Monthly Archives: April 2013

feeling goofy

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I’m extremely excited about date night tonight! YAY!

Here’s my favorite baseball picture that I took in June 2010. The storm came and went and we got to watch the game pretty much all by ourselves!

When I was getting dressed this morning, my first thought as I was harnessing up the girls was “Sometimes wearing a bra crushes my soul.” And of course, that became my FB status. I told you I was feeling goofy.

Anyway, my fellow large-breasted women concur with my feelings. My soul hurts today. I am harnessed. I feel the need for FREEDOM!

Last night, the boys and I had such a good time just hanging out. I love my kids. I love it especially when they try to guilt me into giving them money. Hahahahaha. As if I ever feel guilt. Seriously. I mean, hahahaha, as if I ever have any money to give them. Seriously. They’re such funny boys and Mondays and Wednesdays at The Compound are always full of extra laughter.

Oh, I just want to give you guys fair warning, I’m planning to win both lotteries this week. Soon, I shall be blogging from our private island: Isla de MelJefe. There will be lots of gratuitous beach photos and I will be sure to include many of my personal cabana boys. (And Jefe’s cabana babe, for the men-folk.)

Also, we are thinking about adding ducks to the Compound! I will keep y’all posted. It all depends on winning the lottery and when we decide to move. Stay tuned!

Okay. I guess that’s all I got today. If you’re having a bad day, just remember: wine helps. If you’re always having a bad day, just remember: medication and therapy helps. If you can’t look at this picture without smiling, there is no hope for you.

And if this picture doesn’t make you LOL and possibly even snort, then I don’t even want to know you.

Hey Ho! It’s Monday!

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I don’t know about y’all, but I had a pretty fantastic weekend.

First off, we had driving lessons #2 and #3 this weekend. Rader did great! He’s becoming a pro!

We’re practicing at Burns Park, so we took a moment to appreciate one of my favorite places while we were there:

Rader ran the Rocket 5K Saturday morning, so after our driving lesson, we came home and he seriously fell flat asleep at 4:30 and didn’t move until the middle of the night. Poor kid. He was beat up. Probably he was worn out from all his awesome. (he gets that from his mother…)

He didn’t run wearing the horse head, that belonged to a friend. He did, however, run wearing that awesome shirt.

Sunday I found myself itching to be outside and get dirty…so I planted stuff. Welcome to my salsa garden!

In the pots we have tomatoes and peppers. In the herb planter, we have sweet basil, dill, rosemary and cilantro.

My handsome domestic partner (heehee) helped me repair the herb planter… I like having a man who’s good with his hands at my disposal…

I saw my first snake of the season, too. It was a wee-itty-bitty thing. And it was magical…it disappeared right before my eyes! I hope it was a king snake and not a copperhead!

And just because, here’s your gratuitous Ruby pic. Isn’t she a gorgeous little hot mess?

Tomorrow we are heading to see the Travelers play! I love Dickey-Stephens park and this will be Jefe’s first experience with Traveler baseball! I can’t wait!

Hope y’all have a great week. Happy Monday!

things that make me…

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Sad:

George Jones died today.

This song still makes me tear up. RIP George. If there’s a heaven, I hope you’re partying your ass off like the rock star you are! (and like you used to do…without remorse!)

THIS is being taught as SCIENCE.

It’s okay to believe what you choose to believe, but you should not teach your personal beliefs as scientific FACT when there is actual SCIENTIFIC PROOF that you are wrong is just plain ignorant. UGH. I fear for the future of these kids who are being taught this as science.

Things that make me HAPPY:

A CAT. IN A SHARK SUIT. RIDING A ROOMBA. CHASING A DUCK. It just doesn’t get more awesome than that.

Well, THIS might be more awesome. But only slightly.

Things that make me AWESOME:

Sassy pants. Sparkle. Humility. (LMAO) and a bag of Gardetto’s for Breakfast. (Hey, I almost chose the Chili Cheese Fritos. I think I made the better choice.)

I need a beach. Until I have this in real life, I’ll have to stick to imagining this is me and Jefe on our private island somewhere.

and then it was Thursday and the world rejoiced.

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Before I get to my blog-of-nothing today, I posted this on FCR yesterday afternoon. I swear, I could have written this article.

PROJECT BENDYPANTS: PRACTICING YOGA WHILE FAT

I’ve been wanting to get back into yoga, but I’ve been holding off because of how fit people tend to view fatties when trying something new. Normally, I could give a flying rat’s ass about how people view me, but with yoga, it’s different. I can kick your ass in the gym or on the softball field, but you put me in yoga class and I turn into a shy, awkward mess. Because I’m not as flexible as I used to be. And because I have Gigantic G cups that get in my way and sometimes try to suffocate me in certain poses. So walking into a new class, with a yogi who doesn’t know me, makes me feel intimidated.

Not my favorite feeling in the world.

However, I have decided to try some yoga at home. I found this video on Fitbottomed Girls: Yoga for Weight-Loss: A Sequence for Beginners

I just wish I had a personal yogi who could help me with proper poses.

Enough of that talk, let’s talk about something else… Like, this morning’s note from the Universe!

The question, Melissa, that some might consider asking is, “Can others, doing what they’re now doing, no matter what their motivation, no matter what our relationship, and no matter what they decide, keep me from being all I want to be?”

And the answer is always, “Not in a million years.”

Whooohooo!
    The Universe

Especially, when who you want to be, Melissa, is as simple as being happy, huggable, and sharing your new good book deal with the world.

I needed this today. Sometimes I forget that the only person in charge of me, is ME. Sometimes I allow myself to get wrapped up in other people’s actions and reactions and forget that how/ who they are is not my problem nor is it my fault. Those are their issues, not mine.  It sounds easy, but the reality is, it is much more difficult to practice. But I am practicing. Everyday.

In other, other news…This will be another weekend with Rader, practicing driving! He’s stoked…as am I. He’s a quick learner, too.

Well, I hope you guys have a great Thursday. Turn your sparkle up to 11, folks! And if you have a sunroof or a convertible, I hope you’re somewhere that you can open the top and enjoy the day!

ETA:
I blogged at FCR today as well. I‘m talking about Mastering Yourself (not being the Master of Your Domain. I mean, why would you punish yourself like that?)

Ruby and I want it to be warm again.

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We want this

Not this:

So thanks for the rain last night, Mother Nature, but we’d like our 70 degree weather back. I understand you have plans to dip into the 30s in some places in Arkansas tonight. Let’s hope (for your sake) you don’t mean Central Arkansas…specifically at The Compound. Because if that happens, then you need to watch your back. That’s not a threat. It’s a warning. I’ve heard rumors that people are calling for your resignation. And they may force you out…it’ll be a Weather Center coup. They’ll go hard and you will not win. The damn Groundhog is on their list as well. Y’all have been warned, so take heed.

In other news, eh. That’s about it. I’m back to feeling 100% again. Antibiotics seem to be working on my ear infection. Headaches are gone. Smiles have returned. Life is good. Now if it would just stay warm enough for me to get a lovely kiss of color on my skin…

It’s a bright, bright, sunshiny day!

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You’re welcome for the ear worm.

It is actually a beautifully bright and sunshiny day here in The Rock. I’m happy to say that Marissa and I will be walking outside instead of at the gym. This is a good thing. Rain will be rolling in tonight, so probably we’ll be doing the inside work out tomorrow.

I updated my progress at FCR today. Go forth and see how many inches I’ve lost in 23 days…

Yesterday’s pain-in-the-membrane finally went away about 3:30. Thank goodness, because I was getting tired of squinting and rubbing my head. Yay for lots of Advil, caffeine and sugar!

Well, today’s blog is short and sweet. I’ll leave you with a funny pug gif that made me laugh.

Hey it’s Monday! Please pass the Advil

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Or something stronger if you’ve got it.

I woke with a migraine this morning. Haven’t had one in a while. I think the bleach I used yesterday afternoon must have triggered it. Either way, I don’t look so swell, and the light is bothering me so I keep squinting, which makes my head hurt more.

The good news is, I’ll get over it.

This weekend was a good one! Friday night was spent glued to the tv telling man-in-the-boat jokes while they arrested the asshole. I also spent quite a bit of time hammering state Rep Nate Bell (@NateBell4AR) for his moronic and insensitive tweet about Boston liberals and then his even more insulting “apology”. I mean, seriously? Between Jason Rapert, Nate Bell and now Mark Pryor…Arkansas looks like a bunch of backward idiots. It’s infuriating to those of us who love our state and want people to treat us with respect. Our State Representatives are not representing us well at all.

 
Seriously? He apologized for the TIMING? What a moron.
Saturday I played queen of the John Deere, then met some friends at US Pizza for a little nosh and beverage. Then we had an impromptu firepit night…and really had a great time. I miss living in town sometimes, but I love nights like Saturday, where we light up the fire and hang out til all hours and enjoy the hell out of a great evening.

 Hope you guys had a lovely weekend and that if you’re experiencing a migraine today, like I am, that you’re able to suck it up and sparkle on. It ain’t easy, but I’m trying!

get ’em, blue!

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I hope everyone in Boston and surrounding areas remain safe and secure while the city is on lockdown. I hope they catch all assholes involved. I’m so proud they found them so quickly. Stay safe, and Kick Ass boys (and girls) in blue!

In fun news, OMG did I laugh my ass off last night. Well, not literally. Sadly. Because I am still carrying my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps around with me today. Every inch. Because TTB was running late and she left me alone with the cheese dip UNSUPERVISED. Thank goodness ALL-CAPS KRISTAL showed up on time for once!

I haven’t laughed that hard in forever. I actually feel like I had an ab work out. Laughter, it’s what’s for dinner. (well, that and Cheese Dip.)

In Alien News, Susie is shrinking. I no longer look like I was dating Chris Brown. Jefe is no longer under suspicion for elbowing me in my sleep. It seems the antibiotic is doing its job…so yippee!  (Sorry Susie, we hardly knew ya)

To honor the officers putting their life on the line for America today, I’m wearing my booTAY pants, a cleavage shirt, some sparkly shoes and my inner sparkle is turned up to 11 today.

Also, Happy Birthday to Dobby! I’ll see you tonight!

let me catch you up on very important things

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1.  I haven’t felt well off and on for a month of so. Tired. Neck pain. Headaches. I blamed the pollen and I just picked myself up by the bootstraps and marched on.

Until this week when I was taken down by dizziness and stiff neck and headaches…powerful, yucky, no fun, headaches. And there was a knot on my face by my ear. And the right side of my face was swollen.

Guess who has an ear infection? This girl.

And it looks like it’s been going on a while. So I’m on loads of antibiotics for 10 days. Yippee.

 2.  Speaking of antibiotics…Walgreens is this [] close to losing my business. I waited in line for 25 minutes just to drop off the prescription… and only 1 person moved in the line. So I came back an hour later. The drive through was stacked 3 cars deep on each side. I went in…and waited 10 minutes just to drop it off…they said they would text me…it should be 20 minutes. An hour and a half later, at 8:59 pm, I got the text that my prescription was ready. The pharmacy closes at 9:00…so who didn’t get to start her medicine this morning? This girl.

Not cool, Walgreens. And this is not the first time this has happened. Jefe waited for an hour for his prescription that was only going to take a ‘few minutes.’ (hint: 60 minutes is way more than a few minutes.)

3.  In the world of AWESOME news…BITE ME! and LOVE SUCKS! will be featured in the Scholastic e-book club starting in August! Yay! This is huge news and could be a big boost for the books. So gang, tell your friends to buy my books when they get their book club order forms!

4.  My father-in-law, Poppy, is back in the hospital due to complications from his recent gall-bladder surgery. Any love, prayers or healing thoughts you can send his way will be much appreciated.

I’m meeting some friends from high school tonight. Even though I have an alien baby growing inside my face, I’m gonna tough it out for a margarita. I’m hoping the antibiotic will kick in and immediately start shrinking Susie (the knot, er, I mean, the alien baby). Also, I think the margarita will help me feel less dizzy.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

blog post #2: For Lynne

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In my previous post today, I neglected to mention the most wonderful and generous and lovely gift I received this weekend.

My dollar store beer koozie.

Thank you, Lynne. Please forgive my oversight. I think it is so special, it deserves its own post anyway.