird voices….(ok, I always hear the voices but at least now I have a valid excuse, right?)

This morning my goose egg is more like a robin’s egg but it still hurts! It’s all bruised feeling and I have a dent in the middle of it. Hmph.

I swear that shelf wasn’t there until I stood up…

these dreams will suck you dry….

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cat

Last night I woke up at 3:30. I guess I had a lot on my mind because it took me a while to go back to sleep.

Unfortunately, when I did finally fade back into dreamland, I became a blood-sucking vampire.

I was much like the vampires I write about. I wasn’t allergic to light, was going to college(?) and was pretty cute. I didn’t have to feed on humans but if I got backed into a corner, I would.

The details are a little blurry, but I know I was out for a run with my friend and we stopped to talk to some guys that flagged us down. They were funny and flirty and we were happy for the attention. One of the guys asked what I did for a living and I told him I wrote vampire books and he was all excited because his mom was a school librarian and would want to meet me.

Sweet, right?

Riiiiight.

So this cutie-patootie takes me and my friend home and introduces me to his family. His dad is an Archie Bunker type who doesn’t get out of his recliner and his mom is this woman who I’d already met at a school function. What I didn’t know, is she also was aware that I was a real vampire and she was going to kill me.

Well, guess what? She tried and failed. And when we left her, she was writhing on the floor as her body was making a very painful transformation. I let her know that I could’ve killed her, but where was the fun in that?

I started to leave, but the cute boy was torn between avenging his mom and being turned on by my ugly bald head. (Can anyone explain why I was so cute in my ‘human’ form, but when I turned into a vampire I looked like this?

It was my dream, I should’ve looked like this:
We’re gonna pretend I looked like pic #2 from this point forward…

Okay, so my friend and I survive…I turn the boy into a vampire and he wants to be my puppy and follow me around but I tell him he needs to go feed to gain some strength so go find a couple of guys he hates from school and have at it.

Somehow my friend and I are now in a parking garage (nothing good ever happens in a parking garage). We’re getting ready to leave for vacation to the beach (because you know we vampires need our ocean air and vitamin D) She has to go to the bathroom and so we find one. (not really sure I would ever use a parking garage bathroom, but I might if I really had to) I finish before she does and for some reason I decide to wait outside the restroom. Well, I hear this loud commotion from inside and my friend screams. I try to get inside, but the door is blocked. I transform into the ghoulish bald monster (with a hot body) and kick the door down. There are 8 dudes and a chick in the bathroom with my friend, and I’m not really sure how they got in there but I don’t care. They’re vampires too and trying to feed on my friend. Well, I take the chick out first because seriously, what a ho. The weird thing about this part is I can actually feel and taste the blood and I said to her “What the hell kinda chick are you? You taste funny!” I woke up in the middle of killing the big biker dude who was trying to suck my friend dry…

Um, this isn’t the kinda book I write exactly, so I’m not sure why I dreamed this. Maybe it’s telling me I need to try something different? Or maybe I’m really a vampire?

form of a SPONGE!

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I am a human sponge. No, I don’t go around sopping up everybody’s gravy with my super-absorbant skin. (Though that might be kinda cool…or messy.) I’m one of those people who tends to soak up whatever mood is around her. It can be exhilarating and exhausting.

A few years ago, I cut out the negative forces that were really clogging up my life. When you’re a sponge, being around negative, sad, sulky, bitchy, WTFery people all the time tends to make you a negative, sad, sulky, bitchy, WTFery sponge. Which means you feel bad all the time. Which also means you look bad all the time. You know what I’m talking about, right? All those people who have this permanent look on their faces like they just smelled bad ham? Yeah. I didn’t wanna look like that so I just Hulk-Smashed them right out of my life.

And so even though it’s better to look good than to feel good I can honestly say, I’m both. 😉 (because nobody looks good when they’ve just smelled bad ham)

I can hear you now, Internet. You wanna know what my point is, don’t you?

Nothing. I have no point. I just wanted you to know that when you’re feeling sad, I will too. When you’re feel bad, I will too. When you’re happy, I’m happy. When you’re…um, yeah. Let’s just say sometimes, it’s not easy being green me…

I guess that kinda makes me Kermit’s kindred spirit…

Now who’s got gravy? I’m hungry!