red couches are awesome and a happy ending

I love our new couch! It’s comfy, cozy and RED! I had to cover it up this morning because when I got home yesterday after work, Ruby had decided she could, in fact, jump up on the couch. It’s funny that when we’re home, how her legs suddenly stop working and she has to beg us for help. Our help is in the form of a Harry Potter pillow on the floor. “Get on your pillow, Ruby.” and she does. But when no one is at home, she thinks the couch is her domain. Hmph.

Speaking of pet domains…

The bed is so high off the ground that only Clementine can jump up. Ruby struggles even with her step-stool and Trin Trin just can’t jump that high anymore. Which leads me to a story of love and trust:

Once upon a time, about 18 months ago, an awesome Red-head and an awesome Jefe started dating. Jefe had two dogs, one who loved the red-head without question, and the other who could only look at the red-head if Jefe was in the room. And even then, it was with a side glance. There was no trust between this dog and the red-head.

Time passed and the dog started allowing the red-head to feed her snacks and occasionally let her outside. Eventually Jefe and the dog moved to Arkansas, and the dog slowly warmed up the the red-head and her two boys. But still, there wasn’t much love or trust–just appreciation for land and treats.

Several more months pass, and the dog seems to have developed a love for the red-head. Well, maybe not love, but a strong like–an affection. The dog greets the red-head with excitement when she comes home for work and sleeps next to her on the bed in the mornings. The red-head is very pleased with the progress as this dog is very loving and loyal to her people. Well her Person. The red-head is starting to feel a little bit like she belongs to the dog, even if only on the periphery.

Which brings us to today, when the dog wanted on the bed (see above). The dog asked the red-head for help by nosing her leg and panting. The dog then allowed the red-head to lift her onto the bed without a hesitation or a growl.

The red-head now believes she may actually be considered one of the dog’s people. Not completely, but there is at least love and trust now. The Red-Head is very happy.

I love happy endings, don’t you? (ahem…c’mon guys! This is a PG-13 blog. Sorta.)

Happy Friday, bitches! And to all the awesome moms out there, enjoy your weekend! 

out with the old…

It’s time to purge. Clean out my closets…sweep up the cobwebs…scrub the baseboards of my life.

And yes, I’m being both literal and metaphorical because that’s how I roll.

I started boxing up some old clothing yesterday. Actually, it would be more accurate to say I “bagged up” some clothes that I just don’t wear anymore. And I’m cleaning out my closet this afternoon and doing the same. When you live in a small space you have to be creative with storage. And who wants to waste what little storage there is on clothing that isn’t worn? Not me said the flea.

Our new furniture is being delivered on Thursday, and so I’m making a fresh start…And since Mother’s Day is this weekend, I’m thinking my boys will be making a fresh start in their rooms as well. “Mom what do you want for M-Day?” Flowers to plant, mani/pedi gift cert…and FOR YOU TO CLEAN YOUR ROOMS.

Hmmmm. Let’s see which of those three items I actually get.

I also want them to cook me breakfast Sunday morning…is it wrong to ask them to fix me the perfect Bloody Mary, too? Probably. But who cares? I’m already the “world’s greatest mom” anyway…this will just add one more notch on my awesome mom belt. (BTW, the perfect Bloody Mary is made with Zing Zang, Black Pepper Vodka, Green Olives and a lime) (spicy green beans/asparagus optional.)

Thanks for all the sweet words, texts, & FB comments about our beloved BCGS. He will be missed. In other cat of the awesome news, check out the world’s dirtiest cat, Clementine:

This cat is bad-ass. She brings us birds all the time. Killed a possum an opossum last week. And sadly, she got herself a bunny over the weekend. She’s a hardcore hunter. I bet she would even outwit Predator.

Clementine vs. Predator: Hunter Games

Yeah. I crack myself up.

Later y’all! Have a great Tuesday!

check it out!

we have a new bed and new couch being delivered this weekend! Yippee!

I can’t wait to decorate. Yes. I’m a girl. It’s so nice to finally have something that we picked out as opposed to the furniture that was donated to me when I moved. My friends are so generous, and I have loved and appreciated everything they’ve done for me…but yay for new stuff!!

Also I got to move my table home this weekend. It’s a beautiful rosewood table with matching coffee table made from the leaves. I’ll post pics of the room next week once the furniture is delivered.

Happy Tuesday!

rollin’ like a boss

El Jefe has a new ride. Well, it’s a “new to him” ride and she’s a beauty. 1985 Mercedes 300D Turbo Diesel. Trust me, he’s rollin’ like a boss in this baby.

She needs some TLC that’s for sure, but her interior is almost impeccable. This will be a fun car to restore. I’m going to make him wear a driver’s hat while I sit in the backseat and sip my cocktail. Drive on, James. (why are the drivers always named James?)

While we were in Hot Springs picking up his new girlfriend car, we decided to stop in for a beverage at The Ohio Club: The oldest bar in Arkansas. I’m pretty sure I sat next to Al Capone…or was sitting on Mae West’s lap…It’s a great old bar and we’ll have to go back again.

Jefe tried a new monk-made beer: St. Berarndus

And I tried what was touted as the “Best Beer in the World.” It was yummy, but I’m not sure it was the best…

We did loads of yard work on Saturday, I planted tons of seeds that will hopefully turn into a giant bed of color here in a few weeks. I’ll keep you posted.

How was your weekend?

Monat der Mel 2012: Tag 21


Ahem, and for Day 21 of the Month of Mel we celebrate in Lederhosen and drink from steins…because yesterday I sold German rights to BITE ME! in German language worldwide. Plans are for a September 2012 release!

Maybe it will sell well and they’ll decide to purchase rights to LOVE SUCKS! next.

In other, less exciting news, IT IS RAINING ALL THE RAIN today. ALL. THE. RAIN.

We needed it to wash away the pollen, but we didn’t need this much. And we’re expecting up to 5 inches more today. Whoa and Damn. Lots of water falling from the sky and rising up from the rivers.

Despite the gloomy day, I’m a very happy camper. There’s extra sparkle to go around, so if you need some, line up. I gots plenty.

Month of Mel 2012: Day 20

Welcome to all the new traffic! I’m sorry to say I’m not the Melissa Francis you’re looking for, though she is awesome. I “interviewed” her in 2009 after she emailed me. I was getting lots of searches for “Melissa Francis Pregnant” and she totally was, but she wasn’t ready to let the bun out of the oven yet…haha

So, for everyone currently searching for

Melissa Francis boobs (I do have a nice rack, but I don’t think you’re looking for me)
Melissa Francis hot (aw, I’m blushing)
Melissa Francis nude (you really DON’T wanna see that)
Melissa Francis tits (see boobs)
Melissa Francis sexy legs (not really, but hers are great)
Melissa Francis Fox or CNBC

 this is who you’re looking for:

I’m sad to say she’s now with *barf* Fox Business, but hey, even good people can be drawn to the dark side… as long as she keeps her sense of humor, she’ll be just fine. You can find her on twitter: @MelissaAFrancis

This is who I am:

I’m a red head; she’s blond. I’m write fiction; she works for Fox (same thing, almost…) I’m a smart ass; she’s smart. This is my birthday month, hers is in December.

While you’re here, I think you should check out my books and buy them because A: I’m awesome and would like to get a royalty check one day. B: You’re already here, so all you have to do is click the links on the sidebar to support the arts. C: Don’t you want all Melissa Francis’s to be successful?

Here, I’ll make it really easy for you:

BITE ME!

LOVE SUCKS!

at 8.99 per book, this is quite a bargain! (also available on Kindle and Nook…)

THE DAY OF MEL 2012

Guess who contacted me to wish me a very special birthday? I’m placing it under the cut because it my offend some of your delicate sensibilities. (If it does, you’re probably new to me…Hi! I’m Melf and I am an adult, and this is my blog, and sometimes I say adult things. Also it’s my birthday, so there. Also, you should go buy my books so I can quit my day job.)

I KNEW MATT DAMON WASN’T OVER ME! I’m sorry EL Jefe. But it’s Matt Damon. I know you understand… 😉

It is the Day of Mel and my co-workers brought me colorful sprinkled donuts! El Jefe took my car to be fixed (because he is made of awesome). My girlfriend is apparently buying my lunch today (and by “lunch” I mean “wine”) and my boss just gave me the afternoon off to celebrate (okay, she didn’t want me coming back to work hammered. whatever.) Life is pretty awesome.

Month of Mel 2012: Days 6 & 7

Sorry about missing yesterday. I got up late, was busy at work, and by the time I got home, I just didn’t feel like blogging.

However, my Bachelor The Women Tell All recap did get posted yesterday…You should click the link and go read it. And you should retweet it and forward it on and like it on facebook and do whatever you can to help a sista out. Actually, I think you should go read all my Bachelor recaps because I’m funny. Also we’re having a contest and the more people who go to Hey Don’t Judge Me from my posted links, the better chance I have at winning $100. I’m not gonna lie. I want to win.

BTW, we’ve added two knew shows…my Canuck friends should be very happy we’ve added BOMB GIRLS! and we’ve also added White Chapel.

The girls got a little stabby with each other on Women Tell All. I really wanted to see some real blood or at least some Jell-o Wrestlin’…sadly, it was just their words that cut like a knife.

ION, mine and Bell Bottoms’ Studio 54 themed Housewarming/Birthday Bash is getting closer. Last night I purchased some Gold and Silver door fringe as well as a bubble machine. I may or may not have also added these to my outfit of awesome:

Now, if I can just make sure my hair does what it’s supposed to do. Note to self: Buy lots of Rave #4.

El Jefe is going to have an amazing mustache. AMAZING. Now we just need to find him some gold chains…

Month of Mel 2012: Day 5

Let us observe a moment of silence for Bobcat Greyskull. He lost his tail last July, and today he’s losing his man-parts.

In more glamorous news, Bell Bottoms, Nipsy and I went Disco Diva shopping this weekend. Check out THIS awesome find. I will not be wearing the pajama pants at the party…

If the mail runs correctly, I will be wearing THESE pants instead:

And the shoes that Nipsy found for me at Savers? AMAZING.

I’m also thinking that maybe this is the perfect color for my toes…

It’s gonna be a groovy time…and I can’t wait to see El Jefe decked out. You know he’s gonna be hot. Especially if he’s sporting a super 70s ‘stache…