Tag Archives: sexy

commando

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Today is NATIONAL UNDERWEAR DAY. (really??) Guess what National Underwear People? You are not the boss of me. *sticks tongue out*

Dudes! looks like our server issues at HDJM are fixed and now my Bachelorette Finale and After the Final Blows Rose recaps are up! I will admit that I made myself laugh out loud several times. I crack myself up.

Project Runway episode 1 will be live this morning and episode 2 will be up this afternoon if all is right in the world. (again, I am cracking myself up with these recaps. Something is wrong with me, and that’s all right.)

It’s Back to School Black Weekend (Tax Free Shopping). I will be the one dressed as Xena Warrior Princess. I have my sword and shield at the ready and also, my pretty blonde friend will be there to accessorize the ensemble. And don’t think I won’t cut you over a pack of real wood pencils. Because I will. Twice. And if I kill you, I’ll totally bag you up and throw you in my mossy pond with the other dead hookers. I mean, never mind.

that naughty librarian fantasy you’ve always had?

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Just got one step closer to becoming reality…

Okay, not exactly. But close enough…

One thing I rarely (if EVER) talk about on my blog is my daytime job. This is my personal space and I talk about fun stuff, and writing, and friends & family, etc. And I’ve always kept my job talk at a minimum. For one…it’s not very professional to spout off about my job (good, bad, or ugly). And number two, I’ve actually only been working part time for a couple of years.

I’ve spent the majority of the last year and a half looking for a full time job. (Me and everyone else, apparently) I’ve gotten very close a time or two, but I’m trying very hard to get out of accounting work (which doesn’t make me happy but I have tons of experience in) and get back into communications type work (which I have limited experience but makes me happy…)

Starting in May, I will be working as a Research Assistant to the Dean of the Ottenheimer Library at UALR. I will be doing lots of writing and communications work as well as other stuff. I interviewed with the Dean and immediately adored her. I knew we’d had a great connection but…I was so worried that I was gonna get another “We really liked you and it was a hard decision but we selected another candidate because she had X number of years more job experience.” Seriously, I might have had a break down had that been the reason for yesterday’s call.

Luckily, it was a job offer instead.

THIS is a dream job for me. It’s in a building with books. I’ll get to write. I’ll be at a university and can continue my education. There will be hot college boys around. What?

April 2011 has been a fantastic month.

Hey Oxford! I’ll be there this weekend and I expect to celebrate!!!

2011: Month of Mel Day 15 (The Day After…)

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I (barely) survived the Day of Mel…did you?

We had the best time last night at SO. I’m seriously a very lucky girl to have so many wonderful people in my life.

Here are the only 2 pics that survived the night because somehow, some way I lost my camera. If anyone knows the whereabouts of said camera…please let me know!


I wore my new sexy leopard stilettos last night and didn’t break my ankle! YAY! I’ll post a pic tomorrow of them and my super glittery sexy toes. I went with the color: Catch Me in Your Net

Happy Day after the Day of Mel!

in less than a week…

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We will begin to celebrate THE MONTH OF MEL!

Remember: A Mel-a-Day will keep the Doctor away!

I’m really stoked about this year’s Month of Mel! Lots of fun will be had by all. There will be a half-marathon, a birthday, a birthday celebration, a tattoo (possibly. Might have to wait til April…) tiaras, pedicures, A MANICURE! (Lola-the-ToeGirl just gasped. She’s been after me to do “something with my God-awful hands” for a while. Or as I like to say, my Man Hands.) We’ll have feathers, confetti, stories, pictures and ENDLESS fun.

I’m going to start off the Month of Mel by treating myself to a trip to my favorite online store: Pinup Girl Clothing

You know what’s great about being a full hourglass figure? Being able to wear sex-on-a stick clothing from Pinup Girl. Dangerous, curves ahead…

My first purchase will be a bathing suit because I have a girls’ trip to the beach in May… and I need something new to celebrate.

I’m leaning toward the cherries…


There’s also a 2 peice cherry that I love a whole lot but I’m not sure I’m ready to be that dangerous. (okay, I’m not sure the world is ready for it…)
Are you ready for THE MONTH OF MEL? (is anyone ever really ready?)

don’t worry, I’ll save you.

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In last night’s weird dreams, I was a WWII nurse. I was also a mercenary. I looked real damn good in my hot little nurse’s uniform, while I was kicking ass and taking names with my bad ass guns and big knife.

I don’t know where any of this came from. I do know that the dream ended with my plane going down in flames and I had to save myself and my patient.

So I hooked myself and dude up to our parachutes, and tossed him out of the plane, then I jumped out after him. Of course, my chute was completely buggered but somehow I managed to dive toward dude, attach myself to him and open his chute…thereby being a heroine of epic proportions. All the while still looking really damn hot in my nurse’s uniform.

It’s my dream, and I’d appreciate it if you’d just play along. Mkay? Thanks.
Today I plan to walk 4 miles at lunch. Don’t know if I can do 6 again…mainly because I don’t have the time. But also because my legs hate me today. But they can just keep on hating me…because I have an image to uphold. I can’t continue to wear a hot nurse’s uniforms in my dreams (and be a kick ass mercenary/angel of mercy) if my legs don’t look good…

pucker up!

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Do you know how hard it is to send a pretty pucker to your boyfriend for Valentine’s Day?

Very hard.

My puckers were not the prettiest of lips today. I tried…OH how I tried to get the right pucker. But…It just wasn’t happening.

I really wanted to send the perfect pucker:


But it was blurry and the lighting was weird. Would El Jefe care about all that? No. But I did.

So I tried again…different lights; different angles; different distances from the lips…

THOSE pics will not be seen by anyone. Mostly I just looked like I had been punched in the face. Not very romantic…

So I went a different route. I sent him a note, S.W.A.K (you remember sealed with a kiss if you were around anywhere near the 80s…) And I texted him a Valentine’s Day smile… which is much better than a punched-in-the-face pucker any day.

We went to Oaklawn with some friends on Saturday. It was the perfect day to introduce El Jefe to the art of throwing your money away on the pretty ponies. He actually won some, so it wasn’t a total bust. 🙂 We had a great time, and the weather was awesome. OMG soooo awesome.

I almost wore my new sexy shoes to work today, but it isn’t quite close enough to spring to be wearing them yet. Even if the weather was pretending to be open-toed shoe weather…the reality is, it’s still February and I do have some sense… (for the record, they look fantastic with my brown pencil skirt…)

Happy love day everyone!

the internetwebz has a foot fetish

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So I check my statcounter daily to see what brings readers to my blog. (Other than my dedicated regular readers, who I love and adore with all my heart. Except for you. And you know why… heh) I get a lot of google searches looking for me and my books. That’s awesome.

I get a lot of MILF GENERATION or just MILF searches which usually takes them a blog from 2009 which features a Star Trek Next Generation corset. It’s sexy. And one day, I plan to wear it. BTW, I’ve now found a Darth Vader corset that might actually win out over the TNG corset…Oh yeah. Happy Halloween indeed.
Sorry. I lost my concentration for a moment.

Lately, one of the most common searches has been for feet. Now, look, I love pretty feet. I post pics of my shoes and my pedicures all the time. And the hands down, most popular google search has been MELISSA FRANCIS FEET and it takes them to this post. And this post from 2008 when I was partying in Boston (and when I was blond…)

What’s the common denominator in both blogs? This picture:

the internetwebz loves shoe porn. (so, which feet are mine in the foot orgy?)

I love shoe porn, too. Which brings me to my latest purchase. A shoe that I have fallen in love with. A shoe that makes my feet look sexy, my legs look long, and makes me almost 6 ft. tall. This is a that shoe I’m having to practice walking in because it’s higher than anything that has ever been on my feet. (never thought I’d see the day that I almost look down on El Jefe, unless I was standing on a ladder.)

And a shoe, that I seriously was able to purchase at LuLu’s in Oxford for 75% off…bringing the grand total to $15…which means even if I never walk in these shoes, they were worth the price.

There you go, internetwebz. Enjoy your newest google hit when you search Melissa Francis Feet. You’re welcome.

long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses

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Crash Davis: Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman’s back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.

*gulp*

Yes. Please.

Is there a woman on earth who doesn’t just wet herself when Crash delivers this speech? This is sex-on-a-stick. Also, that scene where Costner has Sarandan tied to the bed while he paints her toenails? *fanning self* HAWT.

Tomorrow is a big day for me. Got lots of stuff going on! There may even be pictures eventually.

Or not.

Christmas is just 10 days away. Are you being naughty or nice? I promise, I’m working on the nice part…

dangerous curves ahead.

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Do you know how strong my will power is?

Here, let me show you it:

My will is SO STRONG that I managed to walk away without buying this Spongebob skully and glove set. I wanted it. Oh, my how I wanted it. But I didn’t succumb to the bright yellow siren call. I walked on by.

Yes. If this were Oh Brother Where Art Thou, I would not be turned into a horny toad because I resisted the lure.

I did manage to do some damage at Forever 21 yesterday though (no age comments from the peanut gallery…I am NOT too old to shop there, so suck it.) New jeans and a gorgeous one shoulder assymetrical sweater that I will wear with my brown pencil skirt at my signing on Sunday. I’m gonna have to wear a Dangerous Curves Ahead warning sign. Eat your heart out Christina Hendricks! (haha! Ok, maybe not quite…but a girl can dream, right?)

Oh and btw, I’ve now decided that when they make a movie about my life, Christina Hendricks will be replacing Jennifer Coolidge (aka Stifler’s Mom) in the starring role. Because DAMN that it is one curvy, hot red head. It’s my dream! Let me live it!

I’ve got a big weekend planned with fun, friends, and football. If you’re lucky, I’ll post pics on Monday. 🙂

Y’all have a great weekend and Woo Pig Sooie! The Razorbackses is up in here…

Friday randomness

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I love this song. It tells a story completely with so few words. And it’s powerful. And the video is powerful. And if you’re in a relationship that is this volatile, Get Out. Mmmkay?

Love the Way You Lie: Rhianna and Eminem

Of course, you know Eminem is one of my dirty little secrets, right? I can’t go back and find the blog right now, but you can click ‘secrets’ label and find my White Trash Crushes post. I mean, look at this boy. He’s hotter than a tablespoon of raw cinnamon.

Last night we celebrated two birthdays at Girls’ Night Out and we started out as a party of 8 and we ended with a party of 1million 16. We had cupcakes that sparkled, yummy sexican waiters, cleavage, margaritas and ended the night with karaoke. Carla and I performed Love Shack. It was terribly wonderful.

Here’s your Friday iPhone pic (actually here’s 2 pics just cuz you’re special and deserve double)


Do not adjust your screen. Jorge is, in fact, upside down. Actually, he was standing behind my chair leaning over me, so naturally I had to take a picture.

Getting a new pedi tonight, then it’s off to 80s Bunko! Tomorrow I’m hanging poolside with Birdrunner. The role of poolboy will be played by her husband…unless anyone else out there would like to volunteer.

Peace!