Tag Archives: hey don’t judge me

it’s raining crazy

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And I’m not just talking about the dumbasses who forget how to drive when water falls from the sky. /rant

Yesterday, I posted my Bachelor Recap for episode 4 on Hey Don’t Judge Me. Y’all. Y’ALL. I cannot explain the amount of crazy that pours out of that show. It is seriously awesome. And I’m always left to wonder what the douches and hoes think after they watch themselves..and see the behind the scenes crazy that goes on. I mean, it’s truly spectacular. So please, go read and talk to me about it. (This recap even has a clip of the crazy. One in which threats are levied against another ho-testant’s eyebrows.)

That’s all I have for today. I am going to go suck down more coffee and watch the water pour from the sky…while driver IQs everywhere continue to fall…

where did the week go?

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It’s amazing how fast this week has flown by! We got right back into the groove of things with guitar lessons and work, and soccer, and, and, and…yeah. Busy.

My Sweet Baby Mac has been returned to me with a brand new hard drive. She’s beautiful and I love her so much. Now I can write comfortably again!

BTW, did you check out this week’s Bachelor recap?

We also have SouthLAnd recaps and Glee! is back with a  yummy cocktail recipe to go along with a fabulous recap. I don’t watch Glee! but I always read Stoney’s recaps…because she is witty and her cocktails are yummy.
Did I tell you guys that I showed up to work on Monday only to discover campus was closed. ☚ yeah. I am a dull bulb sometimes. In my defense, I’ve never worked anywhere that was closed on MLK Day. It was actually a nice surprise to have an unexpected day off…

Apparently there are a lot of people interested in “Love Coupons” as it has been the #1 search term that has been bringing people to my blog. (The 2nd term has been “feet”. The intertubes has a foot fetish.) Anyway, I mentioned “love coupons” in a blog last year, and I’m getting tons of traffic this year to that post. Here’s a link, maybe it’ll help someone out… I believe love coupons are the only coupon allowed on Valentine’s Day…If you use a Groupon, I’m totally gonna make fun of you. Openly.

Have a great weekend y’all!

Humpday Melfellaneous

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My Bachelor Ben episode 2 recap is up at Hey Don’t Judge Me and it’s a doozy. Wow, I’m guessing emotionally disturbed must be a requirement to even apply. I love the crazy so much…it’s almost painful.

Please come by and chat me up. I love talking about the Craymazing Ho-testants. Also, have you liked our Hey Don’t Judge Me Facebook page? Why not?

 In other news, Friday is opening day at Oaklawn! Y’all, I CAN. NOT. WAIT. Last year, it snowed on opening day and then they rescheduled it and I had to miss it. I’m not gonna lie when I say my spring just never quite seemed to get back in line after that. It was the first girl’s opening day trip that I missed and I NEVER WANT THAT TO HAPPEN AGAIN. I actually only got to go once last year. Just. One. Time! Dudes, that is not okay.

I’m not sure that we’re gonna have the car and driver this year like we usually do. I’m hoping so, but things are up in the air right now. It doesn’t matter though, because we’re going. Even if I have to ride a pack mule to get there. Hahah. Slight exaggeration…

Here are some of my favorite pics over the years…

 I call these ladies the Shining Twins. They are really so nice. I’ve seen them almost every opening day.

Here’s the Pimp. Yes that’s a full length fur coat. The first year I saw him, I just snapped a pic. The next year, he posed with me.

We could probably also call this post, the many faces of Melf. haha.

ok daddy-o

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Here’s a confession. In general, I don’t like musicals. Naturally there are a few exceptions such as Grease, Mamma Mia, The Sound of Music, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-long Blog…but mostly, if people are bursting into song in the middle of a movie, my ears start to bleed.

This weekend, El Jefe was a little distraught over the fact I had never seen West Side Story, so when it popped up on the TV guide, we watched.

Well, I can check that movie off my bucket list. (not that it was ever on it, but still. I’ve seen it now.)

And what did I think of it?

  • Natalie Wood and Rita Moreno looked beautiful. 
  • I would wear every single dress in the movie.

  • I detest Natalie Wood’s singing voice.
  • Bernardo looked like he was made of cheese and spray paint. 
  • There is nothing sexy about being a Jet or a Shark. Snapping ain’t cool, daddy-o.

Okay, I can say I’m glad I’ve seen the movie, but I can also say, it did not win me over…

And now you know why I can’t stand Glee…

PS: I’m working on my Bachelor recap for Hey Don’t Judge Me! it should be up this afternoon….

I’m back!

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I took a much needed two week break from blogging. It was totally unplanned, but I’m glad I did it. Hope you guys are still around. If not, I’ll just talk to myself. I do that a lot anyway. Good thing I crack myself up…

First things, first…The Bachelor is back and so are my recaps at Hey Don’t Judge Me! Go forth, read and let’s discuss the crazy! Because trust me, this season will be full of some drama.

Lot’s of things went down over the holiday break. And by “lot’s of things” I actually mean sleep. I did lots of sleeping. I slept all the sleeps. It was fantastic.

I also got a haircut…

I like it. 🙂 I never like having the same ol’ boring hair year after year.

I hope y’all had a wonderful holiday and new year.

By the way, I don’t believe in resolutions, but I do think I could use a revolution this year…let’s make it happen.

weekend recap AND A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my dear friend Robyn, aka Birdrunner. I am so happy we are friends!

The boys and I had a very relaxing weekend. Both kids had soccer, I had to help mom with some computer issues which are STILL unresolved, I ended up having my own computer issues…which hopefully will be resolved this week. I do NOT want to buy a new computer. Grumble. Moan.

I also caught up on some much needed rest. It also rained yesterday so we got out of lawn duty. Which just means I’ll be catching up all week…

And if you’re following my Project Runway recaps at Hey Don’t Judge Me, I’m caught up through Ep. 7 and have high hopes of having Ep. 8 up by morning.

In other fun news, I’ve downloaded some fun picture apps. Hipstamatic (which takes digital pics and makes them look analog. Holy crap I’m gonna go broke adding on the extras. But damn the photos are cool) Instagram and PE Studio. All kinds of fun stuff with these apps. Check it out:

Oh boy. I’m never gonna stop with the pictures now. Sorry guys.

weekend run down

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Friday night… a lovely evening on the screened in porch while a summer storm tried its best to beat us down. We prevailed.

Saturday, El Jefe and I headed over to the Crater of Diamonds State Park where we had every intention of finding all the diamonds. Ever.

Mission incomplete.

We did come home completely exhausted with a pocket full of rocks so it was not a total bust. I mean, who doesn’t want a pocket full of rocks?

Sunday, after many morning hours of lounging in the hammock…I finally got vertical, grabbed a beer and jumped onto the John Deere to get my mowing on. The Compound was starting to look a little overgrown…especially after getting rained on for 3 days last week. I mowed for probably 3 hours or so, then Jefe came back over and he pulled out the big guns…and started to power wash the porch and the patio furniture I want to repaint.

Project started! YAY!

In other news, due to some unforeseen stress last week, I have fallen behind on my recaps for Hey Don’t Judge Me. I will be working hard today to get all caught up. Thanks for understanding!

Oh and just for funsies, check out Rader playing guitar over the weekend. He’s been taking lessons for about 2 months now…. Recognize the song?

from bad to good

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Sorry I wasn’t around yesterday. You wouldn’t have liked anything I had to say anyway, so it’s probably good that I just took some down time. I hate bad days, and I honestly thought yesterday was going to be the worst of the worst for a while.

But it actually turned out to be a really good day by the end, and that was a lovely surprise.

We saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes which was actually a fantastic movie! (Hard to watch at times because really–who would be mean to a monkey? er, I mean ape?) Go see it. And then go read Melody’s recap at Hey Don’t Judge Me.

Then last night, it was so nice outside after a lovely day of rain, that we were able to enjoy lots of quality hammock time. (is it wrong that every time I say “Hammock Time” I actually hear it in my head like “Hammer Time?”) so from now on…you’ll hear it too: “Hammock Time–can’t touch this.”

and I had fun snapping pics of my feet because I’m weird like that.

You’re welcome.

commando

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Today is NATIONAL UNDERWEAR DAY. (really??) Guess what National Underwear People? You are not the boss of me. *sticks tongue out*

Dudes! looks like our server issues at HDJM are fixed and now my Bachelorette Finale and After the Final Blows Rose recaps are up! I will admit that I made myself laugh out loud several times. I crack myself up.

Project Runway episode 1 will be live this morning and episode 2 will be up this afternoon if all is right in the world. (again, I am cracking myself up with these recaps. Something is wrong with me, and that’s all right.)

It’s Back to School Black Weekend (Tax Free Shopping). I will be the one dressed as Xena Warrior Princess. I have my sword and shield at the ready and also, my pretty blonde friend will be there to accessorize the ensemble. And don’t think I won’t cut you over a pack of real wood pencils. Because I will. Twice. And if I kill you, I’ll totally bag you up and throw you in my mossy pond with the other dead hookers. I mean, never mind.

my favorite math

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The only math I’m good at is Lottery Math and so this morning while I was driving my kid to football practice at 6:15 AM, we did Lottery Math.

Rader feels like once we win the lottery, $15M should be just about right for him. Yes, that’s what he thinks I should give him…hahaha. I said I would give he and his brother the same amount and it would remain in a Trust Fund until they were 30.

Apparently this was unacceptable. He should have more money than his brother and he should have full access to it at 18.

Keep dreaming kid.

While I’m spending money I don’t have, I believe after I do win the lottery, I’m going to hire someone to drive my kid to his predawn football practices. Don’t punish me, bro! That ain’t fair!

I’m very happy to announce that I’m going to be adding Project Runway to my recap resume over at Hey Don’t Judge Me! I’m working on Episode 1 right now and am planning to have future episodes up on Friday afternoons.

Sadly, we’re still having some behind the scenes upgrade activity, so I can’t post anything new yet. My Bachelorette posts are ready to go and I have high hopes I’ll have them up today, as well as my first Project Runway. I’ll keep you posted. But just because I like you, I’ll give you a little sneak peek of what I’m writing:

Julie Tierney, Grand Junction, CO is showing a collection of things made from blankets. I’m not even kidding. You know those woven blankets you can buy for $10 at every southern and midwestern convenience store? We always called them “Indian” blankets growing up. She is seriously making dresses out of them. Or that should probably be “dresses.” it’s an “outerwear” collection and Nina says “You have a passion for outerwear, clearly.” What I heard in my head was “You have a horse blanket fetish.”

The gayest of all the gays is Gunnar Deatherage from Louisville, KY. Heidi wants to see his look for an average woman. I’m expecting him to pull out yoga pants and a sweatshirt in a size L (or possibly XL, if it’s Thanksgiving) Instead he pulls out this pastel pink dress made from satin sheets, crystals, and broken dreams. I need to go to Louisville and meet some of his average woman peer group.

I’m not going to talk about the heat. Y’all know it’s hot. I don’t need to keep harping on it…I’m usually the one bitching about people who bitch about the heat anyway. (You can bitch about the winter all day, though.) I have air and electricity and there are plenty of people who don’t right now (Benton, AR where a substation caught fire yesterday) so I’m gonna be thankful and happy about it.

Oh and for you Kindle owners, you can request an autograph for my books on Kindle now. It’s pretty darn cool…check it out: Kindlegraph